fading in and out

[ethnobotany]

WHO: Beverly Crusher
WHERE: Outside mostly
WHEN: backdated to October 14th
OPEN TO: Everyone!
WARNINGS: will update if needed

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A lot of things have happened since Beverly surfaced out of the fountain. Some of them have seemed almost normal for a Starfleet officer to experience, while others seemed like something a Cardassian or Q would cook up. Despite still not being pushed for Starfleet intel or information on the Enterprise, Beverly isn't entirely convinced that one of the above isn't running the entire show.

On days like today, she leans more towards Q. If she were at all aware that yesterday was her birthday, she would be even more convinced that Q is the prankster.

The day starts out as well as most, but partway through, when she's headed to the Inn for lunch, she notices that the ground is unusually bright. She lifts a hand to shade her eyes from the sun and barely anything happens. In fact, as she turns her hand over, she notices it isn't casting a shadow at all. More to the point, she isn't casting any kind of shadow. Even turning around and looking down doesn't produce anything. Nor does lifting her feet.

"The trees and buildings are all casting shadows," she comments to herself, but loudly enough for anyone nearby to hear. "Are the people just not?"

She probably looks a little strange wiggling her arms and legs around, as though a shadow will simply fall off of her if she moves enough. Eventually, she'll end up in the Inn, where she finds she is still not exactly casting a shadow, even in the unnatural light inside. Still, even shadowless people need food. And maybe a bit of company.

Comments

[ethnobotany]

"Would it be easy for you to watch someone you love walk off into the unknown?" Beverly points out gently. "Friend or family member doesn't matter. Of course it isn't settled, but it isn't my choice. I'd never be able to force anyone to change their minds about something like this. I wouldn't want anyone else to try to change mine."

Some people might think of her as passive because of her distaste for pressuring others or arguing about less consequential things. Her personal inner strength is in her ability to love and accept anyone. No matter what happened in the past.

As for coping mechanisms... there aren't really any good ones. Distractions, mainly, and the sheer belief that he's doing well. She keeps herself busy with her life. That's all she really can do.

"Sometimes I write him letters about what's happened to the crew or his friends. It's almost as good as having a conversation. Maybe one day I'll get a chance to show them."

[womanofvalue]

"No," she says, with absolute certainty, though she hadn't known that Steve was walking away forever when he'd left her. She can still recall how she'd felt, too, watching Daniel rising up towards that zero matter and the panic she'd felt at losing both him and Jason Wilkes to it, so she understands all too well what it means to feel like that.

"I understand allowing people to make their own choices as well, even though it does lead to heartbreak." She inhales sharply to steady her emotions, not wanting to get too worn out about this. "Is there no vacation time, in that universe of his?" she can't help but joke.

[ethnobotany]

Something in Peggy's reaction feels achingly familiar and for all that Beverly doesn't want to pull at something particularly painful in turn, she does reach over to rest a hand on one of Peggy's and silently give it a squeeze. Whatever pain the other woman is thinking of, Beverly thinks she can understand it. The look feels all too familiar.

But she retracts her hand quickly rather than poke at both of their wounds, managing a small smile in turn. "If there is, I don't know about it. I'll have to ask him when he comes home again." When they both come home again, but she isn't in any mood to consider the idea that they might not, that one or both might be stuck somewhere. "For all I know, time isn't even linear where he is. Wouldn't that be something to wrap your mind around?"

[womanofvalue]

"I'm still not sure time is linear here," she says. "After all, I'm from the 1940's on earth and you're here talking to me about space travel and slipping into other dimensions," Peggy feels inclined to point out the obvious in that of how wildly mad that is.

It's something that, most days, she feels she's come to grips with. Then she'll have a conversation like this with Beverly and it all goes topsy-turvy again. "Do you really think we'll ever get back? Home, that is," she notes, now that the topic has been brought up.

[ethnobotany]

"Well, time within our little dome seems fairly linear," Beverly replies with a light shrug. "We might be involved in some very complicated dimensional shifting and pulling, but here the days pass by pretty straight. Except for that time the sun stopped setting, but it might just have been one big long day, rather than time or even the planet we're on stopping entirely."

Of course, it might all be a simulation on a holodeck for all she knows, but she's less inclined to mention that to someone who doesn't have that sort of technology normally. She doesn't really need to throw around her conspiracy theories to people who are just trying to survive.

Peggy's question brings silence for a few seconds as Beverly mulls over that thought. She's given it consideration before and her answer is similar to her answer about Wesley. Her lips curl slightly upwards sadly. "I have to believe it," she admits. "Otherwise... why even bother fighting? I have a son to go home to and a crew that's become my family. As much as I enjoy talking to a lot of the people here and getting to know people like you, I have to believe that we'll all make it out of this cycle of torture."

[womanofvalue]

"I keep thinking that I'm making some progress or that I'll find some way out, but then another month passes and something else happens that goes against every other theory I've had about this place," Peggy admits, the frustration bleeding into her voice a little. For all that she wants to think that this all has to do with zero matter, other people's experiences have gone against that.

So she has to think that they've been captured. Perhaps by someone from another world, but even then, everyone should have a weakness. That she hasn't found theirs and a way out in over a year is unacceptable, to her.

"I simply don't understand how we do that."

[ethnobotany]

"I know," Beverly replies almost apologetically. She understands the sentiment, understands the feeling of hopelessness and anger. If she could do anything, if she could help figure it all out, she would. But she's at as much of a loss as Peggy.

That said, there is one theory she hasn't offered to her friend, something that won't be easy to swallow. Given that they've just been talking about time travel and extra dimensions in space, Beverly figures it might not be breaking things too much. Besides, she respects Peggy enough to offer it.

"There is one more theory Jean-Luc and I have tossed around," she adds on quietly. "In our time, the Federation has developed something called a holodeck. It uses holographic projectors to create simulations of anything you want. You have to specifically program the simulation right down to the blades of grass and the smells, but it's all very lifelike. You can't even tell the difference unless you know. For all we know... this entire valley could be an elaborate simulation, though for what purpose..." She shrugs lightly and gives a shake of her head. "It's hard to say."

She doesn't mention that holodecks can even simulate people, figuring that's a topic best left off unless Peggy asks. Some holographic people know they're holograms, but most don't and it can be an undertaking to convince them. That said, Beverly would really rather not think about her medical staff here being holograms, but at least they seem more trustworthy than that damnable Emergency Medical Hologram on the Enterprise.

[womanofvalue]

"How did you manage to reproduce matter in a solid form?" Peggy asks, but her curiosity is genuine and not chiding. It's a good theory, as good as any of the others that she's heard, which means that it's viable to consider, but the only trouble is that she doesn't quite understand it totally. Programming does make sense, but wouldn't they be able to feel that something is wrong? That the trees aren't solid or the food isn't.

"I think Nerys might have mentioned something like that before, but I struggle to think that we could be in a program of sorts and not know or have it go wrong. Even then, if it is a holodeck, shouldn't there be a weakness to exploit? Programming to influence?"

[ethnobotany]

"I'm sure an engineer could explain it better," she says wryly, "but it's a combination of photons and force fields." Holodeck technology is extremely complex but she's doing what she can. If Geordi turns up, she'll send him straight to Peggy to help out.

"It might not even be what I'm thinking. It might be one of those people transcending time and space just to see how humanity reacts to differing simulations." Or it could be like the SPECIES when they kidnapped Jean-Luc so many years ago, but the idea of being replaced by a copy is even less appealing than any of the others. "Or how other species react to being turned human."

[womanofvalue]

It's more than Peggy will even be able to explain and it sounds like a wondrous thing that can't quite be put down into words, but she's more than happy to go with that. "I assure you, I've always been human," she quips, though she's sure that people have made plenty of comments and jokes in the past about Peggy's ability to be more than that.

"Even so, one day, there'll be a flaw," she insists, because she has to believe that. "We'll exploit it, somehow, and maybe that will be our way home."

[ethnobotany]

"As have I," Beverly returns with an equal tease, gentle even in its amusement. Despite having been born on Earth's moon and growing up on a planet in another part of the galaxy, she is still entirely human.

"Exactly. We'll make the most of it. Not even the best simulation can go on forever."