sixthiterationlogs | Wishing they would be heard

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Wishing they would be heard

WHO: Rinoa Heartilly
WHERE: All over the village
WHEN: February 5th-20thish
OPEN TO: Everyone!
WARNINGS: None that I'm aware of

February 5th-10th

The aftermath of reliving one of her worst moments stays on her like a cloud overhanging her usual sunny disposition. Rinoa was quiet most of the walk back, staying with the others and not talking about what happened even when pressed. When she did get back, she crashed in her room for two days snuggling with Julia ... without her gloves for once. It was a temporary reprieve.

She's not sleeping and there are circles under her eyes, but there's still fire in them, and Rinoa likes to keep busy. She's been convinced to jog more, which she can be seen attempting to do in the morning, and she helps out at the inn cleaning, and she can be seen on her porch knitting on some of the nicer weather days.

February 11th - Color Change

Rinoa is on her way to the schoolhouse when her device makes a sudden beep. She pauses right in her spot, staring at it, because the last time this happened she saw a glimpse of what was coming. Dread wallows in her stomach, and it oddly glitches out, goes blue, and then abruptly comes back to life.

Confused, she glances up and around, and by the time she looks down, the strangest thing has happened. Her once light gray band is now red, and she scrunches up her face at it. "What in the world ...."

Feb 12th-20th - Red Rinoa!

After the color change happens, it takes her at least a day to realize it's not the color only that's changed. In some ways, it's good. Her head isn't hanging, there isn't a weight on her shoulders. She's actually walking around confidently, moving with purpose. She can be seen punching the air/working out at the dojo, exploring the north village, and even daring to go skinny dipping in the hot springs for the first time.

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"I'm fine," Reeve smiled gently at her as he moved to walk up the stairs. Once on the porch he leaned against the railing to quietly watch her. "I feel a bit more confident about my fitness routine, whether Steph chooses to lecture me for it or not. My greater concern remains you."

Sorry but the concern wasn't going to fade away just because he was given a chance to forget it. Reeve cared too much about his companions. Sure, he might get lost in his work, but things like this? He would always be here to help people through things like this.

Rinoa wasn't surprised to hear it. Reeve seemed like someone who would care about those things. He had that energy to him. Of course he was the only 'adult' with a group of young women with him, and so he felt naturally very protective over the three of them. She wondered if he had children of his own, or if he'd considered it, because he'd be good at it, she thought. She looked at him while considering how to respond. Most of the time she would brush it off as no concern, but he saw her experience. He saw her have a panic attack afterward.

"I don't think anyone can feel great about reliving their most traumatic moment." Rinoa had several traumatic experiences, but there had been a complete hopelessness to that one. And almost a wish to accept it and give up. If she didn't hear Squall's voice, she was ready to be done. "I'm mostly sorry the rest of you had to experience it."

"I know I would have been in a spot of trouble if I had been forced to live more traumatic moments of mine," Reeve agrees. What that said about him, what his absolute poise in the face of what he had been forced to relive, could raise questions of course. None of which he was here to address.

Still, he moves to cross his arms over his chest to consider her. How to approach this? The young woman clearly needed someone or something to talk about with this, but no doubt he was hardly qualified to address it. Not that he hadn't faced moments nearly so hopeless before. So many. But in the end there had always been so much to do. He had stood there knowing he would die, and fought anyway because he was choosing that end if it could get others out.

"I think we three are made of sterner stuff than to be too affected. Not that it might not tear us apart in your place. Just... there is something far darker about reliving, than there sometimes is in living. What I'd like to know now, Rinoa, is what I can do to help you."

"Yours wasn't a picnic either." But they didn't witness visually what hurt him so badly, he only explained it later. And she could tell how much pain that must have been to experience. She is not that surprised to hear that he has worse ones. He's older and he is clearly from a difficult world and situation.

She sighs and puts down her knitting for the moment. "That memory in particular is ... complex. Because I didn't want to die, but I accepted it, and living ended up being really complicated." She doesn't know how to put into words what she's thinking, but he'll try. It's not like she talks a lot about any of this. "You saw that I was possessed before being abandoned in space. I was in a coma right before that, this was the first time I'd been awake and myself since that happened. I didn't know that I was a sorceress, which is ... not a great thing to be, when several sorceresses have been evil, violent dictators."

It's all really ugly and she can't help thinking of some of the things she and Seifer talked about. "We were stuck in a time loop, things happened the way they happened, and we beat her before she destroyed the world, but there was no choice involved. And then I'm here, and the only person who made all of that less scary was taken from me." How would she be getting along here if she still had him to lean on? But was that a crutch? Probably. "It wasn't even the memory that bugged me, it's that whoever is in charge here had control of me again. They transported me, held me in place, forced me to see things, and I think I'm in a time loop again. Someone will always be able to do that to me again." It was a fear for everyone, yes, but she specifically, with her experience, it is like hitting a trigger button over and over again.

"Mine isn't what I'm here to talk about," Reeve dismisses almost immediately. Because his own pain is something he's dealt with. Mostly. Sort of. Not relevant here, though.

Control. Yes, there is a lot of control to be questioned here. Time travel, though, makes him frown a bit. There is only so much he can do with that.

"I'm sorry your friend was taken from you. And I cannot imagine the pain you've been through. But at least here there may be something else. It's possible these people saw our lives and showed you that. It's possible they found your memories in your own mind. But here, I expect alteration of time, even to create a time loop as you suggested, isn't likely or possible. It is little comfort no doubt, but it is what I can offer."

"Squall is my boyfriend. And every time I think we have a chance to be together, something gets in the way. It feels like the universe has a personal grudge against us." Time was a really weird construct for the two of them. Rinoa wonders if they are going to spend a lifetime always out of sync with each other, just trying to hold on to what they can. "What you didn't see is that right after that, Squall found me. He threw himself out into space like an idiot to get me. Every roadblock I've come to, he got me out of."

And now she had a Squall-sized shape missing. "So learning to live without him has not been great. As for time ... I'm not sure. Magic, space, and time are things that can be warped by powerful minds, as they've proven, whoever's behind this. The sorceress who possessed me, she would have had the power to completely unwrite a world and start it fresh in her control." There was no telling what the people in charge of their bodies and lives could do. "If people are right that those lists in the bunker prove there have been multiple versions of people before, maybe we are in a loop."

"Sounds like love. And in the end, Love tends to find a way to overcome," Reeve smiles. Maybe not now, but sooner or later, she will end up in his arms. Or perhaps Reeve is just a hopeless romantic. Still... perhaps this is good. "However, I would note that it's not entirely bad, right? Because this way you learn to stand on your own feet, to be a partner in a relationship rather than dependent upon him."

However, the idea that space and time are warpable by 'powerful minds' is definitely alarming. After what he had seen of her memories he would be concerned that she is completely correct. Especially as she keeps talking.

"Perhaps less that we are in a loop and more that they are. And that one day we will get to go home. I have to believe in such things. Anything less is... disheartening."

"It is love." Her expression gentles, but it comes of course with a deep seated sadness. "We were literally fated to be together." That doesn't mean they stayed together, but it was part of their timeloop, whether they knew it or not, for the two of them to meet and fall in love. Rinoa doesn't see that as fate intervening in a way she didn't want; loving Squall took time but it was true. "But you're not wrong. It's funny, because I lived without him all these years, but suddenly I felt like I was nothing without him." She can see that clearly, and why it was wrong. Unhealthy, even.

Rinoa forces a smile for him. "Yes, of course. We have to believe we'll go home. Although not everyone would be happier there." She thinks Nida and Seifer are happier here, and if Squall was with her, she'd feel the same way. "I wish they'd tell us what they wanted from us, so we could do it and make new choices. At least with the sorceress, we understood why. IT was psychotic and evil, but the why still made sense."

"Often it can be hard to understand the 'why' of what makes people act," Reeve admits as he considers her. After a moment he gestures to the chair next to the one she's sitting on, a silent question as to whether he could sit as well. Once the confirmation is given he lowers himself next to her.

"I've been in love only once, and yes, I came to feel as if I was nothing without him," Reeve says, and there's a bit of hesitation in his tone. A reluctance to admit that pronoun. While not as persecuted as other worlds or times, not everyone was comfortable with his sexuality on Gaia. "Unfortunately it was that dependence that made me blind, and nearly shattered me when he revealed he was unfaithful. Not to say yours is like that. Just that too much dependence means we leave ourselves too vulnerable when we are alone. If nothing else, this place could give you strength. For both you, and the man you love. But I know I can say a few things about this place. We aren't alone here. Through the power of each person beside us, we will one day win ourselves free. Many times in my life I've faced impossible odds, and in the end, we win. We always win. Sooner or later we'll find a way."

Three times stopping the end of the world, even when the planet itself was working against them? Yes, he has a lot of faith in the power of people united. Even when people seem to lack power. There is no greater force in the world than an angry mob, not a king, not a god, and not these Observers.

"We're alive. There's nothing in me that doubts that, because I know what happens when we die. What happens to our life essence, and we haven't returned to the Lifestream. So we're alive, and that in and of itself is always a source of hope."

And the last thing? In this Reeve smiles and looks fondly at her.

"You're young and you have time. And with that in your hands, you will find a way. It is the young that change the world."

Rinoa nods so he knows he can sit. She doesn't bat an eye at the gender because it wouldn't occur to her too. She knows from Nida that not everywhere is fully accepting in their world, but it's never occurred to her or been in her personal life. She simply listens to him speak instead. "I agree, I think realizing that I felt like I was nothing without him alarmed me to that way of thinking. It's given me good reasons here to try and make my own life and remind myself who I was without him. My friend Nida reminded me that I did a lot of good things on my own, including fighting for his people to gain independence with a resistance group. That was my cause, not Squall's." It meant everything to her too, she's so glad they found their freedom. That's who she was with and without him.

"Squall would never be unfaithful. Quite the opposite. He was here briefly and he said he was lost in another world without us, and he spent years searching for me. He was faithful all that time." And it was romantic, absolutely, it was beautiful, but also, a little unnerving. Squall's devotion to her now seems so much stronger than hers, and she wonders if she's the faithless one of the two of them. "But he did also make friends and have his own journey during that time, so I should do the same."

Rinoa smiles at him, a real smile, much more like herself. She is usually an optimistic and strong hearted person, and she's been through the ringer lately, but he's reminding her of better things. "You're a very good person, Reeve. I ... honestly don't know many adults who have that kind of faith and optimism." They were usually hardened and focused on their own motivations. "I hate saying adults as if I'm not one, it's not like I'm twelve, so the over twenty-fives. My father's generation. They're ... very pessimistic about the world."

"Without faith and optimism, I would have given up on my own life a long time ago," Reeve counters. And there's a soft sort of honesty there. He knows that he's not a good person, just that he became one, he fights against his sins and what people expecting things of him. But he smiles at the idea of adulthood.

"Rinoa, one of my best friends, who helped us save the world, was sixteen. Age isn't as important as spirit. As heart. And clearly, you have a strong one. She chose to see the greatness the world could return to, and risked herself for it, to save her people. And I see the same strength in you that I see in her, even after she's helped us save the world for a third time. Don't fear yourself and your strength. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

They are powerful words. She doesn't know many people who could put it so eloquently in words, and to say them to her when she definitely needs to hear them, this clearly. Rinoa is in many ways very driven and forceful, but like anyone she can't be it all the time. Even if she wishes she could be. "I think that's why we tried to have a teen party here, or a younger person meet up, I guess." Not everyone came, but it was a good start. "Sometimes it's very easy to make people think that if they haven't lived as long, they don't have as much value. There was a lot of we know best attitudes going on back home ... and a few people here too." She wont name names, it's just how it is.

"Your friend helped save the world for a third time? She sounds amazing. What is her name?" Rinoa's eyes light up. A new hero may have emerged, and a girl her own age too.

Eloquence sort of came with the life he'd lived up until this point. How would he have gotten to where he was if he didn't have the right words at the right time? Still, the man frowns deeply to hear what she says. If there were those he knew would give them issues for their age, he might lecture them. Definitely looks like he would actually, half looks at the path to consider it.

"She was part of my team for that, but yes, she did. Her name is Yuffie Kisaragi, and she is the, well, I suppose the term you'd understand is Princess. The Princess of Wutai. She's a trained ninja, great with materia based magic and I've seen her just about run up buildings to face a manifestation of a dragon called Bahamut to save hundreds of thousands of lives. And she keeps fighting for her home, even though she spent some time exiled from it."

Rinoa's eyes widen a little as she listens to him describe Yuffie. She sounds really great! She smiles, wondering if they'd be friends, and thinking it is entirely possible. "I think your friends would like mine. She'd be in good company with other world saving teenagers." Young powerful women too. "But it also sounds like she's needed a great deal in your world. It might very well fall apart without a girl that impressive!"

She only wishes she could be spoken of with half that much enthusiasm and respect. Maybe some day. Someone like Reeve might, because he clearly sees the good in people. There's shadows still in her eyes and around her mouth, but she is trying to drag herself out of that place. "I wonder what it says about this place, that so many people in it have been from worlds with disasters and in need of saving."

"She's coming up on twenty now. I'm worried," he says softly, "that I'm going to miss her birthday. Yuffie would be disappointed in me."

And she'd make his life miserable, right? But he pushes on, trying to smile once more. But he takes her question seriously, silent for a moment. Then he nods to himself, because frankly, he thinks he gets it, just a little.

"That's why they want us. To understand such outlooks I think. People who have saved their worlds, people who are going to save their worlds. Heroes and villains. People who don't give up in the face of danger. They want to understand that. To what end I don't know. But I think that's what they desire."

Rinoa doesn't point out that Yuffie won't know because he may not even be gone there. Because he already knows that, they all do. She understands that he wants to be there, for her and for him. She listens to his explanation of what he thinks the people watching them are after, and nods slowly in agreement as she does. It makes a lot of sense.

"I think I can understand the curiosity about what perseverance in the face of failure looks like. Maybe they're detached from emotion or trying to copy the science of bravery, for whatever reason." She isn't really the type of person smart enough to come up with these answers. "I just hope this doesn't mean they'll keep throwing more of that at us." And as she says it, she's fairly confident that they will. Why go nice on them now?

She tries to smile for him. "Hope is an important thing to have either way." She'll try. "Thank you for checking in with me, Reeve."

[Either wrap here or on yours?]

"Of course, Rinoa," Reeve smiles as he pushes to his feet again.

He doesn't move for the stairs right away, though. He pauses to smile down at her, fond and gentle.

"If you need anything at all, my dear, let me know. I would hate to think you weren't getting any help you might need in the face of this. Trauma is... difficult to process, especially on one's own. But I'll give you your space. Have a good day."

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Wishing they would be heard

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