You have that look in your eye

[littledhampir]

WHO: Rose Hathaway littledhampir
WHERE: Various places around 6i
WHEN: 15th - 25th of August (Before the end of Sirens Call)
OPEN TO: OTA - Late tag-ins are always welcome.
WARNINGS: Minor references to blood & a pack of rabid Bambis. Character Death. Others may well come bc… Rose, so. Watch this space. FYI. So much TLDR under the cut.

---

If you go out in the woods today...

THE WOODS + THE INN

She’d been getting a little too comfortable with the fact that the wildlife here didn’t seem to have a problem with her. Rose’s strictly human status here in the village was generally a point of contention for the Dhampir, but if she had to have picked one thing that didn’t suck - it was her recent ability to be able to pet an animal without fear of it trying to snack on her. Until today.

In her defense...Who the hell would think to be careful around something that looked like Bambi had been left in the dryer on high for too long?! Sure they lull you into a false sense of security by sending one out to try and get your attention, and the next thing you know there’s eight of the little suckers - and she does mean that word literally - all trying to sink their teeth into you while you flail around like a fish that had escaped from its bowl. (Or. ya know. The lead singer of a popular Australian 80s band.)

While it was true that Dhampir blood was considered to taste better than that of a Human, Rose had been hoping that her change in race, courtesy of this godforsaken place, might have meant that had changed it. If the last ten minutes of her life was anything to go by, she hadn’t gotten so lucky.

You would be forgiven for laughing, however, if you happen to spot Rose as she emerges from the edge of the woods. Her appearance mildly alarming due to the bite marks that adorn her arms and legs. The long dark hair that had been pulled back into a ponytail was now a tangled mess that half framed her face. The clothing she’d raided from the discarded items of the Inn, probably more useful as dishcloths than it would ever be for training now. You may even spot one of the little creatures in question as it’s brave enough to think about having another go. And if you do, you’ll also spot Rose as she turns around and sends it back towards the treeline with a kick that sails wide.

Don’t worry if you miss it, she’ll be dragging her sorry self back to the Inn, looking like the disaster that she is, in search of something she can use to clean herself up and bracing for the numerous questions she knows she’s going to regret.

People are strange when you're a stranger

BUILDINGS AROUND 6i

If her encounter with the pack of Rabid Bambis had taught Rose anything, it was that this place was in desperate need of somewhere she could use to train. Running every day might be a part of her routine, but if she weren’t so bored out of her skull from not being able to take to the mats of a gym, maybe she wouldn’t do stupid things like, oh… say… pet the cute yet utterly terrifying spawn of satan.

It’s why she’s been out scouting the various buildings around the village, something that seemed like a wise idea until she realized that half of them were occupied and Rose had no idea which half. The ones with lights on inside made for an easy avoidance, but seeing as most of the people around here didn’t actually have electricity, there was a 50/50 chance that one of the windows she peered through belonged to an inhabited residence. Surely this was going to be fine.

And can you shake it off?

HOT SPRINGS

Even before the Wendigo attack, the Hot Springs had been a regular haunt of Rose’s, dating back to the first time she’d found herself in the village with a busted ankle and a series of conspicuous bite marks that weren’t exactly easy for her to keep covered. From the very moment she’d found out about the spring water and it’s healing potential, she’d been coming here every day. In part because of the healing but also because it seemed to be one of the few places she could visit that wasn’t overrun with people like the Inn was.

Of course, coming here these days wasn’t half as relaxing as it used to be but that was a story that even Kira didn’t have enough alcohol on hand to pry it out of her. It’s usually around dusk that she can be found this way, though, when most are making use of the last hour of natural light the village is afforded.

They say life carries on

PEETA'S GRAVE

When a Dhampir - a Guardian, died in her world, their death wasn’t something that was marked in any significant way. There was no memorial for people to come together and grieve. No procession of mourners to see them onto whatever came next. They were simply buried in a grave with a headstone that read the words ‘Eternal Service’. Dhampir, who like her, had dedicated their lives to protecting others. Dhampir, who like her, had always known that they would one day die because of it.

It was a part of her culture that had never particularly sat well with Rose. The attitude that when a person died, it was acknowledged - albeit briefly - and moved on from. Peeta was by no means a Guardian and yet, he’d gone into the fight knowing he could well die protecting others and while perhaps her only real connection to him was that she’d been there with him at the end. The thought that his death could be just like the many Guardians who had fallen before him, sat uneasily with Rose.

Those who have visited Peeta’s grave might have noticed the appearance of the forget-me-nots that somebody had been leaving there regularly. A single, lavender flower that seemed to be replaced with a new one every day. She never stays long, only long enough to retrieve the wilting flower and replace it with a new one. For Rose, it wasn’t so much about mourning as it was about remembering. About making sure, that at least as long as she was here, the boy who had sacrificed everything to help keep the people here safe, wouldn’t be just another headstone in a row of forgotten heroes.

Wildcard

Pick your poison. Rose lives at the Inn so when she’s not outdoors, she does spend an awful lot of time there.

Comments

[littledhampir]

The truth of it, may in many ways, be more awful than what Major is picturing. Rose never felt like she was missing out because there were no movies about people like her. Nobody wanted to watch the story of a young woman who lived her life, preparing to die for the people around her. They wanted hopeful tales of a better future and happily ever afters. That just wasn’t something Rose pictured in her life.

It wasn’t all bad. It’s not like she resented the path her life had taken, even if her choices were far from plentiful but watching stories of a life she knew she’d never have… there wasn’t a whole lot of enjoyment to be found in that. Plus it was hard to laugh and sigh her way through a romantic comedy when her own love life tended to play out more like one of Shakespeare's tragedies.

It's why this moment is so overwhelming because it's something else she simply didn’t do. Allow herself to stop and feel it all or have anyone who wants to feel that with her. She’d forgotten what it felt like to find comfort and warmth in the touch of another person. To have their scent wrap around her the way Major’s is right now. She breathes it in, her chest shuddering as he invades her senses, and she finds it almost impossible not to cling to him in the dying light of the day.

With every second that ticks by, she can feel the emotion that's wound so tightly through her chest, slowly begin to uncoil. Daring for the first time to release its grip on her heart as she loses the sense of where she ends and he begins. He’d be able to feel the tension slowly drain away as she gives herself over to it, Rose leaning into him and allowing Major to bear some of the weight that she’s been carrying for far too long now.

Her hands flattened against his back, she stretches her fingers wide as he envelops her. The warmth of her breath as it evens out, touching her cheeks as she turns her head to brush against his chest - and then without warning, he’d feel her stiffen, Rose shrinking away from the hug, her eyes out of focus as they avoid his gaze while she shatters what had been until then, a perfect moment.

“Sorry - I…” Her hand withdraws from his back, slipping between them to press against his chest, Rose attempting to put even a little distance between them as she struggles in silence to pull herself back from the brink. “I’m sorry.” It doesn’t sound like she’s apologizing for breaking away, but rather for allowing herself to fall into it in the first place - like she’s asked him for too much and is only now trying to rectify it.

[majorlyugh]

"Hey," Major replies softly, shaking his head in gentle reassurance. "Look, I can't speak for anyone else but myself, but you .. never, ever have to apologize for anything like that with me, okay? I mean, I hope you would apologize if you like, punched me (unless I deserved it) or .. I don't know, stole my dog or something. But this?" He uses a hand to gesture back and forth between them. "This is something you don't ever have to apologize for."

He tentatively reaches a hand up and, with his thumb, wipes her cheek.

"Even for us non-human folks, none of us are so strong as to be able to carry everything on our shoulders all the time. And I'm okay with sharing the load with you. If you want me to." It's a statement that's perhaps a bit weighted than he'll really let on. It's a promise of friendship, of course - and above all, Major will always consider Rose a friend, regardless of anything else that could blossom from it.

But it's also the implied promise of his steadiness and camaraderie in case anything else does blossom from it. He keeps his tone and expression meaningful but light, like he's not putting all his eggs into one proverbial basket. He's tossing out the line and seeing if anything bites.

"Would going for a walk help you? Or do you want to stay here for a bit longer? I can leave, if you want me to, or I can stay. I'll do whatever it is you need."

[littledhampir]

“Why would I steal your dog?” She’s not even trying to be funny when she chooses that to be the thing she’d never do and not, well, the punching. Rose is painfully aware that she is, who she is and sometimes that means she’s going to let her fists do the talking, even when they shouldn’t. For what it’s worth? She can’t imagine ever wanting to punch Major but when you're known for being a person who hits first and asks questions later? She knows it's at least possible.

Anything else she could have said to distract from the intensity that still lingers in the air, gets lost as he lifts his hand to her face. Rose stilling as she feels the pad of his thumb run across her cheek, her eyes involuntarily flicking up to meet his. It’s not often that she looks young, not with the life she’s led already but there’s an uncertainty and vulnerability in her eyes that softens her at that moment, the years seeming to fall away in a single look, as his words wash over her.

He made it all sound so simple and easy. Like she can just decide that she wants to share the burden and like that, he’ll be there to help her. People don’t work that way, though. Not Moroi. Not Dhampir. No human she’s ever encountered - not that there had been many before coming here. It’s not that people are selfish by nature it’s just that they have their own burdens to carry. The only person who had ever really tried to shoulder hers was…

He’d hear the slow intake of breath, see the confusion in her eyes slowly turn to skepticism. Rose standing there trying to read between the lines before dismissing the thought that had barely dared to blossom in her mind with a small shake of her head. He’s in love with his ex-fiance and she’s a trainwreck. Even considering that might be a possibility makes her feel utterly moronic.

“I - “ The thing about Rose and words, she either has too many or never enough. There are times when the most ridiculous things will pass her lips. Other times, rare though they might be, when wisdom that seems far beyond her age or understanding will flow freely. And then there’s these moments, the ones where she wishes she had the words, even if its just to fill the silence but she doesn’t know where to even begin, how to express one of the million thoughts and feelings that are spinning around inside of her.

“I don’t know what I need.” And she doesn’t just seem to be talking about here and now. What she needed has never been something to consider. It’s just, not how life works for her, or for any Guardian for that matter. “But… I don’t want you to go.” She could say that much at least. “Unless…. Well, don’t stay for me, stay because you want to.” Because the only thing worse than being alone right now would be him staying out of some sense of obligation. Lonely would always be better to Rose than being a burden.

[majorlyugh]

"It's not -- I'm not saying --" Major lets out a laugh, shaking his head. "I didn't mean to imply that you would. It was a random example I thought of. The only acceptable reason to steal my dog, though, is if I'm being a jerk and you wanted me to come see you. But then you'd run the risk of having Ravi go searching for him instead, and I dunno if you've met him before, but he tends to throw a lot of Science everywhere. He's a nerd. A smart, intelligent nerd, but a nerd." Major remembers when he and Sam had first talked and how quickly she told him that she didn't like Ravi, mostly because they'd gotten into some sci-fi nerd argument. It still makes him laugh, even now.

"That's okay." Major smiles at her, gently and softly, before glancing around at the area and deciding to plop down on the ground, a bit away from the grave. He pats the grass beside him. "We can sit here until you feel like you're ready to go. We don't even have to talk if you don't want to. We can just .. sit." He considers something with a tilt of his head. "Or I can tell you embarrassing stories from my childhood, if you want. I can make up things about the different zodiac signs as someone who has literally no knowledge of them. Or I can tell the plots to some of my favorite movies. Or .. whatever. Silence is always an option, too." He smiles up at her. "And, for the record, I'm staying because I want to. I like spending time with you."

[littledhampir]

“Nah… if you were being a jerk I’d probably just hit you.” Allowing a wry smile to play at the corner of her mouth, despite the fact that there was some truth in what she’d just said. She wasn’t exactly known for her ability to hold back her feelings and while she’d been working on it lately, even more since coming here, there was always going to be a part of Rose that went with her knee-jerk reaction, especially when she was upset. She just, couldn’t picture being the type who would cause her that level of pain.

She feels the sudden loss of his closeness the moment he moves away, Rose wrapping her arms around her body as if she could keep all the parts of her that felt like they were going to escape, trapped inside the flimsy walls she’s erected as he moves to sit down.

She had no intention of talking about anything real or difficult when she took those first steps to join him and yet by the time she’s sitting cross-legged on the grass, she can feel the words start to flow before she even registers them.

“I have a boyfriend.” It’s one of those words that she hates because it sounds so… trivial. Like the kind of thing that teenage girls say when giggling to their friends. “Had.” She corrects because despite how it feels, he isn’t that anymore. “I don’t even know if you can even call him a boyfriend. Our relationship was… complicated.”

She’s not even sure why she’s saying this, except for the fact that he’s the first person she’s felt like she could say it to. The only one who she’s ever wanted to share that part of her she’s kept hidden at all costs.

“But I loved him - still love him.” Maybe that was it? Telling Major was easier because she believes he’ll understand it. He was still in love with Liv and probably always would be. Just as she would be with Dimitri.

“There was an attack - Strigoi. A lot of Strigoi. And a lot of people died.” She doesn’t look at him as she speaks, finding it easier just to stare at the ground in front of them, her fingers twining through the threads of grass, feeling them break off in her hands as the words try to form. “He didn’t exactly… death isn’t the worst thing that can happen to a Guardian. He was, taken by them. Turned into one of them. A Strigoi.”

[majorlyugh]

"And I'd definitely deserve it." Major matches her smile, though he allows his to be a bit more prominent on his face than she does. "It wouldn't be the first time I'd have been punched. Kidnapped in a freezer, remember? If anyone, getting punched would be the least violent thing that's happened in a while." He knows his experiences and everything that went down in Seattle pales in comparison to what Rose has been through, but .. it's still his life. And it's far, far more chaotic than he ever dreamt back when he'd asked Liv to marry him.

Major leans back, digging his heels into the ground slightly behind him. He is, as he mentioned, perfectly content to sit in silence, but he is glad to hear Rose talk more. It isn't hard to know - both from her self-reporting and also her general way of being - that she isn't much of a talker. So he appreciates and cherishes the fact that she deems him safe and trustworthy enough to share things with. That's not lost on him.

"Who's relationship isn't complicated? I don't think anyone I know doesn't or hasn't had some sort of "it's complicated" thing going on in their lives." Even Ravi and Peyton had their own complications, especially with (ugh) Blaine in the mix.

He sits back up and reaches over to lay a soft hand on her forearm.

"I'm sorry, that that happened to your boyfriend. Regardless of how complicated it was." If anything, Major can empathize even more because it's .. sort of how he felt when he found out about what had happened to Liv, at the boat party he told her to go to. "The Stri- wait," he starts, taking a few seconds to try and really get the pronunciation correct, "Stri- Strigoi? They're the ones that are like the rage mode zombies, right? The .. violent ones?" He shakes his head, exhaling a puff of breath. "I'm sorry."

[littledhampir]

She nods, realizing they were hardly the first couple to have had problems that were out of their control. For Rose it’s more that she’s not sure what to call what they had. There isn’t a label that exists in the english language that isn’t lacking in some way. He brought a balance she was lacking. Made her be a better person. He put her first when it went against everything they believed in. He saw her, when everyone around her saw what they wanted, what was easier to accept rather than what lay beneath.

“We were together in all the ways that counted.” She wouldn’t ever minimise what they had because of the complications, if anything it had made them stronger. They spent so long trying not to be together, because of duty, because of expectations, because of what their society would say and it hadn’t been enough. His own family had treated her like she was his wife when she’d gone to tell them what had happened, because in their eyes? She was. In every way that mattered.

Her gaze falls to the hand that rests on her arm, but she doesn’t try to shake it off. Still, she can’t quite bring herself to respond to his touch either, needing to keep some kind of emotional shield in place in order to tell him her story. His story. She nods at his questions, allowing herself a moment of silence until the tightness in her throat can ease. Rose staring at a patch of blue flowers, watching their color lose their vibrancy in the fading light of the day.

“The kidnapping. The mansion full of vampires. The ghosts hating Strigoi.” They're all snippets of things she's told him and this is how they all tie together. Dimitri. “That night, when you pulled me out of the fountain?” She allows herself to look at him again, to see if he’s pieced it all together. It’s not so hard to figure out once you know they’re all connected; The bites on her neck. The fear in her eyes. Even the fact that she doesn’t have anything left to feel for a boy who died right in front of her. It would always come back to Dimitri.

“His name was Dimitri Belikov and he was the best person I’ve ever known.” Her gaze returning to that patch of faded blue flowers. There’s an almost eerie calm that surrounds her now, like the very thing she’s needed for so long, was to say the words that made that night real, to stop the endless scenarios spinning around in her head. “And the night we met was the night I drove a stake through his heart.”

[majorlyugh]

"That's all that matters," Major replies with a tiny nod. He gets it, he really does. Even if the circumstances and details of their lives are wildly, wildly different, Major gets it. At least from where he is back in Seattle, he feels very similarly about Liv. Constantly complicated, but full of history, full of shared pain and happiness. He remembers writing her letter when he thought he was going to lose his memory. The others were full of ramblings (and he might've lost his cool while writing Ravi's), but Liv's was .. relatively short. It was mostly a declaration of love, the kind of love he suspected he'd never quite feel again for anyone else.

That's not to say he hasn't loved other people, because he has. But maybe it was because of their shared trauma with all of the zombie stuff, which had been affecting their relationship from the beginning of the outbreak, that made him feel more bonded than before. But he also understood the concept of star-crossed lovers, and that's often how he felt about their relationship.

He brings himself back to listen to her story, and his eyes go wide with realization. The fingers on the hand on her arm twitch as it all clicks, but he doesn't take his hand away. If anything, he gently squeezes her arm in reassurance. With a slow exhale and a shake of his head, his other hand comes up to cover his mouth. He glances towards the ground some distance away, processing all of that.

"Shit," he mumbles from behind his hand. He's not one to curse too often, but the occasion calls for it. "That's .... what you went through when I found you?" He brings his eyes back to her face, full of sympathy, sadness, and understanding. "I'm sorry, Rose. I'm .. so sorry, that that's what you went through. I can't even begin to imagine .. what all of that must've done to you." As if the light's been shone in the darkness, he understands - or thinks he understands, at least - her better. "You shouldn't have had to go through that, and I'm sorry." He scoots closer to her to place his other hand on her other arm. "I want you to know that I appreciate you telling me. I know you didn't have to, and I know it can't have been easy, but I appreciate, endlessly, that you have. That's .. that's so much for one person to carry. I'm sorry."

[littledhampir]

Perhaps that was why she could tell him when she’d never been able to say the words to anyone else. He knew something about a kind of love that wasn’t easy and yet impossible to walk away from. He might still have Liv in his life, but he’d be able to have a sense of what it would be like to lose her and he knows something of loving somebody more than anything, and it not always being enough to keep them together.

There’s something oddly comforting about his response, the sudden slip from his lips that sums it all up too well and while she can feel his eyes on her, she still won’t allow herself to look at him. It’s not that she’s trying to shut him out, more that she’s trying to get through this and it's easier to do somehow when she doesn't have to see the sadness or concern in his eyes. There's this part of her that worries, if she sees just how tragic it all is, the reality of it will slam into her and then she’ll never be able to breathe again.

“It was my choice.” That part seems important somehow, because it proved she wasn’t some unwitting victim. What had happened in Siberia, what had happened with Dimitri, it had all come from the choices she’d made. “I went looking for him.” Because he’d needed her, not the thing he’d become but the man that he was and she could remember the conversation that had set her on this path, even though it felt like such a long time ago now.

“We agreed it would be better to be dead than to be one of them. So I went looking for him and then, he found me.” The rest, well he knows enough to have some idea of what had happened. The details though, that was something Rose would never willingly reveal.

It’s only now that she feels like its done that she can allow herself to look at Major, her hand reaching across her body to cover one of his, as if to reassure him that it - she - is alright. “Yes I did.” Realizing the truth in those words as soon as they’d passed her lips. “Maybe not, to you but…” Her shoulder lifts in a gentle shrug, figuring he’d know what she means.

“Don’t be sorry though.” She still has this unexpected calm about her, finding some level of peace in being able to say the words out loud and she even manages a small, broken smile as her thumb lightly brushes against his hand. “It happened… and I wouldn’t do things differently if I could go back, even knowing how they’d turn out because… It was still worth it, ya know?”

[majorlyugh]

Major nods at her, reaffirming with her that it had been her choice. He understands the importance of that bit of information, even if it's more as a reminder to herself than an explanation for him. He marvels, for what feels like the thousandth time, at the similarities of their societies. He knows there are a lot of humans throughout Seattle who'd much rather be dead than a zombie, and there are many zombies who'd much rather be dead than devolved into a Romero, that mindless, Night of the Living Dead version of themselves. Major agrees on that latter thought; he wouldn't want to get to that point. If it couldn't be avoided, like when Max Rager was secretly experimenting on zombies, he'd want a bullet in his brain to end that as swiftly as possible.

He gives a lopsided smile when she finally looks at him. He understands why she couldn't bring herself to look at him beforehand.

"Mmhmm," he murmurs as he nods. He has conflicting feelings about that with his own life, depending on the day. Some days, he thinks the way Rose does about it - not feeling sorry, not regretting anything. Other days, he regrets everything. What he'd been living back in Seattle wasn't what he had expected when he asked Liv to marry him so many years prior. But, as Rose pointed out, it - the outbreak, the boat party, the spread of zombies - happened. There was no point in feeling sorry about it when the only way to move was forward. "Thank you. For sharing and for also .. giving me a lot to think about, with my own life." While he's sure it was helpful for her to tell someone all of this, he can't deny the helpfulness he's felt in this conversation, too. "Do you want to talk about him?" he asks, looking over at Peeta's grave. "If you're exhausted from talking, you don't have to. Or if you just .. don't feel like talking about it. You don't have to, of course."

[littledhampir]

For Rose it’s the fact that she can’t regret the things she did, only those she didn’t. She would rather spend the rest of her life missing Dimitri, than a lifetime of wondering what if. The only thing she could control was the choices she’d made, and she’d make them all over again.

“Really?” Silently scrutinizing him for a moment as she wondered how what she’d said could have reached him in some way but hearing that, only helps to reassure she wasn’t only right to tell somebody, but that there wasn’t anyone she would rather have shared it with, than Major. “You’re welcome… and, thanks for listening.” Because she knew it was a lot and she wasn’t used to sharing anything that real about herself, but Major had this way of making her feel like she wasn’t a burden. Like, it really was okay for her to take a moment to put herself first.

“No…” Even finding a smile that doesn’t look quite so forced. “I don’t need to.” Talk about him. This was already the most she’d ever told anyone about Dimitri, either back home or in this place and she didn’t want to be stuck in the past. It was the whole reason she’d needed to say as much as she had but talking about all the reasons why she loved him, wasn’t going to bring him back. It was just going to keep the wound raw and weeping and he wouldn’t want that.

Her hand runs down his arm until her fingers brush his, allowing them to lace together and the silence to hang between them for several long moments… but there’s only so much serious that Rose can take, before a soft chuckle makes her shoulders shake.

“Though, for the record. Next time we hang out? Can we do it somewhere other than a grave?”

[majorlyugh]

"Yeah, really," Major affirms with a tiny nod to seal the deal. "Kind of just .. the understanding that things that have already happened can't be changed, you know? The only thing that I can do - that we all can do, really - is keep moving forward, keep looking towards what's to come. It doesn't make sense to sit and wallow about stuff you can't change. I mean, I think it's important not to forget all of it because, you know, those sayings about being doomed to repeat history and all, but we don't have to let it consume us. It's okay to just let things go." He shakes his head gently at her thanking him, not to dismiss her gratitude but to show that it really wasn't anything for him to sit and listen. He knows he's gotten the better end of the bargain, being gifted with her ease, her story, tales of her life.

"You don't think the grave is kinda metal? Kinda goth?" He looks over to where Peeta's buried. "I mean, I was never really into both scenes, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been at least a little bit curious about them." He glances back to her. "But, yeah, sure. So long as there is another hang out to look forward to, we'll pick something different." And then, as an after thought because Major's brain is always whizzing at a million miles a minute, he adds, "I read once that Mary Shelley lost her virginity on her mother's grave."