sixthiterationlogs | Nida, With A Shiny White Band

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Nida, With A Shiny White Band - Open and Closed Prompts

WHO: Nida
WHERE: (Where the post takes place)
WHEN: February 5th - 15th, Closed Mingle on February 9th
OPEN TO: OTA, one Closed Post for now
WARNINGS: Possible Mentions of Self-Harm

OTA - Dojo - Taking Over

He was asleep when it happened. Somewhere in the night of the fourth the change happened, a screen that made no sense, the band on the device at his wrist turning white. OF course as it was one of those rare nights lately where Nida had gotten some sleep, he hadn't noticed. Instead, when he'd woken up he'd just found himself... moving. He couldn't stand being still anymore, not with all these people who needed a bit of something to keep them moving after those visions. He skipped breakfast that morning ~~not a mistake he'd make another day~~ and headed over to the empty dojo.

Most of his days are spent in the dojo for the next chunk of days. When he's not actively out talking to others, trying to serve as a support network, he's in the dojo from just before sun up to just after sunset. Sometimes he's sitting on a chair, a knife working over a piece of wood as he cut out the general shape of some practice daggers. Other times he limps ~~damn him for spraining his ankle, it wasn't what he'd meant to do~~ around the edges of the mats to check for any tears or splits he needs to repair. Still other times he regards the empty spaces, mind already building up the ways he can make this place better.

And always, always he calls out a bit cheerfully if someone enters while he's there. Because this space, he has resolved, will welcome all comers. No matter what.

OTA - Around South Village - A Little Luck

You can't always be at the dojo.

Nida had stared at Seifer when he had been told that. Clearly it was not true. Clearly he was more than capable of doing just that. But... Well, he got the point. Being holed up in two places isn't much better than being holed up in one.

So a bit of time every day, usually around the lunch hours, were spent with Nida wandering the village. There were rounds to be made, friends to be found, help to be supplied. And, whenever there was a chance of skin to skin contact, a hand reaching out to touch. Not like people here couldn't use a bit of extra luck.

Closed Mingle - Because You Miss Them - Closed to Seifer, Rinoa, Sam, Billy, Tommy

The boxes show up that morning, just sitting in the kitchen when Nida hobbles in at an ungodly hour. He moves immediately to grab a kitchen knife to cut the first one open. Despite his name being on it, it's full of yarn. He smiles and shakes his head, moving that one aside because he can talk to the others about it later. The next is a larger box, but strangely light for its size. With another few cuts he finds himself pulling out a wok. What in the world could that be...

Somehow he knows what the last box will be. With a quick cut it's open and he starts unloading ingredients into the fridge. Curry. Seems like he had the answer he needed for when and what to cook.

A quick message goes out to the others over the network. He doesn't care how early it is.

Hey nerds, dinner at my house tonight. Red Lamb Curry. Eat at six, come by earlier if you want to help cook. Someone please help cook, I don't want to mess this up.

[OOC: Please see first comment for Mingle, everyone can post their own things under that if they want to interact.]

[OOC: If anyone would like their own closed starter for the first half of this month, please let me know. This is mostly meant to cover Nida through the White part of his Off-Color time.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"No one wanted to take me in," Nida shrugged as he gets up from his seat. "And they knew better than to send me to Galbadia Garden."

Disappear on him? Yeah, no guarantees, Seifer. But he limps toward Seifer and holds out his wrist. He's got to do something here, right?

"Wanna see them? My parents?"

"I know the feeling," Unwanted. It's just what they are. "Welcome to club reject." He offers with a wry smirk. Okay, that's never what he'd admitted to feeling like at Garden before but he's been able to drop a lot of the posturing here. Doesn't have to constantly reassert some sense of dominance to feel like he has a tiny piece of control over his life.

He will absolutely chase you down, Nida. Can't family him then go missing. The frown increases when he stands and moves over, opening his mouth to protest. You better sit Nida you'll hurt yourself-. Oh. He looks surprised, and a little touched. Really?

"Of course. I'd love to." It's nice that Nida got a good memory too.

"Weird thing happened this morning," Nida admitted as he tapped at his wrist device, before holding it up for Seifer. The screen is so small and he hates it, but he still is pleased at this. "Along with the boxes there was this.

It's not long. A kid that is clearly Nida sitting at a kitchen table, kicking his feet as a woman that looks a lot like him chops onions and a man stands at the stove, preparing rice and talking over his shoulder to them both.

"My family."

The screen is tiny, and Seifer has to hold his arm still so he can see it well, but sure enough there they are. There's enough to make out a few details. Tiny Nida and his parents preparing a meal.

"You were cute when you were little," He teases. They look so happy, this sweet little family. "You definitely take after your mom." The similarities are unmistakable, even with such a small display. "You guys look happy."

It's nice. What a nice treasure. He's a little envious but honestly Nida deserves it. He needs some good to make the bad a little less awful. He's glad Nida got this.

"It's something," Nida agrees with a soft sigh. "I can at least hear their voices. Something to... maybe make the nightmares a little better. Granted at the same time I just hate Caraway more for their deaths."

Which wasn't entirely fair to Rinoa, but he lets that lay aside. Today isn't the best day, but he'll make do with what he has. See, he's got something to keep going for.

"Between this and my brother who pokes his nose into my business, I should be okay. Should be a real person."

"Does anyone like Caraway?" Rinoa sure didn't, Seifer held no love for the man, Nida understandably loathed him. How could he be blamed for it? Rinoa couldn't be held responsible for the actions of her father, but hating her father was totally within his rights. "You figure out how to deal with nightmares let me know."

Oops. He let that little tidbit slip without thinking. Just call him tired.

"Hey, what kind of brother would I be if I didn't? You go disappearin' into your head and forget we're out here, that's no good for you." He smirks, reaching over to clap Nida affectionately on the shoulder. "Now how about those onions?" Hah, of course he has to be a jerk about it.

"The best I've figured out so far has been turning to Billy," Nida admitted, and with that he pushes away and heads back to the table. "For right now, if you've got nightmares, come find me, okay? We'll talk. Because it's not something you can easily handle together, right? Also, get yourself over to Dr. Crusher. Because I'm out of that sleep helping tea I've been feeding you."

What, he's been helping you to sleep with those nightly cups of tea? Who knew. At least he'd been trying.

At least he was focusing on the food at last. Finish the chopping so Seifer can work on the real part of the meal. Not the struggle with the rice hadn't been interesting.

Ah, of course. Seifer didn't have a Billy to turn to, so that left him on limited options. Claw apart the walls until he fell asleep from exhaustion it was, then. He's quick to shake his head. "I'm not ruinin' your nights with my bullshit." Nida has Billy to help him get to sleep, he might as well keep at it. But he does raise an eyebrow, so that tea he's been feeding him... "You knew?" Hyne damn it, and here he thought he'd done a splendid job at hiding it. He might go see about talking to the doctor though, if she had a sleeping tea he could procure more of.

He has been trying, and been extra sneaky with it too.

Listen the rice has been an uphill battle that he thinks he's finally defeated.

“Supporting my brother isn’t a ruined night. And maybe I need it too,” Nida counters. “Besides, in most cases we could probably find a way to wear ourselves out enough to fall back asleep.”

With anyone else, in any other situation, that would be an innuendo. Right now it is a statement of fact. He has a responsibility to Seifer, before just about anyone else. Before himself even. Seifer might not believe it, but it is what it is.

“And of course I knew. What sort of SeeD would I be if I wasn’t aware of what was going on under my own roof?”

"When you could be spending the time talking to Billy? Yeah, right. I know what you'd rather be doing." And it sure isn't keeping his idiot, anxiety attack having ass company. Besides, he prefers to keep his breakdowns and weaknesses to himself thank you. So maybe he wakes up a lot of nights and has to spend a few hours hugging the toilet that's no big deal. Totally normal behavior.

He does not have a responsibility, Seifer's a big boy who is going to have to learn to look after himself. Eventually he'll figure out how to function like a person. Normal people just get over these things right? He's just being a wuss about the whole damned thing.

"I was quiet." He protests, pouting. He's proud Nida don't mind him.

"My bedroom is next to the bathroom, remember?" Nida counters. He's not an idiot.

And don't talk to him about Billy. That isn't here or there, and Seifer should know that. If he doesn't, then he should. But really, bringing up his crush? Low blow.

"Family comes first," he says, his voice definitive. There is no argument there. "Billy's just a friend. He'd get that I need to be there first for you."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He insists sullenly. Doesn't want to admit it or talk about it, okay? It's humiliating.

Bringing up his crush because Nida talks to Billy every night and clearly enjoys that, why wouldn't he bring it up? Hardly a low blow, it's a good point. Play with your not!boyfriend Nida.

"Tch," Hardly. He's not worth that. "I can take care of myself."

Why wouldn't Nida enjoy bringing that up? Because he hasn't been doing that lately. Because he doesn't know what to do about Billy in the light of Billy seeing him like that. At his weakest. At his closest to being the SeeD. To being the monster who doesn't care who he kills or crushes if it's ordered.

"You can," Nida agrees without hesitation. "Family means you don't have to."

Nida doesn't see how hypocritical that is? He'll point out Seifer's weakness but doesn't want his own on blast. Insists that it's fine for Seifer but not himself? That's not right. None of that is right. Surely Billy will understand? Nida isn't the SeeD, it's a defense mechanism.

A grunt as he turns to go back to work at the stove. Clearly this is something he's not having an easy time accepting. Doesn't deserve it. His lot, the one he shouldn't keep forgetting about, is to be alone. It's the best he deserves. "Doesn't matter."

Sorry, right now the white makes him a bit more focused on everyone else's needs. More than normal. But if he got called on that bullshit maybe he'd actually listen. Maybe.

"Someday I'll find a way to convince you that it does. That you do. In the mean time, I will just keep trying."

Which is annoying, and yet not entirely unlike Nida. Just more intense on the annoying part of Nida. He'll get called on it if he persists too much.

"Why do you try so hard, Nida? I've never been worth a damned thing in my life, why would that change now?" Someone's bitter and full of self-loathing don't mind him. It's been a rough couple months. Seifer just usually keeps it bottled up better.

"Because I always thought I was nothing without SeeD. And I'm wrong," Nida answered quite simply. He turned his attention to Seifer and gave him a serious, if teary look. Sorry, onions for real this time. "We're more than what Garden made us. I have to believe that."

A sigh. He's not facing Nida anymore, doesn't want to show his face it might give something away. Seifer's never been as good at hiding his emotions as Squall, even if he does give it a damned valiant effort. "I wasn't even good enough for that, Nida." He didn't even have SeeD to make him feel like he had value.

At least, for a little bit, as a Knight he felt powerful. Worthwhile, wanted. Even if it was a lie. But for just a little bit he could pretend he had real value, not the self-inflated value he knew was a fabrication and joke. Always had Xu there to remind him as much. "At least Garden wanted you."

"Behemothshit. My gil is that Norg didn't like that you weren't a mindless automaton like those people like me who made it. They wanted me because I didn't question. I obeyed. I let Garden choose all of my life since I came into their hands."

Something he's more certain of now that he's learning about being an actual person.

He wasn't a good person. Garden made him that.

Squall was the same. He didn't question, he obeyed. "Like Cid was any different. Sure he'd preach some real sweet platitudes, and not lift a Hyne-damned finger to prove it." He spit, more vitriol in his tone then he necessarily wanted to let out.

The only time Cid did anything was finally letting Rinoa take that contract. The one time the old bastard had actually practiced a little of what he preached. Only to run and hide when things got tough. Coward. "I was an inconvenience at best. From day one." No matter how hard he worked.

"Maybe you were," Nida shrugged. "But I think that made you better than us."

There we go. Onion finished. That gets him scooping it all into a bowl before he whistles to call Seifer over. The onions are ready.

"Keep pushing, Seifer. If that is how you prove to yourself that I'm not giving up on you, do what you have to do."

He snorts in disbelief. But... there is a small piece of him that hopes Nida really means that. That he was better, and not just a waste. A mistake.

Sometimes he still wishes he'd been executed when Galbadia had claimed they did. Or maybe just never made it to the orphanage at all. That he'd not lived past childhood. It would have made things a lot simpler for him. Maybe for everyone else as well. Not allowing his expression to betray anything he moved over to collect the chopped vegetables to start cooking them up.

"I'm not pushing. I'm just trying to convince you it's not worth your energy. You got plenty of better people you could be helping."

"I get to determine who is worth my energy, and you make the list," Nida counters.

He reaches out, grabbing Seifer's wrist. Skin to skin contact. And he reaches into the new power he's figured out. Pushes it at Seifer. Fifteen seconds is all he needs to make Seifer more confident. So he holds Seifer's wrist tightly and focuses. And when he counts out that fifteen seconds he stares defiantly into Seifer's eyes.

"You're my friend and the brother I choose. So you're beyond worth it. As worth it as Billy is."

It's a difficult sentiment to argue against, and yet annoying all the same. "You're making a mistake." He insists more pointedly.

Everyone is making a mistake. He tried to prove himself, he failed in a most spectacular fashion. That's it, that should have been game over. Galbadia Garden should have been game over. Should have been the end of him. But here he is, for some stupid reason making the same stupid mistakes hoping that maybe someday what Nida says is true. Even if he knows better. Optimism is stupid.

He tries to pull away when Nida grabs him, hissing in annoyance. "The hell? Let go of me." A boost of confidence might help for a few minutes. Won't fix years of bad self-worth driven into his head. Nice effort though, Nida. "You can say that all you want, it won't last." But then, maybe Nida will prove to be as stalwart as the whole two people in the world he could ever rely on.

He misses them so much.

"Maybe not, but see how ell those twelve hours of luck help you out," Nida shrugged when he released Seifer. "And I refuse to give up on this."

Still, he's done with his task here. "Anything else you need me to chop?"

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