sixthiterationlogs | I've Got a Bad Feeling About This

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I've Got a Bad Feeling About This - OTA

WHO: Jyn Erso
WHERE: At the fountain.
WHEN: February 6, night.
OPEN TO: OTA
WARNINGS: Grief, mention of death, depression, implied self-harm.
STATUS: CLOSED

Arrival
Blinding light.

That's the last thing that Jyn can remember. No, there's more: the wetness of tears, the feel of cloth and muscle and bone, the inevitable resignation at the end of her short life, and the reverberation of Cassian's heartbeat against her chest.

Cassian.

The name sears across her mind's eye like wildfire, a dagger in her gut, a sharp, hot pain that makes her body ache and her heart shatter. But before she can weep the way she wants to, before she can mourn the loss of him, of them, of the future ripped violently out of their grasp, she realizes she's in water. Her eyes open as widely as they can manage, but there isn't much to see, except the faint light overhead. Go up, she tells herself, her legs forcefully kicking with all of the residual strength she can muster. There's a way out, she can see it. Faint as it is, it's there.

When she finally breaks the surface, she's gasping and clamoring, the rush of the frigid air like needles in her lungs and in her throat. It almost makes her feel like she's suffocating, and the only thing she wants to do is get out of this -- thing. She thinks for a moment that perhaps it's a pond, or a lake, but as she stumbles out and off of it, she realizes that it's a fountain. A fountain? Her mind attempts to make sense of it all, but the chill of the air prevents her from doing so. All she can think now is to survive, that thing she's done so well her entire life, the thing she's so tired of doing. As she scrambles to her feet, it's then that she notices something strapped to her back. She pats the pockets of her drenched trousers, looking for her comm - not that she even imagines it might work in this place - but it's her first instinct to search for it. Only .. her pockets are empty. She's so disoriented that it takes her an embarrassingly long time to even realize that the clothes on her body are different. She considers plunging back into the fountain to see if her old ones are lost in the water, but even disoriented Jyn knows it's a bad idea. Who would she call, if she could find the comm? Who would hear her pleas and cries? There's no one left. She has nothing, not even the blaster she'd had those last moments on the beach.

Oh, the beach, she thinks, feeling her footing slip as she stumbles back into the darkness of her mind's eye. No, Jyn. Focus. You have to focus. She rummages through the pack and finds, much to her delight, a set of clothing for her to change into.

Change into dry clothes, she thinks, starting to create her checklist. Figure out where you are, find some food, find some shelter, check the area for danger, get some sleep.

There's a dull pain in her chest, squarely over what she thinks is her heart. It reminds her of what she's lost, it reminds her of what she might have had. It reminds her of her comrades, of Scarif, of Krennic, of Stardust. It reminds her of their mission. She presses palm to bone, willing the pain, the sorrow to leave. The ache pulsates with each beat of her heart, braying its despair. Emptiness, loneliness, it sings.

But there's no time to weep, the threat of tears beginning to sting the backs of her eyes. No, for now, she needs to survive.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"All of that," Peggy says, even though she's only seen some of it. She can't help the way her forehead furrows a touch, nose crinkling at the thought that their planet could only be one thing. "Ice at the poles, giant swaths of forest, deserts that span the width of a continent, lush areas and hot and dry ones."

"It's everything," she says, with a great deal of fondness for the world that she'd fought so hard to protect the freedom of.

"All of it?" There's no hiding the flabbergasted tone in Jyn's voice; how is it possible? How could the planet contain all of those geological and meteorological features and not simply collapse at its instability? Or perhaps it did, and that's what brought Peggy here? No, Peggy still speaks of Earth in the present tense, leading her believe that it's intact - where it might be located. "And - it manages to - find homeostasis? Even with a variety of climate and terrain? The ecosystem there manages to find homeostasis?"

She nods, knowing that it might seem wild to others, but it's something that Peggy's grown used to. She'd spent a year in the coldest reaches of the front in Russia before flying back to warm spring in Austria and then balmy summer in England before America. To her, it's perfectly natural to hop from one to another, but it's a lovely thing to imagine it being a surprise to someone else.

She frowns as she tries to place the word 'homestasis'. "Well, it's been that way for millions of years," she clarifies, "no one's really done anything to muck it up, not yet."

Jyn exhales a sigh of disbelief and perhaps a bit of awe. It's a concept completely foreign to her, coming from a galaxy full of mono-climate/terrain planets. Even planets like Coruscant were singular in their type - even if that type was an ecumenopolis, or gigantic, multi-layer city.

She thinks, then, that life everywhere learns to adapt to its surroundings, the will and need to survive stronger than almost anything else. It's a funny little thing to think about, a commonality across the galaxies of the universe.

"Do you have a favorite?"

"I was always partial to the English countryside," Peggy admits. "Lots of green, lush flowers, mainly thanks to the constant rainy seasons but for the bright months of the summer, when you could take advantage of them." She's drifting, but she pulls herself back. "I was growing to like Los Angeles, a warm city on the coast with a rather thriving population. The mountainous hillsides provided an incomparable view."

"I can't say where we are is a favourite," she says with a touch of disdain. "I would never have chosen to live somewhere like this."

Jyn sips her water quietly, listening to the woman recount a small handful of memories from wherever she's come from. Jyn tries to picture the scenes, of course not knowing what "English" might mean in relation to the countryside, but the rest is rather easy to imagine. She thinks to herself that she has no favorite, never had the chance to develop one. She does know that she will always carry a certain hatred for beaches, though.

"That's certainly something we have in common," she quips before she takes another sip of water. "When did you arrive"

"We lack a reliable calendar system here," Peggy admits, which also goes to the fact that they also lack something to tell them whether twenty-four hours still marks a day, "but given my own sense of time and the changing seasons, I would estimate that it's been eight or nine months," she says. Certainly enough to see summer, autumn, and a brisk winter, but what that means is beyond her.

"Those canyon trips of mine never yielded an exit, unfortunately," she says, "and so, I'm still here to be able to tell you all this."

"Perhaps something to come up with, if only for our own sanities in having a decently accurate measure of time. It seems there are still hours of daylight, hours of moonlight - though they feel .. different, from what I'm used to, in terms of length." Jyn has noticed that they feel somehow longer and shorter simultaneously; she isn't used to multi-climate terrain, so the fact that it might be due to changing seasons, proximity to the sun, eludes her. "I'm selfishly grateful for that, but - I hope you are able to find an exit, if that's what you want." She pauses slightly, looking down to her water glass pensively. "I'd be willing to assist you, in reaching that goal. If you so desired."

Peggy gives a grateful nod, utterly aware that this is the very thing she's supposed to be avoiding because of the mess it had left her in, but that had been months ago and before Steve had vanished again. She's more than ready to get back out there and keep searching. "Perhaps once you've settled in, I'll come calling on you," she says. "There's a small observation area that I'd like to delve a little more into."

"There has to be something here, if not escape, then clues as to who's responsible. Something like this place can't happen by chance."

"I will be ready for when you do," Jyn replies, her voice no longer weak and hindered. There's a quiet fire behind them now, reflected in the light of her eyes. She would be relying on Peggy, as well, whenever the expedition took place. She's a woman who's spent a significantly greater amount of time here, who has had a chance to acclimate (as well as one could, Jyn imagines) and seek out patterns. She seems intelligent, capable, quick. The sort of ally Jyn would want, in a strange town. Or any town. She nods her acknowledgement of the observation area, the thought of it immediately prickling the back of her mind.

"I knew someone once, who would've laughed at the idea that being here was due to chance or coincidence," she says, a certain fondness in her words. "I'm inclined to believe him; there has to be some sort of explanation." A pause. "And I think it's better to know, even if the explanation turns out to be - one we'd rather not have discovered - than not to."

"The observation pods might well be the best place to start. They might not have much evidence left, but if someone was coming in or delivering things there, there may yet be evidence," she shares with a firm nod of her head, still determined to beat this place somehow, no matter if it takes the constant grind of years.

"I'll be ready as soon as a trifling little personal matter resolves itself," she notes with displeasure, wondering how long it will be before the ice in her hands vanishes.

"Where are the pods located?" Jyn's been tucking all the information away in the vault at the back of her mind, the one once used to house the anger and hatred she'd felt for various people throughout her life. The one used to contain the few happy memories of her childhood. Now, it seems, it'd be better suited to information about the town - possible escape - possible explanation. She'd evacuated the remnants of anger and hatred long ago, anyway.

Her eyes squint slightly in consideration.

"Anything I could help with?"

"The one best accessed would likely be in the canyons," she says, though she'll need to equip themselves with weapons for that one, given the troubles that had occurred with regards to the monster that had been lurking out there. As to the 'personal matter', Peggy grimaces mildly. "I'm afraid that unless you know a way to stop a person from actively freezing the immediate area around her as if by magic, we're out of luck when it comes to helping."

"Is there any sort of map? Has anyone tracked what they've discovered?" If not, she thinks, she can simply start mapping out the basics herself; it wouldn't be all that difficult, though it's more the complication of where to find - whatever it is they might use her for cartography. She has a feeling that the data pads she's used to won't magically appear here.

"- Freezing? What do you mean? Ice coming out of your fingers?"

"There are maps drawn," Peggy can confirm, not only because she had contributed to one herself, but Jo and some of the others had been fastidious about doing that when they had arrived. "Actually, I had someone quite familiar with mapmaking help me in creating mine. His name is Killian, he did a fine job," Peggy praises.

"And yes, unfortunately, I appear to have contracted a strange ability to freeze at the touch," she notes with displeasure. "One hopes it will pass, as would a cold."

"Is this Killian person still here?" Jyn asks, realizing after the fact that it might be a sore subject to bring up in such a simplistic fashion, in case he .. isn't. "Are they readily available? I'd like to have the opportunity to study them, in preparation for whenever we end up going out together to do our own expedition." She doesn't mean to hurl so many questions at Peggy, but having this - having something proactive to focus on keeps the demons, the shadows at bay. At least for now, at least for a little while. It's a nice reprieve.

Her eyebrows stitch together, glancing back down towards the woman's gloved hands.

"No explanation as to how?" She pauses, thinking. "It could be something you could harness to your advantage - quite a powerful weapon, I would think."

"He is, yes," Peggy confirms, having seen him in passing. "I can lend you the maps," she says, because while they had been done for her personally, she's added to them enough that she doesn't mind them becoming a communal resource provided no one decides to up and run away with them under her nose.

"Unless my enemies were rather weak against the cold, I would have to freeze them to death. It seems a slow death," she says, a troubled furrow on her brow, "not to mention that as far as enemies go, whatever ones that might be here never reveal themselves. I'd very much like to show them my displeasure, but they never give me the opportunity."

"That'd be - helpful," Jyn replies, voice soft and appreciative. "It'll ensure that I'm well-versed and well-studied when we set out. Planning in advance is a luxury that isn't always afforded, but - if it can be done, it helps a great deal. I will be sure to return them, once I've had some time with them - of course, you can always come retrieve them should you need them some time before that."

"Cold is always underestimated in the damage it can do; it doesn't contain the same ferocity or brilliance as fire, say, but it can cause great destruction if given the opportunity." Not that Jyn's into taking things out on innocent bystanders, of course. "Do you think you have any here? Or - oh, you mean, whoever - or whatever - brought you here."

"I've made my own notes on them, so if you have any questions, I'll be happy to answer them." Perhaps Peggy needs to be sourcing information more frequently than she currently is, but she'd always tried to keep other people out of it, primarily because after what happened with Colleen, she's not sure she could bear to be the cause of someone else's death. Even now, she bears guilt for poor Mrs. Jarvis' state, because Mr. Jarvis was right - everyone around her does seem to die.

"I've my fair share of enemies no matter where I go," Peggy says with a sigh. "Unfortunately, I spent the war fighting against people who had a view of the world that was very different from others. It was one that couldn't be tolerated."

"I'll be sure to come with you should I require any sort of clarification," Jyn responds, words purposeful and succinct, as she nods her head in appreciation and acknowledgement. While she doesn't wish for anyone to stay in this place against their will, there's a tiny part of her that's grateful that she's met someone like Peggy - someone who's been here longer, who's learnt the proverbial ropes. Someone who can guide and instruct, mentor.

"Sounds hauntingly and unfortunately similar to the war I was in," she replies somberly. "The Empire wanted to maintain and demand order - through terror and intimidation. Execution, destruction."

"Yes," Peggy agrees quietly. "They were Hydra, or the Reich, but they had similar goals," she says, wondering if there's any way to actually defeat that sort of enemy or if Hydra had it right, in that you could only cut one head off and expect another three to rise. Perhaps there will be no defeating that evil because it lingers in the hearts of greedy, selfish people.

"I'm happy to report there isn't anything like that here," she allows, "but what we face is an unseen menace that seeks to control our lives, restrict us from escaping."

"There will always be small men at the heart of something destructive like that," Jyn seethes quietly, images of the Man in White flashing through her mind. She couldn't know whether or not the Death Star plans had reached their destination outside of the receiver of the transmission. She couldn't know whether it had been destroyed, but she could hope - deeply, purely - that it had been. She falls quiet for a few moments, consider the woman, her gloved hands, the glass in her own. "Where would you go, if you could escape?"

"Home," she says, "rather, the home I had only been starting to cultivate." Home with the Jarvises and with Howard lurking at the periphery. Sousa and her, working whatever cases she could with the respect of a man who believed in her convictions. Perhaps it wouldn't be forever (LA did have an obnoxious heat), but at the same time, it had been kind and welcoming to her.

"And you? If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?" Peggy wonders. "I don't think my map will show you that way, but perhaps we might look for it."

Jyn nods minutely at the woman's answer; it's what she had been expecting. Of course, isn't that where the average person would want to return to, if they'd found themselves here? Family, a network of friends, a house that was theirs, full of meaningful mementos and memories. Her eyes are lost in the residual liquid of her glass when the question she'd been expecting leaves Peggy's mouth; it makes her flinch all the same.

She doesn't answer right away, unsure of how - unsure of how to convey all that it is that's swirling, storming inside of her. How does one return home if there's no home to be had?

"I'm not sure," she replies, voice barely above a whisper. "I've no family left, where I come from. No home planet." The only place she'd even managed to find a glimpse of what home could have been like hadn't been a physical location at all - it had been in a person, in Cassian. And he was supposed to have perished with her on the beach. She supposes she could return to the Alliance, continue to fight for them and in their name against the Empire (though she hopes there's no Empire to speak of, if the Death Star had been destroyed). She supposes she could return to life as a criminal, though it wouldn't be her ideal. Come up with another name, another story - start over entirely. But how? How could she forget what she'd found in Cassian? Pretend as though it hadn't existed, as though he hadn't existed?

She glances up, offers a twitch of a smile as though to soothe whatever concerns Peggy might have had.

"I'm open to suggestions."

"When in doubt, I always enjoyed the privacy of a stiff drink and utter privacy in which to enjoy it and reflect," she admits, thinking of the many times she had found herself on a fork in the woods, deciding what path to take into her future. "Are there any friends?" she suggests, because Peggy had left her own family behind and hadn't looked back, not able to bear their presence after Michael's death.

"Perhaps someone romantic in your life that you're interested in?" It's not the first thing she would ever suggest, but when thinking about home, now, she can't imagine that she would ever feel settled and done until she had someone she could trust to fight at her side, or back to back.

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