sixthiterationlogs | Nida, With A Shiny White Band

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Nida, With A Shiny White Band - Open and Closed Prompts

WHO: Nida
WHERE: (Where the post takes place)
WHEN: February 5th - 15th, Closed Mingle on February 9th
OPEN TO: OTA, one Closed Post for now
WARNINGS: Possible Mentions of Self-Harm

OTA - Dojo - Taking Over

He was asleep when it happened. Somewhere in the night of the fourth the change happened, a screen that made no sense, the band on the device at his wrist turning white. OF course as it was one of those rare nights lately where Nida had gotten some sleep, he hadn't noticed. Instead, when he'd woken up he'd just found himself... moving. He couldn't stand being still anymore, not with all these people who needed a bit of something to keep them moving after those visions. He skipped breakfast that morning ~~not a mistake he'd make another day~~ and headed over to the empty dojo.

Most of his days are spent in the dojo for the next chunk of days. When he's not actively out talking to others, trying to serve as a support network, he's in the dojo from just before sun up to just after sunset. Sometimes he's sitting on a chair, a knife working over a piece of wood as he cut out the general shape of some practice daggers. Other times he limps ~~damn him for spraining his ankle, it wasn't what he'd meant to do~~ around the edges of the mats to check for any tears or splits he needs to repair. Still other times he regards the empty spaces, mind already building up the ways he can make this place better.

And always, always he calls out a bit cheerfully if someone enters while he's there. Because this space, he has resolved, will welcome all comers. No matter what.

OTA - Around South Village - A Little Luck

You can't always be at the dojo.

Nida had stared at Seifer when he had been told that. Clearly it was not true. Clearly he was more than capable of doing just that. But... Well, he got the point. Being holed up in two places isn't much better than being holed up in one.

So a bit of time every day, usually around the lunch hours, were spent with Nida wandering the village. There were rounds to be made, friends to be found, help to be supplied. And, whenever there was a chance of skin to skin contact, a hand reaching out to touch. Not like people here couldn't use a bit of extra luck.

Closed Mingle - Because You Miss Them - Closed to Seifer, Rinoa, Sam, Billy, Tommy

The boxes show up that morning, just sitting in the kitchen when Nida hobbles in at an ungodly hour. He moves immediately to grab a kitchen knife to cut the first one open. Despite his name being on it, it's full of yarn. He smiles and shakes his head, moving that one aside because he can talk to the others about it later. The next is a larger box, but strangely light for its size. With another few cuts he finds himself pulling out a wok. What in the world could that be...

Somehow he knows what the last box will be. With a quick cut it's open and he starts unloading ingredients into the fridge. Curry. Seems like he had the answer he needed for when and what to cook.

A quick message goes out to the others over the network. He doesn't care how early it is.

Hey nerds, dinner at my house tonight. Red Lamb Curry. Eat at six, come by earlier if you want to help cook. Someone please help cook, I don't want to mess this up.

[OOC: Please see first comment for Mingle, everyone can post their own things under that if they want to interact.]

[OOC: If anyone would like their own closed starter for the first half of this month, please let me know. This is mostly meant to cover Nida through the White part of his Off-Color time.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He put a lid on it, it kept frothing over. Very annoying. Seifer will need some practice with how to handle rice.

"Alright, so I'm gonna guess you were distracted by somethin'. Or bein' intentionally reckless. Which?" Because Nida didn't have accidents like that. He was too good. Rain, snow, or otherwise. He'd know better than to take the risk if he couldn't handle it. "You're lucky you didn't break it."

Well, clearly he needs to get a handle on temperature control. But Nida doesn't know that. So he can't advise. Not being good at cooking is definitely an issue.

Really? At last Nida sighs and puts the knife aside to consider Seifer. How much knowledge is too much? The only good thing here was that Seifer definitely recognized his skill. Maybe a point of pride there.

"I'm not stupid enough to let myself get distracted jumping down from a house. It was dark, there was a rock, and I didn't fall right. I'm lucky I didn't break anything."

It isn't exactly the highest quality stove top, temperature control is a delicate dance. He's also completely inexperienced with rice. It's a process.

"So something is bothering you." It's the only conclusion he can reach that makes sense. Nida is too skillful to be caught unaware or allow himself to be distracted by an external force. Internal, however, might be just enough to do it. It might also link back to that username of his: Crash and burn? Not a good name for a pilot.

Whatever Nida saw in the shrine had to be the culprit.

Crush and burn. What he was doing and wouldn't admit to anyone else. He'd probably dismiss it as boredom with his other username if it came to confrontation about that. He just... didn't want to think about it.

"I'm sure there's something bothering a lot of people right now," Nida counters, turning his attention to Seifer to stare pointedly at him. Of course Seifer has cooking as a barrier to keep him from looking at Nida. "Like you."

And yet Seifer was aware of at least some of the things bothering Nida before the whole surprise trip to the shrine. He could only imagine that things were worse after whatever he'd had to see. Didn't help that some significant people had also conveniently vanished immediately after. It was a heavy blow.

"I don't matter," He's quick to state. In a use of words he knew he should have thought through more carefully before stating it because that was likely to clue Nida in a little too much. He didn't want to talk about it either. "What happened to the brothers and not hiding things from each other thing? You're dodging the question." So is he. Pot, kettle, etc.

"Hi pot, my name is kettle. And you're wrong to say you don't matter. You matter to me, Seifer. That hasn't changed just because of whatever shit you saw up there."

Does he not remember how concerned Nida was for him? Sending him messages through multiple people? Were it not for Nida's overwhelming need to escape, he might have gone searching for Seifer. To support him. As it was...

Seifer's got a point.

"I'm not even remotely okay," he confirms. "But there are people around me hurting, and that is way more important. Helping them. That's what today is about. Dinner with you and Rinoa who are hurting because of what you saw. Dinner with Tommy and Billy because of what Billy saw and them losing Wanda. Dinner, if she shows, with Sam, because I can't even begin to tell you how bad she was losing Danny."

It's about healing. Not necessarily Nida's normal thing, but the white at his wrist... He's not his usual him.

Intentionally keeping his back to Nida, Seifer pulls a face and allows a noncommittal grunt. These words are still so hard for him to accept. With all the history behind him, it's tough to imagine that anyone would change their minds about him. Much less so much as to actually give a shit. Because he thinks, deep down, that if Squall were still here then none of this would be possible.

He remembers, he just has a hard time accepting the truth of it. After all, he thought he mattered to Matron and she tossed himself and Squall into Garden to be chewed up by the war machine. Thought he mattered to Rinoa but she walked off without sparing a second thought until long after the fact. Instead of voice any of this, he just offers a half shrug.

It doesn't matter. He doesn't matter. He'd rather not think about it.

"What about you? Can't be killin' yourself ignoring your own hurts over us. Don't worry about me. I deserve it. You on the other hand could use someone to watch your back." Finally he did glance over his shoulder to frown over at Nida. "And what's with the watch?" Color changing? Never heard of that before. At least his finally showed back up.

Seifer doesn't care about healing. Truth was he probably never would. Just have to learn to live with the scars like he has with all the others.

"I use more energy convincing you that I don't hate you than I use on anything else," Nida sighs, shaking his head. What a mess. But they're both a mess. Sorta why they fit together in a strange way. "You don't deserve what you got. You were under magical compulsion. We can fight about that another time."

Look, he's finished the bell pepper. Can he start the onion now? How do you even want those cut.

"I don't know. I woke up with it white like this. And I can't use the durability power now. White imparts luck I heard. And confidence. Requires skin to skin contact."

Look at him, ignoring the comment about ignoring his hurt.

"Didn't say anything about you hating me, I know you don't." That wasn't the question. Whether or not he'd be immediately dumped as soon as someone better came along, however, was still on the table. Especially if that better person were Squall. A grunt. Because he's not accepting the easy out Nida's offering with the magic compulsion thing. He will accept not touching on that argument for now.

Chop them small, enjoy that task. He needs to get them cooking.

"Interesting. So the watch does fundamentally influence these abilities we've been given. But taking it away doesn't necessarily turn them off," Which was confirmed last month by his not having it but still having his black powers. "That's not the important question and you know it."

He's not going to let Nida dodge out of it, because Nida doesn't let him. Fair's fair.

"Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that the device somehow reflects the abilities," Nida suggests. "You've still been able to use yours. Speaking of, come over here and let me try mine on you. They require skin to skin contact."

Still avoiding the question, watch him dodge. It will do nothing for Seifer's mental space if he thinks he has to take care of Nida. And since Nida's concern is taking care of Seifer and the people around him, it would not be in his interest to share the truth of what happened.

"Or that, I suppose," Either way. He turned enough to raise an eyebrow at Nida, folding his arms over his chest.

"Not until you stop dodging the question." Nope, not going to entertain Nida's efforts to avoid answering him anymore. Talk to him, Nida, he wants to know. Doesn't care about his own mental space that's going to be a mess regardless. Least he could do is look after someone worthwhile for a change. Rather than himself.

The problem, of course, comes from Seifer choosing to look after someone who really didn't want help, and who was a bit more focused on other people right now.

"What do you want to hear, Seifer? I jumped down from the roof. I intended to make sure my legs stung a little, to try and feel something right then. Didn't account for a rock in the dark, turned my ankle on it. Now there is a sprain. Tada. That's the story. Moving on. How do you want these onions done?"

Too damn bad. Nida won't look after himself, then someone has to. It's not like Nida's not doing exactly the same thing.

"Chop them. So you were trying to hurt yourself. Over what you saw?" He's not done pushing, or glaring, because he's not accepting Nida's dodging him anymore. If he's not allowed to disappear and throw himself into the mouth of something big enough to kill him then neither is Nida. Frankly if he didn't have people to come back with he probably would have stayed in the woods. Said fuck it. Found somewhere to lay down and give up in peace.

"Before you get worked up, I wasn't trying to cause myself serious harm," Nida says as he shifts to start cutting the bottoms and tops off of the onions. This will be the best defense. If he starts crying over his parents, it will just be the onions. "I am too well trained for that. It was bad luck. But I know how to fall the right way, and I know how to fall slightly bad. I chose the slightly bad way, I just wanted a bit of sting in my legs and the like. Which is why I didn't have the power up when I did it. Thus the actual injury."

What he'd wanted was to feel something other than the strange pain in his chest. The hollowness of realization that seeing that, knowing what his parents looked like didn't make it any better. That...

"For my birthday. I wished I knew their names. It was a mistake."

Of course not, too well trained, Garden was good at that. Still it had Seifer frowning. He didn't like the implications of what would have Nida of all people actively trying to fall wrong for the sting. Knowing the risks, knowing they had no decent medical care here.

Oh... Now he thinks he understands. "Your parents?" He asks more softly. Well, that sure would explain why Nida was in this state now. Maybe wishes in general were a mistake.

"Shey and Nidera," he supplies, and yeah, that isn't tears in his eyes for real. It's onion. "I got to watch the whole thing. Again. The GFs didn't take that memory, Seifer. I repressed it. Because once I saw it... I remembered more of that day. Of the days after. And..."

When he said it to Billy, the guy had about flipped over it. Seifer, on the other hand, Seifer would get it. Not only because of Garden, but because of his time as the Knight, under Ultimecia's hold.

"Strategically, I have spent a few nights up realizing that it was a poor tactical decision for them to let me live. I've been spending my nights avoiding the nightmares by analyzing how much easier crushing Timber could have been with some tactical tweaks. How I would have done it. That SeeD part of me just keeps trying to take over, to protect me from the trauma. Compartmentalize, put it aside, be the mercenary and not the man. I needed to feel something to make sure I'm Nida. That I'm me. Not... not him."

Nida's named after his mother, then. Interesting. Seifer files that information away, silent while Nida talks. No comment on the tears, he does offer over a clean dish towel if it gets too bad. Onions. Yup. Have your moment, Nida, he'd been cold about the first. Not going to make the same mistake.

There are many nights where Seifer wonders if it wouldn't have been better if he'd died however his parents did. Or they threw him away somewhere else. However it was he ended up an orphan, he never should have gone to that orphanage. He understands.

"Surprised they did. Galbadia's not known for mercy." Though they also hadn't slaughtered Zone and Watts. The error isn't' without precedence. He nods slowly, heaving a long sigh through his nose. "I'm sorry. That you... I don't know why they're showing us these things. Dredging up the past, or future, or whatever the hell." He shakes his head. "I'm sorry." It's all he can really offer. Empty platitudes really aren't his thing, but he does genuinely regret that Nida's been forced to relive that. "You're not. Nida. You don't have to be Garden's drone anymore. Even if it hurts more out here." Seifer had never been very good at being the Garden drone. He understands how much it hurts.

"Psychological warfare," Nida says after he takes the dishtowel to dab at his eyes. "My parents were also Galbadian deserters. Apparently Fury Caraway believed it would be best to make an example of them. Really, it was a beautifully set up blow, one I would do if I was asked to destabilize a village in that situation."

And that's what scares him. That he gets it. That he understands it. That he'd do it. Because in some ways he is that Garden drone. And that's what he's scared of. Going back and becoming that. Squall arriving again and becoming that. Because it's easier. Because it was what he was raised to be. It's the weapon he was forged into.

"I tried to do what they teach us, when I saw it. After I screamed my throat raw, I tried to shut down as the rest came back. Analyze. Internalize. Shunt off to the side. And it keeps happening, when I'm not expecting it. It creeps up on me, and says it would be easier to be like that. To distance yourself and not feel all this. And then, this morning..."

He raises his hand to gesture at the meal they're making.

"My favorite. My dad cooked it for me. Which I only know because they sent me a video of it. I don't know whether it's real, but it feels like it. I showed it to Billy earlier like... like it was the most precious thing in the world."

The display made even more sense with that tidbit: Galbadian deserters. Of course they'd make damn good and sure to make a show of it. This is what disloyalty nets you. "Caraway?" His eyes snapped to Nida, he didn't mean... yes he did. Of course. Well that explained why he'd been cold toward Rinoa. Another frustrated sigh and he reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Complicated.

"It is easier," Seifer confirms, watching him closely. "But is it worth it? Being another cog for more wars. More shit like that?" Another soldier who would blindly follow orders, murder a family in front of their son to make a point. Because you were told to. Seifer knows all about doing what he's told.

Eyes drift back toward the pot he now had the rice setting aside in, the wok he'd prepared per the instructions ready to make the rest. "I'll do my best to make it right." This is important. A tiny bit of good to remind him not to close off and become that soldier again. "I don't like SeeD Nida so much. So, if you don't mind, send him back. I'd rather keep the one willing to be my brother." After all, how many people can he say have willingly allied with him like that?

He has a whole four from home now.

"Oh, the village didn't realize until later. Because that part wasn't fully obvious for a while. Really great touch added there. Because if two of the most focused leaders of a rebel group in Timber as Galbadian soldiers? People looking for spies, fun stuff."

Wait, what? Nida can't help it, he turns his attention to Seifer. Brother who would... No, that doesn't make any sense, right?

"Maybe you can call me if you see him coming out? Because I don't want to go back to being him. I don't want to be a SeeD anymore. I want to be Nida."

Still, there is a lot more to consider here, right? Should he consider it? Should he share...

"Hyne..." He doesn't even know how to absorb all that. Talk about a fucked up situation all around. No wonder Nida had been a mess. "Good way to get everyone at each other's throats again. How'd you make it to Garden?" He has to wonder. How the hell did he ever get out of Timber?

"I think you're looking pretty stable right now," He observes with a faint smirk. "Try not to disappear on me again, huh?" He's not big on SeeD Nida. Just like no one likes desperate, insane Knight Seifer. Or the moody asshole Seifer he was when he first showed up. Resentful Garden Cadet Seifer.

Should he share what?

"No one wanted to take me in," Nida shrugged as he gets up from his seat. "And they knew better than to send me to Galbadia Garden."

Disappear on him? Yeah, no guarantees, Seifer. But he limps toward Seifer and holds out his wrist. He's got to do something here, right?

"Wanna see them? My parents?"

"I know the feeling," Unwanted. It's just what they are. "Welcome to club reject." He offers with a wry smirk. Okay, that's never what he'd admitted to feeling like at Garden before but he's been able to drop a lot of the posturing here. Doesn't have to constantly reassert some sense of dominance to feel like he has a tiny piece of control over his life.

He will absolutely chase you down, Nida. Can't family him then go missing. The frown increases when he stands and moves over, opening his mouth to protest. You better sit Nida you'll hurt yourself-. Oh. He looks surprised, and a little touched. Really?

"Of course. I'd love to." It's nice that Nida got a good memory too.

"Weird thing happened this morning," Nida admitted as he tapped at his wrist device, before holding it up for Seifer. The screen is so small and he hates it, but he still is pleased at this. "Along with the boxes there was this.

It's not long. A kid that is clearly Nida sitting at a kitchen table, kicking his feet as a woman that looks a lot like him chops onions and a man stands at the stove, preparing rice and talking over his shoulder to them both.

"My family."

The screen is tiny, and Seifer has to hold his arm still so he can see it well, but sure enough there they are. There's enough to make out a few details. Tiny Nida and his parents preparing a meal.

"You were cute when you were little," He teases. They look so happy, this sweet little family. "You definitely take after your mom." The similarities are unmistakable, even with such a small display. "You guys look happy."

It's nice. What a nice treasure. He's a little envious but honestly Nida deserves it. He needs some good to make the bad a little less awful. He's glad Nida got this.

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