what's ferret for 'bitch please'?

[zomboligist]

WHO: Ravi Chakrabarti
WHERE: Under a delicious tree (an evil, delicious tree)
WHEN: October 17th
OPEN TO: All!
WARNINGS: Ferrets, mischief, swearing

---

There is a ferret currently pawing at a sweater vest near one of the trees on the outskirts of town.

This isn't a sentence that Ravi would've ever assembled prior to this place, and yet, now it feels commonplace. If he weren't currently in a little ferret body, he might even feel compelled to squeak about how this place is awful. No. Wait, squeaking is for right now, which is what he's doing. It's all that bloody apple's fault for looking so green and perfect, and if someone's going to change you into a ferret after a few bites, he thinks he ought to be warned.

Of course, right now, maybe his priorities are a little off. First, there had been the immediate 'oh, fuck, I'm a ferret', and yet, after that, Ravi didn't think about switching back instantly. No, instead, he's far more concerned about the fact that he'd been wearing one of his best shirts and sweater vests and they're currently all in a pile where someone might step on them or, worse, might take them for their own. That won't do.

This is how there's come to be a tiny little angry Ravi-ferret pawing and clawing at the sweater vest to try and figure out a way to drag it with him back to his and Major's place. No opposable thumbs rule out hands, which means that teeth are next. That is, teeth are next until heavy footsteps and a looming shadow above him makes Ravi realize just how small he is and just how much he currently detests that stupid apple for making him like this.

What if it's permanent? What if he has rabies?

What if their dog eats him?

Letting out a panicked and angry squeak, Ravi clambers to protect his clothes ever the more, while simultaneously hiding behind one of his boots in case he ends up accidentally pelted by an over-eager kick.

Comments

[majorlyugh]

"Whoa, whoa, what are you --?" Major starts as Ravi starts causing a fuss. "You wanna go back? You wanna go back to the apple? Did I forget something?" he asks, gently lifting and lowering the makeshift pillow he's currently carrying Ravi on to see if everything's accounted for. "I think .. I got everything, but - uh. Sure, let's go back. If you get eaten by a bear or something, though, because you made us go back into the woods instead of back to the cabin, that's on you."

[zomboligist]

He squeaks yes because he needs the apple, because he needs to get it, just in case that's the key to turning him back into a human. Maybe he needs to bite into it again to turn back into a human-Ravi and not just a ferret-Ravi, but this is all based on random fairytale knowledge.

Which? Honestly? It feels wrong.

This is the absolute worst, right now, because he just wants to rant and ramble and talk, but he's got ferret vocal cords right now, which aren't helping.

[majorlyugh]

In a few minutes, Major's back to where he'd found Ravi - or just about, at least. Look, directions aren't his greatest or strongest sense, but he's close enough. He's mostly keeping an eye out for the apple and, after scraping himself up climbing through a bunch of bushes and shrubs, he finds it lying on the ground.

"Okay, we're here." He looks around at the otherwise empty area. ".. There's .. nothing here, man. Except for the apple that turned you all cute and furry in the first place. God, I wish I had a camera or something. I'd Snap the hell out of this whole thing."

[zomboligist]

Ravi tries to scramble out of Major's arms gracefully, but mostly he sort of just ends up flopping onto the ground with his little furry face splatting. It doesn't look dignified and it leaves him extremely happy that no one is watching this to see such a fuck-up.

He heads to the apple and stands right above it, taking it into his little hands and staring at it. Should he bite it again? Will it fix him? Or will he become something even weirder?

[majorlyugh]

Major winces as Ravi faceplants on the ground, but bites back the snicker he so desperately wants to let free. For his friend's sake, and for whatever dignity he might have left, though, he keeps it in.

"Ohhhhh, I get what you're going for. Thinking maybe biting it again might turn you back? Yeah, that's not a bad idea, I guess. I mean, I doubt it could get worse than what you're dealing with right now." He thinks of all of the things that could happen that would classify as 'backfire' if he takes another bite of apple, but at the same time, Ravi just might be onto something. "Go for it. You don't really have anything to lose." What a bold-faced lie.

[zomboligist]

If this doesn't work, Ravi may consider shoving the apple into Major's mouth just to get a ferret-y friend, but he thinks that not even he's that cruel (or is he?). Staring dubiously at the apple, he shuts his little beady eyes as tight as he can before he dives right back into the apple to bite it again.

Seconds later, he sort of just poofs right into a very tall, very naked, very human man. Curled in on himself, he gives Major a pathetic look from the ground. "How could it have taken you so long to understand what happened?" is his first demand, voice rough from lack of use.