[MINGLE] One-Man Show

[sixthiteration]

WHERE: Inari Shrine and elsewhere
WHEN: 25 January 2019 through ?
OPEN TO: All opted in characters
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Seifer's (past) vision - cw: mind control, dog performing suplex, battle, heavily implied death

[firacrux]

[OOC: Feel free to skip the combat portion, vision ends at roughly 18:50. The second ends at about 31:23. Sorry about the chatty LPer.]

No. His worst nightmare realized. There he was, at her side again. He found himself frozen as he witnessed himself in one of his most disgraceful moments. Beaten and broken from the previous battle mere moments before he balked at just how bad he looked. Almost as if in a daze he appeared to simply stand by while a woman in black wearing a really ridiculous back ornament spoke, while she reminded him of exactly how worthless he was. I don't remember that part, he found himself thinking, rooted in place while the scene continued no matter how hard he willed it to stop.

The ensuing battle was... pathetic, to say the least. Clearly wounded, barely standing, and yet still he fought on like a rabid dog hell-bent on protecting his master. It made him sick to remember the blur of his thoughts, the fog in his mind the red in his vision and all of it tinted with her laughter, her desire, her demand. SeeD. Must. Perish. He wrapped his arms tightly around himself, trying to block out the vision he couldn't stop watching. The trainwreck of his own life.

Despite his best efforts, despite the savagery with which he fought and determination against powerful foes, he fell. His Sorceress also falling not too far behind. Defeated. Pathetic. While she remained to give the last ounce of her energy in a final, blinding explosion, he failed to get up again once it was all over. No, instead, it was Rinoa who moved to collect him, leaning close as her magic filled him. Breathing life back into his stilled veins, whispering her command as she did so. Find the Lunatic Pandora. Raise it from the sea. Set it on the course necessary to further her goals.

And he, like a zombie, rising to obey. When the vision faded he was left standing there, shaking ever so slightly as the memories crashed back down around him. He hadn't noticed immediately that he wasn't alone here, so a few moments to look incredibly pale and ill before he had to suck it up and pretend that he didn't care and none of that affected him. Nope, not deeply disturbed. It's fine. Everything is fine.

[tosavecocoon]

They've talked about her vision, the details and harsh realities therein, but they didn't touch on his. Vanille hadn't felt it the right time to poke at him then. Once other things seem to have been spoken into the air, once she thinks it might be a better time, she approaches Seifer again.

"Are you okay?" she asks quietly, fully expecting the usual brush-off from people like him. She's prepared to rebuff and poke further, but she'll give him the option to come clean about it first.

[firacrux]

Seifer had been content to attempt to sneak off and ignore his own vision in favor of talking about the others. Still disturbed by his own vision, and temporarily not distracted by others he'd sought to go slink away to maybe be sick in private. Unfortunately it would appear his attempt at hiding had been thwarted, followed by a well-meaning Vanille.

A grunt in response to her question. "M'fine." It's a flat lie, they both know it, but soldiers aren't allowed to have weakness. He isn't allowed to have weakness. For it to be on display at all was a crime. He couldn't allow it to continue by letting her know the vision was getting to him more than he'd like to let on. He's not willing to come clean on his own.

[tosavecocoon]

Vanille isn't going to take that one easily. After everything she has been through, after running around with Sazh and finding out how responsible she was for his situation, she knows the look of someone who is just ignoring something that hurts. Mostly because she did that. She's the queen of facing things later. Sometimes people have to do that in order to cope. But sometimes talking it out with a friend, or even just knowing that someone is there to offer support, is more helpful.

Her hands lift to rest on her hips and she leans over slightly to peer up at him. "It's okay to face it later, if that's what you need to do. I've done a lot of that. But sometimes things that hurt like this just keep hurting until one day you're overcome with it. You don't have to carry everything on your own."

[firacrux]

Ignoring it is the easiest method of coping. Ignore it, pretend it isn't real, and eventually the memory loss will... Oh. That's right, he didn't have that convenience anymore. He'll just have to keep leaning on ignoring. It's easier that way. Especially when you're not accustomed to having much in the way of a support network. Fujin and Raijin weren't really people he could "talk it out" with. They needed him to be strong at all times, so he had to be that. No room to falter. Or at least that was the perception he'd had of his role with his posse.

The look he shoots Vanille clearly says he's not going to face it later. It's going in the bottle where it belongs. "It's mine to deal with." Or rather not. Either way he firmly believes it's entirely his burden to bear and no one else's. Enjoy the stubbornness, Vanille. Even if he looks like he's about to pop, or be sick, he's doing his best to avoid letting that be too obvious. Not doing a great job of it.

[tosavecocoon]

She gives her head a firm shake, straightening up and placing her hands on her hips. He can be stubborn all he wants, but so is she. Vanille isn't about to let him get away with this. Besides, she's the queen of avoidance tactics. The last thing Seifer needs is to turn out like her.

"Keep saying that and sooner or later it'll just come out anyway," she points out with a tone that says she understands. "I know you've been through a lot. We all have. But that just means we can help each other better. Come on, Seifer." She giggles lightly and gives his arm a light shove. "You can't hide from your friends!"

[firacrux]

Turn out like her? Too late, he's already the master. Besides she can't be much older than he is. They've both lived some pretty messed up lives from the look of it.

"Doesn't have to," He insists, stubbornly knowing she's absolutely right. Doesn't mean he wants to admit it though. It will sit and fester as it always has, slowly building to something that he's been trying to cope with since he got there. It was easier to pretend it didn't bother him when the spotlight wasn't shown on it so brightly. Her comment about friends gives him pause, a wary kind of glance sent her way. Friends. He's getting a lot of those lately.

"It's funny. Never had so many friends before." Two. He used to only have two. They probably wouldn't have let him get away with his sulking either, though they were typically more subtle in the way they handled him. Waiting until he pulled his own head out of his ass. Sometimes that took a long time.

[tosavecocoon]

Vanille gets it. She really does. For so long she ran away from everything, avoided her Focus and everything to do with it. In doing that, she had doomed so many other people to her fate. And worse. It's hard to face terrible events. Sometimes Serah's words are the easiest. Face it later. Not always the best, but easiest.

She isn't about to let Seifer off the hook that easily, though. Her smile fades into a mock pout and she shoves his arm a bit harder this time to make her point. "Well, get used to it!" she huffs theatrically in a way that says she's totally going to keep this up in more annoying ways until he gives in.

[firacrux]

Seifer hadn't doomed people with inaction, he doomed them with action. And right now? Was having a hell of a time compartmentalizing the guilt that came with reliving and remembering those actions that harmed some of those who had been closest to him. For as close as he allowed anyone, that is. It was still too soon for him.

The shove earns a grunt and a scowl, Seifer attempting to look as rude and uninviting as possible so perhaps she'll give up her prodding. Though her follow up comment did earn a faint, mirthless smirk. Stubborn, that's for sure. Had to give her credit for that. Why she cared so much, he had no idea. "Nothing I say's gonna convince you, is it?" That he's really not worth the time or energy. Although he does have to admit he's glad no one turned on him as soon as they saw that. He'd really hate to have to fight for his life with a hammer.

[vidal]

Now that he's had some time to sift through the visions that they've seen, when he isn't completely reeling from the initial surprise of having his own baggage on full display, Reyes is noticing a few surprising common threads. People possessed, taken over and run rough-shod, not in control of their own actions.

(Except for Reyes, of course, who had been in complete control of his faculties.)

"I recognised the girl you were fighting," he says, later, his voice thoughtful. It's a way of approaching the situation aslant, indirectly, voicing a question that's hopefully safer for Seifer to answer -- and which Reyes found most interesting about the whole thing. Rinoa spearheaded the groups monitoring the bunker and the fountain; she was a visible presence, and Reyes had met their other roommate Nida a few times besides. "Isn't she in the village?"

Doesn't she live with you?

[firacrux]

Safer, much safer, though Seifer's still withdrawn and wary. Casting the stranger a sideways glance. It isn't necessarily a conversation he wants to have, but one that's been thrust upon them all. Suppose it's his turn for the grilling, given he's already taken advantage of his own. He sighs, shoving his hands in his pocket, one which closes comfortingly over the utility knife Tony had made for him. Not for a weapon, not at all, merely an anchor. Something solid to hold while he tried not to think too much about the nausea roiling in his gut.

"Yeah. Rinoa. She's here." And yes, they were indeed living together. It might be more accurate to posit that he was living with her, but minor irrelevant details. They were sharing a roof despite that memory. Shockingly.

Funny how they could manage to set that aside given their shared history. "Why?"

[vidal]

"No one in mine or Vanille's is here. It just seemed--" Surprising, that they'd be living together after literally trying to kill each other, but Reyes supposes people must be capable of forgiving and forgetting. He's not sure what exactly happened, but the young blond from the vision cut an incredibly different figure from the Seifer standing in front of them today. The one in the vision had been haggard, wild-eyed and glazed-over.

"Sorry. It looked rough, whatever it was."

[firacrux]

Trying, succeeding, and being brought back to life no less! To say it was complicated would be putting it mildly. There were a lot of details that snippet of memory left out. A lot of details it threw into sharp focus, as well. Like just how zonked out he'd looked standing next to Edea.

A huff. "I've had better days, that's for sure." Not his most flattering moment. He was still waiting for the judgement hammer to come down. Still surprised it didn't appear to be forthcoming. Finally with some faculties about him he took a moment to look around, frowning in confusion at the unfamiliar building around them. Great, now they're stressed out and lost. "Wasn't exactly somethin' I wanted put on blast after bein' brought here." He grumbled, more to himself than Reyes.

[vidal]

"Me either," Reyes admitted. Just two words, but significant enough, revealing their shared withering discomfort at having their baggage aired for all to see.

And then, because he recognises and empathises (deeply) with that wariness, that waiting for judgment to come, Reyes offers what he can: "I can't say I understand exactly what was happening, but-- for what it's worth, you don't look like you were entirely in control back there?"

Was it drugs? Was it actual mind control, magic or technological or biotic? Hard to tell, but the boy that had risen from the ground had been jerky-limbed, like a marionette shuddering into movement at someone else's beck and call.

[firacrux]

Absolutely no one wanted their dirty laundry aired for the world to see, or even a small group of strangers. Nothing about this was pleasant. At least, so far, no one had been especially judgmental about the whole thing. Didn't mean Seifer wasn't bracing for it regardless.

There's a thoughtful sound at that, one tensed up shoulder drooping slightly. Not fully relaxing, but put at some degree of ease by Reyes' observation. A frown creasing that trademark scar of his. "Hadn't seen it from this angle before," He confesses. It certainly looked that way, didn't it? "You think so?" Maybe Rinoa was right. Perhaps there was more manipulation going on then he understood at the time.

Dragging himself up from the brink of death sure hadn't been normal by any means. Definitely looked zombie-like then. "Think I preferred not remembering it clearly." The fog of uncertainty also obscured the humiliation.

[vidal]

"And on top of that, you don't actually remember this," a wave of the hand at the shrine around them, as if the video was still playing, "happening? Sounds even more questionable, then."

It wasn't a complete blank cheque or utter absolution from blame -- Reyes didn't go in much for excuses -- but it was a valid point regardless, this new angle to consider. There was a difference between decisions made in callous clarity and the cold light of day, versus the choices made when you were muddled or compromised.

[firacrux]

"I said well," He's quick to clarify, because he's not letting this suggestion of influence absolve him from blame. He's made plenty of bad decisions here. Played his part. Though it's a good point, he certainly doesn't remember the details in this sharp contrast. Sure had no idea how bad the state he was in during that time. It was very suggestive that manipulation of some kind was going on there.

He had a point. Maybe everyone had a point. Perhaps there was more going on than he was just a complete monster after all. "Things get weird during war." That's his explanation. Yup. Clearly it was all him and just the weird shit you do during wartime. Even he doesn't sound completely convinced this time.

[can_fight_ugly]

Anne doesn't know the other two like she knows Seifer, and so seeing his vision - his death and unceremonious revival - hits her the hardest. Her chest feels tight as she approaches him, wishing there were something she could do beyond bearing witness.

She puts a hand on his shoulder, unsure what words to add, and then just pulls him into a tight hug. There really weren't the words for this situation.

[firacrux]

It was still perhaps a mercy that his vision had come to at least two people he knew, though he remained undecided on how long that would remain the case. Watching him like that, they must view him as a monster. He certainly did. Under the claws of the Sorceress or no, he'd certainly fought like one.

The hug was unexpected. He'd spared a frowning glance at her hand, expecting it to go no further, but her pulling him in for a hug had instead earned something of an undignified squeak of surprise. He wasn't used to being hugged, certainly not being hugged for being the bad guy? He's stiff at first, but after a few long moments of awkward uncertainty he does reach up to pat her back in gratitude.

He doesn't... really know what to say about any of that. "Not my most flattering side." Is all he manages to offer weakly. Maybe bad humor will make this conversation easier to swallow.

[can_fight_ugly]

It's as much for him as it is for her. This place, with it's tangle of worlds and timelines, is forcing her to consider things that weren't even possible in her own world. Case in point; watching someone die even while they're standing right next to you.

The other details surrounding the fight - why he started off wounded, why he was protecting that woman, the way he rose after the whole thing was over - those could wait. Now, she just needed the affirmation that he was, in this moment, alive and breathing.

Eventually, she does stand back and let him regain his space. "Hey, could be worse. At least you didn't bite anyone's head off." Now that the truth is out, might as well use it to help lighten the mood.

[firacrux]

He is quite hale and whole here, though the nature of his scars might have become more obvious after this one snippet. In his world at least very recent death wasn't necessarily permanent. If a body were left to lay too long of course that wasn't necessarily so. Then again Sorceresses could do all manner of reality bending things so who knows?

Definitely alive, definitely breathing, nothing to worry about there. Not a zombie he is fairly certain.

Her comment did earn a mirthless smirk and a huffed sound of amusement. "I dunno, might be kinda cool if I could unhinge my jaw like that." Pretty impressive. Might have made the fight go more in his favor. Probably better he couldn't.

[can_fight_ugly]

"It looses novelty fast." At least, she hadn't thought the payoff was worth it. The power had been nice, that she wasn't going to lie to herself about; but cannibalism? Even if it's some weird fraction of since it was the symbiote in charge, that she could most certainly do without.

"The point is, I think it's pretty clear that we've all something to hide. If you want to talk about it, Seifer, I'm here, but none of us had a hand in the decision to have these things shown; you're under no obligation, and I'm not going to judge you for it."

[firacrux]

"Probably only funny the first time." He almost wanted to know if she could taste anything, but that would probably be a step too far. And, upon second thought, he realized he didn't want to know. With the atrocities he's committed there's no room for judgement. Sometimes you do what you have to, and she'd saved Eddie's life. Sometimes you gotta take a few to do that.

"Mmh," It's a huff of agreement, even if he does grimace, glancing back toward where it felt like the visions had come from. He wasn't exactly delighted about the subject, but maybe it wouldn't hurt to get some off his chest. Especially after watching Anne snap someone's head off in one bite. "Y'know... I don't really remember it all very clearly. It's not why we broke up by the way."

As if that's the most important part. No, just easier to focus on the small things while trying to digest the big ones. He finally casts a glance back in her direction. "I've already asked you a bunch of questions, you've probably got a few of your own." And invitation, at least. He could always choose not to answer.

[can_fight_ugly]

Anne gives a small smile, but it's warm. "So that's her, then, your ex? I haven't met her in the village, yet, but she's very pretty. Why did you break up?"

She'll get around to questions relating more closely to the visions soon enough, but might as well start with something they have in common; past relationships they are trying to deal with here in the village, something a little more immediate.

[firacrux]

"Yeah, the one in the blue with her dog." Not the tall dark woman with claws. He's... pretty sure he could never talk to her again. Fortunately that's not something he has to worry about here."She found someone better," He nods back toward where roughly the vision had been. "The one with the sword and too many belts." He clarifies. Squall, who had also been in the village albeit briefly.

He's grateful for that. Trying to explain what was going on there was going to be hard, talking about his past relationship a little bit easier. It still stung, how things had happened, but he didn't hold it against her. Even if he was slightly bitter.