sixthiterationlogs | [who let the dogs out?]

Entry tags:

[who let the dogs out?]

WHO: Major Lilywhite
WHERE: Major/Ravi's cabin, around the village
WHEN: Mid-October
OPEN TO: All, specific starter for Ravi
WARNINGS: PUPPIES.

Major had been lured outside by the sound of whimpering. Every ounce of softness and kindness he'd ever held in his body had been tingling like a small fire, spreading over the expanse of his body from head to toe at the sound. When he had opened the door, two boxes were sitting side-by-side on the porch - one about half the size of the other and, to his surprise, moving around like one of those fake ferret toys for cats, the kind that's glued to a mechanical ball that moves around.

Only a little less erratic.

He took the stationary box in first, setting it off to the side of the living room, before returning to get the one that had now seemed to calm down a little bit. As he lifted it, there was a quiet yelp from the inside, and Major knew in an instant what the mystery box's contents were, without having to remove the lid.

He sets the box down in the middle of the living room, carefully lifting up the cover to reveal the small, Basset Hound puppy gazing up at him inside. At the sight of his face, it lets out another yelp, this one happier but still pleading, and tries to stand on its hind legs to see outside the open top of the box. It doesn't quite have the hang of what it means to be coordinated yet, and so it tumbles backwards, causing a very loud "AWW!!" to come rushing out of Major's mouth.

He reaches inside, carefully scooping the puppy up in his arms. Once near enough, it begins to lick his face and squirm around in his grip. As Major's trying to check the box for any other dog-related items, the puppy manages to wiggle its way out of his arms and, before he can manage to do anything to stop it, runs straight out of the door that Major's foolishly left open by mistake.

He opens his mouth to shout a name, but realizes he doesn't have one at the ready, so he shouts the only thing he can think of:

"HEY! ... HEY YOU! COME BACK!" as he scrambles to his feet and out the door, chasing after the bounding, long-eared puppy.

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Major's brought in the strange mystery box, completely ignoring the second one that's still off to the side. That one isn't moving around like it's got Mexican Jumping Beans inside, so it doesn't seem as dire or in immediate need of attention the way this one does.

After lifting off the lid and setting it on the ground, Major reaches inside, carefully scooping the puppy up in his arms. Once near enough, it begins to lick his face and squirm around in his grip. As Major's trying to check the box for any other dog-related items, the puppy manages to wiggle its way out of his arms and makes a bee-line for the door.

"HA! It's closed!" Major shouts as he quickly scurries after the pile of fur, securing it in his cradling arms again. The puppy looks up at him as though upset its plans have been foiled, but lets out a quiet groan to show that it's willing to comply. At least for now.

"RAVI!" he exclaims, walking from the living room to the kitchen. "RAVI! THE STORK CAME AND LEFT US A PRESENT. IF WE HAD ANY RESERVATIONS BEFORE, WE NOW HAVE TO BE IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP TO PARENT A SMALL, LIVING CREATURE."

Ravi hits the floor with a heavy thud at the sound of Major's voice careening through the house, making him think twice about moving out of the nice, peaceful, sex-adjacent house with Mark and Helen to here, though he still stands by his reasons (better to sneak out and spend time with Helen than sneak her in here and listen endlessly to the commentary).

Face planted against the floorboards, Ravi groans and blinks to try and lure himself back to some sort of state where he actually understands words. Squinting, he runs those words through his mind and manages to get to a sitting position. "If there's a half-Chakrabarti, half-Lilywhite child down there, please tell me he got my amazing hair," Ravi calls back, stumbling into the main area and gaping when he sees what Major has.

It's like a flood coming back to him. "Minor," he says, suddenly, because it looks just like Minor, only much smaller, but that brings back all the history and the heaviness that goes along with that dog. In the pit of his stomach, he knows that they haven't talked much about Major being the Chaos Kidnapper (or Killer, per the papers), but Minor punts them right back to talking about this, doesn't it?

"Please tell me you didn't steal this one," Ravi begs.

"You okay in there, bro?" Major shouts in reply, hearing the loud thud on the ground. He thinks to get up and check on his friend, but .. well .. there's a puppy. In his arms. Whining and licking and nuzzling. Sorry, Ravi - you're going to have to get used to taking a back seat to this furball for a while. Maybe forever. At least in minor (haha) incidents like this.

He glances over his shoulder, having set the puppy on the exact spot they always say to keep clean - the table - at the approach of Ravi's footsteps.

"Oh man, if we somehow break all laws of science and have a kid, I hope to hell he has your amazing hair. I mean, mine's okay, but yours! Yours is a gift from the gods!" he says, scratching the puppy behind the ear. But the tone of Ravi's voice pulls Major away from the cute softness of the puppy immediately, and he hesitates at seeing the expression that washes over his friend's face. He knows exactly where his mind's gone, the topic of conversation that he's trying hard to avoid. The corner of his lips twitches into a half-smile before he showers the puppy in affection again. It's a good distraction.

"Oh, ha-ha. No. It seems the Box Gods have heard my attempts at praising Zeus and Poseidon and seen fit to give us this lil' guy."

Ravi is still a touch wary because he was lied to last time about Minor and where the dog had come from, but he's been paranoid and as much as he hates to admit it, he's been lurking and watching Major's patterns and he hasn't done anything too suspicious and none of the population had a dog like this and have gone missing, so he thinks that they're in the clear.

God, that dog is outlandishly adorable. Ravi feels himself folding instantly, drifting closer and knowing that all his suspicions are melting away. "If this is some kind of 'stay quiet' dog to try and keep me from investigating things, it's not going to work," he says, out loud, like he's needing to convince any would-be experiments.

"That said," he goes on, "can I hold him?"

"Luckily for you, or unluckily for you, depending on how you look at it, this is no such thing. I have no idea why the Box Gods have seen fit to bestow such a gift on us, but I'd be an idiot to be angry about it. I mean, look at him!" Major shouts with some desperation, using both hands to cup the wrinkles that crowd the puppy's face. It's no longer possible to tell where his eyes are underneath the folds and valleys of extra, furry skin. "LOOK AT THIS FACE!" He looks to Ravi with a stern expression, one meant to convey the cute aggression currently bubbling in his chest because Christ on a cracker, this puppy is going to kill Major with its cuteness.

He smooths the wrinkles out, letting out a series of coos and baby talk sounds, before looking at Ravi again with a discerning sort of expression.

"Only if you promise to enter this role of joint pet parentage together. Like, equal partnership. Picking up poop, giving baths, house training, that sort of thing. I will not be the only provider of this household!" He's joking, of course; of course he'll let Ravi play with and hold the puppy. Even if he doesn't want to become domestic partners to a dog. But he can't let him off the hook that easy. Besides, it feels a hell of a lot nicer to joke around like this than think about Minor .. and all that went along with him.

Ravi is looking at him, this is the problem. He's looking and his heart is somehow melting and breaking at the same time because no one is meant to look at something so adorable and deny it. He's already drifting closer and he's about two seconds away from weeping at how cute the puppy is, which is why he ends up stealing the dog out of Major's hands before any promises are made, protectively cuddling him in his arms.

That's followed by a glare of suspicion. "Only if you promise not to put this dog-son on a bus to nowhere," he accuses, a little (a lot) bitter about what happened to Minor, because that's something he's still not over, especially because of the road it had led him down, being right about something he really didn't want to be right about. "I'll have you know, I was just as involved with Minor, until certain parties standing near us took him away," he says archly, scratching behind the puppy's ears.

"Hey!" Major protests as Ravi snatches the small thing away, and he can't help but notice the glaring cold that the furball leaves in its wake. His hands fall into his lap, defeated and sad, and his lower lip might jut out a little in extra protest. He even throws in a 'humph' for good measure.

He doesn't say anything in response to Ravi for what feels like an hour, instead silently watching his friend pet and fawn over the puppy. Although the scene itself is adorable and would, under the light of any other topic of conversation, have made Major's heart burst out of his chest, there's nothing but sobriety in his expression.

"I .. I had no other choice," he eventually says, barely audible. "They were closing in. They were going to find me."

Ravi is going to protect this ball of fluff and fur with his life, because he doesn't want to lose another one. Despite Major's protests, not to mention his sad face, Ravi is still upset because it had been on the cusp of his arriving here and it's not easy for him to just dismiss and forget.

"Wild idea," he deadpans, "but maybe you could have told me, your roommate, your actual plan instead of an elaborate web of lies that I managed to undo knowing your anniversary with Liv, birthday, and college jersey number," he says.

"Don't give away our dog," is said, sharp and stern, but completely meaning it.

"I know, man, all right? I know, I should've told you," Major continues, voice soft and drowning in sadness. He's keeping his attention on the puppy, currently basking in the amount of attention that's being doted upon him, in his inability to directly make eye contact with Ravi. At least he's still looking in Ravi's general direction. "But I mean, how was I gonna have that conversation with everything else going on? It's not like I could've just gone to you and been like, 'Hey, so you know that Chaos Killer that's going around, getting rid of all these high-profile folks? The one they're talking about in the news? You're looking at 'em!' It's not like I could've given you a cake with, 'I'm the Chaos Killer ):' written on it. Though the promise of cake might've softened the blow a little bit." He fiddles with his hands in his lap.

"I'm not gonna do anything like that. I didn't even want to with Minor 1.0. I .. just didn't know what else to do. I was trying to keep everyone safe. I didn't really care if I got taken down, but I didn't want to take you down - or Liv, or Peyton - with me."

He supposes that beating this dead horse is going to give no one any actual satisfaction, no matter how much Ravi is having trouble letting it all go, but Major is right. It's not like this would've been an easy conversation, even if he likes to think that he would've promised his friendship and alliance no matter what was on the table.

"The cake definitely would've helped, though with your decorating skills, there's every bit of a chance I would have misread it as the Chaos Kitter, which just sounds like a terribly disorganized storage solution company," he deadpans.

"We all went down, to a degree," he says. "So next time, bring us into the game, Coach. And for now? Here," he says, offering out the puppy, because Major could probably use the cuddle more than him. "Let's discuss names."

"Or even worse, the Chaos Kisser. Though I feel like you would've only rolled your eyes at that and been like," Major attempts his best British accent and imitation of Ravi (something he does a lot in his spare time, if he's honest), "I already knew that, mate, y'didn't need ta tell me! ... you know, since you're already insistent that I'm apparently like the Pepe Le Pew of the heterosexual dating world, only with pheromones instead of stink." Major gets completely distracted by then adding, "Imagine that, though? A guy - or girl - named the Chaos Kisser? Just .. going around, planting big smooches on random people? Imagine the Wikipedia article for that."

But his somber mood returns as Ravi brings up a good and unfortunately true point. He brought them all down by keeping them in the dark, even if he was the one who ended up suffering the most consequence. He nods in resignation, not really wanting to talk about it all anymore, though .. he's glad they've at least breached the subject. Even a little.

"I just assumed," he starts, taking the puppy back into his arms, laying it against his forearm like a baby on its back to give some scratches to its belly, "that we'd do Minor again. Like a ... Minor 2.0. You got other ideas?"

"That is...that is not my accent, that is a terrible accent," Ravi says, like someone who's just been scarred for life and doesn't know what to do about it apart from shudder horribly at how his ears have been abused. "Also, I'm not saying you're a slutty pheromone skunk, just an opportunistic one!" he says helpfully, like that's actually going to make Major feel better in any possible way.

He stares at the dog with affection, leaning in to rub at his chin and ears, already falling in love with the bloody thing all over again. "I like Minor," he says, because he'd picked Minor the first time. "Is it weird that we're going to be co-parents in some weird apocalypse survival scenario? Do you think this is a distraction?"

"I'm working on it, god," Major quickly retorts, putting on a good show of frowning and looking insulted even though it should definitely, absolutely be Ravi who's insulted for his friend's terrible accent. "At least I don't go around calling you Tiny Tim and shouting, 'God bless us everyone!' behind you all the time or every time I see you. It's all a matter of perspective." Major opens and closes his hand like a talking mouth while rolling his eyes. "Six of one," he starts. "You're calling me a slutty pheromone skunk, and I don't appreciate being slut-shamed!" He's half-joking. No, he's totally joking.

It's not like Major's a hound dog who chases literally anything remotely female. Sure, he's had a history of hookups and whatever, but he didn't go crazy with it. He was still discerning, despite the way Ravi makes it sound.

"This is absolutely a distraction," he says, slipping into baby talk because he's looking down at Minor and with that face, he just can't help it. "It's absolutely a distraction, isn't it? But it's a good distraction, right? It's such a cute distraction with its floppy ears that are too big for its little stubby legs." He goes back to a slightly more normal voice, though it's still laced with hints of baby talk. "Even though calling the dog Minor makes me sound like a narcissistic asshole, I like it."

"Tiny would only work in that ironic way where I tower above everyone else and people assume it's funny, but it's not, it's never funny," he says with a knowing nod of his head, like the gods of this place need to observe how clever and witty he's being about making these rules up on the spot.

When Major descends into baby talk, Ravi wants to hate it, he really does, but he can't! Minor is too adorable and he's really missed having a dog, and this is a puppy. "We'll just tell the truth, that I came up with the brilliant name," Ravi announces cheerfully, seeing as that absolutely is what happened the first time and why not now? "He's even more adorable as a puppy. I mean, not the same dog, but the breed, but still, who's a puppy?" he asks the dog, descending into his own baby-talk, crouching to its level.

"We need dog food," he realizes, now adult talk again. "Dried up meat, maybe? The bits of the venison no one likes, like the nose or dare I suggest, the balls?"

"All right, Lou Ferrigno, we get it. I mean, I think you're pretty tall for a guy as it is, so I could always go around calling you Tiny Tim just for that exact purpose, if you really want me to. That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make because I care so deeply about our friendship." Major places a hand over his heart as though he's delivering something very deep and emotional.

Major response to Ravi's questions on behalf of Minor, moving his paws about with his hand and assuming a child-like voice.

"Me! I'm a puppy! The best puppy!" He offers the puppy up to Ravi, because he has a feeling he's going to try to snatch him away, anyway. Plus, his arm's starting to cramp up.

"I mean, yeah, that works, right? He just can't have .. what, chocolate and grapes? I think meat's pretty fair game, though." He makes a face at Ravi. "You know, for a guy who practically needed to be brought back from the dead with some smelling salts over the mere insinuation that he might see my balls after I'd had my clothes stolen, you sure do love to talk about them a lot."

"But, then would people think I was dying from some unnamed vague plague?" he suggests, because he thinks that might be in the mix and something to be wary about, especially seeing as he can't imagine that it would be a very good idea for him to be going around being called Tiny Tim without at least an explanation.

"It's for the dog!" Ravi protests. "Also, we're not going to end up eating yours, so I feel like there's a wide enough gap of distinction for me to be able to talk about them. Besides, if you'd seen some of the crime scenes I have, you wouldn't really be squeamish about them when they're dead, either."

"Possibly, and it isn't as funny if I have to explain it. They might just think you're lame and small and irritatingly optimistic," Major thinks aloud, entertained by the thought of Ravi in tattered period clothing, using that one T-shaped crutch under his arm. Then he thinks about the Christmas goose that Scrooge brings, and even though he's literally never thought of geese as anything but a pest, he feels his stomach growl despite himself.

At least he can eat human food here, without the need for six+ chili pepper-ranked hot sauce.

"Yeah, 'for the dog,' sure," Major teases with a roll of his eyes. "And I'd also really enjoy keeping my balls exactly where they are, thanks. But my point still stands! You talk about genitalia an awful lot for a guy who faints at the thought of Deez Nuts."

"I'm never optimistic, what is this, opposite world?" he scoffs with disbelief, seeing as Ravi is pleasantly realistic about everything, which is why he's so charming and great. Everyone needs someone to balance in the middle of things and offer their opinions while also being close to right.

"Again, I reiterate, it's really only yours I don't need to see anything of," he points out helpfully. "There's a big gaping blind spot I'd like to keep in place there. It's very handy for my sanity."

"Right, that's my point. No one's gonna get the reference, although, maybe they WOULD get that it's a joke because you're so ..." Major gestures vaguely at Ravi's face with his hand, palm facing Ravi. ".. You know." A pause as he searches for the word. "You." Yeah, that's good. Good enough, anyway.

"You mean that if I were seriously injured in the groin area, which hopefully never happens, but if I was, you wouldn't help take care of me? What if I needed a bandage change every four hours? What if the fate of my ever having children in the future rested in your hands and how well you took care of me and my balls?"

Ravi sighs and decides that maybe he'll have to concede to having some nightmares if Major were in dire trouble. "If I was the last surgeon in the world, you'd probably let me, but keep in mind that live subjects aren't really my thing," he feels honour bound to remind him. "I'd probably harm you and you wouldn't get to have children just by virtue of my inexperience," he confesses pointedly.

"But yes, I would put aside my reservations and fears and help you," he guarantees, as any best friend would.

"I mean, you were still trained as a doctor, and aside from the fact that one is alive and one isn't, I can't imagine the anatomy of a dead body versus a live body is all that different, Doc," Major retorts, making a bit of a face. Even though they're (mostly) joking, it does .. kind of offer Major some kind of relief, to know that Ravi would still have his back, should the situation arise. He, of course, hopes with every ounce of blood in his body that it doesn't, but still, it's nice to know. "I'd offer to carry you out of a burning building if that kind of emergency comes about, too. Full Bodyguard style. I would expect your appreciation to be shown by you singing, "And I Will Always Love You" to the best of your ability."

"How about we focus on the dog and not awful movie scenarios that I don't want to think too long about," Ravi suggests with a hopeful look on his face, seeing as he's not sure that he wants to imagine him in Major's arms, though he has zero doubts that it could happen. Major always does talk a little too much about how much he can lift.

Not that Ravi is jealous...much.

"Trust me, I went from cadavers to diseases and back, it was a very circuitous route," he says, reaching out for Minor because it's been too long since he's been allowed to cuddle the dog.

"I'm sorry, did you just call The Bodyguard awful? Seriously? Have you ever seen it?" Major asks, scrunching up his face in slight disgust and offense. In all honesty, Major's seen maybe 95% of it, having missed the very beginning because whenever it came on TV, he always came in 20 minutes after it'd started airing. And then it never seemed worth it to pay the money at Blockbuster to rent (not to mention the street cred of having to publicly rent the thing), so he'd just .. gone without seeing it in its entirety. Still, though!

With a sigh, he hands the puppy back to Ravi and folds his arms across his chest.

"Why'd they kick you out of the CDC again?"

"The Bodyguard isn't awful, you attempting to carry my lanky frame is," Ravi clarifies, because he feels like he needs to make sure that it's known that he has absolutely nothing against the movie. Taking the dog into his arms, a smug look crosses his face. "They thought I was mad for insisting that a viral strain was going to potentially decimate the earth and thought my plans and ideas were too out there."

"Now who's laughing, with a zombie threat looming? I mean, no one. Maybe Blaine, some idiots, but still, I was right," he insists, scratching Minor's ears. "Yes, I was," he tells the dog, "I was very right."

"Attempting? Dude, are you joking? I could bench you without breaking a sweat," Major replies with a bit of a scoff. "It's mostly your height that complicates it, not your weight." He glances up at the top of Ravi's head, using his flattened hand as a make-shift, whimsical measuring device - bringing it from the top of his head to Ravi's. They aren't all that different in terms of height. "You're, what? Two inches taller than me? Maybe three? I could definitely bench you."

He crosses his arms across his chest, nodding as though he's trying to placate his friend.

"Yeah, yeah, you were right. But I mean, you know how crazy it sounds, right? It still sounds crazy to me, and I lived through it." A beat. "I was one, and it still sounds bizarre. Like we're straight out of The Walking Dead, but like, the Hipster Version because we're in Seattle."

[who let the dogs out?]

.for ravi. (or, when major remembers to close the god damned door)

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