Bucky Barnes | зима солдат (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
zymasoldat) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
sixthiterationlogs2016-11-20 08:11 pm
zymasoldat) wrote in sixthiterationlogs2016-11-20 08:11 pm
bucky barnes and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad seventy years
WHO: Bucky Barnes
WHERE: Fountain / Around
WHEN: Late afternoon, November 20
OPEN TO: All
WARNINGS: Nothing yet. Will update as necessary.
STATUS: Open
It's far from the first time that Bucky suddenly comes to in a state of complete disorientation, no idea where he is, what he's been doing, or what year it is. Even after freeing himself from HYDRA and piecing those small, confusing fragments of memories together until they eventually told a semi-coherent story, it still happens. All it takes is a nightmare, or a too-vivid dream that may be a memory or may be a fabrication, and he'll find himself waking up without his bearings. When it happens, he has to fight back that spike of panic in his chest, stay calm, and focus on the little things that help ground him. The familiarity of his bed (when he had one). The time on his watch. The day's date. The entries in his notebooks-- the newer entries, that is. The daily documentation of each day that's passed since he started journaling. Affirmations from himself that he's Bucky Barnes, and he's still alive, and he's making new memories, not just chasing after his past.
All of those little strategies are pretty useless right now, considering he's underwater and doesn't have time to try to think about how he got here or where here even is. He feels a push for the surface, and he goes with it, starts to swim, even though he can tell from the get-go that something's not right with the way he's moving. He's uncoordinated, using his legs more to compensate, because-- he soon realizes-- his left arm is gone.
That's not news, exactly. He lost his arm in 1945. But it was replaced before he was put in cryo for the first time, and he's had the cybernetic prosthesis ever since. It felt so natural to use, it was as if it'd always been a part of him.
But it's gone now. He's got nothing below the shoulder, and he doesn't know how it happened, but he can't stop or panic or dwell on it, so he doesn't. Soon enough, his head's above water, and he's grabbing onto the edge of a fountain, pulling himself out so that he can sit on the ground and cough up any water that he inhaled when he first woke up.
Now he can think, take in his surroundings and any clues. Bucky pushes his hair back and looks down at himself. He's wearing a backpack or something, and scrubs-- dark blue, almost black, since they're completely soaked-- which means... Hospital?
(Or a lab.)
He shrugs the backpack off, trying to piece together his memories leading up to this, but all he can remember is heroes fighting heroes, teammates and friends in an all-out brawl against one another because of him. But that was in an airport, and he had two arms at the time. Maybe he was captured by Stark's team and brought back to justice. Maybe he was placed in an institution. It'd explain his outfit.
Or maybe somebody else found him and said the words and took his mind from him again. There's a painful twist in his stomach at the thought, and he tries to shift his focus, instead, on the contents of the backpack. The insignia on it is nothing he recognizes, and all it contains is clothes. He huffs out a sigh and zips it back up. Putting it over his shoulder again, Bucky stands.
There's no way he's going to sit around and wait. He needs to figure out where he is and what's going on. First step: explore his surroundings.
WHERE: Fountain / Around
WHEN: Late afternoon, November 20
OPEN TO: All
WARNINGS: Nothing yet. Will update as necessary.
STATUS: Open
It's far from the first time that Bucky suddenly comes to in a state of complete disorientation, no idea where he is, what he's been doing, or what year it is. Even after freeing himself from HYDRA and piecing those small, confusing fragments of memories together until they eventually told a semi-coherent story, it still happens. All it takes is a nightmare, or a too-vivid dream that may be a memory or may be a fabrication, and he'll find himself waking up without his bearings. When it happens, he has to fight back that spike of panic in his chest, stay calm, and focus on the little things that help ground him. The familiarity of his bed (when he had one). The time on his watch. The day's date. The entries in his notebooks-- the newer entries, that is. The daily documentation of each day that's passed since he started journaling. Affirmations from himself that he's Bucky Barnes, and he's still alive, and he's making new memories, not just chasing after his past.
All of those little strategies are pretty useless right now, considering he's underwater and doesn't have time to try to think about how he got here or where here even is. He feels a push for the surface, and he goes with it, starts to swim, even though he can tell from the get-go that something's not right with the way he's moving. He's uncoordinated, using his legs more to compensate, because-- he soon realizes-- his left arm is gone.
That's not news, exactly. He lost his arm in 1945. But it was replaced before he was put in cryo for the first time, and he's had the cybernetic prosthesis ever since. It felt so natural to use, it was as if it'd always been a part of him.
But it's gone now. He's got nothing below the shoulder, and he doesn't know how it happened, but he can't stop or panic or dwell on it, so he doesn't. Soon enough, his head's above water, and he's grabbing onto the edge of a fountain, pulling himself out so that he can sit on the ground and cough up any water that he inhaled when he first woke up.
Now he can think, take in his surroundings and any clues. Bucky pushes his hair back and looks down at himself. He's wearing a backpack or something, and scrubs-- dark blue, almost black, since they're completely soaked-- which means... Hospital?
(Or a lab.)
He shrugs the backpack off, trying to piece together his memories leading up to this, but all he can remember is heroes fighting heroes, teammates and friends in an all-out brawl against one another because of him. But that was in an airport, and he had two arms at the time. Maybe he was captured by Stark's team and brought back to justice. Maybe he was placed in an institution. It'd explain his outfit.
Or maybe somebody else found him and said the words and took his mind from him again. There's a painful twist in his stomach at the thought, and he tries to shift his focus, instead, on the contents of the backpack. The insignia on it is nothing he recognizes, and all it contains is clothes. He huffs out a sigh and zips it back up. Putting it over his shoulder again, Bucky stands.
There's no way he's going to sit around and wait. He needs to figure out where he is and what's going on. First step: explore his surroundings.
no subject
Finding himself a prisoner again, and under these circumstances, has him too on edge to rest or even attempt to relax while he waits for his things to dry. So, he tries to commit the map to memory, and he pores over the logbook, taking in every name. Most are strangers to him. Some are familiar, but leave him feeling leery, considering recent events. That Steve's name is among the others sends this odd mixture of relief and guilt through him.
Relief because he won't be alone. Guilt because Steve shouldn't be here. He should be out in the world, not trapped in some kind of strange prison with unseen guards and wardens. Looking at the names in the book, he tries to find some common links, as if he can when he doesn't have all that much to go on yet. The thought that this might be related to HYDRA briefly crosses his mind, but he dismisses it almost instantly. He knows his former (Owners. Handlers.) captors well enough to know that this isn't how they operate. Other theories cross his mind, but nothing really adds up yet.
With a sigh, Bucky closes the logbook and starts towards the fireplace to see how his clothes and boots are doing. When he hears the creak of the front door opening, he turns towards the entrance, his stance cautious. Even if he's missing an arm, he's ready to defend himself if he needs to, in case it's Stark, or Romanoff, or anyone else who might be a threat.
It turns out to be the one person he can fully trust. At the sight of Steve, Bucky's stance relaxes a little, though he's still somewhat wary as he eyes his friend. It's not Steve he's leery of, so much as everything else. This situation, the other prisoners, their captors (whoever they are), himself...
Bucky shakes his head, still keeping his distance. "A couple hours. But before that..." He furrows his brow in thought, as if he can just remember what happened between the battle at the airport and waking up in the fountain if he concentrates enough. "I don't know how long I was out." Or what happened. If he was even himself, or if he was the Winter Soldier for some stretch of time. Steve, more than anyone, would know why the missing time makes him so uneasy.
no subject
It's this more than any real hesitation or wariness that has him closing the distance between them with careful steps. He absently lays the axe on a table with a clunk of metal on wood. There are slivers of tree still clinging to his long wool coat, and he looks like he hasn't been shaved clean in several weeks. He guesses it can't help with any of the dissonance Bucky's feeling, and he shakes his head.
"We all got here that way. Doesn't mean anything like that, pal." The worst case scenario he knows Bucky's imagining.
no subject
Back when Steve had found him in Bucharest, there'd been a strong impulse on Bucky's part to run away. This time, it's easier to make the decision to stand still as the distance between them closes, and he tilts his head with some curiosity as he regards the other man. It's not much of a comfort, hearing that everyone has a gap in their memories from their arrival, but it's... something, he supposes. Doesn't rule out every potential nagging at him, but it's a start.
"What about before-- what do you remember before you came here?" He pauses for a moment, then adds, "I saw Peggy here, and she looks..." You know. Young. Alive. Which just makes everything all the more confusing, what with... timelines being involved.