sixthiterationlogs | [MINGLE] Worried/Sick 2: Snake Expedition & Recovery!

It was the lowest point in his life and that was saying something. It took him awhile to get out of that state of mind. It wasn't something that just went away because he started having friends and a purpose. Every time he came back from the Hulk, he had a moment of wishing it was over, he couldn't keep doing this. It got better, with the moments of kindness and belonging around him, and it was nearly wiped away after Johannesburg. Now, when he could die, he wasn't ready to. Bruce finally found his survival instinct.

But the mind was still complicated and torturous. There's more lucidity in his eyes when he manages to sit on the bed again in a normal way, his entire body shaking from the effort and the stress. "K...Kamala?" Yes, it's her. And because Bruce recognizes her, he remembers where he is. The village. The sickness. He feels a wave of embarrassment and shame that she's seeing him this way, but what is his life but a series of situations where people he cares about sees him in terrible moments. He's too tired to care. "Hey. Are you okay? You're not ... you never got sick right?" He worked hard on the cure before he collapsed, but he can't remember much after that.

She waits for him to come back. Kamala knows she crossed a line without meaning to. She saw and heard something that really wasn't meant for her. She can't bring herself to feel ashamed or angry about it. What's done is done. Reims taught her that bad things can't be undone. You can only move forward as best you can. If anyone has to hear that stuff, it's better in some ways that it is her.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I never got sick. I actually went snake hunting which is why I'm here. I wanted to make sure everyone managed okay after they took the cure." That is technically true even if it was the screaming that brought her here specifically.

Bruce's head is full of cobwebs so he does remember people going, but not who was there, or the original list of the sick. He hates when his mind is barely functioning, as it's his primary weapon and purpose for existing. He is embarrassed Kamala had to see him that way, but he too thinks it's better to move on than dwell on it. Also he probably will forget it very soon.

"That's good. Thank you for getting them. It was a risk. The original test was a risk too." A calculated one, and one he and Beverly had to make before going for it. It has the possibility of death, the cure causing it too. His hand shakes as he reaches over to where he knows the water is nearby. It's necessary to keep from dehydration taking over. "We're lucky it was only snake venom, honestly. If it was an actual disease, there may have been nothing we could do." Some people would have survived, but others wouldn't. That's what happened with these things.

"Steve and Tony?" He tries to weakly sit up and look for them. "They were worse off, have you seen them?"

"It's still my job to protect people even if my powers aren't the same." Kamala reminds him. In some ways, things haven't changed. Her new ability simply isn't reliable as the old ones were. It was more of a risk, but when did Kamala ever care about that? She nods numbly at the rest. They touched on some of that in school so it isn't totally surprising. It's still tough to hear even if it didn't come to that.

She holds up her hand to stop him from getting up any further and shakes her head. "No, but I can go visit them now and report back to you. Would that be okay?"

Bruce's hand shakes on the water glass so hard he nearly spills it, but he manages to keep it together. Every part of him hurts. He smiles faintly at her. "I know. You are a natural born hero that way." He never thought of himself as one. He wanted peace and quiet and to be left alone. He joined the Avengers for good reason, and he tried to do good things for humanity, but he didn't have the same drive other people did. He wanted to help with science and inventions, not as a brute force. He admires people who do have that urge though.

He hesitates. She should do that, yes, but he is slightly afraid the moment she leaves he's going to forget himself again. He shakily puts the water back. "Just a minute more," he murmurs, a little ashamed of asking so much from her. But he's so tired. "This is one of those times I wish the big guy was around. One of the only times."

Kamala watches him like a hawk. He isn't Aamir, her older brother, she reminds herself. She can't baby him because Bruce Banner actually acts the part of a real grown up. Except sometimes everyone needs to be babied a little. She thinks of how low Frank can get every once in a while. If she can be there for him, why not a guy who can turn into the Hulk?

"All the time you need." She promises with a soft smile. She nods slowly at the admission. There's a lot of truth in that for her too. "Yeah that makes sense. Being that big and strong has always made me feel safe when things get real. I'm just sorry you can't control it better or even really practice how to now that you're here." It goes without saying Kamala misses her abilities every day.

"I didn't realize there were things I'd miss about it until he was gone." Bruce is too tired to walk around topics or avoid them. If he's going to talk about the Hulk at least it's with someone who knows about him, and has super powers herself. "When Tony and I first met, he turned it around that the Hulk saved my life too. He implied that he saved it because I was meant too fight evil or join the team or something." Bruce smiles weakly. "He was really into the idea of a team at that point, he pretended he wasn't because being solo is cool, but he believed in the Avengers." Bruce didn't believe pretty much anything outside of trying to keep away from others. It all changed.

"They started being able to control him. Nat came up with a lullaby, a mental suggestion pushed into my psyche that triggered him to turn back into me when they performed certain actions." He rubs a hand across his face. "That's the closest we came to control, but it didn't last. I don't think it's possible. He's become too independent of me now."

Kamala hangs on every word. It's an important piece of history, sure. Really what Kamala cares about is what this means to him. This is a person who seemed to have only recently obtained a desire to live. Given he's someone she already cares about a lot, she's gonna take whatever information she can get to help him continue to feel life is worth living. What she gets instead is a pretty clear idea on why Bruce struggled so much.

She feels sorry for him. Her powers put her on the path to loving herself. Bruce's abilities just made him afraid of what he is. It seems terribly unfair to her. "I never really understood how it worked for you." Kamala confesses softly. "It must be really difficult to be at war with yourself." No wonder he was in so much pain before all this. She looks at Bruce for confirmation she's understood him correctly. "That is what it's like, right? It doesn't seem like you guys have... harmony." As she thinks Danny would put it. "But, he's still a part of you so of course you must miss it. Losing a part of yourself, even a part you don't like all the time, is scary." That comes from experience. She didn't realize how much she liked being herself until she became someone else.

Bruce looks over at her, and with his haggard complexion and weight of sadness over him, that alone said a lot. "Every minute he existed, it meant other people were in danger. I tried to stay away from them as much as I could." Which explains some of his skittish behavior with people now. The Hulk was gone, but his fear of harming people around him still lived on. "He's -- we're -- responsible for a lot of death and destruction, Kamala." It's hard to admit to her, because he likes that she seems to admire him, that she respects him. But maybe her version of Bruce Banner is a real hero, not someone like him.

"There are people who have every right to hate me and wish that I could be caught and put on trial, put in jail." That's what happened to normal people, when they caused so much pain. "I would have turned myself in, but I couldn't. One aggressive moment in jail and it would happen again." No cage could hold him. The Hulk wasn't rational enough to understand that they were choosing to be locked up. "And I was being hunted by a man who would use any excuse to cut me into pieces and create more Hulks. Turning myself in was too dangerous."

So yes. He went into a deep depression. He saw no way out. He tried to take them both out of the picture. It didn't work. "I wanted him gone, but yeah, I'm a little sorry he is. But if he wasn't, I couldn't trust myself around any of you." Nat was there, and Tony and Thor, they could help maintain the Hulk, but he was too unpredictable.

It's really hitting Kamala that she never really appreciated how hard this must be for him. It's little wonder he's always seemed on the verge of bolting at any moment. There is a part of him that hurt people, a lot of people, and there's no denying it even if she wants to. Like Frank, he did things that can never be taken back. Kamala either has to accept that or cut him out.

She already knows where she falls in these situations. His remorse, knowing that there's no chance for a repeat unless things change radically is enough for her to keep her verdict to herself. She's his friend. That's not going to change. She simply has to accept that past as a part of him like she does Frank.

Kamala looks back to meet his sad gaze. All that's reflected in hers is endless compassion and a knowledge that shouldn't be there about just how cruel the men in any world can be. She had known from the Inventor and Lineage alone, but some of the men in Reims solidified it for her. Even if Bruce wanted to set things right and answer for his crimes, he'd never be allowed to because of people like them.

Kamala sighs tiredly. "I guess this is the part where I normally would say that it'd be fine. If you had your abilities so would I. You can try to hurt me, but I'd just get better so what does it matter?" She smiles sadly. That's not what he needs to hear. "But, you don't need that on your conscious too. No one with a decent heart feels good about punching a teenage girl even if she'd just heal a second later." She looks ahead of them at the wall. "I don't like the idea of you needing to be in pieces for us to be friends, but if this is the way it has to be than I'm glad I met you like this. You shouldn't have to be scared you'll do terrible things to me or anyone else."

Bruce is very aware of the many wrongs his bad decisions led to. There is no one to blame for the Hulk's existence but him. He didn't know that his risks would lead to that, but it wasn't good enough. There were no real reparations he was capable of making to the people whose lives ended or were altered by his mistake. Every day of his life, he reminded himself of what he did. It was necessary. But then he made the mistake. Again. There aren't enough rights in the world he could do to balance the scales, so it couldn't be about balance. There was no redemption for him. Just the hope to make things better where he could.

Bruce's heart hurts and he shakes his head at her. "I couldn't bear it if I hurt you." There were a lot of people that he cared about now in this place, but she was clawing her way closer to his heart by the day. He can easily see how she became a surrogate daughter to Frank. He'd be lucky to claim a surrogate uncle, some day. "He's almost killed all of my friends by now. I have no idea why they tolerated it as long as they did." Not just tolerated it, used it. Forgave it. "I couldn't ask that of anyone here. It wouldn't be right. So it's a very good thing he's gone, regardless."

That's what she thought. Her gaze travels back to him as she continues to listen. "Maybe because they know you've been through things that mess with you learning how to control your abilities." Kamala volunteers. She'd been so insecure when this begun. She still struggles to love herself. That pales compares to what she heard here. She'd be remiss not to point it out.

"I'm not going to repeat it here or anywhere else, but I heard some pretty terrible things when I came in here. Even if you don't know the truth about someone, you know sometimes. You want to give them a chance to be better than the things that happened to them. I think it's a beautiful thing that they love you so much." Forgiveness does come from a place of love in her experience especially when it comes to friends.

Bruce smiles wearily at her. "You have a beautiful heart, Kamala. It's truly something special. I hope you know that." He still isn't so sure he likes the people in his life loving or forgiving him, but it's not like he can stop them either. The darkness inside of him is stronger than the light, only he doesn't have a monster now to represent that.

"If you could go check on Steve and Tony, I would appreciate it." He also might need to pass out, just a little. "Thank you, for, uh, not repeating it." Bruce knows it's bad. He's lived it.

[Maybe wrap on yours-ish?]

She blushes. He really is sweet. It means a lot to her to hear this. Superheroes aside, Kamala wants to grow up to be someone her parents will be proud of. It's the least she can do during their separation so every bit of validation helps. "I'm going to go check on Cap and Tony before you give me a huge ego." Kamala sits up, only pausing to lightly touch his arm. "Get some rest, okay? If you feel sad, just remember I live in a cute house filled with animals you can pet at any time." She winks playfully and heads to check on the other team members. If nothing else, she has to leave him with a silly thought.

[MINGLE] Worried/Sick 2: Snake Expedition & Recovery!

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wrapping up