sixthiterationlogs | Distant stars come in black and red

WHO: Ashley Magnus
WHERE: Fountain, Inn, Around
WHEN: End of March
OPEN TO: OTA
WARNINGS: Violence, brainwashing, experimentation fallout

Fountain

The world went suddenly from darkness and a muted sort of pain as her consciousness stayed locked away and the reality of water suddenly cold against her skin. A burning sort of cold that stings her eyes as she fights for the surface.

As with when she first arrived, the wall that she's suddenly clawing at vanishes and she finds herself face down on the ground, panting for air as water sluices off her skin. Snarling as she lifts her head, still nothing more than a biological weapon for a moment, eyes red and short, needlelike claws digging dragging at the ground beneath her.

For a moment she seeks nothing but the target that had been before her, finding everything she'd last known gone while her mind fights to remember where she is. Who she is. To remember this place that her heart knows but her mind rallies against in that moment.

Inn

Sitting by the fire, dressed in dry clothes, and clutching a small cup of the homemade vodka from the kitchen, clinging to it as a lifeline as if to remind her where she is. She knows who she is, that she has a home here, and friends, and she is not alone.

Yet part of her mind is reminding her that none of it is real, as if that darkness while she was fighting for those that sought to destroy everything she loves was all that mattered.

Wincing at those thoughts, Ashley took another sip, staring at the sharp, deadly claws that crisscrossed one another at the edge of the cup.

Around the village

Even days after her return, Ashley is having the hardest time finding herself. The animals she had loved as part of her home steered clear of the being she is now. Her reflexes are faster and she is stronger and it leaves her feeling as if her body is not her own. Changed in more ways than the obvious ways that lingered in her eyes and the tips of her fingers.

The village she knows though, trying to use this place to root herself into who she has been there.

Sleep is harder than she thought, the idea of slipping into darkness terrifying, as if she might lose herself once more. So Ashley wanders, touching buildings and often staring at things for a long time as if she can make herself banish those fears of how long she can hold onto Ashley in this place. And fearing what will happen if she can't keep control.

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She stares at Aqua's hand for the longest time, just staring as if she isn't sure what she's offering. Giving a tiny whimper in the back of her throat, her hand closes carefully over the other woman's, so careful not to let her claws cut into her skin.

"Thank you." Her voice is rough, but there's emotion heavy in those tones. "I don't... I can barely remember..." The haze is heavy, barely able to remember the things she had done even as her memories of this place come rushing back to her. "Please. The inn."

Aqua waits patiently for Ashley's response. Normally, she might object to the time taken, mostly because she knows the longer Ashley stays out here in the cold while she's wet all over, the higher her chances are of getting sick. But this time she knows that Ashley needs someone to be patient, to wait for her to reach out in kind. This is the same kind of patience Aqua would give for Terra, if he were here. How could she not give it to Ashley, too?

Aqua nods in response to those words, helping Ashley up as best she can. Though she isn't typically a tactile person, out of long-standing habit while trying to stay strong alongside the boys, she keeps her hand holding Ashley's, to give her friend something solid to hold onto. The Inn would have been her suggestion as far as places to go and that's where she takes Ashley as soon as they are both up.

"Come on," she says encouragingly. "We're not far."

She doesn't stray from Ashley's side until they reach the Inn, making sure Ashley gets dry and then guiding her friend into a seat by the fire so she can warm up. That done, she brings over a cup of tea for both of them and pulls up a chair to keep her company.

"I can stay as long as you need. And if you want to talk, I'll listen."

It's only as her hand rests with Aqua that Ashley begins to realize. Realize that her nails are grown out, longer, that she has claws instead of her regular nails. She nearly flinches though Ashley manages to steady herself, not wanting to take the chance of hurting Aqua for the kindness of helping her.

"I can't..." She makes a face, ducking her head. "Don't let me hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. Don't let me," she says softly. Mostly because she's terrified of what might happen if she fails and does hurt Aqua, and what she'll do after hurting another. She's hurt people so much in the last few weeks, and parts of her, the parts they created, they still crave that. She can't let herself give into the darkness, to the blackness where Ashley didn't exist and a monster did.

Settling in by the fire, shoulders curled in, huddling in on herself as if that would make it all okay. Except she's not really sure it ever can be okay.

"Thank you. I... thank you," she says, nodding. "I need... I want to remember here. Ashley. Who I am."

In these moments, as Aqua watches her friend carefully, something in Ashley reminds her so forcefully of Terra. She feels the recognition slice through her, empathy etched across her face, and she reaches out a hand to touch Ashley's arm, gently resting there to provide solid comfort again.

"You're my friend," she points out softly but firmly. "You're kind and compassionate. You care about others. And something was done to you without your consent. It took control of your body, maybe even made you do things. I don't know what happened. But I do know it didn't destroy your heart. It couldn't take away that part of you that defines who you are."

Maybe a part of her is talking to Terra. Just maybe these are words she should be saying to him one day, too. She gives a slight shake of her head.

"That's what matters. You had something terrible happen to you. But you have strength of heart that no one can take away from you. Try to hold onto that. Try to remember that, if you feel the darkness closing in."

Darkness is a slightly different concept for her than for most. She can't know what Ashley is thinking about what was done to her. Yet, Aqua's idea of darkness is still relevant. All she can do is hope that it will be enough to help.

There is something in having someone else recognize that, acknowledge what she is suddenly telling herself in her mind, over and over again, that is almost like a balm to the wild thing within her. Being so careful as she moves to grip Aqua to her, careful of her claws, of the razor sharpness of them. Yet in that moment not feeling the bloodlust, the single directive to destroy. Just glad for this place, and for the people she knows there.

"Thank you," she whispers, her voice rough and raw as she tries to swallow back the tears that threaten to overwhelm her.

"I don't... I was never supposed to remember," she says, knowing that. Knowing that in her own world, the moment she remembered, she had killed herself to ensure that she didn't slip again. She would have to talk to others, to tell them what to do if she did slip, if she was lost to the changes her own blood her been used to mutate her system.

"I'm so glad I'm back here. If I stayed there..." She knows now that she is a dead women. It's not some concept she's been told about, but knowing now exactly what her thought process would have been with all of this crashing down on her and her mother before her, pleading with Ashley to stop. She can't ever go back or it will be over for her. Forever.

"It's okay. You're okay here," Aqua says quietly but firmly. Whatever Ashley has been through, it has clearly left marks on her, both physically in her outward appearance and inwardly on her heart. Clearly Ashley is having a hard time coming to terms with everything. Aqua can understand; after her trip home and her return here, she's had a lot of things to wrap her head around, too. Maybe she can use that to help Ashley.

And for all that Aqua isn't usually a very tactile person, she doesn't move away from Ashley's contact. If her friend needs to feel her solid form or needs a hug or anything, Aqua will do what she can.

For a few moments, Aqua lets silence fall before she speaks up again. "Did I... ever tell you about what happened to Terra back home?" She doesn't think she ever did. The number of people who know what really happened to her back home in the Realm of Light can be counted on one hand. But she gave the story to Brigitte when she got back. Maybe now, even part of the story can help Ashley.

Distant stars come in black and red

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