[MINGLE] One-Man Show

[sixthiteration]

WHERE: Inari Shrine and elsewhere
WHEN: 25 January 2019 through ?
OPEN TO: All opted in characters
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Comments

[enterprisingheart]

It's not an easy thing, seeing what he's just seen. And less so, too, for the fact that there are other people who have seen it. It is, perhaps, not a deeply personal memory, in the sense of being something that he wouldn't wanted to have shared, but even so it's ... difficult to have it out in the open like this. To have it have been displayed so openly, and that's not something he's quite able to put out of his mind. Still, there's no time to dwell on it. No time to even begin to start processing the memories anew, and while he's still visibly off-kilter emotionally when Beverly asks her question his voice is... relatively even. As much so as can be expected, anyway.

"It was a trap from the beginning. They wanted me, specifically." A pause. "Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment, but I suspect all that would have happened is they'd have had three prisoners instead of just the one."

Worf, he suspects, wouldn't have been easy to break. But Beverly... the fate he'd suffered at the hands of the Cardassians is one that he would have gladly given himself to if it would have meant sparing her from the same.

[ethnobotany]

Were they back in the house, back on the Enterprise in his ready room or her office, she would likely be more open with her affection and comfort than out here. She knows he isn't the type to engage in any open and public displays of affection. That just isn't his way. The dance and kiss on New Year's Eve had been something of tradition and the furthest they would go where anyone could see them. This makes things a little more difficult now, navigating the waters of their still fairly new relationship in regard to things like this.

So she does the first thing that comes naturally to her, reaching for his hand and wrapping both of hers around it. "You never told me about any of this." And for good reason. She doesn't blame him at all, her tone of voice more one of empathy without an ounce of accusation. But she still aches for what he went through and the sight of him reliving it now. "I always wished that we'd gotten to you sooner. I knew that they wouldn't have been giving you tea and a trip to Risa-" It's a very weak attempt at a joke and the small smile accompanying it echoes that. "-but I didn't know... what exactly they'd put you through."

Part of her wonders if he ever would have told her, if he'd had the chance to do so under his own power. There are things they're both still working through, things neither of them have really dealt with or considered fully explaining to the other, even before they agreed to try a relationship. So she wouldn't blame him at all if he had locked this event away into the box of things he didn't want to tell her. At the same time, she appreciates that there's one less thing between them. Working through Jack's skeleton is more than enough for the two of them.

[enterprisingheart]

Even without it being what she might have offered were they not very much in public, he's still grateful for what she does offer. It's a small thing, yes. But even with it being something so small, she can tell that she means it. That she would have been more open about both her affection and comfort besides. Not to mention that after having had to relieve some of the worst moments of his life, even the small touch she offers is more than enough.

"I'm not sure I could have," he answers after a moment of silence. "Not that I wouldn't have wanted to? But it was if speaking of it too much would make it too real. More difficult to bear than it already was."

He'd spoken to Deanna, of course. But even that had been hard to face for too long, and if it hadn't been for the fact that it had so deeply affected him - to say nothing of the fact that it had been her job to ask him about it - he's not entirely sure he would have managed that much. Still, if there's one good thing, it's that he's gotten through once before. He can do it again, if he has to, and for all that he would have preferred to not have those moments shown to even a small group of people, there's nothing that can be done about that. All that's left is to make do as best he can.

"And I'm not sure I would have entirely enjoyed it if they had offered a trip to Risa."

It would, hopefully, have involved significantly less torture, but even so it would have felt oddly disingenuous, especially given the trouble they'd gone to to infiltrate the Cardassian base in the first place.

[ethnobotany]

Admittedly, she is tempted to give him a hug anyway. For all that she wouldn't add anything particularly intimate like a kiss while there are witnesses around, they might both do well with a hug. So after another minute of debate, where her lips quiver a bit with barely contained emotion, she gives in, wrapping her arms around him and holding him close. The simple embrace won't erase everything from either of them, but with any luck, it should help.

"I know," she says with emotion. "But I'm still sorry we couldn't get to you sooner."

The whole crew was feeling it by the end. No one was happy with the captain who had temporarily replaced him and everyone was on edge. Add to it the fear that their real captain was dead and nobody was dealing well with the stress. Now that she knows the truth, she wishes all the harder that they had gotten to him sooner.

[enterprisingheart]

It definitely helps. And while they are still in public, he allows himself to lean into the hug just a little bit more than he might have otherwise. Other than her, there's no one here who might expect him to still be the captain of the Enterprise, and without that need to stand quite so much on ceremony he figures there's no harm in letting him show a little bit more softness than he might otherwise. Even if he still isn't terribly inclined to show much intimacy, outside of the privacy of their own home.

"You couldn't have known." That it was a trap from the start, that it was as bad as it was... he's not entirely sure which he means. Perhaps it's both. But the sentiment is genuine even so. "And for what it's worth... I'm glad you didn't have to live through it too. Even if I didn't know you hadn't been captured, at the time."

But he knows now, and in light of what he'd had to suffer, that means the world to him. One of them having been tortured is more than enough.

[ethnobotany]

More than likely, they will have more time to really dive into the meat of those memories, when they aren't surrounded by people. For all that their two companions have had their own memories shared, they are still strangers and there are some things the two Starfleet officers won't say or do in front of strangers. For now, though, Beverly gives one last squeeze before releasing Jean-Luc from the hug, pulling back only enough to offer him a tight-lipped smile. No matter what he says, and how right he is, she will always feel a bit guilty for leaving him.

"You really didn't know, did you?" she says softly. "We couldn't even tell you that much. And then... they made you think I was still there." And of course, being the noble man he is, he had chosen to continue his own suffering if they would do no harm to her. "I guess the good part is that we got you back before too long." Even if she will always wish they had managed it sooner.

[enterprisingheart]

As much as he might like to simply bury the memories once again, he suspects that they likely will end up going over those particular events again. Not until they're well and truly alone, of course, but even so, he's already mentally bracing himself for that particular conversation. True, Beverly might be more inclined to accept the fact that he may not want to speak of all the finer details. But that doesn't mean that it's going to be any easier to face, even so.

"Both you and Worf, yes."

Although they'd also claimed to have killed Worf outright, and while that had certainly seemed understandable at the time, although he's perhaps understandable reluctant to mention that much. Not without being directly prompted on that regard, at the least.