one little snap and it all falls, falls, falls down

[thecatinahat]

WHO: Cougar Alvarez
WHERE: Bungalow #22
WHEN: 1AM, July 25
OPEN TO: Jake Jensen, Veronica Sawyer
WARNINGS: Violence, mentions of death
STATUS: Closed

---

It's a miracle Cougar's lasted this long.

He's been sleeping like the dead, when he does sleep. There have been long days of insomnia that keep him awake and then when he does find sleep, it's without dreams. It's a blessing from God in a place that seems scant on blessings. It's taken this long for him to find respite in sleep and when he does, it's thanks to Jensen's presence and the knowledge that someone else has his back.

It starts like it always does. Cougar thrashes in the bed, tossing and turning as he dreams. As always, it's green. The smell of the jungle is around them and he hears birds. The laughter of children echoes in his ears, rapid-fire, happy Spanish being shared and plans for the future. He hears them from all around him, as if in stereo, but just like always, the dream shifts.

The fires start, claiming the trees around them, and then the bullets. One by one, the children fall, consumed by bullets and fire, but they don't stay dead. They come back to haunt him, aglow and afire with hatred and anger in their eyes.

"You," they chorus, staring at him, "it's your fault."

He can never move, in this dream. Stuck, paralyzed, Cougar can't get away as they crumble to dust, one by one. His little angelitos are slowly dying because he put them on a helicopter and told them everything was going to be fine. He lied to them and now they're dead, twenty-five little angels on his soul.

"No," he murmurs. "No, no, no!" It builds faster and faster, until Cougar is thrashing in his bed, the covers tangled with his body as he starts to scream, the fires of hell opening their gates for him in the dream, beckoning him in for what he did. Sweaty, panicked, and as scared as ever, he flails in the bed as hoarse bellows fill the bungalow and he tries for the knife to defend himself against this waking nightmare.

Comments

[thecatinahat]

Cougar reaches out and settles for yanking at the hem of Jake's boxers, tugging him back towards his space so he can hug him like it's an assault. His embraces aren't so readily given, but he's the one who's pushed Jake into this spiral and it's up to him to get him out of it. "You're the most normal besides Pooch," he grunts, which isn't to say he's normal, just that it's a sliding scale. "You could have loved your niece, your sister. Settled down," he points out, even as something dislodges that feels like jealousy (or envy) to say it. He releases Jake after a long minute, rolling back to lie flat and stare at the ceiling.

"And we can find you something here, that you like doing."

[igotacrossbow]

Cougar's fingers raking over the sensitive skin just below his ass as he grabs his boxers has him jumping slightly, startled by the sudden contact. So startled, that he lets himself be hauled back against the sniper's body, yanked into a just as surprising hug. Cougar rarely initiates any physical contact between the two of them, just tolerates Jake hanging off him with more grace than anyone else would.

"You know, you're really not making me feel better about being stuck here," he jokes quietly, allowing himself to return Cougar's hug.

He sighs. "Yeah, like KP. That's all I'm capable of out here. Can't grow anything, can't cook for shit, don't know how to build... But I can wash dishes."

[thecatinahat]

Cougar goes a little tense when Jake says what he does. He knows that Jake deserves that kind of life and that kind of happiness, but he's selfish because that means he has to give him up. And yet, he would if it meant Jake got to be happy without him. "You're important to me," is his gruff insistence, seeing as that's something keeping him sane.

"You're here," he says. "Calming down the night terrors."

Don't leave is what he wants to say, but he wants Jake to be happy. And if he has to give him up, then he will.

[igotacrossbow]

Cougar's words have him rolling onto his side properly, tucking an arm beneath his head so he can look at him, even though he can't see jack shit in this terrible lighting. Living somewhere without light pollution is the weirdest fucking thing. "I know, buddy," he breathes, reaching out to rap his knuckles against Cougar's breastbone. "Me too."

He huffs out a mirthless laugh. "Fat lot of good I'm doing," he mutters, a little bitter about how badly he's doing. Cougar is in a bad mood, still, and now they're both unhappy.

[thecatinahat]

"You made friends with a difficult man," Cougar says, not in the dark at all about how he can be very hard to get along with, sometimes. For the most part, Jake succeeds where everyone else fails and maybe that's why Cougar's let him in so far. Because he can do what others can't.

He sighs, heavily, "You don't have to stay while I'm being a bastard."

[igotacrossbow]

"I'm not exactly easy to get along with either," he points out. Yes, he's friendly and gregarious, but he doesn't know when to stop, and he's well aware how annoying he is.

Tapping Cougar on the chest again, he settles down and closes his eyes. "No," he says, making it clear he's planning on sticking around for the rest of the night. "If I leave you're just going to have another nightmare because you're feeling guilty on top of everything else. Also, I'm basically blind right now, and I'm too fucking tired to move."

[thecatinahat]

He's right. He's usually right about everything when it comes to Cougar, so he shouldn't be surprised. He relents a little, turning to his side so he can face Jake, even though he's blind. Cougar still isn't sure what he's done to deserve someone like this, and he knows that he's failed him too many times lately.

"When did you become my keeper?" he murmurs, but it's fondness in his voice.

[igotacrossbow]

"I've always been your keeper," he replies with a smile, curling up a little more so that his knees press into Cougar's legs. "Just like you've always been mine."

[thecatinahat]

Cougar knows that it's the truth. That they've survived years because of their own habit of looking out for each other, them and Pooch. He might still disagree with some of the things they've talked about, but they're not getting solved tonight and Jake is so very warm.

He's just going to take advantage and let that lull him to sleep. It doesn't have to become a habit. Just this -- just now.