sixthiterationlogs | I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in

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I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in

WHO: Steve Rogers
WHERE: House 18; River
WHEN: Mid September
OPEN TO: Friends / OTA
WARNINGS: Nada, will update if necessary

HOUSE PROJECT

[ Steve has never had his own place before. Not one he picked out himself. His mother rented the one he grew up in, then he moved into an orphanage after she died, then he and Bucky moved in together after high school. In the Army, he took whatever tent or barracks they assigned. After the defrost, SHIELD found a temporary apartment in Brooklyn, and again in DC when his orders sent him to the Triskelion. Nick Fury found him a place once they'd demolished one of the world's foremost law and order organizations. Long story short - he's been jumping from one bolthole to another without really caring whether it not it's really his.

The island is different. (He's not entirely sure it is an island, but exploring that far afield is for another time.) There are no barracks here, no footlocker full of mementos from home or a uniform. Not a real set anyway, the scrubs don't count until the Observers appear and line everyone up according to color code. If they do, Steve plans to start a rebellion immediately, because he's seen what happens to people forced to wear different colors. It's one of the things that makes him uneasy about the scrubs. Like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Until that happens, though, he's chosen one of the empty houses, so another room at the inn is free to some future arrival. Over the course of the last several weeks, Steve has hauled water from the river in a borrowed bucket and scrubbed every inch of his new home. Floors, walls, windows, wiped down what furniture came with the house. Cleaning is an activity he likes, which might seem weird to anyone else, but he was so sick, or frail, as a child that housework had to be done in little bursts, else he risked a coughing fit or pushing his heart to the point of needing a hospital. It's just really nice to be able to perform tasks that everyone takes for granted. Something he tries hard not to.

And the last few days have been taken up with laundry. Stripping the beds, dragging them down to the river for cleaning, and tossing his extra set of scrubs in the process. He's strung up an old-fashioned laundry line across the front porch and rigged some pins to keep the sheets and clothing in one place until they're all dry. Interested parties can find him sketching on the porch or puttering around inside. ]

FISHING PROJECT

[ As far as city living goes, Steve likes to think he's fairly self-sufficient. He's known how to get around one since he was a child. Public transit doesn't bother him. Neither does shopping at local grocery stores. (Although modern prices are still outrageous.) He can winter a weather without heat, has made a candle almost from scratch but prefers flashlights these days, and can handle himself well in the concrete jungle.

But this place is different. He's not accustomed to living off the land, and what knowledge he has of that is paired with the depths of human misery on the European front during World War II, because the Commandos scrounged what they had to when the going got tough. So he's got a tiny bit of woodsy experience. However, that is definitely not the same thing as being able to provide a service to the village outside of drawing pretty pictures. He needs to be useful.

Therefore Steve has been trying to teach himself to fish. Loitering around the Inn week after week, listening to snippets of conversations, has gleaned him just enough information to make a fishing rod from the branch of a young sapling. And he found a sharp, pointy rock on his daily wandering, tying it to the stick with a bunch of badly woven grass. So far, his spear-fishing skills are not that great: he's caught two fish in the last week, and one of them was mostly an accident.

But that won't stop him from heading out again after breakfast, determined to learn this valuable skill for his community. ]

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If we get back. When we get back, [ Because Steve has no doubt they will, someday. Setting aside the implications of the bunker, someday they are all going to figure out a way to get home. And he's a fighter more than a leader, although for some weird reason people keep lining up to follow him. ] we're going to save our world. And the rest of the universe. I don't know how, yet, but we will.

And after that .. Ross gets you, the UN gets Buck, over my dead body. I won't let him put hands on you, Bruce. I swear to God. Men like that ...

[ It's Zola and Schmidt all over again, which means Ross is worse than your garden variety bully. Steve lets out a breath, trying to stop his temper before it has a chance to get started. The last thing any of them need is him stomping around being an asshole. Or more of an asshole. ]

It's okay. We all need to vent sometimes. But I mean what I said. He'll have to literally go through me to get to you, when we go home.

"I think those ifs and whens are the plan. Get back to our world, save the people we lost, defeat Thanos somehow." Bruce isn't really ready yet to reflect on his own inner desire to just stay there, no matter how awful it was, because the Hulk is gone and everyone is safe from him. But that is cowardice, to help the others go back and not do what he could to help fix their own world. He is partially responsible for the reasons it went wrong.

"Getting out of here is number one. I'm going to try my best to help. I just got off one seemingly impossible planet, I can probably do it again." A small glimpse of his humor, since Thor did most of that. As usual, Banner was along for the ride.

He shakes his head, looking down at the ground. "I don't ... I don't want anyone to have to be between us. You've all been very good to me, I don't want to bring any more trouble to your door." It is said softly, because that actually is close to a nightmare of his. These people who let him in their hearts, being walked all over by Ross. He probably would enjoy Bruce being in pain over it. "It's personal with us. I was engaged to his daughter." Betty. The best woman in the entire world, who somehow managed to be that despite her father's evil. "He would use her as a weapon against me too, the man has no hesitation." So Bruce left her and let her have a life she deserved, and he didn't regret it. If she was happy somewhere in the world, it was enough.

[ The corner of his mouth lifts in a show of good humor. ]

Don't know if you've noticed, Bruce, but I've got a real talent for stumbling into trouble. It follows me home. So don't worry about that, okay? I can handle myself.

[ Of course, Steve would be saying that even if he was still a 5'4" mess. His expression sobers up a little at the mention of Betty. He's never met the woman, only knows her as a relative of the Defense Sec. But isn't that interesting. Frankly, it makes him detest Ross a little more and want to meet the woman Banner almost married. ]

All of that is moot if we can't figure out a way home. Just remember I got your back, okay?

Bruce laughs. "We're all troublemakers. Being an Avenger meant actively looking for trouble." To stop worse from happening, yes, but it still was predicating on finding something for them to fight. Bruce personally would avoid fighting if he could, but he didn't regret helping the Avengers. "Or, uh, creating it, in some of our cases." That part, at least, was said with more gravitas. Ultron was created by two men, not one, and Bruce disappearing immediately meant in many ways he skipped the immediate fallout. He suffered a different kind of issue from there, but it didn't stop him from being guilty and knowing it.

"I ... I really do appreciate that, Steve." Bruce half smiles. "I read pretty much everything they had on you. On everything involving the project, since we were trying to replicate it. Modernize it. It's surprising, when people turn out to be as great as you read about." He waves a hand. "I know you're humble, and I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm just being honest." Bruce didn't give compliments for the hell of it, or to suck up to anyone, that wasn't really his way. But his sincerity came from the heart.

"I'm pretty sure me and Betty's husband are glad you haven't crossed paths though, she had a big crush on you." That is a joke, somewhat, because he feels better when he jokes after being serious.

I'm not great.

[ It's an instinctive statement, obviously, something he's said too rarely since they thawed him out, although the general tone indicates its something he wants to say a lot. There's a resigned sense of acceptance underneath it. In that he knows people think he's the bees knees, even if he doesn't believe it himself. ]

Look, when we get home I'm going to hunt down Betty Ross and give her a hug. She clearly did right by you. [ If Bruce can speak of her with such clear fondness in his voice. ] And. Yeah, we're all troublemakers

Or a volatile bomb waiting to go off. I recall someone saying that a few years back.

[ He's teasing you, Banner. Roll with it. ]

"Steve." Bruce stops and recalibrates before speaking again. He wants to be honest from a different angle. "I think you're great for a lot of reasons, none of them related to your reputation. It's all based on personal experience. Like the first time we met and you said the only word you cared about was that I could find Loki. No one else sidestepped the Big Guy like that. I know it must seem really small to remember that, but people can show you who they are in the seemingly insignificant things. Not to mention you literally just told me you'd stand between me and Ross, which is a big deal. I could list more, but I know it'll make it awkward so. I'll drop it." He still wants that to be out in the open. Steve's someone who never looked for praise, but probably didn't get enough of it, in Bruce's opinion.

"She'd swoon if you did that. We were friends first. I was always lucky to know her. She's one of the best people in the world." Bruce grew up with no real love to speak of, after his mother died. Betty was everything to him. He cherishes and respects her, regardless of the fact their romance was long dead and buried. And he knew even now she would say the same of him. Only a few connections like that existed in a lifetime, if someone was lucky.

Bruce laughs, seeing the teasing for what it is, and nods. "I can't even blame that on the scepter. I would've said it anyway. I'm a natural born pessimist."

Bruce. [ Steve mimics his tone, but it's not intended in a mean way. More that its another form of teasing, something he doesn't do a lot anymore, but it's also meant to drive home a point. ] I believe you. I really do. And that is all I care about. The Hulk is one side of you. A huge, green, rage-induced side, but. You know. The captain is one side of me.

That doesn't mean I believe it myself.

[ Right? Right. And topic considered officially dropped. At least until the arguing starts up again. It probably will. Both men have Opinions about a lot of different subjects. ]

Oh, I hope she doesn't swoon. Her guy will knock me out. [ Whether or not that means Bruce himself or her husband is up in the air. ] Well. I've been accused of being a born optimist. So I guess we're a matched set.

"Hey, you take compliments better than I do. I feel physically ill when someone says something nice about me." It's a very, very weird thing to admit to, but it's the way his brain works, and he's trying to let Steve know that he does get it to an extent. Anxiety is attached to nice things. He doesn't get to keep nice things. "I know I can't make you feel the same way, but I guess just know that there are people who think that about you. Who are, uh, grateful. To know you." This makes him nervous too, sharing his thoughts and feelings. As long as Steve gets the message, whether it helps or not, it'll be worth the discomfort.

Bruce chuckles. "We need more optimists. The world's full of too many pessimists." Too many people who saw the worst in themselves and humanity. He saw too much of it. "I know, um, that Ms. Carter is here too. That must at least be ... nice?" He isn't sure. It seems like it would be nice, even if they weren't continuing their past, to see each other alive.

I don't really. I just. Let them go by.

[ Like a bus, or an airplane, or anything else that moves past under its own steam. A train. Although thinking of trains often leads to thinking of the Alps and Steve isn't ready to open up that particular wound right now.

Especially when another one is offered up on a silver platter. He can't deny it's wonderful to see Peg. Alive and well and young again. Feisty, ready to take on the world at the drop of a hat. But. But. It's also terrible. A wound he can't close again because she's there in the village and he doesn't know how to cope. ]

Yeah, it is nice. Peggy Carter is a hell of a woman. [ and predictably, his voice cracks on 'is'. ] She died. Back home. Had dementia the last few years of her life. Didn't always remember who people were.

[ Or that he'd been found and thawed. So many visits had been a merry-go-round of anguish. ]

I was one of the pallbearers at her funeral. [ which means, yes, he'd had to bury his best girl. ]

Bruce did know about that, in a general way. Tony said that his aunt Peggy died, and at the time, he noted to himself how hard that must have been on Steve. He was shocked when he realized who that kind British woman was on his first day, and he plans on finding her again. In retrospect he might have approached this more wisely. He's really terrible at talking to people.

"I'm sorry, Steve. It never gets any easier, losing people." He's not going to say things like at least she lived a good long life, because those types of things are not helpful. At leasts are not comforting. "We knew a lot about her, studying the project. She was Betty's hero." A powerful woman taking charge despite the situation and prejudice around her? At the time, a woman in the STEM field understood it well. They probably still did.

If this was Tony, he'd know what to say. He's flying a little more blind with Steve, but sometimes trying is all you can do. "Have you gotten to talk to her here at least? She found me my first day and gave me tea."

No, it doesn't. No matter if it's only one person. Or ten. Or twenty. Or a whole battlefield of them. [ Steve offers a small smile that might seem a little brittle around the edges. He's been surrounded by death most of his life. People died frequently in the tenements where he grew up and life didn't get any easier during the Depression.

At least, he thinks, the deaths of his childhood weren't ones he contributed to directly, like being given command of other units and having to send them into battle during the war. And it makes him wonder how intimately familiar Bruce is with death. His own parents notwithstanding. ]

Yeah, we've had a few conversations. I'd recommend sitting down and letting her bend your ear on various topics. Peg is incredibly smart.

Bruce's intimate relationship with death surrounds entirely the ones he's responsible for. He's made lists in his head. He's counted up the number from every Hulk incident, every person placed at risk. Once he's on Earth long enough to add Sokovia to the death toll, it will go up significantly. He'll never know how high the number was on Sakaar, but it's high enough for the Hulk to be champion for years, killing all others in his path. It's not the same as losing people he loves, but Bruce also only allows himself to love a very small number of people.

"I plan on doing that, for sure. I'm still astonished I didn't recognize her on sight, but it was a really hard day. I got completely drunk by the end of it." Bruce grimaces. "First time, and I didn't realize how strong it is here." One drink seemed perfectly reasonable! And then two. And then six. It wasn't a graceful start. "Not with her, though, thankfully." It was embarrassing enough with a stranger.

Bruce studies his friend, crossing arms. "How are you doing? With all of this." Watching him carefully.

[ Right. Because the Hulk isn't a force of nature and was able to be controlled right off the bat. Steve has seen some of the footage. He's not going to say there isn't some control present, or that the Hulk isn't intelligent, but if he and Banner could be controlled that easily, then they wouldn't have been on the run.

Which doesn't mean he's going to try and naysay how Bruce feels about it. Just that Steve is more inclined to take a more sympathetic view. Don't shoot or harm Bruce and there's every chance the Hulk won't break free to wreak havoc. There's every chance that the Hulk might be open to less destruction. But that's an argument for a different day. ]

She can be very unassuming when she wants to be. [ read: it isn't often. ] Thankfully. You shouldn't worry, though. Agent Carter has seen her share of drunk soldiers. Drunk men.

[ and will lay them flat if they try anything. ]

Me? I'm fine.

[ And that is his professional USO tour expression. ]

"I think it's more that when I first got here, I had no reason to think that I could run into someone from the past. It's not exactly the first thing that would come to mind. I was still adjusting to the lack of the big guy." Adjusting is one word. Not adjusting at all is closer to the truth. It's not that he and the Hulk actively shares a mind, he ordinarily can't talk to him or know for certain his other side understands, but there's a marked difference for a complete absence. There was a presence and then there was nothing.

Bruce gives one of his small, half-apologetic smiles. "Do you want me to pretend I believe that?" If it was Tony, Bruce would know what to say, what to do. He regrets now not making the time to learn some of Steve's tells too, so he's not this hesitant and uncertain of his welcome to pressing. Bruce can get nosy when he thinks he has the right. "I know I'm not, um, Nat. Or Sam. Or Bucky." The people Steve trusts and talks to most of the time. "But I'm your friend if you want to talk."

Hey, I'm from the past. [ But for serious, he gets it. Nobody expects ~~the spanish inquisition~~ to run into a legend like Margaret Carter on a mystical island. that's probably the last expectation on anyone's mind. It occurs, belatedly, that he and Bruce are in the same boat. or similar boats. Without the serum. Without the Hulk. Adjustments have to be made by both of them to survive here.

He feels bad for having not really thought about that before. ]

I want you to do whatever you want to Bruce. [ The grimace is only visible for a second. ] Nat has her own thing going. So does Bucky, with his girlfriend and making a real life for himself here. And Sam isn't around. [ Not that he would talk about how he feels with any one of them barring threats or dire situations. His problems are small beans compared to making sure everyone else is doing okay. ]

But -- look, I'm not gonna be anybody's burden. [ never fucking again. he had 25 years of that shit. ] I appreciate the offer, though.

Edited 2018-11-10 05:20 (UTC)

Bruce pauses and thinks through a response. He's not someone who talks impulsively, when he thinks that words have weight and meaning. Usually the only time people get fast responses from him are when he's startled or embarrassed, and that's not the case for him here. It's his mind calibrating what he wants to say and how.

"We have some things in common, you know. It's not as obvious as the ways we relate to others, but it's under the surface." Which is worse. Things out in the open can be addressed and understood. Everything on the inside was harder to treat, harder to be honest with. He can't quite make eye contact, but he tries. "Because I could say to you, but Steve, if we came to you with personal issues, you wouldn't consider us burdening you, right? And you'd probably go, no, of course not, but it's different for me. It's what I do all the time. Think about the ways I burden others, how I've failed everyone. That it's all my fault, so I have to deal with it." And that is exactly how he feels, all of the time. It's a running commentary in his head. The difference is that Steve's been trained how to keep it inside, whereas Bruce is terrible at it, his neurotic nature and anxieties all on open display for people who are looking.

"Maybe I'm reaching, but I will say this. Friendship is a two way street. If we can lean on you, you should let yourself lean on us."

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I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in

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