sixthiterationlogs | [Mingle] The First Official Meeting of the Young Adult Club

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[Mingle] The First Official Meeting of the Young Adult Club

WHO: Nida
WHERE: House 16
WHEN: Evening/Night Monday the 14th
OPEN TO: Mingle: Open too all young adults (22 and younger); Older may show up but expect a testy Nida.
WARNINGS: Young Adults Partying, Possible: Underaged drinking if people bring stuff. If your thread changes ratings, in subject line and DM me so I can update.

The message goes out over the Network Sunday evening.

'Young Adult Club, First Meet-Up/Party Monday night. First house after the Jail/Barn. Bring Snacks If You've Got Them To Spare.'

Invitation sent in general, The rest, now, came down to Nida. Good thing he had someone who knew how parties worked was right there too. Rinoa turned out to be a pretty good resource. He learned there were a few important things to do for a party. Three major things were needed: music, treats and games. Unfortunately they couldn't do much about the former, so instead Nida employed his housemates in trying to make sure the latter two were covered.

The Nibbles

The easiest person to go to about food turned out to be Seifer. Of the three of them the blonde had somehow ended up as the defacto chef of their house when it came to important things like this. What this meant was a variety of easily made food, things like a plate of half-dollar sized pancakes for easy munching or dipping into other things, fried potato edges, even a quiche that Seifer had managed to whip up, not that Nida even recognized what the whole thing was. While it wasn't as impressive a spread as the New Year Eve party had (or perhaps even the forge gathering) it was clear that the three had done the best they could with the skills two mercenaries and a formerly sheltered young woman had between them. Hopefully treats from other people would help with the spread. Personally, Nida was hoping to steal some of the fritatta Seifer had made in their cast iron skillet, but guests came first of course.

The Games

Games. What even were party games? For that one the center spotlight had gone to Rinoa's planning efforts. Nida had scrounged in the inn's shared supplies, borrowing a set of playing cards and a Jenga set. Not that he really knew what the latter was. The cards went to the dining room table with some extra chairs borrowed from an unoccupied house, the Jenga onto the coffee table, and Rinoa's peakitten Julia got shuffled into her room to prevent her from knocking over the wooden blocks yet again. Nida was tired of rebuilding.

Introductions

They're all new here, they don't all know each other, so Nida and Rinoa encourage people upon arrival to start out simple. And all you have to do is say your name and three facts about yourself. Or, if you're feeling mischievous, two truths and a lie. Can people guess the truth of the matter about you? Or do they already know you well?

Quite Spaces

Frankly Nida wasn't sure how he felt about opening their house to so many people, and with the living room, dining room and kitchen all prepped for use, he realized there was one other thing people could need. A place to talk quietly or just have group games. As he was the only one of the three of them that didn't have much in the way of property and could give up the whole concept of privacy for a bit, the back bedroom ended up having a note pinned on it with a kitchen knife.

'Quiet Space for Your Use - Do not have sex in my bed please'

With his staff stored in the basement and his tiny journal and pencils stored out of sight on top of the standing wardrobe, the room was perfect for anyone who just needed to cool down. Or have a private conversation. Good thing the house has electricity because that could be used long into the night.

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Sealed, maybe, and Billy can only hope they stay that way, because the last thing he wants to do here is ruin the tentative beginnings of friendships he's built. He misses his magic, yes, doesn't know exactly who he is without it, but he's starting to learn. To figure out bits and pieces. To know himself outside of the context of what he was. And if it turns out his magic isn't suppressed...he doesn't know why that worries him so much, only that it does.

"Yeah. I mean, Nida said something a little different, but it was kind of the same spirit, I think." He'd said that maybe Billy was going to be that person and change things, but that he was a good person, and so...so he'd make a good choice. That had been a reassurance he hadn't even known he'd needed.

Rinoa goes on about Soreceresses and their abilities, then, and Billy nods, listening in response. It's a lot of power, and a lot of responsibility, and it's definitely scary. "It is," he answers softly, lacing his fingers together in his lap and looking down at them. "I guess what I have is more like a sorceress than I even thought. I can change things. People. Some things I have to actively try and do--I repeat what I want to happen over and over again, so I can focus my intent--but I don't have to do that for everything. Some things I do without even meaning to. It's unconscious. You know?" Unconscious, and unintended, and now he's so, so worried that that might still be happening without him even knowing it.

"That's because Nida is able to see outside of what he's been trained, which not everyone can. All they knew were evil sorceresses, to put aside that mindless hate is hard." Rinoa believes that all three of them, Nida, Squall, Seifer, at one point thought they would strike down a sorceress without hesitation. It was what they were trained to do. "Squall fell in love with one, Seifer ... well that's complicated. Nida now is close friends with two magic users, so." He's become more open minded than he might have been once.

Rinoa reaches over to gently put her hand on top of his. Comforting comes naturally to her, it might be why her sorceress magic was healing and revival, and why her powers here are advanced empathy. "Yes, you might not know you're using your powers, but you are. Magic doesn't seem like something we can just turn off. Like some people can use their powers by their will, but it's always in us." She might not know much about being one, but this much she is pretty sure of. "If I go back, I have a lot to live with. I'm supposed to be the one good sorceress to prove them all wrong." Rinoa sighs, looking at the wall. "I worry it's just a matter of time before power corrupts. Because when you can do anything, change anything, it could start simple and well intentioned."

"It is. When you're raised in a culture like that, trained to believe certain things of people from the time you're a child, it's hard." He knows something about that. Bigotry and intolerance, just because of the way someone's born. "Nida's a good person. Regardless of what he thinks about himself. That's one of the reasons I like him so much. He listens, and he doesn't just assume. He's willing to learn that things are different than the way he was raised to believe they were. He lets people's actions speak for them, and he believes in his friends." There's a warmth in his voice when he talks about Nida that he doesn't even bother trying to hide. Because she's right. Nida's friends with two magic users, and Billy's so incredibly glad he's one of them.

And he's glad that Rinoa's the other, though now that he knows Rinoa he can't imagine that anyone wouldn't want to be friends with her. She's a really empathetic person. It's easy to talk to her, and he imagines it would be even if they weren't talking about magic, and things they might have in common. He could talk to her about, he doesn't know, school anxiety, or a breakup, or whatever, maybe, and she'd get it. And he definitely understands where that sigh is coming from, which means his fingers unlace and he lays a hand on top of hers in shared sympathy. "I know something about that. Having to live up to unrealistic expectations. People thinking you're supposed to be perfect, and other people just waiting for you to let them down." He sighs. "It always does, doesn't it? There's a saying back home. 'The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.' Means that no matter how good you mean, those good things can lead bad places. And believe me, I've lived that. People back home are still suffering because of my good intentions. I hurt the person I loved the most. Really bad. Did something unthinkable. And the worst part is, I did it because I loved him." The words slip out before he can stop them. He hadn't meant to talk about Teddy, but...well. There it is.

Rinoa smiles as she listens to Billy talk about Nida and she nods enthusiastically in agreement to it. She already suspected this was a slightly two-way street, but she could still be right regardless. He could still need more time and that would be okay. "I'm glad we got to know each other better here. Nida's not really one of our main group. I wish he was, maybe we'd get in less trouble!" She misses her friends a whole lot. "He's hard on himself, but if it wasn't for him, I would have lost my mind when Squall disappeared."

Rinoa would love to talk about things like anxiety and break ups. They seemed so innocent compared to the things they actually talked about! Maybe at a later date. "They all definitely assume I'm going to let them down. I know they have good reason, but it's very intense." She figures the best way to avoid it is to not use her powers, but, well. "That sounds like a very accurate saying. Edea created the SeeD to fight the evil sorceress and then was possessed by one herself, becoming their enemy." So it all came back full circle to time warping.

Her eyes widen at the reference to Teddy, and there's concern in them. "Oh no," she says softly, "what happened?" She loves Squall so much and she worries all the time about hurting him.

"For what it's worth, I don't think you will. You're a really good person, Rinoa. You want to help people. Sure, maybe you'll make mistakes, because you're still a person, but I think that you're the kind of person who's going to learn from those and do better. You're going to be amazing, whatever you do. And you still have a choice, you know? You decide what being a Sorceress means to you." The words are heartfelt. He knows one hundred percent that Rinoa is going to be better, because she's not like any of the stories he's heard from Nida. She's better than that. Better than Edea, even, making children into soldiers for the sake of changing the future. Some things were never okay.

Like what he'd done to Teddy. Billy looks away from Rinoa, takes another breath, lets it out slowly. "I thought at first it was just...just the one thing, you know? Teddy--his mom died. In front of us. There was a fight, some people trying to take Teddy away, and she--got caught in the middle. We were heroes, Young Avengers, right? We'd never really thought about what that might mean. We just wanted to use our powers to help people. We didn't think about how our families might get hurt. And after that...we stopped. Or I thought we did. Teddy moved in with me, my parents were super cool about the whole thing, and things were just...it was good, right? It was good." He had all of his family, alive and well, he had his perfect boyfriend, he had his twin just over the river in Jersey who'd moved out just before--he didn't need to use his magic any more, because he had a magical life.

"Only...it turned out Teddy was still going out and being a hero. Saving people. While I just...pretended it was all over. I caught him one night, and I said some things--some really selfish, selfish things. I made it about me, how could he lie to me, how could he do that to me, when--it wasn't about me at all. Teddy had been hurting for a long time, and I was too stuck on me to see it. He'd lost his mom, his home--all he had left was me, and being a hero. And I wanted to take that from him, too. So--I guess...I wanted to give him something back. Stop the hurt."

He pauses for a moment in his flood of words, drawing in a shaky breath. He hasn't told anyone else this. He hasn't had to tell anyone else this. Teddy saw it. Loki and America knew. Kate...sort of knew. It's just hard to admit. But he knows that if he stops now, he won't be able to get the rest out, so he presses on. "One of the things I can do--I can sort of...browse realities and timelines. Like looking through the pages of a book. I can see other timelines where things happened differently. And so...that was what I did. I went looking through other realities like they were a phone book, and I found a timeline right at the point where Teddy's mom was about to die, and I--I didn't even think, I just grabbed her and pulled her through. How stupid was that? And I wasn't even thinking, oh, I saved a life, I was thinking about how happy Teddy was gonna be with me. That I was being a better boyfriend. Stupid." His voice is rough, cracking a little, as a wave of self-loathing crashes over him. How could he have been that stupid??

"I took her to Teddy like a freaking present, and he....he was so happy, I thought it was all gonna be fine. I wasn't thinking. That's my problem, you know? I don't think. I just...did this thing and acted like it was gonna fix everything, when Teddy's mom wasn't even the problem. And the thing is, it wasn't even...the thing I pulled out of that timeline? It wasn't really even Teddy's mom. It was this thing. This parasite that calls itself Mother. Mother can control other parents, take them over, make them its slaves, affect what they see and how they act. And it was after me. It almost got me, too--me and Teddy both--but we got away with the help of some other people. Our friends and some new people. But...my magic, it was all bound up in Mother. I couldn't banish her. And I couldn't be home, because every time I ended up near my parents, they turned into her." He's trembling a little now, under her hands, his own now on his legs and balled into fists. "So not only did I not bring Teddy's mom back, but I pulled a monster wearing his mother's face into our dimension, and I took away my home from him, too. I took all my friends away from their homes, and the places and people they loved, and I put countless lives in danger, and it was all my fault." He finally stops, breathing heavy and a little ragged, his face turned away from Rinoa.

"...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dump all that on you. I just...I don't know."

Rinoa smiles at him. "Thank you. I hope you're right. I'm going to try to make sure everyone is right about me." And if they aren't, she's going to have to trust that someone will be strong enough to stop her. She knows Squall never will be, he's strong but not that strong, and not Seifer either. But someone would. There are checks and balances for her back home, worst case scenarios, but that actually makes her feel better, not worse. She likes to think she'll be different, but Edea was good, once. Although she made some bad decisions that Rinoa would never.

Through the story about Teddy and the others, Rinoa simply listens. She notes away the names as they came up in case she comes across them later. She listens and keeps a comforting and on his back, so he knows that she's there. The thing is, Rinoa understands all of what he's saying. She'd do anything for Squall. This was exactly why power like theirs is so potentially dangerous, because she could see herself going well I can do it, so why shouldn't I for the person I love? They were both right to be cautious about what they could do.

"Oh Billy," she says quietly at the end, and she just pulls him into a hug whether he likes it or not. Rinoa gives great hugs, because they come right from the heart. She's almost in tears on his behalf, because of the pain he's going through. She doesn't need super powers for that, it's innate. She feels like she has to tell the truth, even if it isn't the biggest kindness. "You made a mistake. People make mistakes. And yes, this was maybe a bigger one than normal, but I'm sure all of your friends, including Teddy, have made mistakes too."

Their mistakes were on a huge scale, but that seemed like what their world was like. "You're all heroes there, right? I'm sure you've gone up against big terrible things before and worked it out. It could happen again." They all banded together to stop the sorceress, and some day another threat could come. They'd have to fight that threat next too. "I'd like to tell you it's all okay, but sometimes we have to make mistakes to learn and become better people." She pulls back to look at him. "But love? Love is forgiving. The others will forgive you."

That's really what Billy wants, in all honesty. He wants some kind of check for himself. Someone, some way they can stop him if he goes Demiurge and it turns out that's the worst possible option. Someone who can stop him. Because with Teddy gone, and Tommy gone, there's no one back home who can call him back if he goes over the edge, and that terrifies him. That he might hurt his mother and father, his brothers, his friends, that he could rewrite the world and no one would be able to get in the way. He's hoping there's some answer besides just...you know, starting a child army. Maybe there'll be an answer to find here.

But right now, he's not thinking about that. Right now, Rinoa is hugging him, and even though he thinks he doesn't deserve that Billy's letting her. He needs that hug, needs that connection. He's always needed that, and even now he can't stop himself from resting his forehead on her shoulder and taking a deep breath. Yeah, people make mistakes. People do dumb things, and he's more powerful than most, so his mistakes are potentially much, much bigger. But he still can't forgive himself the way he could anyone else. Literally anyone else.

"....Teddy won't. He didn't."

The words are small, almost whispered. He pulls back too, but he's not looking at her. He's looking down at his hands, fingers twisted together, looking through them both, maybe. "He's not even sure he really loves me. Because I--" He stops, shakes his head. "I've made a lot of mistakes. And some of them I didn't even realize I was making. I made him love me, Rinoa. I didn't even know I was doing it. I just--I was so lonely, and I just wanted a Prince Charming to come along and sweep me off my feet, you know? Teddy was my perfect love story. Even if I didn't create him, even if that part wasn't true, I still...I just wanted him to love me. And he did, and he hurt so badly for it, and then he left. Because he realized it was all me. He didn't know if he really loved me, or if he just felt that way because I wanted him to. And I didn't know either." And that's why he can't. He can't do that again, he can't, not if there's any chance he's still got his powers. What if the Observers only took away the parts that had outwardly visible results? What if they couldn't take it all? What if he did it again? He needs someone here to know what he can do, so they can stop him if he starts to lose it, or they find a way to use it against the rest of the villagers instead.

Rinoa hurts for him, but she also doesn't believe for a second that Billy made that. She shakes her head, still having an arm around his shoulder comfortingly. "No, I don't think that's possible. I think you can make someone desire you, or be infatuated with you, but not love. I've been under spells and I've seen other people under spells, it's not that easy. If you did make him love you, if that's what was happening, you could've just done it again. Subconsciously or not, all you'd have to do is use your influence and he wouldn't have stopped. He wasn't under your spell, maybe he just wanted to think he was, because then everything was your fault from start to finish." She doesn't know Teddy, but she knows the blame game when she sees it.

She wishes she could take it away from him, and can almost feel the power well up inside of her, but she has amazing ability to suppress things. Even these new powers could be denied quickly. "You can't spend your life being afraid to love people, Billy. Closing yourself off to those emotions is how people like us can go the wrong direction. Empathy is what keeps us sane, and the fact you care so much is why you are a good person. You have us here to help support you and care for you."

"That's what he was worried about. Why he left. Because he thought that I might magic him back. Change his mind." It's a protest, but a weak one. Is it wrong that he wants her to be right? That...maybe he didn't make Teddy love him, it was just. Complicated. And Teddy wanted some way to....he doesn't know. Make things less complicated. It doesn't make what happened hurt any less, but it does make the guilt...less. Maybe he doesn't deserve that, maybe he should feel guilty, but he's so tired of it. He's so tired of the weight on his shoulders and his alone.

But that doesn't take it all away. "I'm not afraid to love people," he continues after a moment, taking a deep breath. Trying to recover some of his composure. "I'm afraid to hurt them. I'm afraid if I start caring about anyone that way again, if I let myself--if I let them--they're just going to get hurt. Like Teddy did."

"If you could, he wouldn't have been able to even fear that. When magic influences the mind like that, everything you do feels normal at the time. You don't shake out of that type of spell on your own." Rinoa sounds really confident, and she is. She knows about mind manipulation and possession. Seifer knows better than she does, but she doesn't tell him to go talk to Seifer. It would put him on the spot, and that's very private. "Our worlds might not sync up perfectly, but I know I am right about this. I do understand where both of your fear comes from."

She sighs. "Sometimes people need time apart to figure out if they're still right for each other. And maybe that's really want he wanted, and chose a terrible way of framing it in his head." Rinoa doesn't want to demonize Teddy, who she doesn't know, and she's always able to find compassion for people. If Teddy believed those things, he was right to walk away. It doesn't mean they were true.

Rinoa lets him take a deep breath and get himself back together. She knows how difficult emotional breaks like this can be. She has them at last once a day when she remembers Squall is gone. "Billy, even if you didn't have super powers, you could hurt the people you love. And they can hurt you. Super powers don't create heartbreak, it's just part of being alive." There are outside forces to create it, like taking Squall, but in general, it was life.

"I'm not saying throw yourself right away into the idea of being with someone new, unless someone special comes along, but I mean, keep in mind we're really young. I know we've gone through a lot, but our lives have just begun."

"You're right." He's not going to deny that. Which already shows, maybe, that he's grown a little bit; not immediately jumping to the conclusion that Rinoa's just being nice, that she doesn't get it. He could hurt people no matter what. Hell, hadn't he hurt Teddy enough even without his powers? He'd been so selfish, so self-absorbed, just...expecting him to do everything for Billy, to fit himself into the narrative Billy had built for them both. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't right, and he doesn't blame Teddy for needing to figure things out, just...just the timing. Just what he'd said. Just the fact that he'd needed to say that Billy might have made him love him.

"I could hurt someone anyway, and that's--I guess I am still scared of that. I don't want to hurt anyone. Especially anyone I care about. I mean, maybe it's inevitable, but...how do I just, decide to do it anyway?" He shakes his head, another puffing sigh.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get into my relationship drama, I've just...I guess I've been struggling with this for a while. And Nida said you'd be good to talk to about stuff like this, so... I mean, you're good to talk to, anyway, you know?" He offers her a small smile, faint but genuine. "And it works both ways. If there's stuff you need to get off your chest, things that you don't think people would understand--I'm pretty good at listening, too."

"Love's a risk. Or rather, picking to date someone you might eventually fall in love with, it's a risk for both of you. It's a risk everyone decides to take if it's worth it. With the hope that maybe this time will be better or forever. Sometimes it just ends up a lesson." Rinoa takes his hand again and squeezes it. "It's painful right now, but eventually there will be a time when looking back at Teddy won't be as painful, and you'll see how much you've changed because of him, in good ways."

She smiles back at him. "I will definitely take you up on that, because living with my ex-boyfriend is not as easy as I make it look." Actually, it's so so so so so much harder. "But talking about me and Seifer would take forever to set up, and we'd be sitting here until sunrise!" It would have to be one of those tantalizing things that they'd have to get to another day. For now, they went through enough intense conversation for one night.

"I think we should rejoin the party. But I'm always here for you. Things really will get better, I mean, as much as they can be when you're trapped in another realm."

This time, Billy squeezes back, and that smile gains its legs a little bit. "Yeah. I mean, I've only ever been with Teddy. He was the first person who ever...so I guess it's just, been hard. You know? Especially with everything. The way that went. Him leaving before we even found Tommy, because things were just...too much. I just don't want to do that again. Make someone feel like they have no other choice but running as far across the country as they can. Like, he literally wasn't okay until he was over a thousand miles away, what does that even say about me?"

He sighs, shaking his head. Okay, Bill, no more talking about you. He's about to apologize again when Rinoa says what she does, and the words are derailed momentarily. "Your ex, huh? You're definitely going to have to tell me that story sometime. But you're right. let's get back out there."

Standing, Billy squeezes Rinoa's hand again, then lets go. "Thanks, Rinoa. Actually? I think I'm kind of lucky to be here. I mean, I've got Tommy, which is more important than I can say, but also? I've met a lot of really good people. Kamala, you. Nida. I don't know what I'd do without him. I'm just...being here definitely doesn't suck as much. Whatever craziness happens, we'll get through it together." And for the first time, he kind of feels like maybe that's true.

"I think it's more important to ask what does that say about him too. It's a two-way street." It's hard to see that when in a place of grief though and she understands that. Rinoa just widens her eyes comically and nods. Yep. Her ex. It was her decision to invite Seifer, and she doesn't regret it at all, but it's awkward. And their fight at the NYE party still stings.

Rinoa stands too and she smiles at him warmly. "Good, because that's exactly how I feel too. We're getting through this all together, and that's probably why we're doing so well." She opens the door and gestures for him to go first. Time to get back to her hostess game face.

[annnd wrap!]

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[Mingle] The First Official Meeting of the Young Adult Club

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