sixthiterationlogs | what's ferret for 'bitch please'?

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what's ferret for 'bitch please'?

WHO: Ravi Chakrabarti
WHERE: Under a delicious tree (an evil, delicious tree)
WHEN: October 17th
OPEN TO: All!
WARNINGS: Ferrets, mischief, swearing

There is a ferret currently pawing at a sweater vest near one of the trees on the outskirts of town.

This isn't a sentence that Ravi would've ever assembled prior to this place, and yet, now it feels commonplace. If he weren't currently in a little ferret body, he might even feel compelled to squeak about how this place is awful. No. Wait, squeaking is for right now, which is what he's doing. It's all that bloody apple's fault for looking so green and perfect, and if someone's going to change you into a ferret after a few bites, he thinks he ought to be warned.

Of course, right now, maybe his priorities are a little off. First, there had been the immediate 'oh, fuck, I'm a ferret', and yet, after that, Ravi didn't think about switching back instantly. No, instead, he's far more concerned about the fact that he'd been wearing one of his best shirts and sweater vests and they're currently all in a pile where someone might step on them or, worse, might take them for their own. That won't do.

This is how there's come to be a tiny little angry Ravi-ferret pawing and clawing at the sweater vest to try and figure out a way to drag it with him back to his and Major's place. No opposable thumbs rule out hands, which means that teeth are next. That is, teeth are next until heavy footsteps and a looming shadow above him makes Ravi realize just how small he is and just how much he currently detests that stupid apple for making him like this.

What if it's permanent? What if he has rabies?

What if their dog eats him?

Letting out a panicked and angry squeak, Ravi clambers to protect his clothes ever the more, while simultaneously hiding behind one of his boots in case he ends up accidentally pelted by an over-eager kick.

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To be fair, the jelly Taako's thinking of it semi-intelligent, or at least able to squelch itself around trying to eat people. This is because Taako's reality is bonkers.

He tilts his head in something approaching honest sympathy at the fairly effective ferret communication. "Sorry, my dude, I'm totes unmagical right now or I could probably have you back. If I could conjure up shit I'd have blasted my way the fuck out already. Good news is if it's anything like the polymorph variations I know, it'll probably wear out."

Why? Why is his luck doomed to be so awful? Ravi tries to nudge the fruit around, but his weird lanky long body isn't anywhere like his normally weird, lanky, long body, and he's struggling to get it. Eventually, though, he pushes it and manages to make a bunch of ferrety-babbling sounds with his little mouth, trying to get across 'I took a bite of this and now I'm a ferret, should I eat more? Or should I wait this out?'

Do you feed a fever and starve a ferret-conversion? They don't cover this in the Homemaker's Guide.

There are only so many things an involuntary ferret would need to talk about urgently. He gets the gist. "Food curse, natch. Classic for a reason." Given he used to be quite guilty of mixing magic and cooking himself... Well, no, he's not going to hold his tongue, because he's never bothered with being fair. "If I could cast a fucking cantrip right now I could probably take a look at it for yah, but like I said, not much of a wizard right now. I mean, prolly don't touch it? I've heard of the antidote being on the other side, but that'd be some bullshit to actually enchant that precisely. You get donkey cabbages way more often, and I don't see another one of these around."

No, nothing is natch about this, Ravi would like to argue that particular point, but seeing as his mouth won't let him babble as rapidly as he'd like, he has to settle for a narrow little glare that he hopes the other man takes as the insult it is. He doesn't know what a cantrip is, he doesn't know why an apple has been enchanted, but all he knows is that he wants to go back to normal.

When he's being told not to touch it, Ravi gives him a disbelieving look and tries to kick the damn fruit, but it just makes him flop over onto his little ferret back, not used to how long his stupid body is.

A ferret glaring just looks like a ferret, but the awkward flailing against the offending plant matter communicates the mood pretty well in its own turn. Taako takes a moment for a completely undisguised snort--there's no reason to pretend a clutzy ferret isn't hilarious--then shrugs. "Sorry, punkin, but I've never heard of beating up the imbued object being a decent way to get rid of a curse. Magical shit resists destruction through normal means. It's a whole boring-ass class."

Well, now he's just annoyed that he's a ferret and he's being called pet names, which is adding insult to injury to this whole business. Ravi is officially having one of the worst days he's ever had since he turned up in this hellhole and he wonders if the sulking is showing, because he is sulking and how.

Standing in front of the weird man, Ravi stares at him with a 'so then, what do we do?' look, but he figures a little shoe gnawing ought to help with that.

Taako's use of pet names is more a verbal tic than anything else. Sometimes punkin means his beloved apprentice, and sometimes it means the gerblin he's about to magic missle into mist and gristle.

He's not defensive of the shoes, though. They're such an abomination of form and function he can't imagine ferret teeth making it worse. "Look, from my admittedly limited observations, whatever's going on around here seems more like a series of trials than anything else. I am a fucking expert at being locked in a box and tormented for the amusement of twisted skullfuckers, thanks, and they get real bored real fast. Chances are good you can wait it out. In the meantime, uh, watch out for feet and salmonella."

Wait it out? No, that's not an option. Hoping the man can tell that from his increasingly panicked squeaks, Ravi stares longingly at his things sitting in a pile, then back to the man, deciding that his survival is more important than his sweatervest, clinging on and jumping up to try and grab hold of him.

Ravi can barely fend for himself in Seattle some days. How is he supposed to navigate this place as a ferret on his own? He'll get eaten by a fish or something else completely implausible.

Thanks to Taako's natural affinity for weasel-ish carnivores, he's a lot more chill with being clambered on by tiny pointy claws than his fussy self-importance would generally imply. Still, this isn't behavior he wants to encourage, even if having a chance to observe transmutation magic up close feels pitifully like a treat right now. "So you want a lift somewhere or what," he asks flatly, aiming for grumpy but just sounding a bit snide instead.

Ravi doesn't actually waste any more time bothering to make little ferret noises. When the lift is offered, he hops and jumps right up onto the man's shoe, knowing that he probably shouldn't be going between locations with a stranger, and yet, what's the alternative? Sit around uselessly and wait to be a ferret forever, somehow needing to learn the ways of the wild?

No, he's not doing that. So he clings on tight to the man's trousers near his ankles and hopes that's signal enough that he's good to go.

Given Taako's altered his scrubs into a wrap skirt, it's something of a balancing act. One that he doesn't think is sustainable. "Alright, that's just awwkward logistically," he says, leaning down to scoop Ravi up. He started it. If there's going to be a ride, it's going to be a ride that's comfortable for Taako. Fortunately, mongooses continue to be a pretty fair approximation for their distant, more dog-derived cousins, and the way he picks Ravi up is smooth and comfortable.

Ravi makes a small sound of protest when he's scooped up and carried, but if this is how he's going to be rescued, then so be it. He will suffer this as best as he can, because it's not like he has any other options since no other woodland family of animals is rushing out to try and help him, now are they?

He burrows into the warmth of the man's body a little, refusing to think about how he'll have to explain any of this later. For now, he's just tired and confused and furry.

"Alright, let's keep some dignity going. You're normally some kind of sentient humanoid, probably, right?" Sure, being in certain shapes does some funny things to the brain. Whenever Taako's a dinosaur, for instance, his intelligence suffers. The difference is that he's the one in change and the transformation is held in place by concentration, so it's always easy to let go. Either way, ferret instincts are not of interest to him and he doesn't feel like having a squirmy little weird thing poking him. If he was cool with that he'd be much nicer to his apprentice.

Nodding is strange, because he has a very big head on a long body, but how else is he supposed to get his point across? Blinking in morse code? For one, he doesn't really know if morse code is something this man knows and also, he knows S and O, but that's about it, so they can talk about very little. So awkward nodding it is.

Is he going to stay a sentient creature forever? He needs to be able to know that's possible, and maybe some of that panic reflects on his face.

The whole writing thing is a good theory but doesn't seem to be panning out that great in practice. Taako hmms lightly to himself and, to the ears of anyone else, makes a couple low, growly grunting sounds. He's very rusty with the tongue of beasts. Over a hundred years will do that. The chances seem very low that it'll mean anything to some dude turned into a slinky cat, but just in case something magically odd is going on. "That didn't mean anything to you, right? Just checkin'."

It means that he could be possessed? It feels like the other man sounds possessed to Ravi, but then, it's not like he's ever learned how to speak ferret in advance of his unexpected transformation, because no normal person should ever have to actually learn to do that. Helpless, he flops over against the other man, frustrated and tired.

Also, weirdly still hungry, but he thinks the apple is a no-go at this point, unless he wants even more issues.

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what's ferret for 'bitch please'?

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