candor1: (bienvenido)
Cassian Andor ([personal profile] candor1) wrote in [community profile] sixthiterationlogs2017-02-16 10:35 am

La paz llegará, el amor siempre vivirá—No me ames, mas quedate otro dia

WHO: Jyn Erso, Cassian Andor, Bodhi Rook, Finnick Odair (independent threads)
WHERE: Cabin 56, the woods, the spring, wherever else happens
WHEN: Feb 6 through now. "Ten days in the [new] life".
OPEN TO: Jyn, Cassian, Bodhi and Finnick
Quick apology for what a first-love middleschooler I've been being IC and OOC, with me neglecting and Cassian unable to gear shift at all away from Jyn! (Turns out we're super OTP, quelle surprise) Thanks for forebearance, and sorry, guys…!
This might help with moving back into the rest of the game from that first obsessed flush of her arrival. Mainly prompts for [personal profile] kestreldawn and I to multithread several CR developments in a single post, rather than a slew of logs.
WARNINGS: PTSD (both helping and triggering one another—and worrying about that), exchanging war/life/traumatic stories, issues they haven't thought about in decades resurfacing 'cause this is so new and everything's getting unlocked, smut (though surprisingly happy/healthy), treating physical injury (possible self-harm convo), reproductive choices, panic attacks
STATUS: Open

1. the next moment (Jyn and Cassian in their cabin)

2. that night (same)

3. in the next few days (Finnick and Cassian at the spring)

4. in days following (Bodhi, Jyn and Cassian TBD)

5. today (Jyn and Cassian, cabin and forest)
fishermansweater: (The boys the girls they all love him)

[personal profile] fishermansweater 2017-02-21 07:58 am (UTC)(link)
Finnick's responding laugh isn't scornful.

It's bitter, envious, because what Cassian is describing sounds as impossible as if he'd started talking about flapping their arms and flying out of the canyon. It takes all Finnick's skill to even try to maintain neutrality in his expression, and he knows he won't succeed, so he drops his gaze, his face turning down, a futile attempt to hide the sudden tension in his mouth as he fights to stop his lips pressing into a moue.

He clenches the hand under the water into a tight fist around the bracelet. What he'd have given to be able to live with the principles Cassian is swearing by. That life doesn't exist in Panem. Anyone who tried to live in the name of a cause they believe in would find themselves an Avox, at best, and more likely, a public execution in the name of the unity and stability of the nation.

Having this conversation is dangerous. Knowing Cassian is dangerous, and not just in the way that had been obvious when they'd first met.

When he looks up again, his eyes are still stormier than they've been, yet, to a man who knows what to look for. He's forced his jaw to relax, but those eyes are still shining too bright. But there's nothing he can say. Nothing out in the open, and he has to be careful how he plays this.

So he stares, for a few long, long moments, at Cassian. His eyes narrow, turn a little softer, but it's a ploy, the act he's put on so many times in the Capitol. It's an excuse to duck back down under the water and start swimming, back towards Cassian, to resurface near him, where it's not far to walk a little out of the water and approach him, closely.

Close enough, if Cassian will let him, to whisper to him.

"You're assuming we get to choose the game."
fishermansweater: (Nothing left)

[personal profile] fishermansweater 2017-02-21 03:20 pm (UTC)(link)
He doesn't have to justify himself to Cassian. He's never much bothered with justifying himself to anyone, if only because he can't even justify himself to himself most of the time. He has no illusions of righteousness about the choices he's made. He's a killer and a blackmailer, and he gives himself to people he loathes rather than standing up to Snow. His promises to the revolution are untested, and he's denying them to a man with the fire of true belief in his eyes.

"I gave them nothing. I had nothing for them to take. You're gambling that the people who would kidnap us and put us in an arena mean us anything other than harm."

That's a lie, too, but there's some truth in it: he didn't give the Gamemakers here anything, because the choice Cassian's talking about is one he never had. The only thing that matters is Annie, and he's never going to admit that to a man like Cassian, who already knows so much about him and who could probably guess as much without Finnick saying anything about her.

Finnick had approached closely so that he could whisper, face turned away from cameras, voice low enough to go unheard, the choreography setting it up as another flirtation, but this time, not for Cassian's benefit, but for the benefit of their observing Gamemakers. Cassian understands the play, and he turns his body closer to Finnick's, so close that an involuntary tension freezes Finnick's muscles for a moment, because this is all but an embrace, the returning whisper hot against his neck, and he has to fight himself not to panic, not to back away in fear.

It's a familiar fight, so well-known that it's practiced, the way he forces himself to relax, drops his head a fraction away from Cassian's towards his shoulder, blinks, dragging his mind back from the way it had slipped at the feel of Cassian's breath on his skin.

Lifts his head again to hiss another whisper at Cassian, where cameras won't see his lips, because not responding to that would be an even greater show of weakness.

"It's not my game."
fishermansweater: (Default)

[personal profile] fishermansweater 2017-02-22 12:07 am (UTC)(link)
He has to fight to suppress a shudder. He invited this, he approached, but only so that he could say the things he needed to say with some chance of them going unheard. The longer and the better Cassian plays along, the more chance Finnick has of this whole exchange passing as flirtation. He'd used this tactic before, in Panem, where everyone expected the beautiful victor to be playing at seduction, far more than to be plotting against his keepers.

He'd disagree with Cassian, if he could. There's nothing left in him for this place to take that his patrons haven't already taken piece by piece over so many years. But the repeat of the whisper, so close it would be barely a breath to turn from whisper to kiss, so close to this man who's already asked for him once, feels like a sudden trap, and this time, he can't haul his mind back when something in it slips. This time, he tenses against the brush of Cassian's hand, and he can't refocus quickly enough to stop himself.
fishermansweater: (And never let them see you break)

cw: trauma from sexual abuse/assault

[personal profile] fishermansweater 2017-02-22 02:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Stupid stupid stupid. Why had he reacted like that when the first time they'd met, he'd been almost perfectly smooth, so smooth that Cassian had bought into his act enough to try to take him up on the unspoken offer in his eyes and his lips and his whole body?

But that was the truth, wasn't it? All his beautiful seductions and pretty words and teasing looks, and it was all driven by fear. So often, he could bury the fear so deep inside that it just simmered there, under everything, the prickling fear of a victor overlaid with the terror of what his patrons would do to him, of losing more and more of his self until all that was left was a battered fragment crying in the depths of his heart, surrounded by a body that moved on biological reaction alone.

He'd come so close to letting Cassian do that to him, that first time they'd met, and now his whole body is aware of the closeness of bare skin to bare skin, of the fact that a thin layer of underwear is all that's between the two of them. That, and Finnick's knowledge of Jyn and Cassian's of Annie. But Annie had never been able to stand between him and a patron, and though Cassian's not a patron, Finnick knows well enough how easily the man's knowledge could be used to coerce him.

Worst of all, Cassian can surely see the fear. Even as he tries to lock away his reaction, Finnick can see Cassian studying him, the way his eyes rest on throat, eyes, legs, then go back up to meet Finnick's gaze again.

That raised eyebrow is a question Finnick doesn't have an answer to. He hadn't been intending to provoke more flirtation, not to get to this point of trembling proximity. It had been cover, nothing more. He has plenty of ways to close off, to disengage, most of them designed to strike back at the people who would try to take him.

Not that any of his attacks would hurt Cassian. The man didn't think he was in love with Finnick, whatever he wanted from him.

Probably, he should push back, try to win back some control, but when had he ever been allowed it? No, all he can do is back down.

(Submit.)

Drop his gaze, his head, knowing that leaves him vulnerable, answer Cassian's unasked question by retreating back into himself. Men with power know what to do with that as an answer.
fishermansweater: (How did they get that sound?)

cw: from here assume references to sexual assault, victim blaming, trauma, underage prostitution

[personal profile] fishermansweater 2017-02-23 02:14 pm (UTC)(link)
It takes skill to consciously relax against the fight-or-flight instinct. The first thing Finnick had to learn so long ago was to resist the urge to fight, to strike back at people three times his age, but without so much as a third of his skill. He could have killed them, but he couldn't. So he'd had to teach himself to give in, to turn the trembling rage and fear of the flight reflex into submission, and from there, remake it into a mask of seduction so good it could fool them.

It's never been perfect. The one time he'd given in to the urge to defend himself had gotten his parents killed. And sometimes, his act would slip and he'd show the fear. The patrons it happened to usually enjoyed that fear. And he'd learned to keep even those slips subtle, unable to be read from across a room, by other guests at a party.

Still, he knows he should know better. He shouldn't have shown that weakness to Cassian. Fear can be exploited, and Cassian already knows so much about his vulnerabilities.

It's slow, forcing himself to relax into apparent submission, willing the tension to drain out of his muscles. It will never disappear from his chest, his stomach, the hyperawareness of his skin, but it can be less. Less obvious, and therefore less telling.

When he looks up, though, it's to see that Cassian has stepped away, wordless, an expression of sudden realization on his face, colored with something ... dismay? Regret? Hard to tell, in the moment before Cassian's gaze drops. But the immediate pressure is relieved, Cassian's deliberate choice to place more distance between them the only real gesture that could uncoil that knot of fear.

Finnick swallows, lets his grip on the bracelet in his hand shift, so he can run his thumb over and over the knotted cord surface.

He nods. "You can ask."
fishermansweater: (Look into the corners of the room)

[personal profile] fishermansweater 2017-02-23 03:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Allies.

The word comes back to mind, because it goes with the question. Not that it means it's what Cassian's asking him for, though he wanted it and wants it and has been trying to persuade Finnick to see the value in his allegiance. In the arena, it's not the sort of thing you do for anyone but your ally.

Most of you will die of natural causes. 10% from infection... He knows the statistics, he's been over them time and again, strategizing and planning and studying, as Career and tribute and mentor.

In the arena, you want the others to die. But he's already stepped away from that, hasn't he? He'd ... not cared for, but helped Cassian when he'd arrived. He'd brought him Jyn. He's linked to the man whether he wants it or not. And ...

He's a Career, and he'd expected to be back in the arena for the Quarter Quell, having to kill people he knows, for the revolution that's running an undercurrent through the center of the Games. But he doesn't have the same unthinking cockiness about death that he did when he was fourteen. He's not going to kill without provocation here, not unless the village's alliance breaks.

His eyes flick to Cassian's hand, open and empty of weapons, and he nods.

"I have medical supplies in my backpack. I'll get it."

When he heads back for his clothes and backpack, he swims, both for the warmth and the feel of the water over his skin, washing away that prickling sensation of fear. Back on the other side, he dries himself off with a spare shirt, then pulls his shirt and the pants and green sweater Jess had given him, slips on socks and boots, then shoulders the pack to head back to Cassian.

Already, the panic has subsided.
fishermansweater: (Hold up)

[personal profile] fishermansweater 2017-02-25 07:30 am (UTC)(link)
Logic suggests that Cassian has his own supplies, but it hadn't been an unthinking offer. Finnick owes his life to medical supplies delivered to him in the arena, provided by Mags and the sponsors who'd wanted to buy his beauty for the future with their support. He knows how valuable a commodity they were here, but he also knows that he and Annie have pooled their supplies, and for now, they have enough they can afford a small amount of generosity.

It's a small gesture, but it's important that he be able to make this small stand in the face of a man against whom he's been so completely incapable of any sort of self-assertion.

It's also a chance to recover. To get some soothing water and some distance between them for long enough to repair the walls Cassian is so good at breaking down. By the time he's made it back around the pool, Finnick's expression is as impassive as it had ever been. It's easier, with something practical to focus on.

When he makes it back to Cassian, Finnick unslings his pack and sets it on the ground, before he digs in it to pull out one of the little clear plastic cases he and Annie had split their most basic medical supplies into. Bandage. Dressing. Antiseptic. He doesn't have any of the near-magical medicine the Capitol sells to mentors, but it's far better than nothing.

Finnick tilts his chin towards Cassian's hand.

"Hold out your hand."
fishermansweater: (Good thing we're allies)

[personal profile] fishermansweater 2017-02-28 08:22 am (UTC)(link)
The thing about being good at body language is that he knows the tricks. It's part of being a good Career, understanding how to predict what your opponents are going to do, but it's also a tool to survive the longer Games, the ones the victors never escape from. Cassian has put himself lower than Finnick, positioned himself so that he'd be a little disadvantaged if it came to conflict.

That could be a genuine attempt to offer Finnick the advantage in a mark of good faith, or it could be Cassian trying to manipulate him and gambling his own skills are superior. He's seen enough to believe the man to be capable of either, and to disbelieve that a signal so obvious could be unintentional.

But if Cassian has faith in his own abilities, so does Finnick. He's bigger than Cassian, and physicality is a large part of his skill.

So he approaches, sets his backpack down, and crouches in front of Cassian. That makes him more vulnerable, but ... he's giving Cassian the benefit of this much trust, at least.

"Did a good job on that," he comments as he glances at the wound. He's hardly a doctor, or a healer of any sort; the only abilities he has are those granted by the combination of his supplies and so many years of seeing what does and doesn't work played out on the television screens from the arena. But his touch is gentle enough as he sets about dressing the wound.

"Lucky if you don't have to worry about infection."
fishermansweater: (He ducks his head)

[personal profile] fishermansweater 2017-03-03 09:13 am (UTC)(link)
Finnick doesn't know Rory Williams, as such, but he's familiar with the man. A medical professional of some sort, and the one who'd set about cleaning up the hospital. Not that he'd particularly missed having a hospital. That's the thing about the districts. Even the richest have only a fraction what the Capitol has, and that includes medical treatment. They've always had to make do with healers who have enough herblore to help keep people alive.

At least, unless they're victors, who can, on their trips to the Capitol, seek out the assistance of a discreet medical clinic.

Finnick had never been someone with the sort of knowledge to be a healer, but he can be gentle enough when he needs to be, and for all his uncertainty about Cassian, his touch is kind enough.

He doesn't even falter when Cassian asks the question, just keeps working for a few moments. That Cassian even echoes the way Finnick had spoken, as best as possible with his accent so much heavier, reinforces that he has to be careful around this man. Those slips from their first meeting will be remembered, he's sure. The question is what Cassian will do with them.

"You know," he says, though he suspects Cassian doesn't, actually. "Fame, fortune, glory, freedom from the Reaping for the rest of your life."

Being watched every moment because you're the Capitol's property. Teaching children to go out and die. Being whored out at the President's desire to his allies.

There's so much he doesn't say, and he's careful to give no sign of the thoughts.

His eyes are still focused on Cassian's hand, but a sharp smile flashes onto his face. "Or so they said. That last one turns out not to have been true."
fishermansweater: (How do you live with it?)

[personal profile] fishermansweater 2017-03-06 05:14 am (UTC)(link)
It smarts, a little, because it's a mistake, the sort of mistake that you can't really afford to make in an arena. Yes, this isn't the arena as he's used to it, not the arena of the Quarter Quell, but he's still not so sure that this isn't some sort of trick by the Capitol to lure him into an unwary confession of the sentiment he feels but can't express.

There's something about Cassian that makes it hard to believe he's lying now, though. Not because he couldn't or wouldn't lie, but because he'd clearly be so very capable of it, but now is speaking so gently.

Finnick takes in a deep breath, pauses to open a new bandage packet, and start wrapping the dressing he's places on Cassian's hand.

"The Capitol is the capital city of Panem. District Thirteen led the other districts in an uprising against the Capitol's rule. The rebellion started a war across the whole country. We ... call it the Dark Days."

The horrors of that war, particularly the horrors committed by the rebels against the Capitol, are a daily staple in Panem's classrooms. Even a victor who'd left school at 14 knows the story: sabotage, massacres, cities and districts firebombed, cells betrayed, animals mutated and manipulated to use as weapons.

A district obliterated, or so they'd said.

Finnick's voice is carefully flat as he continues speaking, and some of his words have a quality of rote learning to them, like they're phrases he's heard over and over again. (In school, and every year since as the history of Panem is recited for the Reaping while he sits on stage, pretending not to hate himself for the part he plays in enabling all this to continue.)

"The rebels were defeated. District Thirteen was destroyed. The Capitol and the other twelve districts signed the Treaty of Treason. The treaty re-established Panem, and established the Hunger Games. Each year, a boy and girl from each district are selected at a public Reaping to be sent to the Capitol as tribute for the Games."
fishermansweater: (Never gonna make it)

[personal profile] fishermansweater 2017-03-06 08:04 am (UTC)(link)
It's as strange to Finnick to have to explain the Games as it is to consider people from another world, as Riza had put it to him when he first arrived here. Really, it's the same thing. Panem, he's been told over and over again, is all that remains that is habitable on what had once been an entire planet. They're all that's left. To Finnick, world, continent, nation, are all the same thing, because the disasters that led to the districts unifying around the Capitol also destroyed what else was left in the world.

Everyone knows. Everyone alive has grown up with the Games, except the very oldest, and even Mags and the very oldest of the fisherfolk were the children whose names were in the very first Reapings.

"The tributes are chosen randomly, or volunteer. They're sent to the Capitol for a week of training and preparation. Treated to luxury they've never seen before in their lives. They work with a mentor and a stylist to prepare them for a public parade of the tributes, then they get three days to learn the skills that are going to keep them alive. They do a public interview on the last night before the Games, to properly introduce them to the nation so sponsors can pick who to support."

Finnick's voice is far too calm for what he's describing, but he's spent years being expected to talk about the Games, and never to speak out against them. He's not like Johanna, entertaining for her fury, or Haymitch or so many of the others, too drunk or high or wasted to be worth interviewing. He's a star, uncomfortably aware of just how much a part of the whole lie he is. Volunteer, and win, and you could be like Finnick Odair: rich, famous, he could date anyone he wanted.

They'd said that, within District Four, when they were selling the profits of victory to the trainee Careers.

He's careful to keep looking at his work rather than Cassian, because he suspects there's a bitter anger burning deep in his eyes.

"The tributes are taken to a secret location where an artificial environment has been set up. The arena can be anything: a forest, a desert, a ruined city. Mine was a savanna."

Another deep breath.

"The tributes are all placed in the same area to start. They can't take anything in with them except a small token from their home. Anything they want, they have to find, make, or get as a sponsor gift. There's a big pile of supplies and weapons for them if they're ready to fight to get to them, but so many of them die fighting there that a lot of them don't bother.

"Basically, the tributes fight to be the last one left alive. It's all televised, so there's a lot of strategy in trying to win over sponsors, because they can donate money that the mentors can use to send food or medical supplies or weapons. Some tributes just try to last it out, but a lot die just from the arena. Most of the victors are the ones who fight."
fishermansweater: (The enigmatic ally in the arena)

[personal profile] fishermansweater 2017-03-06 09:04 am (UTC)(link)
"Food."

It's a simple answer, and Finnick risks a flick of eyes up, then down again, to see if he can read anything in Cassian's face about the man's thought processes, what he's thinking and learning as he asks these questions. Nothing obvious, beyond the stern set of his mouth.

"A year's worth of extra supplies for everyone in the district."

In some ways, it's more complicated than that. They get to have one of their children back, instead of two coffins. They get the glory, which matters more to districts like One and Two that are closer to the Capitol. They get the Harvest Feast paid for and laid on for the entire district by the Capitol, and get their celebrations to be the most spectacular of any of the districts.

The thing that really matters, though, is the food. Food means fewer people starving, fewer children taking out tesserae to support their families. Food means that everyone can live just that little bit easier for a whole year. Food makes the victor, literally, the savior of some parts of their district. Even in Four, where most people in the fisheries can manage to fend for themselves at least a little, it makes a difference.

It makes enough of a difference that it's what the Careers believe in. They know why they do what they do: to protect the other children in the district from the Reaping, and because they have a better chance of winning that year's worth of food.

Finnick had other reasons for volunteering when he did, so audaciously young that his opponents would write him off as a non-threat. He'd had a family he wanted to help, who could benefit from the money he'd get for winning. He'd wanted fame, glory, a chance to be something more than just a fisherman's son. But he'd also known that if he won, life would be better for everyone in the district for a year.

"The districts don't have much, most years."

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