[MINGLE] One-Man Show

[sixthiteration]

WHERE: Inari Shrine and elsewhere
WHEN: 25 January 2019 through ?
OPEN TO: All opted in characters
WARNINGS: Please warn in the subject line of your comment as needed, and remember to move anything turning adult to a new post.
IMPORTANT NOTES: Final reminders and informational links are here. Please label all top-levels clearly so that there is no confusion who they are open to and what they are for, and DON'T FORGET TO ADD YOUR TAG!
Have fun and ask questions here!

Comments

[ombranera]

"I have been trained to hold up against stress. We are not meant to break, us Crows. Deviation from the expected norm ends in death." You do as you are told, you do it well, you do it to the masters' exacting standards-

Or you die.

There is little room for error, here.

[youcantkillme]

"I didn't mean to imply you weren't handling this." Zevran's last few words linger oddly in Connor's processors, and he banishes them with an internal shake.

"I mean it. You just relived an intensely stressful incident from your past, at the cost of your privacy and personal comfort. I've seen self-destructive behavior as a result of past trauma, Zev." Something lurches in his gut at the thought of using Hank's track record like this. He suppresses it, distantly confused by having to do so in the first place.

"You've been reckless, but not unnecessarily so. You're doing fine."

He's not doing fine. He's withdrawn and obviously distressed, and if Connor were programmed for therapy, he would undoubtedly be pushing his services on to every single person present, Zevran included. Still, some reassurance and confidence should help, right?

[ombranera]

"and I am avoiding further discussion on the matter." His voice tightens, sharpens, gaze flickering over to Connor in an instant. "This is not something you were meant to see, not something you were meant to know. Not something anyone was meant to know."

Blood he's spilled, actions he's taken. Losses he's ever had a chance to grieve over for so soon after it was the contract, the failure, the mission to save the world. No time for Zevran to do...anything but fall in line.

"I cannot tell if you are intending to be sarcastic and tactless or if you simply cannot help it." Were he a human? Zevran would have left him on the trail alone and made for the trees. But he isn't human- not enough to truly earn his ire.

[youcantkillme]

"I'm sorry," Connor says immediately. He looks away, reassuring smile reversing to an inward-directed frown. "It seems I've... overstepped."

If he's not careful he could accidentally sabotage their working relationship before it even gets off the ground. Just because Connor knows repressing recent events would be bad for Zevran doesn't mean Zevran won't lash out if Connor mishandles this.

"I understand if you'd rather not discuss it with me. It's certainly not my place to say, but I would recommend you talk about it with someone sooner or later. Leaving these things unattended can cause issues later on."

[ombranera]

"Tactless and cannot help it." He answers, the corner of his mouth twisting into a tight half smile. "Navigating difficult personalities is...trying. Even when there is no baggage to be had. And we, all of us, have quite a bit, it seems."

Choices they made. Violence visited upon them. Potential futures where empathy may or may not exist.

"It is not something to be discussed. It is done. I am the only one involved yet alive. They are dead. Let it be buried." How it is he managed to survive- he doesn't think of it. Doesn't wonder. "Aside from wishing our merry band to be less stressed- why does it matter to you?"

[youcantkillme]

"I'm programmed to analyze problems and suggest solutions. I can see that you may be facing... difficulties, and extensive research has proven that talking can help."

It's an incomplete answer on several levels, not in the least when he's describing his own motivations. The answer to that is complicated, however, and might go on to make his efforts seem less sincere. Would Zevran still be as likely to listen to his suggestions if he knew Connor was letting his programmed empathy combine with his awareness of Zevran's obvious problems? 'I'm programmed to care when it doesn't interfere with my mission' is a sentiment that has backfired before, no matter how true.

[ombranera]

"So the very thing that gives you your...charming personality and motivations compels you to care- or give the appearance of caring." There's honestly, earnestly, no ire in Zevran's voice. No judgment, no frustration. Following this line of conversation is a great deal safer than discussing what they'd seen. His past is uncomfortable enough.

"It does make you more personable than the Golem I traveled with, but then again they had been frozen in place for thirty years in the center of town. If anything would make a misanthrope? It would be that." Shale is many, many things, but Charming? Is not one of them. "Would it do you harm not to act on this? Spirits become...tainted, I suppose when they are not permitted to fulfill their purpose."

[youcantkillme]

Connor's eyes rest on him for a long moment, before he turns forward again, refocusing on the trees. He realizes he's being redirected, but pushing isn't getting either of them anywhere. If he continues to try, then the probability of Zevran continuing to not hold his programming against him decreases significantly.

"Androids are not automatically 'harmed' when they do not accomplish their designated task. If they were, it would interfere with their ability to continue to try." These are plain facts to him, with no emotion attached. "If prevented from succeeding, most are programmed to troubleshoot the causes of failure and adjust for them on their next try."

[ombranera]

"So if we were to walk in silence for a short while you would attempt to broach the subject of my mood again until your programming is satisfied that I am well?" He turns to look at Connor, his brows raised. If they will continue to loop back around and around the subject for so long...

"What is it you feel I ought to say? What, specifically, ought we discuss to satisfy your concerns?" Were Connor a human instead of what he is, who he is? Zevran might hold the idea of being forced to talk about it against him.

As it stands? He cannot help his programming anymore than Zevran can help his own, burned into his bones by the Crows.

[youcantkillme]

Connor's face turns partially in his direction, expression blank. Zevran is probing the matter like a blind man looking for an off-switch. He's searching for the right verbal command to redirect him, to make him turn his attention elsewhere. Unfortunately, Connor does not take orders from anyone but Cyberlife and cannot permit himself to be turned off. On the other hand... he's not a therapist model. He wasn't designed to treat or satisfy or even entertain humans, he was made to find deviants. Everything else is secondary, including Zevran's personal wellbeing. Including Connor himself.

"If you express the intent to discuss this matter sooner or later with someone of your choice, then I won't say another word."

He doesn't even need to go that far. Connor turns forward again, slipping his hand into the pocket with his coin.

[ombranera]

"And now it is you that has gone all stony." His laugh is low and wry and humorless as he shakes his head. "I am spreading it about, yes?"

Which- they've enough on their minds without being in such poor moods. He can, he will, lock down his own discomfort. There is no reason to upset the Golem, the Android, especially since they are as far as he is aware, more durable and potentially dangerous than most regular humans. Not that he assumes Connor means him harm but-

Threat is something he calculates out of habit.

"As you like. I will speak on it with a friend upon my return. Or...when he finds us. Apparently, he is hiking out to meet us partway." That could be the end of it, but. "Tell me more of yourself? Your world."