001 ✝ there's an angel with a hand on my head

[ottimismo]

WHO: Sonny Carisi
WHERE: The fountain and the inn
WHEN: 12/14
OPEN TO: Everyone
WARNINGS: Nooothing? Will update as needed.
STATUS: Open

---

THE FOUNTAIN

At first, Sonny thinks he's dreaming.

There was a place their parents would take him and his sisters on vacation when they were little. As he got older, he learned that they were really just visiting his mother's family in Jersey, which really isn't much of a vacation at all when you live in New York. But they always got to swim in their auntie's pool while they were there, and Sonny would swim until his fingers were wrinkly and his eyes were red from the chlorine and his mother had to tell him three separate times that it was time for dinner.

He and his sisters got older. They did more sunbathing than swimming, and Sonny found he enjoyed helping his mom and aunt around the kitchen more than taking a dip in the pool.

Still, this reminds him of that, at first. The water's around him, warm to the touch, and it takes him a moment to realize he's not, in fact, dreaming, but that the burning in his lungs is real. He's drowning.

It's all instinct after that. The water presses around him, pushing him upwards, and Sonny kicks his feet, straining towards the lighter part of the water. He doesn't think about how he got in the water, or what body of water he could possibly be in. He only thinks about getting out, about breathing, about breaking the surface. And when he manages that, it's with a dramatic gasp of air, his lungs expanding painfully as he pulls in a much needed breath. One hand gropes blindly until he finds stone, gripping the edge of the fountain.

A fountain. He's in a fountain. He blinks water out of his eyes, pushing his sopping hair back with one hand. It occurs to him quite suddenly that the water wasn't warm, but that he was numb. It's sleeting, and it stabs at his exposed arms painfully. He's aware that there's a backpack strapped to his back, but more important, where the hell is he?

"Hello?" he calls out, and he can't even be bothered by how silly it feels.


THE INN

Eventually, he gets some answers, though not very many. And in the process of that, he manages his way to the inn, where he changes into dry clothes that are apparently his and sits down beside the fire to warm up. His hair's an unkempt mess and his bones still feel cold, his eyes tired. He's hungry, too. But he's too busy thinking for anything like food or sleep.

He tugs his backpack into his lap, digging through it a second time to review what's inside. Like maybe it'll hold more answers than it did before. This is what he does, though. Review, and review again, and again, until something looks different, until you notice something new.

After all, he is a cop.

Comments

[ottimismo]

"Oh." It's said quietly, thoughtfully. There's probably some medical explanation for it, he thinks. Then again, nobody's really found any explanation as to why they've ended up here, either. Nothing scientific, nothing logical. He probably needs to brush up on his Bible a little, but he's pretty sure there's no spiritual explanation either.

He's silent for a moment, watching the other man cook. If he were at home making his own eggs, they'd involve a little bit of milk and cheese, with some sun dried tomatoes and basil tossed in. That's probably not really an option here.

"I'm sorry that happened to you," he says eventually, and he feels like he's talking to a victim at work as opposed to a strange man in a strange place during a strange situation.

[thecatinahat]

Cougar shrugs his shoulder and stays silent as he finishes with the eggs, adding a little bit of the herbs that they've picked to give some flavour since salt and pepper isn't so easily come by. He settles it on the table in front of Sonny and perches on the edge of the chair, keeping a plate of his own that he digs into after murmuring two quick lines of grace in Spanish.

"Happens often," he says after he's swallowed a mouthful of eggs. "Maybe it will happen to you."

[ottimismo]

Sonny murmurs his own grace, but not before murmuring a thank you in Cougar's direction. His prayer is short and almost silent, hardly more than just the movement of his lips. It's just a standard Catholic prayer, but it brings some sense of comfort in an otherwise unfamiliar situation.

He's quiet for a moment, shoveling food into his mouth. It's impolite — his mother would probably whack him on the back of the head. But he's hungry. Hungrier than he initially thought.

"I hope not," he murmurs eventually, then clears his throat. "How do you deal with stuff like that?"

[thecatinahat]

Cougar shrugs when asked how he deals with it, because he's not sure he's ever had a decent coping method. Jake could speak to how terrible he is at it, given how badly he'd reacted when the helicopter went down and not only that, but after the incident in Afghanistan. Coping is not a word Cougar is best friends with, by any means. So how does he cope with this place? "I think I have to. If not, you go crazy," is what he says, and maybe there are some people who might think that he's already around that bend, but it's not true.

"And people," he adds. "People help."

[ottimismo]

Sonny nods slowly, because he gets that. That's just how it is at home too, with his job. You cope, or you go crazy. You cope, or the job eats you alive, ruins your life and your relationships. Especially with Special Victims. You can only deal with rapes and kidnappings and the like so long before it starts to get to you. Honestly, he doesn't know how Olivia and Fin have done the job for so long.

"I pray," he says, because he's never been shy about his religion. "Back home, I have a rough job. So I pray a lot and I go to church. I guess that's what I'll do here, too."

There's a pause as he takes a few more bites, quickly beginning to clear his plate. "Is there a church here?"

[thecatinahat]

Cougar shakes his head, seeing as it's not like the church ever really got off the ground. That Crowder man had started to talk about it, but then he had vanished and nothing had happened. So, instead, Cougar's been praying on his own with a self-made set of rosary beads that he uses, clasped to his heart. It's not the same, but it does the trick. "Sometimes, even prayer is not enough," is his rough response, voice thick with it as he thinks about the nightmares that even the lengthiest prayers do nothing to abate.

"But it would help," he admits, because he leans on his faith a great deal and it's something he trusts in to keep him safe. "Will you start one?"

[ottimismo]

"Start a church?"

He's not a priest. He'd wanted to be one, when he was younger. When he realized being a superhero wasn't really an option, he thought he wanted to be a priest, like his older cousins. He could save people's souls, and that was pretty much the same as saving their lives, in a way. But he got older and realized it wasn't his calling. God wasn't telling him to be a priest. Instead, God steered him in the direction of being an officer of the law. A different kind of hero.

"I'm not-- I'm just a cop." Or, he was a cop. He doesn't know what he is now that he's here. This place probably needs some sort of law enforcement, if it doesn't already have one. But it also needs a church. He needs a church.

"I can start one," he decides, finally finishing what's left on his plate. "I just don't know where to start."

[thecatinahat]

Cougar shrugs his shoulders as he finishes up his plate, settling back with a relaxed air in the chair. Honestly, he doesn't care who starts it, but he knows it's not going to be him. He doesn't talk enough to get people going to a church, but he still likes to sit in the back of a room and pray, especially if there are others there. "So?" is all he eventually asks Sonny.

"You are a cop. You know right and wrong." That argument is long gone for Cougar, who passed into the grey areas of wrong a long time ago. "You find a place. God does not care where," he reminds him. "He only hears what's in our hearts, our prayers, sees our actions."

[ottimismo]

Cougar's right. Of course he's right, and Sonny's not sure why he needed the reminder. He's strong in his Faith, in his belief that God always has a hand on him, always looking out for him. Being here so suddenly shook that belief, but he won't let it crack. He's not here because of God, but he'll stay safe because of Him.

"Yeah," he says quietly, tearing his gaze away from the fire and looking over at Cougar. "Yeah. Thank you. For the food and the advice."

[thecatinahat]

Cougar shrugs his shoulders, seeing as he doesn't think that it's really advice so much as his own beliefs, but he's glad that Sonny's found some grain of helpful truth in them. "When you build it, I will come," he says, and if Jake were here, there would be a Field of Dreams joke, but he's not. "I pray, each night, but there is something different about a church."

After everything that happened in Bolivia and then tracking down Max, Cougar could use a good confession more than anything, but that might be pushing things.

[ottimismo]

"I think it's more comforting," Sonny says thoughtfully, even though Cougar didn't technically ask. They never have to, when Sonny's around. He'll talk anyway. "Being in a house of God. Seeing the cross and the altar and the candles. He's always listening, but it feels more official in His house, you know?"

And having a priest around, somebody who will help you communicate more efficiently with God, is the biggest comfort of all, he thinks. He's lost count of how many times his priest at home has talked him through difficult times, and helped him confess his sins. He can't do that for this church, but maybe somebody else will come along who can.

[thecatinahat]

"We could get a cross and an altar, but I'm not sure about candles," Cougar admits, because they need their candles to actually work and live a little more than they need them for religion. Even a devout Catholic, Cougar will admit that, too. "It will be good, having more voices in prayer."

Maybe he could even drag Jake along, at least once. It would be a miracle in itself, but he thinks Jake understands how important his faith is to him and would come, just to support him.

[ottimismo]

"Anything we can work with, man." Sonny sits back in his seat, feeling a little more comfortable than he had a little while before. Maybe it's because he's eaten and he's dry and warm now. Or maybe it's because he's sitting with someone who also sees religion as something important.

"After all, God doesn't care about all the material things. Just that we're still believing and praying."

[thecatinahat]

"Every day," Cougar says gravely, because he doesn't think that his soul will ever lighten until he's able to pray away all the little children in purgatory that he put on a helicopter, not to mention the innocent life that he had taken in Afghanistan. Weary, he gives Sonny a nod of his head. "Praying with others, even quietly, it will be good." Having somewhere to take off his hat and rest his weary heart will be even better, he knows.

Somehow, having an actual church to attend has always put him just that much more at ease.

[ottimismo]

"Every day," Sonny echoes, his voice soft. He doesn't have many sins to atone for himself. He does his best to live a righteous life — sometimes he handles a suspect a little too roughly (not that they don't have it coming), and maybe he swears too much at times. He's a good Catholic, and maybe that's the problem. It's hard to handle the harsh realities he sees in his line of work.

That's why he needs to go to church. That's why he has to pray.

"Hey," Sonny says, looking up again. "Thanks. For the food and for talking and everything. It means a lot."

[thecatinahat]

Cougar shrugs when he's offered the thanks. He doesn't mind cooking for people and when it turns out that those people have something in common with him (especially an interest he hadn't counted on so much agreement with), he finds himself appreciative.

"Make a church," he encourages, "it is more than enough payback for the eggs."

[ottimismo]

Truthfully, Sonny's used to being the one that does the cooking. He cooks for his sisters and he cooks for Amanda, and it's usually as a form of emotional support, too, offering them company and a break from whatever they happen to be dealing with. He misses them a lot, even if he hasn't been gone very long at all.

"I will," he promises, offering a bright smile. "It's not as useful as cooking or growing things or like, hunting. But it's something."