[MINGLE] Worried/Sick 2: Snake Expedition & Recovery!

[sixthiteration]

WHERE: Anywhere; multiple locations
WHEN: Apx. 19-27 November
OPEN TO: ALL - MINGLE
WARNINGS: Serious illness and reactions to such, snakes, hallucinations

IMPORTANT NOTES: This is the second of two mingles. Please see the timing and general event details here.

Not putting any mod top-levels in this one — Just make sure you label your own top-level clearly as to whether it's Expedition or Recovery, and as always, whether it is OTA or not!

Please keep in mind the established plot details, but creative license is welcome and encouraged as long as it doesn't step on toes.

Comments

Bruce Banner | Recovery | ota

[notsoangry]

Bruce managed to keep steady up until the point where they confirmed the cure was successful, and the details were given to the team to head out. By then he knew he was sick, but he was careful enough not to make it obvious. He didn't want to worry the team that one of the main doctors was in danger, and he tried to keep it together as long as possible before he recognized he was too sick to truly help. This was after his first hallucination in which his father, who he hadn't thought about in years, showed up just to call him a freak. He went to bed.

[ooc: people can reply to all the prompts in bold below if they want!]

When they come back with the cure, Bruce is ready (or so he thinks) for the aftermath because by this time he knows what to expect. It doesn't make it easy. In the beginning it isn't terrible. He sees Betty, even speaks to her a few times. He tells her about everything that happened to him since they split up, and that he hopes she's happy. He tells her about Tony and Nat, and all of it is positive. Betty is a calming influence, so he's calm and honest during this time.

This changes drastically when he sees his father again and ends up scrambling so far up the bed that he practically climbs the wall behind him to get away. The sheer terror he is experiencing from the man and his harsh words and violent threats aren't rational. All he can do is beg him to stop and apologize over and over for being a freak and for everything being his fault.

When General Ross shows up, Bruce goes again in the opposite direction. He goes right to blinding fury and tries to climb off of the bed to fight him, only managing to fall on the ground weakly in the process. But he'll keep chasing what he thinks is Ross, threatening him with the Hulk and yelling that he'll kill him.

When it's all over and done with, Bruce very quietly slips out to give himself a breather after what he experienced. It won't last long as he knows he has to go back in and try to be a doctor again for the others, but to start with he simply disappears from bed when no one is there and walks hazily to the schoolhouse. There he'll sit down in a corner and do long breathing exercises to cope with what it brought up.

over and done

[tothefly]

She'd only been gone for an hour or so. Just long enough to eat something small, and take another trip down to the springs to fetch more water. Long enough, apparently, for Bruce to up and vanish, and things are still hectic enough that no one she asks can remember seeing him leave, or where he went if he did. For a moment, she's reminded of what she's heard about people just...vanishing, leaving everything behind, and there's a little lurch in her chest she isn't expecting, one that's quickly pushed away. There's no sense in jumping to conclusions. Maybe he's confused. Maybe it's another hallucination. Some of them she'd witnessed hadn't been too bad, but others...others made her glad his father was already dead. Others made her worry more about what he might do to himself.

The schoolhouse was her first logical choice to search; it's next door to the hospital, quiet and dark, a good escape from the bustle and din. Her eyes aren't fully adjusted, but she steps inside anyway, ears strained for any sound, eyes searching for movement. "Bruce? You in here?"

over and done

[notsoangry]

Bruce isn't sure he remembers everything that happened. He's positive that he doesn't, because hallucinating that much on a fever that high erases plenty of memory. All he really remembers is images, some words, and the overwhelming need to stay away from other people until he can compose himself. He has to be together by the time he goes back to the hospital. He can't be a basketcase when he should be helping other people feel better and get centered. He also looks trashed at the moment, but not any more so than after a terrible Hulk incident. His hair is slick from sweat and there's deep circles under his eyes.

His head picks up when he hears her voice, and for a moment he really considers not answering. It's not her fault, not in the least, it's just that Bruce keeps being put in situations where she gets to see him in unattractive lights. It should be low on the list of his priorities, he knows that, but it's still the truth. Also, he didn't tell her he was sick before she left. So he had to pay that piper. "I'm here," he says loud enough for her to hear him, but still fairly quiet. He's naturally in the back corner where you'd only find him if you were looking. He's still great at finding places to hide. "Sorry," he murmurs when she comes closer, his knees pulled up to his chest. "Didn't mean to worry you."

[tothefly]

He might be better; he might not be hallucinating, and he might not be the Hulk, but she still moves slowly, carefully approaching the corner where his voice is coming from. Giving him time to ask her to stop, if he wants. She knows what it's like to need space, to readjust after something like that. She'd needed some time, after their first encounter with Wanda for...similar reasons. But he doesn't tell her to stop, and so she doesn't. She just moves in slowly, steps almost noiseless, until she kneels down next to him, within reach but not reaching out.

"How are you feeling?" The most important question. More important than any sort of sorry, or admittance of worrying.

[notsoangry]

He feels raw, and it's different from the Hulk. Both are insidious in a way. The Hulk comes with more damage to other people, but reliving his own demons is damaging only to himself. This isn't the first time they've been in moments like this. When they were trying to work on the lullaby, it took many tries before it started to work. He would wake up to her nearby, and that was when a shift started. He associated her with being himself, with the comfort of a friend there as he adjusted to the newest Hulk incident, and that created trust which made the lullaby work.

His smile barely reached the corner of his mouth it was so small. He glances sideways at her but doesn't keep eye contact for long. "I'm really missing my radioactive blood at the moment. It had bad side effects, but it scoffed in the face of ordinary diseases." Bruce doesn't actually know if his blood is clean of the gamma radiation, he'll have to check it, but it seems unlikely considering what's happened. He releases his knees so his legs are straight out in front of him now, less protected and closed off. He wants to touch her but he's never been good at asking for it. He drops his hand on the floor by her, palm up, not entirely dissimilar from part of the lullaby. "You all saved the day, though."

[tothefly]

Neither one of them is particularly good at reaching out. Those early attempts hadn't just been building trust one way, after all; there had been efforts made on both ends, bridges created that tentatively met in the middle. It had never been easy for her to trust. It had just been necessity at first; someone had to handle the Hulk, someone had to be able to talk him back down to Banner, and she had been the logical choice. The only option, among them. But after a time, there was more than just necessity. It was helping a friend. It was sitting with someone through a nightmare. It was helping a friend to sleep.

Touch still isn't a thing that comes naturally, but the gesture is close enough to that familiar one they both know that it doesn't take any effort at all to reach out, sliding her palm into his. Her hand is cool and dry, still smaller, even if it's not as small as it would be were he large and green. She doesn't hesitate before sitting next to him, either, letting their fingers lace together, letting him take the time he needs. "I think that was you and Beverly, actually," she says, and there's a faint trace of a smile in the words, there and gone. "We just went and got the things. You were the ones who figured out the solution." Her fingers squeeze his, just barely. "I'm just glad we made it back in time to keep from losing anyone." Especially him.

[notsoangry]

Bruce felt their connection growing while it was happening, but he resisted looking deeper. He was in denial about it until Steve set him straight, and even then it took until her confession at the house to understand how real it was. He would always wonder about if the Hulk hadn't gotten lost. It wasn't so much about what would have happened with him and the Accords. It was if they could have come back from what happened. Here, sitting on the floor in another world, holding hands, he thinks they might have. This bond was stronger than both of them expected. He wouldn't want it - or her - any other way.

He squeezes her hand in silent thanks. He already feels better, although since he feels like he almost died, that's a low bar. He did almost die. What a long way he came in the past few years, that he fought against it. He still wasn't afraid of death, but he was willing to fight it now. "I'm sorry I left without telling you. I felt exposed. What I remember about it was personal." None of it was a surprise to someone who read his file. Bruce's background was public record in more than one way, since his father hit the local headlines for awhile. "You were there, I know you were. I had lucid moments, and all of them were of you." He turns his head to look at her. "Thank you, Natasha."

[tothefly]

Maybe that had been part of her fear. Disappearances...those happen. She's been told they're part of the makeup of a place like this, and while she's yet to experience that, she knows what it's like to have colleagues, acquaintances vanish without a trace when a job goes wrong. She's got faith she can adjust, adapt. As she always does. But Bruce--for as long as she's known him, he's been willing to die, willing to stop being. And yes, that was because of the Hulk, but also...well. She couldn't help wondering. She'd wondered if that was really all it was. And she'd worried.

He turns to look at her, but she's already looking at him, concern and compassion in her face. "Of course I was there," she says softly. "How could I not be?" She can admit to him what she couldn't admit to anyone else. "I wanted to be there. In case anything happened." And then another brief pause, an admittance. "I sat with Tony for a little while, too. And Steve. Some of the others, anyone who needed someone. But I wasn't sure, without the other guy..." She trails off, squeezes his fingers again. He understands. Right?

[notsoangry]

It was mostly about the Hulk. He was so tired and no cure was coming, and he couldn't keep doing it. Then he was forced to keep doing it. He hasn't thought about that dark period since being with the Avengers. There's no risk of him making that decision here, but there's plenty of risk in how dangerous it is for the soft and vulnerable doctor without a safety net. It has occurred to him, since he's already seen one Natasha leave, but clearly it hasn't stopped him from putting himself out there with her again. To him this is his only chance. He'll have to go back to the Hulk and all the things in their way there. It also is very real that he can only fully function as a romantic partner here. Not that he plans to bring that part up, it goes without saying.

"He's not here to save me anymore," Bruce confirms. He reaches out with his free hand to brush her hair back and cup her cheek tenderly. It's a small touch but a significant one for them. His thumb gently caresses her cheekbone. She is just so beautiful, and she cares about him. She was worried for him. "I couldn't go anywhere without a proper dance, could I?" He smiles at her with more warmth, dropping that hand so he doesn't overstay his welcome in her personal space. "It would be nice if just once I'm around you not looking ridiculous or like a wreck." He knows she's seen him after the Hulk enough times and so this is such a little thing, but it still bothers him. He needs to be at his best when he's wooing her!

[tothefly]

"You'd better not. Even if you were hallucinating, I was promised a date." The touch is a welcome one, honestly. She's not good at asking for these things. Neither is he, she knows, but still, he always somehow manages to be brave enough to reach out. Even after everything. She doesn't pull away; in fact, she leans into the touch, ever so slightly, lips barely brushing the heel of his palm. It's a relief, seeing him here. It's a relief, knowing he's okay, or on his way to being okay, and that in itself is a little terrifying, but if he can be brave enough to reach out, she can be brave enough to not pull away. He does, anyway, after a moment, and there's a part of her that regrets the loss, even as he says that thing that's so patently ridiculous she can't help a small laugh.

"You know, because appearances have always mattered so much to me," she says, but she's smiling at him as she does. "Honestly, we're almost at the point where I'd murder somebody for real shampoo. Don't worry, Banner, I still think you're cute." She nudges him with a shoulder that turns into a lean, an offer for contact she also doesn't mind. She'll sit here as long as he needs. Maybe a little longer, even.

[notsoangry]

Bruce is caught in the moment when her lips burned onto his palm, and the look he gives her is intense and fixed. He thinks very seriously about kissing her. They kissed the one time and it was so fast before she pushed him off the edge. He's starting to think that Tony has him pegged entirely right about what he feels for her, and that's both terrifying and thrilling. It's been over a decade since he allowed himself to want anything this way, and that's why it's intense, it's like a long forgotten box in his mind that was locked away. He blinks out of it before he can do anything rash, focusing instead on what she said, his weary mind catching up. "I ... what did I say while I was hallucinating?" Apparently talking about dates.

Bruce sighs good-naturedly and nudges her back. "I know they don't, and maybe I'm old fashioned, but usually you're supposed to try and look your best when ...." He is not going to use the word wooing out loud. "You're trying to impress someone." He brought Betty flowers and wore a really bad suit on their first date. He shakes his head. "I'm really bad at this. Can you give me a mulligan? I'm not even supposed to be this blatant." He told her he'd give her space and time and here he is throwing his feelings all over the place. You are such a mess, Banner.

his father

[morphogenia]

She does the work to fix things by going on the expedition. That doesn't automatically make things better. Kamala knows she can go home. Frank might even baby her a little after a long trip and make her something good to eat. It doesn't have to be her problem. Like always, Kamala can't turn her back on anyone.

While what she's hearing coming from Dr. Banner is scary, she has to face it. That's what heroes and friends do. Kamala takes a deep breath, puts on her game face, and very carefully comes into the room. "You're not freak." It's soft, but firm as she makes her way over to join him. She has no idea what he's seeing, but it can't be good. Kamala offers her hand as she hopes for the best as always. "Take my hand, Dr. Banner. Let's sit together for a while, okay? I promise I'm better company than anyone who makes you say stuff like that." It doesn't take a genius to work out what is happening here. Whoever Bruce thinks is here is hurting him. She has to try to make that right somehow.

tw - references to child abuse and suicide

[notsoangry]

Kamala's voice is a stark contrast to the overbearing angry man hovering over him. He's impossibly tall in his room, because Bruce is seeing him the size a child might. The way he used to before something bad happened. "No, no, no." If there's someone else there, his father will hurt them too, and that's worse. "It's my fault, it's not hers." He doesn't know who she is, but then his mind morphs and he thinks maybe it's his mother. She sounds young but so was his mother when she died. Too young.

You're a thing. A disgusting thing. I wish you'd never been born. Bruce put his head in his hands and scrunches up into the corner of his bed by the wall. You should have killed yourself while you had the chance, saved all of us your pathetic whining. "I can't die, I tried," he protests weakly. You can die now. "No, not now." His life is his again he can't lose it. Except he can, he could die of a fever before the cure sunk in. A fever, that's all this is.

"He...hello?" Almost lucid, peeking out from his hands.

[morphogenia]

Her heart breaks for him. She admires Dr. Banner. A big part of is the whole superhero thing, but he's also really kind and smart. It's hard to see him like this. It's hard to listen to him say these things even if it all makes sense in a way. There's no universe where Bruce Banner has any easy time of it and hers is no exception. It's not surprising to hear he was so deeply unhappy once that he'd try such a terrible thing. Her feelings on that are to be analyzed later in private.

The best she can do is swallow her sadness. Her eyes are tellingly bright when he does peak out. Her hand lower to her side as she forces a smile for him. "Hey, Dr. Banner. Are you up for some company?"

[notsoangry]

It was the lowest point in his life and that was saying something. It took him awhile to get out of that state of mind. It wasn't something that just went away because he started having friends and a purpose. Every time he came back from the Hulk, he had a moment of wishing it was over, he couldn't keep doing this. It got better, with the moments of kindness and belonging around him, and it was nearly wiped away after Johannesburg. Now, when he could die, he wasn't ready to. Bruce finally found his survival instinct.

But the mind was still complicated and torturous. There's more lucidity in his eyes when he manages to sit on the bed again in a normal way, his entire body shaking from the effort and the stress. "K...Kamala?" Yes, it's her. And because Bruce recognizes her, he remembers where he is. The village. The sickness. He feels a wave of embarrassment and shame that she's seeing him this way, but what is his life but a series of situations where people he cares about sees him in terrible moments. He's too tired to care. "Hey. Are you okay? You're not ... you never got sick right?" He worked hard on the cure before he collapsed, but he can't remember much after that.

[morphogenia]

She waits for him to come back. Kamala knows she crossed a line without meaning to. She saw and heard something that really wasn't meant for her. She can't bring herself to feel ashamed or angry about it. What's done is done. Reims taught her that bad things can't be undone. You can only move forward as best you can. If anyone has to hear that stuff, it's better in some ways that it is her.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I never got sick. I actually went snake hunting which is why I'm here. I wanted to make sure everyone managed okay after they took the cure." That is technically true even if it was the screaming that brought her here specifically.

[notsoangry]

Bruce's head is full of cobwebs so he does remember people going, but not who was there, or the original list of the sick. He hates when his mind is barely functioning, as it's his primary weapon and purpose for existing. He is embarrassed Kamala had to see him that way, but he too thinks it's better to move on than dwell on it. Also he probably will forget it very soon.

"That's good. Thank you for getting them. It was a risk. The original test was a risk too." A calculated one, and one he and Beverly had to make before going for it. It has the possibility of death, the cure causing it too. His hand shakes as he reaches over to where he knows the water is nearby. It's necessary to keep from dehydration taking over. "We're lucky it was only snake venom, honestly. If it was an actual disease, there may have been nothing we could do." Some people would have survived, but others wouldn't. That's what happened with these things.

"Steve and Tony?" He tries to weakly sit up and look for them. "They were worse off, have you seen them?"

[morphogenia]

"It's still my job to protect people even if my powers aren't the same." Kamala reminds him. In some ways, things haven't changed. Her new ability simply isn't reliable as the old ones were. It was more of a risk, but when did Kamala ever care about that? She nods numbly at the rest. They touched on some of that in school so it isn't totally surprising. It's still tough to hear even if it didn't come to that.

She holds up her hand to stop him from getting up any further and shakes her head. "No, but I can go visit them now and report back to you. Would that be okay?"

[notsoangry]

Bruce's hand shakes on the water glass so hard he nearly spills it, but he manages to keep it together. Every part of him hurts. He smiles faintly at her. "I know. You are a natural born hero that way." He never thought of himself as one. He wanted peace and quiet and to be left alone. He joined the Avengers for good reason, and he tried to do good things for humanity, but he didn't have the same drive other people did. He wanted to help with science and inventions, not as a brute force. He admires people who do have that urge though.

He hesitates. She should do that, yes, but he is slightly afraid the moment she leaves he's going to forget himself again. He shakily puts the water back. "Just a minute more," he murmurs, a little ashamed of asking so much from her. But he's so tired. "This is one of those times I wish the big guy was around. One of the only times."

[morphogenia]

Kamala watches him like a hawk. He isn't Aamir, her older brother, she reminds herself. She can't baby him because Bruce Banner actually acts the part of a real grown up. Except sometimes everyone needs to be babied a little. She thinks of how low Frank can get every once in a while. If she can be there for him, why not a guy who can turn into the Hulk?

"All the time you need." She promises with a soft smile. She nods slowly at the admission. There's a lot of truth in that for her too. "Yeah that makes sense. Being that big and strong has always made me feel safe when things get real. I'm just sorry you can't control it better or even really practice how to now that you're here." It goes without saying Kamala misses her abilities every day.

[notsoangry]

"I didn't realize there were things I'd miss about it until he was gone." Bruce is too tired to walk around topics or avoid them. If he's going to talk about the Hulk at least it's with someone who knows about him, and has super powers herself. "When Tony and I first met, he turned it around that the Hulk saved my life too. He implied that he saved it because I was meant too fight evil or join the team or something." Bruce smiles weakly. "He was really into the idea of a team at that point, he pretended he wasn't because being solo is cool, but he believed in the Avengers." Bruce didn't believe pretty much anything outside of trying to keep away from others. It all changed.

"They started being able to control him. Nat came up with a lullaby, a mental suggestion pushed into my psyche that triggered him to turn back into me when they performed certain actions." He rubs a hand across his face. "That's the closest we came to control, but it didn't last. I don't think it's possible. He's become too independent of me now."

over and done with

[ex_enlisted288]

[ The schoolhouse isn't the first place Steve looks when he comes to check on Bruce. It's the Inn, and then the forge, in case he's with Tony, and then he decides that maybe a quick peek at the school is in order before he's allowed to panic.

Only there isn't a need to panic, because that's exactly where Bruce is. Or. Maybe there should be panic because the scientist doesn't look like he's doing so good, at least from Steve's position just hovering inside the door. ]

Hey. [ He deliberately raps his knuckles against the frame and waits a few moments. Then, ] Mind if I join you?

[notsoangry]

[Bruce doesn't expect anyone to come after him, because he generally expects to be ignored. This hasn't been true since becoming an Avenger, but it's still his natural instinct to be surprised when someone notices him or that he's gone, in this case. He picks up his head at the knock, startled and tense, and relaxes when he sees it's Steve.] Uh, yeah, I mean, no, I don't mind. Sorry, my brain is still scrambled.

[That's one way of putting it. His hands are shaking as they go through his hair, and he decides not to try standing at the moment. It's a familiar pose, him on the ground, like he is after every Hulk incident.] How are you feeling? I was ... going to come back and check on everyone once I caught my breath.

[ex_enlisted288]

It's okay, Bruce.

[ For feeling overwhelmed, for taking a little time to go to pieces away from everyone else. If anything, Steve can understand that urge. He steps inside slowly and then drops into a seated position just to one side of the doorway, close enough to talk, but far enough away to hopefully let Bruce feel better about having space. ]

Still feel like I got the shit kicked out of me, but that's nothing new. [ and that's a poor excuse for a smile, but fuck it. ] How are you doin', Doc?

[notsoangry]

[Bruce appreciates the space. It's not that he minds physical contact when it comes to his friends, there's a level of trust there he extends. It's not natural to him, to like people near him. But he's grateful Steve is there, despite having specifically fled to avoid people. Or maybe it was people in the general sense, and not people in the specific sense.]

It's been a long time since I was sick. I know you understand that. [ He wasn't a sickly child like Steve, although he was often in the hospital for other reasons than sickness. But he got used to the big guy absorbing all of it. Bruce was afraid for other people, never for himself.] I can't believe I hadn't thought before of how potentially lethal getting sick here is. We're not prepared.