sixthiterationlogs | Distant stars come in black and red

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Distant stars come in black and red

WHO: Ashley Magnus
WHERE: Fountain, Inn, Around
WHEN: End of March
OPEN TO: OTA
WARNINGS: Violence, brainwashing, experimentation fallout

Fountain

The world went suddenly from darkness and a muted sort of pain as her consciousness stayed locked away and the reality of water suddenly cold against her skin. A burning sort of cold that stings her eyes as she fights for the surface.

As with when she first arrived, the wall that she's suddenly clawing at vanishes and she finds herself face down on the ground, panting for air as water sluices off her skin. Snarling as she lifts her head, still nothing more than a biological weapon for a moment, eyes red and short, needlelike claws digging dragging at the ground beneath her.

For a moment she seeks nothing but the target that had been before her, finding everything she'd last known gone while her mind fights to remember where she is. Who she is. To remember this place that her heart knows but her mind rallies against in that moment.

Inn

Sitting by the fire, dressed in dry clothes, and clutching a small cup of the homemade vodka from the kitchen, clinging to it as a lifeline as if to remind her where she is. She knows who she is, that she has a home here, and friends, and she is not alone.

Yet part of her mind is reminding her that none of it is real, as if that darkness while she was fighting for those that sought to destroy everything she loves was all that mattered.

Wincing at those thoughts, Ashley took another sip, staring at the sharp, deadly claws that crisscrossed one another at the edge of the cup.

Around the village

Even days after her return, Ashley is having the hardest time finding herself. The animals she had loved as part of her home steered clear of the being she is now. Her reflexes are faster and she is stronger and it leaves her feeling as if her body is not her own. Changed in more ways than the obvious ways that lingered in her eyes and the tips of her fingers.

The village she knows though, trying to use this place to root herself into who she has been there.

Sleep is harder than she thought, the idea of slipping into darkness terrifying, as if she might lose herself once more. So Ashley wanders, touching buildings and often staring at things for a long time as if she can make herself banish those fears of how long she can hold onto Ashley in this place. And fearing what will happen if she can't keep control.

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Knowing how it felt to have to fight her way out of the water in the fountain, Aqua now tries to keep an eye on it during her patrols. She doesn't want anyone else to have to experience nearly drowning. Despite not being as strong as Terra, Aqua is strong enough to be able to pull most people out. She'd carried Ven on her back for a while; she could pull someone out of the fountain, too.

So when she approaches the fountain to find someone on the ground, she hurries forward. The figure is familiar, but the reaction is very, very wrong. Aqua stops short, unwilling to run away, but unsure of the best course of action. This feels all too like the time she'd gone to find Terra in Radiant Garden, when she had found out that someone else was inhabiting his body and forcing him to fight her. She still doesn't have her keyblade, but she's ready anyway. She won't let the same thing happen here.

"Ashley?" she calls out firmly. "Can you hear me?"

Long nails drag along the ground, inhuman in their thinness and sharpness. Her fingers curling into claws as she feels them against her palms, cutting lightly against the delicate skin as she lifts her head at the sound of her name.

Staring at Aqua for a long time, her eyes no longer as they'd been before, blinking at the other woman as memories of both this world and Ashley's life before the Cabal begin filtering in.

"I... I think so," she manages, pushing onto her hands and knees and then sitting back on her heels. Slowly she drags fingers to brush hair out of her eyes, small cut tendrils falling as she does. "Aqua?" It feels right even if she's not sure if she's remembering something real.

Once Ashley says her name, Aqua crosses the remaining distance as quickly as she can, falling to her knees beside her friend. Those claws on her fingers and the color of her eyes might look different and frightening, but Aqua doesn't think they're any sign of darkness in Ashley. Yellow is the color Aqua would think of for darkness. Even so, something is clearly wrong.

"Yes," she says firmly. "I'm right here. We need to get you somewhere dry and warm. Whatever happened to you... we can deal with that afterwards."

As if to punctuate her words, Aqua offers Ashley a hand, a clear extension of friendship and trust, an offer to help Ashley up if she needs it.

She stares at Aqua's hand for the longest time, just staring as if she isn't sure what she's offering. Giving a tiny whimper in the back of her throat, her hand closes carefully over the other woman's, so careful not to let her claws cut into her skin.

"Thank you." Her voice is rough, but there's emotion heavy in those tones. "I don't... I can barely remember..." The haze is heavy, barely able to remember the things she had done even as her memories of this place come rushing back to her. "Please. The inn."

Aqua waits patiently for Ashley's response. Normally, she might object to the time taken, mostly because she knows the longer Ashley stays out here in the cold while she's wet all over, the higher her chances are of getting sick. But this time she knows that Ashley needs someone to be patient, to wait for her to reach out in kind. This is the same kind of patience Aqua would give for Terra, if he were here. How could she not give it to Ashley, too?

Aqua nods in response to those words, helping Ashley up as best she can. Though she isn't typically a tactile person, out of long-standing habit while trying to stay strong alongside the boys, she keeps her hand holding Ashley's, to give her friend something solid to hold onto. The Inn would have been her suggestion as far as places to go and that's where she takes Ashley as soon as they are both up.

"Come on," she says encouragingly. "We're not far."

She doesn't stray from Ashley's side until they reach the Inn, making sure Ashley gets dry and then guiding her friend into a seat by the fire so she can warm up. That done, she brings over a cup of tea for both of them and pulls up a chair to keep her company.

"I can stay as long as you need. And if you want to talk, I'll listen."

It's only as her hand rests with Aqua that Ashley begins to realize. Realize that her nails are grown out, longer, that she has claws instead of her regular nails. She nearly flinches though Ashley manages to steady herself, not wanting to take the chance of hurting Aqua for the kindness of helping her.

"I can't..." She makes a face, ducking her head. "Don't let me hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. Don't let me," she says softly. Mostly because she's terrified of what might happen if she fails and does hurt Aqua, and what she'll do after hurting another. She's hurt people so much in the last few weeks, and parts of her, the parts they created, they still crave that. She can't let herself give into the darkness, to the blackness where Ashley didn't exist and a monster did.

Settling in by the fire, shoulders curled in, huddling in on herself as if that would make it all okay. Except she's not really sure it ever can be okay.

"Thank you. I... thank you," she says, nodding. "I need... I want to remember here. Ashley. Who I am."

In these moments, as Aqua watches her friend carefully, something in Ashley reminds her so forcefully of Terra. She feels the recognition slice through her, empathy etched across her face, and she reaches out a hand to touch Ashley's arm, gently resting there to provide solid comfort again.

"You're my friend," she points out softly but firmly. "You're kind and compassionate. You care about others. And something was done to you without your consent. It took control of your body, maybe even made you do things. I don't know what happened. But I do know it didn't destroy your heart. It couldn't take away that part of you that defines who you are."

Maybe a part of her is talking to Terra. Just maybe these are words she should be saying to him one day, too. She gives a slight shake of her head.

"That's what matters. You had something terrible happen to you. But you have strength of heart that no one can take away from you. Try to hold onto that. Try to remember that, if you feel the darkness closing in."

Darkness is a slightly different concept for her than for most. She can't know what Ashley is thinking about what was done to her. Yet, Aqua's idea of darkness is still relevant. All she can do is hope that it will be enough to help.

There is something in having someone else recognize that, acknowledge what she is suddenly telling herself in her mind, over and over again, that is almost like a balm to the wild thing within her. Being so careful as she moves to grip Aqua to her, careful of her claws, of the razor sharpness of them. Yet in that moment not feeling the bloodlust, the single directive to destroy. Just glad for this place, and for the people she knows there.

"Thank you," she whispers, her voice rough and raw as she tries to swallow back the tears that threaten to overwhelm her.

"I don't... I was never supposed to remember," she says, knowing that. Knowing that in her own world, the moment she remembered, she had killed herself to ensure that she didn't slip again. She would have to talk to others, to tell them what to do if she did slip, if she was lost to the changes her own blood her been used to mutate her system.

"I'm so glad I'm back here. If I stayed there..." She knows now that she is a dead women. It's not some concept she's been told about, but knowing now exactly what her thought process would have been with all of this crashing down on her and her mother before her, pleading with Ashley to stop. She can't ever go back or it will be over for her. Forever.

"It's okay. You're okay here," Aqua says quietly but firmly. Whatever Ashley has been through, it has clearly left marks on her, both physically in her outward appearance and inwardly on her heart. Clearly Ashley is having a hard time coming to terms with everything. Aqua can understand; after her trip home and her return here, she's had a lot of things to wrap her head around, too. Maybe she can use that to help Ashley.

And for all that Aqua isn't usually a very tactile person, she doesn't move away from Ashley's contact. If her friend needs to feel her solid form or needs a hug or anything, Aqua will do what she can.

For a few moments, Aqua lets silence fall before she speaks up again. "Did I... ever tell you about what happened to Terra back home?" She doesn't think she ever did. The number of people who know what really happened to her back home in the Realm of Light can be counted on one hand. But she gave the story to Brigitte when she got back. Maybe now, even part of the story can help Ashley.

It's by the fire that Beverly finds Ashley, after a long time between seeing each other. This seems to happen fairly often, so she isn't immediately concerned about the length of that time. What does concern her is the way Ashley seems to be holding herself. Something doesn't feel right, doesn't feel normal, and it's that sort of motherly sense that something is wrong that has her moving over.

"Ashley?" she says quietly as she pulls a chair over to sit nearby. The changes are easier to see now, especially the long fingernails, but they aren't enough to have her keep her distance. "Penny for your thoughts, I think was the term." She offers a small smile to go along with her gentle attempt at humor and getting Ashley to talk if she feels like it.

Skittish since her return, Ashley startles slightly, one hand lifting from the mug. A second later she realizes her motions, how she's moved, and she winces, ducking her head and holding a bit together with both hands.

"Hey. Sorry. I... " She isn't sure the words, the excuses. Not to Beverly. Lifting her head, her eyes red, literally and not just the whites from the emotions, and glittering with tears. "I'm sorry. I'm still... remembering," she says, as if that offers an answer to the changes, to how she behaves. "They used my blood, and they..." The glass starts to actually tremble with the pressure of her hands holding the mug.

Something is clearly wrong and Beverly can tell that whatever it is, it's taking a huge toll on Ashley's well-being. It might have something to do with what they talked about on New Year's, but Beverly hopes it's something entirely unrelated.

As soon as the glass in Ashley's hands starts to tremble, Beverly moves to carefully pluck it away and out of Ashley's hands if the young woman will let her. With that set aside, she rests her hands over top both of Ashley's and gently slips her free arm around Ashley's shoulders.

"It's okay," she says soothingly. "You can tell me when you're ready."

Ashley doesn't move as Beverly's hands come near hers. The claws aren't just a reminder of what she's been through, they're razor sharp and she's still adjusting to them herself. Nonetheless with other people. But she doesn't pull away, fresh tears brimming in her eyes.

"I went back,' she manages, proud of herself from stopping the tears, for keeping her voice even. "And... and it's everything Druitt told me would happen. Except then? I didn't know. I couldn't remember until here," she says, closing her eyes tight. "And now it's like... it's like I'm both," she admits, words she hasn't said aloud, though she's hinted at them. "They used me, my blood, and they tried to destroy everyone."

Beverly's arm wraps around Ashley, holding her as close as the young woman will let her. Listening to the story nearly breaks her heart. For all that Ashley leaves out so many of the details, they've already talked through a lot of it based on what Ashley was told would happen. Beverly can imagine it's just as hard to experience as it was to see or hear about, if not worse.

"But they didn't manage it, did they?" she points out softly. She might not know all of the details, this wasn't something she and Helen ever spoke about, but she does know Helen. If any of this had ever come to pass for her friend, Beverly would have known. Rather, if everyone had been destroyed, if the Sanctuary Helen kept safe had ever been destroyed by Ashley or whoever had control of her, things would have been much different for Helen. Somehow, Beverly has always had a feeling that Helen came from a point farther along the timeline than Ashley did. This only serves to confirm it, for better or worse.

Admittedly, when she had first seen Ashley upon her friend's return, Vanille had been a little uncertain of the changes. It didn't take her long to push past that, to see that Ashley was still herself, but she has a feeling even now that her first hesitation might have soured things for Ashley.

Which is why she's been trying to help Ashley. Vanille knows what it's like to be changed and feared because of something that was done to her. Their situations weren't the same at all, yet Vanille can't help but feel a kind of kinship anyway. Besides, Ashley is one of her closest friends here; Vanille would be terrible family if she shied away now.

So she doesn't. She goes back to inserting herself into Ashley's life whenever possible, being her bright and cheery self. Today, she tracks Ashley through the village, coming up to her with the dogs in tow. "Hey!" she calls cheerfully, waving as she approaches. "Wanna play fetch with the boys?"

Learning that this place was the last exit before her death had been harder. Harder still learning that her very unique DNA had meant she was a prime weapon to be used against her mother, the Sanctuary, and everything she's coming to love on that planet, in that world. Now being caught between the woman she is, and the weapon they created? That's something she could never have prepared for, and she isn't sure how to fix.

Ashley startles, only a bit, glancing at Vanille. For a moment there's nothing but a bright smile, so thankful for Vanille over almost anything else since she's come back. She hasn't abandoned her and she isn't afraid of her either. It means a lot.

Though her smile fades as she glances at the dogs. "Are you sure they'll be okay with me?" Some animals have shied away from her, and she can understand that. She's a monster.

Vanille isn't about to shy away now. They've been through too much and as far as Vanille is concerned, they've become family. That means she isn't going to leave Ashley here to suffer alone. No matter what happened while she was gone or how she looks now. She's still Ashley; she's still Vanille's family.

Vanille glances down at the dogs once and then back up at Ashley, nodding. The reptilian dog "grins" up at Ashley, clearly unconcerned with her looks or anything else. Raine sits down and tilts his head, the puppy almost an adult now.

"They'll be fine with you," Vanille insists. "Besides, we've gotta get them used to you again. They'll love you just the same as they always did."

Ashley falls silent, considering Vanille for a long time. Her mind is racing, two sides of a person never meant to be whole fighting for dominance and she's constantly making sure that the wrong side doesn't win.

Shifting in her seat, she holds out her clawed hand to the dogs, moving so slowly as if positive one will realize how wrong she is and attack. Not that she could blame them.

"They altered... It's a blood level change," she admits, brow furrowing as her nose wrinkles. "I hope you're right. I just..." She shakes her head, looking at Vanille for a long moment before looking away. "I can actually feel it."

Vanille watches, subconsciously holding her breath as she waits. She doesn't honestly believe that the dogs will react any differently, but it's one thing to believe and another to see. Luckily for both of them, Bhakti nudges Ashley's hand eagerly and Raine goes as far as to lick Ashley's fingers, tail wagging happily even though he's careful not to catch those fingernails. Vanille grins at the sight.

"See? They still love you!"

Raine yips once, as if to echo Vanille's words, still wagging his tail happily.

"Come on. Let's play fetch!"

It is, perhaps, not any great surprise that Druitt should once again run into Ashley in the Inn. After all, he still stays there, and there's something almost fitting that their first meeting after her re-arrival should be similar to the one they'd had when she'd first arrived. He knows, too, what she must have seen. Knows it as soon as he sees those needle sharp claws, and for that reason alone his approach is more cautious than it might have been otherwise. The fact that she's simply sitting and nursing a cup of whatever she has is a good sign, yes. But he'd much prefer to not end up getting mauled if at all possible.

"Ashley?"

His voice is quiet. Almost concerned, even; while he'd been aware that they hadn't run into each other overmuch the last few days it hadn't occurred to him that she might have gone back home. Only now there's the undeniable proof that she has. That she's stepped forward into that future that had all but terrified her, when she'd caught the barest glimpse of it and there's nothing he can do to change what she's been through either.

The echoes of her arrival are not lost on Ashley, despite how lost she is in her own mind and the pain that is haunting her. Yet hearing his voice, there is a moment when within there are two responses. A sudden desperate keening of a young child who never knew her father and yet so desperately wanted him now. And a killing machine that recognized the threat standing before her.

Blinking up at him as she lifts her chin, staring up at him with red eyes with a sheen of tears she's fighting not to let fall.

"Daddy." She whispers the word softly, clinging to that mug as if it were a lifeline, the only thing she knew of to tether her to here and now. "I can... I can still feel it. I-I remember everything I did," she whispers, unable to keep looking at him then, her gaze dropping. She hasn't tried to explain to anyone what she's been through except that she had been experimented on. Druitt knows though. He knows what she did and who she's hurt, and what Ashley herself truly knowing that might mean to her.

He won't deny that he's a threat. One that's more in potential than anything else, just at the moment, but he's never denied the truth of what he is. What he could be again, should the situation or circumstance require it. Still, he makes no effort to force that outcome. While he can absolutely spot the remnants of the Cabal's work, the fact that she's even so much as capable of speaking to him is at least a sign that she's aware of herself again.

He knows, too, something of what it's like to come back to oneself and realize the horrors of what one has done. There's nothing he can do to change the fact of what she has done, and very little he can do to change the fact that memory of it will no doubt linger with her for a long while yet. But he understands, and in the cold light of truth, perhaps that's the best he can offer.

"They won't be hurting anyone again. I made sure of that."

He won't say she'll be okay. Not when the odds are that she won't be for a while. But perhaps she'll be able to start putting her life back into some semblance of order, in the village.

"I only wish we'd realized what they were planning sooner."

Before they'd dragged Ashley into their schemes. Before they'd used the Source Blood to draw out not just the echoes of his legacy but vampiric traits besides. Before they'd all but lost her to what she'd become. But the past is the past, and the only thing they can do now is try to move forward while they still have the time.

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Distant stars come in black and red

fountain

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Inn

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