Wishing they would be heard

[alittlelonger]

WHO: Rinoa Heartilly
WHERE: All over the village
WHEN: February 5th-20thish
OPEN TO: Everyone!
WARNINGS: None that I'm aware of

---

February 5th-10th

The aftermath of reliving one of her worst moments stays on her like a cloud overhanging her usual sunny disposition. Rinoa was quiet most of the walk back, staying with the others and not talking about what happened even when pressed. When she did get back, she crashed in her room for two days snuggling with Julia ... without her gloves for once. It was a temporary reprieve.

She's not sleeping and there are circles under her eyes, but there's still fire in them, and Rinoa likes to keep busy. She's been convinced to jog more, which she can be seen attempting to do in the morning, and she helps out at the inn cleaning, and she can be seen on her porch knitting on some of the nicer weather days.

February 11th - Color Change

Rinoa is on her way to the schoolhouse when her device makes a sudden beep. She pauses right in her spot, staring at it, because the last time this happened she saw a glimpse of what was coming. Dread wallows in her stomach, and it oddly glitches out, goes blue, and then abruptly comes back to life.

Confused, she glances up and around, and by the time she looks down, the strangest thing has happened. Her once light gray band is now red, and she scrunches up her face at it. "What in the world ...."

Feb 12th-20th - Red Rinoa!

After the color change happens, it takes her at least a day to realize it's not the color only that's changed. In some ways, it's good. Her head isn't hanging, there isn't a weight on her shoulders. She's actually walking around confidently, moving with purpose. She can be seen punching the air/working out at the dojo, exploring the north village, and even daring to go skinny dipping in the hot springs for the first time.

Comments

Knitting On The Porch - Feb 5th

[plate_builder]

There is something that comes from spending time struggling for survival with others. Comes with hikes across your known world, offering your coat for warmth, trying your best to come up with all the bits of learned survival skills of heroes who saved the world that he never actually had to use himself.

Basically, what it amounts to is that Reeve found himself approaching the house he had helped Rinoa to some days later, deliberately looking for her. And his expression is soft when he sees her on the porch.

"Good afternoon, Rinoa. How are you doing?"

[alittlelonger]

Rinoa looked weary, but they all were. It'd been one intense experience for the entire village, and she didn't think she had it any better or worse than anyone else. But she still couldn't sleep longer than an hour or two, and her peakitten could only do so much. She also didn't want to get in the habit, so to speak, of petting Julia for that reason.

The cold air actually helps clear her mind, and even if it chilled her to the bone, it helped keep her in the here and now, so that was nice. She was only comfortably cold at the moment, gloved fingers steady on the knitting. She glanced up when she sensed someone approaching and managed a smile for Reeve. He'd been very kind to her when it all went down, and she didn't forget that.

"Making headway on this scarf. Slowly but surely. How are you?"

[plate_builder]

"I'm fine," Reeve smiled gently at her as he moved to walk up the stairs. Once on the porch he leaned against the railing to quietly watch her. "I feel a bit more confident about my fitness routine, whether Steph chooses to lecture me for it or not. My greater concern remains you."

Sorry but the concern wasn't going to fade away just because he was given a chance to forget it. Reeve cared too much about his companions. Sure, he might get lost in his work, but things like this? He would always be here to help people through things like this.

[alittlelonger]

Rinoa wasn't surprised to hear it. Reeve seemed like someone who would care about those things. He had that energy to him. Of course he was the only 'adult' with a group of young women with him, and so he felt naturally very protective over the three of them. She wondered if he had children of his own, or if he'd considered it, because he'd be good at it, she thought. She looked at him while considering how to respond. Most of the time she would brush it off as no concern, but he saw her experience. He saw her have a panic attack afterward.

"I don't think anyone can feel great about reliving their most traumatic moment." Rinoa had several traumatic experiences, but there had been a complete hopelessness to that one. And almost a wish to accept it and give up. If she didn't hear Squall's voice, she was ready to be done. "I'm mostly sorry the rest of you had to experience it."

Red Red Rinoa

[fooloftheking]

When the bracelet changed, Bobo felt as different as the color is from the vibrant red he had worn before. Enough so that he has taken strips of fabric, wrapping them around both his wrists as if bracing them and covering the palms of his hands, strips of the fabric hanging loose and moving in dance-like gestures when his hands move.

Getting out of a house with a new puppy that is much like having a new baby, something that is actually hard for him in that moment. Everything in him practically aches to help Vasquez out, to try and do the best he can to get the rascal under control. Except the boys need to work this out on their own, and so he's headed out of the house with a light step and his coat on as he heads for the police station where the kirin and their new yak thing are.

And spying Rinoa on his way. He can't help but to smile, raising his hand and offering a wave that let's the fabric whip about his wrist.

[alittlelonger]

Rinoa has always been brave and bold in her own way, but it comes with an instinct of caring for others and trying to make others feel better at the same time. Her friendliness always has purpose. This is an entirely different type of directness, and she's never actually felt this free before. It's not that she lacks caring, that can't be removed from her, but she's obsessing over it less. She's walking around with her head high not worrying how everyone's doing and how she can help them. She's just on a stroll and people can take of themselves. It's an unburdening of sorts, for now.

She smiles when she sees Bobo and waves back, the distinct red color in her wristband showing. Rinoa walks right up to him and gives him a warm hug; she usually tries to respect physical boundaries. But she wants to hug him, because Bobo's great, and so she's going to. He'll be fine with it, she's relatively sure. Who doesn't like hugs? There's less dark circles under her eyes because since the red happened she's been sleeping better. Apparently all she needed was a new look.

She pulls back and curiously looks at his hands. "Why did you do that with the fabric?"

[fooloftheking]

Spying that flash of red caused Bobo to pause, head canting slightly as he considers that. Seeing his own change, he had assumed it was a result of the changes he's been experiencing, the things he's learned are in his future, but seeing that Rinoa's has done the same, he wonders two things.

What this really means, and if she's okay then?

Going still when she hugs him, only for a moment thought before wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight. If he took time to think about it, he can't remember the last time he hugged someone, especially someone just because they're good and sweet and he cares about them. It would mean thinking about Waverly, about his angel when she is young, and how much has changed since then. Her alone without him to watch over her, and him without her, it's too much for him to think about right now.

Not that thinking about Rinoa is easier. She's sweet and special and young and she's precious to him. Even if he hasn't realized that before this moment.

"What?" Blinking at her, glad for the fall of hair over his face as he averts his gaze, shaking his head. "Nono. I'm fine. Really. Just... been a while since I felt human strain." Not that he does, nor does he feel entirely human, something he's noticing more acutely in the last day or so.

[alittlelonger]

Rinoa gives great hugs, so he's just going to have to accept it. She's one of those people who puts her whole body into it, all her enthusiasm and affection in one warm embrace. She feels reassured he doesn't mind when he hugs her back tightly, and this feels great. She might be feeling pretty solid at the moment, but she does crave affection a great deal. It's been too long.

She looks up at his face and her expression is quizzical. "What do you mean by that?" She isn't really thinking in normal terms of boundaries, so she starts unwrapping the fabric to try and see what he's masking. Not an injury, but she can't think what it might be. "Oh, have you changed color too?" She pauses her hands, since she could see him being shy about that. Bobo often seems hesitant to show vulnerabilities or weaknesses, which they've gone over before, so it seems like the logical leap to make.

"I'm your color now, I didn't realize that would change so much, it seems so simple, but it's different." She's not worried about the difference. It's fine. In truth she'd probably prefer lingering in this for awhile.

jogging

[whipshots]

Brigitte was an early bird, and tended to be up in the early morning for a brisk jog around the village, lightly dressed and letting the run warm her up instead, with the cold nipping her cheeks -- it was a good way to get the blood pumping in the morning before she went on into the dojo or the forge. (It was a good way to shed some of that excess jittering energy, too, that itching worry that she still hadn't done enough.)

There's a few other people who do the same thing around the village and it's always nice, to give that nod of the head and a brief "Hi" as they pass each other -- it reminds her of living in an actual neighbourhood -- but this time, she slows down as she sees a familiar face approach.

"Morning! You're not usually up this hour," Brigitte calls to Rinoa.

[alittlelonger]

Rinoa was an early bird too, but she usually spent that time cleaning and helping out at the inn. Occasionally reading quietly about something that interested her, but never jogging. She was in reasonable shape, young and lithe, and she had been tired by their trip but not wiped out. This was more about getting some say over her body and its choices, so there was that. When she was jogging, she had her feet firm on the ground and not wasting away in space.

She smiled at Brigitte when she comes into view, slowing down as well. "I used to run a lot, dealing with monsters every day, but I got lazy." Keeping in shape and ready to fight was the only way to stay alive. Being here was relaxing, too much so, although they were all very aware now of how easily that could change.

"I asked the boys to train me in better combat, and they said I had to get better endurance for." Her eyeroll said it all.

[whipshots]

"What? Fuck that." Brigitte was kind, but she could also be blunt, her language plain and straightforward and cheerfully to-the-point. "I mean, obviously endurance is important, but there are ways to practice combat regardless, and sparring eventually improves your stamina too. They're probably just biased because they're big dumb boys."

Her eyeroll matched Rinoa's exactly. "If you want someone your own size to practice with, who's more used to fighting as a woman, I would be happy to help. I teach at the dojo sometimes, but would make time for you anytime."

She's not genuinely annoyed about this, but she hasn't had her morning coffee either, so she's perhaps a bit more firm about this than she would've been otherwise. Rinoa's a fighter too!!

[alittlelonger]

Rinoa laughs. "And they might forget that I ran quite a lot! You have no idea how many overpowered monsters there were." They were everywhere. She does know that she will get stronger for this which is why she's going along with it, but she still gets a little huffy on principle. But they do know better, that's the truth. "I'll be doing that other stuff too, eventually. I have basic skills but that's about it." It kept her alive, but not as good as she could be.

Rinoa lights up at that though! "I think I'll take you up on that, because honestly I think they'll go easy on me. Whether they want to admit it or not." They'll likely say up and down they won't but she'll keep thinking they are. Plus Brigitte makes an excellent point. They don't know what it's like to fight as a woman, which surely is different in some ways from fighting like a man. Her quickness will come in handy then. "I used long distance and projectiles back then."

For Seifer - Late night Tea

[alittlelonger]

It was late. Or it was early. It was before sunrise but after midnight, and Rinoa woke up feeling frozen and panicked as she had ever since they went through their ordeal. Sometimes she relived the moment again, sometimes she went on to imagine if she was still possessed and killed all her friends, and sometimes there was nothing but black and emptiness. She took to petting Julia without her gloves just to keep from hyperventilating, and the kitten snuggled back at her sleepily. But getting peakitten high usually threw her off, so she ended up going on a walk.

In the cold air. Almost daring herself to get cold. Then she would come back and make tea and try to act like a normal person again for a time. This happened until one night Seifer was up too, and they tensely went their separate ways. And then eventually she offered him tea and now it was an odd ritual. She had just boiled the water and tried to stop it before it shrieked, the circles under her eyes less pronounce with only candlelight going on. She wasn't going to leave the electricity on in the off-chance the other two still slept.

She didn't know when this would end. Maybe it wouldn't. She occasionally slept so hard that she managed to keep going, but then they'd come back. Rinoa survived the walk down, they all did, but the rest of her was still metaphorically up there. Stumbling behind slowly. She poured herself tea and left a second glass on there for if Seifer was awake, sitting by the fire and looking at it.

She softly hummed Eyes on me, not thinking about Squall, but instead her mother.

[firacrux]

The time didn't really matter, no one was sleeping anyway. Seifer would find himself starting to drift off only to be woken moments later in a blind panic with the feel of claws in his mind, mockery and laughter, elation and bloodlust. Often he ended up in the bathroom for a while after that, humiliated. It had been periodic but mostly infrequent before the shrine. Now that he was back and his mind wasn't wholly occupied with survival and getting his team back the memories had free reign.

Again and again he felt the blade dig into his side, the cold in his fingers as darkness clouded his vision. Then the blinding, searing bright merciless heat that drug him unwillingly from that comforting dark. Painful air filling his lungs, blood surging back to life. Hyne it had burned. And continued to burn for sometime after.

This morning he still felt it in his finger tips. Like electricity zipping through his nerves, making sure everything was still in mostly working order. Maybe Rinoa was up. No, she'd definitely be up. Probably had tea made.

Clumsy, not at all his usual graceful form, he made his way out with a pair of blankets. One he wordlessly draped over Rinoa's shoulders before moving stiffly to collect the tea he knew was for him. In the early hours when the world should be asleep he found it hard to move sometimes. Old wounds catching up to him, joints not quite cooperating. He felt old. Or dead. Maybe he was and just didn't know any better.

Silently he settled down nearby, letting himself also get lost in her humming and the fire.

[alittlelonger]

Rinoa heard him leave his room and when he draped a blanket around her shoulders, all she could do was smile weakly at him. It was easier for her to forgive him for what happened than he could expect, in part because she counted up all the nice moments she had with him into a mental bucket and went to it whenever she started to doubt. It wasn't quite the same for their other friends, since he never let them under his skin, didn't let them skim past the surface. This was just one small extra gesture on top of a lot of them in her mind.

He looked terrible. It didn't look like he got sick this time; she knew he did, sometimes, but felt like he wouldn't appreciate someone being witness to it. Rinoa wished she had some helpful advice or ideas for him, but she had none for herself either. They were both stuck in this loop. She still felt some of Julia's calming influence, but it wasn't going to last much longer.

The humming paused. "She wrote a song just for me, but I forgot it. It was private, she'd sing it at bed time, and I remember the vague melody, but none of the words." She hums this new tune* gently, with feeling. Rinoa often let it lull her into sleep during bad nights, but it hadn't been working. "I wonder how many things might have been different, if she lived." It was sleep-deprived murmuring in the early morning with no real purpose that she can think of.

{ooc: *stop at 1:56 before eyes on me start heehee]

[firacrux]

Considering he still doesn't entirely understand how anyone can forgive him? Yes, much easier than he expects. He can't imagine he'd have as easy a time as she seems to, and even after the party she's come back around. It had been awkward for a few days, eventually falling back into a routine. Seifer chose just to pretend he didn't have that outburst and hoped Rinoa would do the same. Weakness. Can't be having any of that around here.

The same weakness that typically had him sick, though mercifully not this morning, still had him moving mechanical and slow. An old, worn down machine that hadn't been properly maintained. Probably felt as bad as he looked, those old wounds were hurting him in the cold more than he'd like to let on. The loop sucked. Everything sucked. Well, maybe not everything. A mug of tea and a kind gesture went a long way to reminding him why he hadn't run off as soon as he'd figured out it wasn't delusion. Still considered Rinoa a good friend, even after everything that had happened.

He's quiet for a time, just listening to the humming. It was probably a beautiful song, none could deny her mother's talent. After a while of letting the humming spread between them he finally murmured back. "Who can say? Maybe never got involved in the Owls at all." If she had her mother perhaps she'd have no reason to.

Sometimes it was nice to be able just to exist around someone else and not feel like you had to put on a show. Perhaps he was wrong about that, but right now he felt like it was okay. In the dark and quiet when everything else sleeps. Just be you for a little while. "D'you ever wish it could've been different?" What, exactly, he didn't specify. Anything really.

Dojo, 15th Feb

[demiurgency]

Rinoa isn't the only one with this particular color change. Billy had had his band change three times already: the first time for just a couple days the previous week, then back to hunter green, and then again last night to red. He's not sure exactly what the difference is when he wakes up; he doesn't know anyone else well who's a red. But what he does know is that today, well. Today he feels better than most. Today, it's not a struggle at all the climb out of bed and bathe, getting dressed and heading to the dojo. A workout sounds like a great idea, and part of him thinks that maybe he'll stick around until Nida shows up, too.

When he arrives, though, it isn't Nida in the open room, but Rinoa, and Billy offers her a wave as he calls out. "Rinoa--hey! I wasn't expecting to see you here." But it's definitely not unwanted company. She's closer to his size than most of the towering dudes around the south village, maybe she'd be willing to have a partner to work on form with.

[alittlelonger]

Rinoa glances up when she hears a familiar voice and smiles, waving at him. She's an okay fighter, you have to be to thrive in her world, but her skills are survival level only. She's not as in shape or as lethal as either of her friends, and while she really never wants to be the latter, after their misery on the walk back she felt like it was time to be a little better than average. She's in a good mood for it too. Why can't she be awesome at this? She'll exceed expectations, and even if she doesn't, who cares if they are impressed or not. This is for her.

"Hey! I've been trying to work out more. I won't be satisfied until I toss Seifer successfully." And not when he was expecting it or letting her. "I still think he's taking it easy on me." Which of course is frustrating, and Rinoa would ordinarily have kept that particular thought in her head, but she's not really seeing much reason to hold back her thoughts. She raises an eyebrow at him. "Are you here to flirt with Nida? He's not around yet, but I'm sure he'll come running if he knows you're here." She winks. She might be straight forward, but it is meant good-naturedly. She likes the two of them! She's just always been on the other side pushing Nida, not Billy.

[demiurgency]

"That's definitely a good goal to have," Billy laughs, moving into the room proper and dropping his backpack, unbuttoning his coat and laying it on top. He's just now starting to learn how to actually fight; hand to hand combat was never his strong suit, not before he got his magic and definitely not after, but he doesn't want to be useless anymore. He wants to be able to take care of himself, to not need saving, and this is as good a time and place as any to start.

And speaking of, any other time and place he might blush at her words, stammer some sort of dismissal, but you know what? He's definitely not ashamed of how he feels about Nida. So instead, he just grins at Rinoa, completely at ease. "Actually, no, I'm here to do some training," he answers. "Flirting with Nida is great, but it's not gonna do me any good if a bear decides I look like dinner when I'm out picking herbs, you know?" Besides, he's already told Nida. He's not going to be a damsel in distress. He's got this.

[alittlelonger]

Rinoa grins right back at him. "Oh so we're past the point where we're pretending it's not flirting. Good!" She wasn't great at deceit on any given day, and at the moment, she wouldn't have been able to anyway. Too much energy. She spots his wrist and points, getting it now, gesturing to her own. "Red buddies!" That makes more sense. "Bobo's normally red, and I think I've been feeling more like him than me lately. It's been kind of freeing, right?" Rinoa's deep friendship with Bobo was not a secret, but it also wasn't something she brought up frequently. She knew that people had a hard time looking past his exterior to the good guy underneath.

"I learned how to fight years ago, it's how you survive going outside city limits, but Nida and Seifer obviously have been training their entire lives in comparison. Because the SeeD are problematic but in this situation, useful skill wise." Rinoa knows very well now that the SeeD were all kinds of messed up; the people in charge and the intention of the group, not the people in it like their friends. She hired them herself, thinking it was normal at the time, but having led a normal life on the outside, she's more aware of how not-normal it is.

An Escort for the North Village Anyone

[skyward_eyes]

He'd asked where she was going the second he saw her gearing up to leave the house. See, Nida was having some issues getting off to the dojo in the mornings. Yeah, it held his attention, but he knew it would open without him, and... Well, he'd been dancing around Rinoa well enough for a while, right? So the moment he asked where she was going and it came up, he'd thrown himself into her party for the day.

Because it's safer he argued.

Mostly it's just an impulse to go see the place. And maybe watch her back. Because he knows he's been neglecting her in his issues. Which wasn't fair. So he owes her this much.

"So why are we even up here?" he asks after they've been there for a while, though. Impulse control seems to come with a lack of patience with him.

[alittlelonger]

Rinoa could really get used to this, although when she gets back to her normal self, she might be feeling differently about it. She hasn't done anything bad, but there's such a carelessness to her behavior, an indifference to consequence that isn't like her. Still, she's not seeking out trouble, she's just happy to explore and get out into the fresh air, stop dwelling on her issues. She looks better than she has been since they came back. She's managed to sleep at least two nights now, and the so the black circles under her eyes are lighter now.

She had noticed Nida's distance from her, but she simply chalked it up to everyone being out of sorts from their memories. If he felt like talking to her, he would, but in this case Rinoa was not being quite as pushy as she might have in the past. She felt like the shrine was more personal than her normal poking and prodding, so she let it be. Especially after hearing Seifer's and crying for an entire day afterward.

Still, Nida joined her on this, so he must be alright. She's not thinking too deeply about it. "I have a few ideas. I was going to check to see how many buildings are empty up here. It's a complete mirror of the other one, right? Well if people need to know where open houses are, or what's open that they can start projects in, I could just make a list or something."

[skyward_eyes]

"You're such an organizing focused person. Guess you got that from the General..."

Okay, even Nida looks a bit annoyed to have mentioned Caraway. That's the issue with impulse control, really. The one thing he'd been avoiding all month, and there it was. Oh well, plow on, pretend it didn't happen.

"I have a pretty good mind for retaining information like this for short periods of time. If you don't have something to write it down in or anything. Or you could message it to me on your device. You know. Just... things."

Dammit. He's really not good at playing it casual. Which is weird, because Nida is normally spot on with that. Oh well, at least he had an ace in the hole distraction if he needs it.

heyo in the dojo

[scathefires]

“We do have a punching bag here, y’know.”

Jason doesn’t really mean to sneak up on her - it’s just habit, built on years of training and practical application. He tends to walk quietly, which might be surprising, given his size. And that aforementioned punching bag? That would be why he’s here today. Jason’s started spending a lot more time here, since offering to help Nida train villagers in hand-to-hand combat.

“So ... who’re you fighting?”

heyoooooo

[alittlelonger]

Rinoa might be red colored at the moment, but that doesn't make her more aware of her surroundings so she actually jumps when Jason sneaks up on her. At least when she jumps, she immediately moves into a fairly decent defensive position, not that it would have helped if he actually attacked her. She sighs, annoyed at herself instead of embarrassed.

"I know, but I didn't have anything to wrap my fingers with yet. I know it's around here somewhere." As much as she was dedicated to the cause of becoming a badass, she didn't want to cut open her knuckles on a punching bag. Her hands are currently still very smooth and delicate. She smiles though now that she isn't jumping out of her skin, and it's Jason, not some rando.

"Visual representations of my enemies, except I'm not so sure how helpful it is since we're more likely to be fighting animals here than people."