sixthiterationlogs | I've Got a Bad Feeling About This

WHO: Jyn Erso
WHERE: At the fountain.
WHEN: February 6, night.
OPEN TO: OTA
WARNINGS: Grief, mention of death, depression, implied self-harm.
STATUS: CLOSED

Arrival
Blinding light.

That's the last thing that Jyn can remember. No, there's more: the wetness of tears, the feel of cloth and muscle and bone, the inevitable resignation at the end of her short life, and the reverberation of Cassian's heartbeat against her chest.

Cassian.

The name sears across her mind's eye like wildfire, a dagger in her gut, a sharp, hot pain that makes her body ache and her heart shatter. But before she can weep the way she wants to, before she can mourn the loss of him, of them, of the future ripped violently out of their grasp, she realizes she's in water. Her eyes open as widely as they can manage, but there isn't much to see, except the faint light overhead. Go up, she tells herself, her legs forcefully kicking with all of the residual strength she can muster. There's a way out, she can see it. Faint as it is, it's there.

When she finally breaks the surface, she's gasping and clamoring, the rush of the frigid air like needles in her lungs and in her throat. It almost makes her feel like she's suffocating, and the only thing she wants to do is get out of this -- thing. She thinks for a moment that perhaps it's a pond, or a lake, but as she stumbles out and off of it, she realizes that it's a fountain. A fountain? Her mind attempts to make sense of it all, but the chill of the air prevents her from doing so. All she can think now is to survive, that thing she's done so well her entire life, the thing she's so tired of doing. As she scrambles to her feet, it's then that she notices something strapped to her back. She pats the pockets of her drenched trousers, looking for her comm - not that she even imagines it might work in this place - but it's her first instinct to search for it. Only .. her pockets are empty. She's so disoriented that it takes her an embarrassingly long time to even realize that the clothes on her body are different. She considers plunging back into the fountain to see if her old ones are lost in the water, but even disoriented Jyn knows it's a bad idea. Who would she call, if she could find the comm? Who would hear her pleas and cries? There's no one left. She has nothing, not even the blaster she'd had those last moments on the beach.

Oh, the beach, she thinks, feeling her footing slip as she stumbles back into the darkness of her mind's eye. No, Jyn. Focus. You have to focus. She rummages through the pack and finds, much to her delight, a set of clothing for her to change into.

Change into dry clothes, she thinks, starting to create her checklist. Figure out where you are, find some food, find some shelter, check the area for danger, get some sleep.

There's a dull pain in her chest, squarely over what she thinks is her heart. It reminds her of what she's lost, it reminds her of what she might have had. It reminds her of her comrades, of Scarif, of Krennic, of Stardust. It reminds her of their mission. She presses palm to bone, willing the pain, the sorrow to leave. The ache pulsates with each beat of her heart, braying its despair. Emptiness, loneliness, it sings.

But there's no time to weep, the threat of tears beginning to sting the backs of her eyes. No, for now, she needs to survive.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"That's the thing," Jyn replies quietly, removing the glass from the seat of the chair and plopping herself back down, gaze at her hands and the glass as she twirls it in her fingers. "When you don't have a home to go back to, this place feels sort of -" She pauses, biting her lip lightly. "Too good to be true." She exhales a puff of bitter air and rises and lifts her shoulders lazily. "Even if everything's being controlled by a group of omniscient, kriffed up beings somewhere - it's still more peaceful here than it ever was where I came from."

Peggy hasn't thought about it like that, which is her own failing. She wishes that she'd not put her foot in her mouth so much, but she knows she can prevent things from becoming worse. "I don't want to ruin it for you, if you do like it. Honestly, it's the choice of the matter. Us being stuck here," she says, "it's not our choice. If you want to stay, then I would never force anything else. It's not something I'd want, though."

"Of course - choice is what it all comes down to, in the end." The choice to survive, the choice to surrender, the choice to retreat, the choice to push forward, the choice to sacrifice one's self to a suicide mission. It's all life was, she supposes - a matter of choices, one after the next, and the consequences of those decisions. She isn't sure if being here is a punishment or a reward. Part of her is inclined to lean towards the latter, but even that thinking is a little too hopeful for Jyn's liking.

"Understandable. It sounds like you've a life - a good life - to return to. What's the first thing you'll do? When you return?"

Peggy clears her throat, grateful that her icy nature at current is preventing her from blushing. "I was in the middle of a very important piece of work that I should like to get back to," she says, because she doesn't want Daniel to think that he's getting off the hook for teasing and taunting her like that. Even with the heartache of Steve, she knows that he belongs to the future.

Unless he were to be here, now, with her. In which case, Peggy would have to question whether she wants to escape, either. "Or perhaps I'll just enjoy a proper dinner at a restaurant. We're sadly lacking in one of those."

Jyn thinks to ask more about the vaguely mentioned 'work,' but decides it isn't her place - nor is it any of her business. If Peggy decides to elaborate, she will - she doesn't need to push for information over which she has no claim. It's the first time that Peggy's shown any sign of .. discomfort, and Jyn wonders if she's stumbled upon a sensitive topic.

"The Inn isn't terrible," she counters softly. "I've - never eaten in a restaurant myself, though I've heard about them from others."

"It's lovely, if you've got the right person there with you." If you don't, you could be subjecting yourself to hours of awkward and uncomfortable dinner conversation, which has happened to Peggy an unfortunate number of times. "Maybe you could make a request? The main points you need are someone to cook for you and wait on you. If you asked the right people, I'm sure they'd be willing to help."

After all, it's not like they're doing much else around here. People might jump at the chance to be useful.

"Food hasn't ever really been - an indulgence," Jyn explains, each word slow to leave her mouth as she feels each one before letting it loose. "It's been a necessity. It didn't matter how it tasted or what it was, so long as it provided the nutrients and energy needed to continue on the next day. It seems - rather luxurious, to treat it like an event, rather than a basic need."

"I know what that's like," Peggy assures her in a very grave, calm tone. For years, rationing had been her life. It had been all she had done and food had been just that - nutrients and energy and a means to survive. "It doesn't have to be anymore," is her point, which she feels like should be the point. "After the war, I finally got to enjoy food again, really enjoy it. You should, too."

"Perhaps, in time," Jyn replies, grateful to be speaking with someone who has been through such a similar set of circumstances. It's upsetting, in a way, to realize that Peggy can understand with pure empathy, but the solidarity of it all is warming. "What's the food light here? Is it any good?"

"I'm an awful cook myself, but if you wait here a little longer, someone will feed you," Peggy offers an assurance, seeing as Kate has been a godsend, especially when Peggy is in desperate need of something to eat. "I should let you be," she says, given how much of her time she's preoccupied and that she still has her own icy powers to contend with. "Ask for Kate," she advises. "Tell her you're new, I'm sure you'll get a meal quite quickly."

"Kate." Jyn nods, forcing herself to stand, placing the empty cup of water back on her seat before thinking better of it, picking it up, and handing it out to Peggy a bit sheepishly. She feels obligated to clean the thing herself, given the generosity the woman's shown her. "Your kindness has been -" She pauses, words of appreciation and gratitude so unfamiliar on her tongue. Sighs a bit at herself, her short-comings. "I won't forget it."

I've Got a Bad Feeling About This - OTA

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