11 - Lost Heart [OPEN]

[chosenbytheocean]

WHO: Moana
WHERE: 7I – Ocean
WHEN: August 3rd
OPEN TO: EVERYONE
WARNINGS: None

---

Sad Thoughts & Losses

Small earthquakes had begun to tremble through the two villages but Moana didn't pay them any attention. She crossed the breach and made her way towards the ocean that rested on the other side, hoping to find a friend waiting for her.

She stood at the shore, her feet bare while the wind tugged softly at her grass skirts. There was so much that Moana wanted to ask the ocean but she couldn't find her voice. She knew that it wouldn't reply to her, she was too far from the home that she knew. Frustration rose in her chest and she kicked at the water, sending thick droplets into the air around her.

"Why aren't you here!?" She yelled at the water before falling to her hands and knees. Everything hit her at once: the loss of her friends, the loss of the heart and the constant reminder of her failure that hung like a beacon around her neck. Moana began to cry softly, her body shaking as the tears streamed freely down her cheeks.

"I need you." She whispered to the ocean, her voice soft as she begged for some way to escape the crushing defeat that weighed heavily on her shoulders.

Comments

[jokerized]

It seems kind of inevitable in a place like this, after earthquakes and unnamed dead, complete displacement from entire lives--that he'd skulk around enough and find someone crying. He hadn't expected it over here, where it seemed only those intrepid enough to make the trek, but not so involved as to be busy elsewhere, deemed to tread. He hadn't expected it right there on the beach, staring at the distant horizon.

He kind of prefers abandoned buildings for his breakdowns, as far out from everyone as he can find. It's one of the draws of the new canyon: new information, the hope of some fucking change, and a certain level of solitude. If he laughs at the wrong time, if he chokes up out here, no one has to know.

That's probably what she expected too, and he holds to his position behind the rocks, wondering if he should come out or not. The old him would have. Robin would have a cape to wrap around her shoulders, and the confidence to conquer her fears. Something like that, anyway. But there's an older him, too, that's much closer to the surface. There's a kid who hid in his closet at the manor, sniffling into his hands until Alfred found him. Crying's for punks, he'd said, and Alfred--god how he misses Alfred--had answered, Master Timothy, I have never known you to be anything else.

Really, that decides it: looping back around the other side of the rocks, he lets it look like he's just walking up the shore, coming upon her suddenly. "Hey," he says, the concern genuine, if the surprise isn't; "are you okay? How'd you get all the way out here?"

[chosenbytheocean]

Moana had always felt a deep connection to the sea. She had played with the ocean as a child and dreamed of a life out on the waves. It was a voice deep inside of her that called her to its endless horizons and seeing it now, after months of being away from it, hurt.

Someone had told her that it might just be a very large lake but Moana didn't care. All Rivers ran into the ocean. That's what she'd always believed. Her fingers curled into the sand while the cold touch of the tide brushed against her hands and knees. The sand cemented around her limbs and then broke apart in clumps when she felt the strength to move. She had promised Ned that she'd keep trying but she didn't feel like she could.

Moana hadn't expected to see someone else out here. The small earthquakes made the pass dangerous thought it wasn't the sort of thing to deter Moana. If she wanted to do something, then she wouldn't let anything stop her, that was before now.

She sat back and quickly wiped the back of her hands across her cheeks. Specs of sand dotted her cheek but Moana didn't mind. She was used to sand and in a strange twisted way it was comfortable. "I walked. Through the breach." She brushed her palms against her island skirts before turning her head to look up at Tim. Her eyes were still puffy but she didn't know him and she didn't want him to worry about her. There were enough people worrying about her, that was why she came out this far in the first place.

"I'm fine." She lied, trying to force a lightness that she didn't feel into her words. Moana was not a good liar.

[jokerized]

"Oh geez."

It's quiet enough he doesn't quite realize he's said it aloud, hunting the pockets of his scrubs for anything--kerchief, rag, scrap of paper--when he catches sight of her face. That it's paper is probably better than cloth--far as he can tell, it's salt water, and wouldn't he be an ass to soak something in that for her eyes. "Here," he says, thrusting his latest scrap paper forward, notes crumpled in his grip.

He'll make them up later. Maybe he'll actually remember it all, this time. "Just, here, you can wipe your face."

Handing it over, he digs his hands back into his pockets just to occupy them. "It's okay if you're not fine," he points out. "Do you want some company?"

[chosenbytheocean]

Moana looked at the paper, her brows furrowing in a brief two seconds of confusion. She hadn't expected him to offer the piece of paper. Resources were scarce in the villages and paper was one of those things that they didn't have a lot of. Moana took it, offering him a weak smile before running the rough side of the paper against her cheeks. Most of her tears were already dried but it removed a bit of the sand from her face.

"Thank you." She sniffed softly, turning to sit more comfortably on the sandy shore.

Her fingers rand through her hair, pushing the thick black mane over her shoulder so it wasn't in her way anymore. "Yeah. I was just--" What had she been doing?--Yelling at the ocean and then crying at it.

"Thinking."

[jokerized]

"Great place for it," he agrees, about as awkward as asking hey, see the Knights game last night? Still, he's the one who offered, and he sets himself a little gingerly on the sand, a good couple feet between them.

She doesn't seem like a threat, but--last time he helped a lady in need, it didn't go so well for him. When Bruce took him in, he thought he'd be done sizing up everyone he met, wondering if he could outmaneuver them. Instead, Bruce taught him better ways to do both, stressed constant vigilance, and waking up in the fountain to no clear answers had made it all the more necessary.

Excuses, really: it's still a shitty way to think, finding some girl crying on the shore. "We don't really have this where I'm from," he tries, steering his own gaze out over the water. "I mean, we have beaches, but it's a lot of grimy docks and smoggy horizons, in my town."

[seekingcrocodile]

Of course he's here. Not because he thought he'd find Moana here, although he's not surprised, but because he couldn't hear rumors of something that might be an ocean and not go and take a look for himself. If it really is an ocean, he wants to see it. Smell it. Which he can do, as he approaches, even before he sees the water stretching out to the horizon in front of him. It's the smell of wet, and of fish, and a bit of salt, though it's not quite like the oceans he's spent years sailing on.

He steps lightly on the shore behind her (as much as he prefers the boots he'd worn during the wedding, for walking long distances, the hiking boots he's wearing now are much more practical), not wishing to startle her, but still wanting her to know that he's there.

"Let me know if you get an answer."

[chosenbytheocean]

Moana knew that someone was there but she wished that they would go away and leave her to cry. She felt every loss like a pin prick against her shield; there were too many to hold herself together. Her island, her family, Jyn, Jean... so many people torn from her life before she was ready to say her final goodbyes. What made it worse was that she had been the one to leave her island, thinking that she could do something to help.

Hearing Killian's voice made Moana tense uncomfortably. Out of everyone she could have met out here, he was the last person she wanted seeing her like this. He might understand the call to the sea but she love her island too. It tore at her in a way that was hard for her to explain.

Moana sat back and hastily wiped at the tears that had streaked down her cheeks. She wanted to tell him that this wasn't the ocean, that it wouldn't reply back to her, but the words turned to salt on her tongue.

"You sound like Maui." He hadn't believed that the ocean spoke to her either.

[seekingcrocodile]

"Is that a friend of yours?" He understands the call of the sea. It has never literally called his name, of course, but for centuries now he's found himself returning to it as often as he could. It's the same thing that got him to come here now, when he heard that there might be an ocean here.

He just doesn't know she's calling to the ocean to come back to her.

[chosenbytheocean]

Moana nodded her head numbly. "Yes. Maui is the Demi-God of Earth and Sea. He was going to restore the heart with me. Before I came back here." Her voice was soft and weak but spoken as if it was a moment of the past. A quest that was unfinished but to far behind her to know where she left off.

Her hand rose to her necklace, wrapping around the reflective blue. The heart of Te Fiti's glow had gone out and Moana felt as if her hope had gone out with it.

[seekingcrocodile]

"Similar to Poseidon, then." Except his domain is solely the sea. "Or Ursula." Poseidon's daughter, and he's met both of them. He has truly had an interesting life. "What is this heart? What does it do?"

[bit_fairytale]

Honestly, Amy's starting to feel like sad is becoming the permanent emotion in her life lately. She's not feeling as overwhelmed with grief as she had a few weeks ago, but she still feels a little like she's sleep-walking through life, taking advantage of the help that she's been given by her friends.

It means that when she sees one of those friends having a fairly epic meltdown on Amy Pond proportions, she feels like maybe it's her turn to stop being sad for a little while, seeing as whatever's going on is more important than her months-old grief about Rory. She hadn't expected to see anyone here, truthfully, having come out to think (and to search for the TARDIS, a sliver of a hope that maybe, just maybe, the Doctor would be here).

Prying herself away from where she's been curled up, sitting and waiting, she wanders towards Moana, standing a few feet away as she awkwardly crosses her arms over her chest. "Throwing stuff always makes me feel better," she admits, but then, Amy's always had a violent streak in her.

[chosenbytheocean]

Moana tried so hard to be strong. Not just for herself but for her family, her people, those in the village and those who've lost people they loved. If she could be strong then she could find a way to help them all but she couldn't keep it up forever. She couldn't continue to ignore the doubt that had gathered like a knot in the pit of her stomach.

She hadn't thought that anyone would come out this far but the ocean was here and she had to see it for herself. It didn't give her any answers and it only made the sadness in her chest feel more real.

Her fingers and toes curled in the sand, feeling the grans shift and clump beneath her. The water rolled up smoothing over the sand and then returned to the ocean as the tide slowly began to rise. Moana pushed herself onto her heels, using the back of her hand to brush away her tears. "Me too." Her voice was weak and broken but there was soft laughter behind it. Moana was also a bit violent, though she usually directed those feelings towards the sand using sticks.

Moana wanted to say more but the words somehow dissolved on her tongue. She really thought that the ocean would answer her.

[bit_fairytale]

Amy's personally of the mind that she'd like a dalek or a cyberman or something evil to kick or punch or generally be cruel to, but she'll settle for rocks into the water and glowering at the horizon like it's personally done her wrong. She feels bad, not just for taking up so much of Moana's time and energy lately, but for whatever's making her upset.

She thinks back to that talk they had, when Rory had first vanished, and approaches cautiously, not wanting to screw this up. "Are you missing your family? You said you lost your grandmother, right?"

[chosenbytheocean]

The only monsters that Moana has faced have all gotten very close to eating her. She probably wouldn't want to go up against one of them just because she wanted something to vent her anger at. It might not end well given their strength versus her own.

Moana's head turned at Amy's question. "No. I mean." She closed her eyes and reorganized her thoughts before speaking again. "I do miss them but that isn’t why I was yelling at the ocean." She wasn't going to mention the crying part. "Do you remember the story I told you about when we first met. About the Heart of Te Fiti?"

Her fingers run along the shell necklace around her throat, pulling a green stone into her palm. "Well I found it and with Maui's help we were going to return it but somehow… somehow it found me here." Which meant that she couldn't return it and her island was going to die.

[bit_fairytale]

Amy has to struggle to pull through the haze in her mind to remember this particular talk, because the truth is that she's not entirely great about remembering this when she'd been filled with grief. She thinks she remembers it, though, squinting at it and trying to figure out why it's showed up here.

"What does it mean that it's here?" Amy asks, trying not to sound too wary, but if she remembers right, there had been some danger attached to it, which is forcing her to keep her distance.

[beallmysins]

Jax has no idea who Moana is calling out to but he's not going to let her cry. He's fond of her, the way a big brother is fond of a little sister, and after making the trek out to the lake he should have known he'd find her there. She's from a goddamned island. Of course she'd want to go to something that seems like the ocean even if it's not.

"Hey, look, I'm here," Jax says. "I know I'm probably not...whoever, but you can hit me if you want to. Probably make you feel better."

[chosenbytheocean]

Moana hadn't been paying a great deal of attention to the area around her. She hadn't thought that anyone would come this far but she had to see the ocean for herself. No matter what anyone else said, she believed that this was the ocean. That it had somehow found her but now that she was standing in front of the water it was silent.

She hastily wiped away her tears when she heard Jax come up next to her. It didn't show but she was happy to see him. He was someone that she silently depended on. He helped her feel stronger than she was.

"I don't want to hit you." Moana had some violent tendencies when she was upset but that anger was always directed towards inanimate objects, not people. "I just thought..." Her voice trailed off. "I thought coming to the ocean would mean I could find a way to go home." She knew it was selfish, there were people here who she wanted to help but the heart had lost it's glow and her island was dying. She couldn't do anything while she was here.

[beallmysins]

"This place is finally getting to you like it gets to all of us," Jax says, giving her a look. He knows, because he's been in this place where he's wanted to cry like a pussy bitch about missing his family but it's not something he's let anyone else see. For all that Moana's capable, she's young too, but she hasn't cracked before now. That's a pretty good track record.

"Look. I don't believe in god or any of that shit but maybe there's a reason you're here. Maybe it's just to keep me from dying," Jax says, laughing a little. "But there's a reason. It's not done with you or me yet."

[chosenbytheocean]

Moana released a huffed breath of laughter as she turned towards Jax. There were specs of sand on her face where she had attempted to brush away her tears and while he eyes looked puffy she didn't looked as if she was going to start crying again.

"That takes a lot of work sometimes." Keeping Jax alive. She was only kidding but it was nice to be able to joke about something that might otherwise be serious. It helped arrange all of her other worries and put them into perspective. "I don't want this place to win." Spoken like the stubborn non-princess that she was. "But it's taken so many friends. Jyn and now Jean too… what if you also leave?"

It was a lot easier to be strong when you had others to be strong for.

[beallmysins]

"Look, I'm not leaving. I don't know if I can control that, or anything, but I'm not planning on going anywhere," Jax says. He grins a little, hoping to get a smile back out of her.

"Didn't know I had ranked up there special, though. Makes me feel good about myself that I got promoted from annoying asshole."

[king_in_the_north]

"Moana?" Robb called from behind her, bow and a small brace of rabbits slung over one shoulder. The walk to this side of the new breach was not a short one, but it seemed that at least for now, the game was more abundant. He'd spied the familiar head of hair from the tree line, had thought perhaps he might find a companion for the long walk home.

"Moana," he repeated more urgently as he approached and could better see the truth of the situation, and he dropped his bow and rabbits on the rocky shore to step hastily to her side, a hand against her back as he knelt in the sand.

"What's happened?"

[chosenbytheocean]

Moana didn't know what to say to him. Her fingers curled into the sand, forming wet clumps of grit beneath her palms. She had failed everyone, her friends here and the family that she had left behind on her island. She shook her head disrupting the curly dark hair that draped like a curtain over her shoulders. When Moana tried to speak only a soft choking noise escaped her lips.

She inhaled, using the time to force away the despair that gripped at her chest.

"The heart of Te Fiti is dying." Moan pushed herself onto her heels, using her palms to wipe away the tears that stained her cheeks. The motions left flecks of sand over her face though Moana didn't appear to notice. "Jean is gone. Jyn before that… I couldn't protect them."

[king_in_the_north]

For this particular affliction, Robb had no answer. He understood all too well Moana's confusion and despair, even if he'd worked so diligently to hide it -- When Arya had gone, they had all been gutted. Still, he understood too that whatever strangeness ruled this place was little enough affected by anything he might have done.

"I'm sorry," he quietly said, and reached a gentle hand to brush the sand away from Moana's cheeks. "There is no reason to who remains here and who doesn't. I don't think their leaving is any fault of yours."

[chosenbytheocean]

Moana was holding the heart of Te Fiti close to her chest like she might bury it inside of herself. "I should have been able to do something." This was far outside of what Moana knew but then, everything she's done has been outside of that small sphere of experience. She was a wayfinder who has lost her way.

Her head turned to look up at Robb feeling a sharp pain sink like a weight in her chest. "How can we do anything if we can't protect the people we love?" She leaned forward pressing her face against his shoulder, attempting to stop the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks.

[king_in_the_north]

Robb slid his arm around her shoulders with a slow sigh. "Truthfully, I don't know. It's a question I've asked myself many times." When his father had been killed, when Sansa had been held hostage, when Arya had seemed to disappear into thin air, when he believed Bran and Rickon to be slain... The list went on and on.

"I wish I had a better answer. All I know is to do the best I can for them while I'm able. Hard as it is to accept, the rest is out of my hands."