sixthiterationlogs | Nida, With A Shiny White Band

WHO: Nida
WHERE: (Where the post takes place)
WHEN: February 5th - 15th, Closed Mingle on February 9th
OPEN TO: OTA, one Closed Post for now
WARNINGS: Possible Mentions of Self-Harm

OTA - Dojo - Taking Over

He was asleep when it happened. Somewhere in the night of the fourth the change happened, a screen that made no sense, the band on the device at his wrist turning white. OF course as it was one of those rare nights lately where Nida had gotten some sleep, he hadn't noticed. Instead, when he'd woken up he'd just found himself... moving. He couldn't stand being still anymore, not with all these people who needed a bit of something to keep them moving after those visions. He skipped breakfast that morning ~~not a mistake he'd make another day~~ and headed over to the empty dojo.

Most of his days are spent in the dojo for the next chunk of days. When he's not actively out talking to others, trying to serve as a support network, he's in the dojo from just before sun up to just after sunset. Sometimes he's sitting on a chair, a knife working over a piece of wood as he cut out the general shape of some practice daggers. Other times he limps ~~damn him for spraining his ankle, it wasn't what he'd meant to do~~ around the edges of the mats to check for any tears or splits he needs to repair. Still other times he regards the empty spaces, mind already building up the ways he can make this place better.

And always, always he calls out a bit cheerfully if someone enters while he's there. Because this space, he has resolved, will welcome all comers. No matter what.

OTA - Around South Village - A Little Luck

You can't always be at the dojo.

Nida had stared at Seifer when he had been told that. Clearly it was not true. Clearly he was more than capable of doing just that. But... Well, he got the point. Being holed up in two places isn't much better than being holed up in one.

So a bit of time every day, usually around the lunch hours, were spent with Nida wandering the village. There were rounds to be made, friends to be found, help to be supplied. And, whenever there was a chance of skin to skin contact, a hand reaching out to touch. Not like people here couldn't use a bit of extra luck.

Closed Mingle - Because You Miss Them - Closed to Seifer, Rinoa, Sam, Billy, Tommy

The boxes show up that morning, just sitting in the kitchen when Nida hobbles in at an ungodly hour. He moves immediately to grab a kitchen knife to cut the first one open. Despite his name being on it, it's full of yarn. He smiles and shakes his head, moving that one aside because he can talk to the others about it later. The next is a larger box, but strangely light for its size. With another few cuts he finds himself pulling out a wok. What in the world could that be...

Somehow he knows what the last box will be. With a quick cut it's open and he starts unloading ingredients into the fridge. Curry. Seems like he had the answer he needed for when and what to cook.

A quick message goes out to the others over the network. He doesn't care how early it is.

Hey nerds, dinner at my house tonight. Red Lamb Curry. Eat at six, come by earlier if you want to help cook. Someone please help cook, I don't want to mess this up.

[OOC: Please see first comment for Mingle, everyone can post their own things under that if they want to interact.]

[OOC: If anyone would like their own closed starter for the first half of this month, please let me know. This is mostly meant to cover Nida through the White part of his Off-Color time.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Billy isn't aware at first of what's really happened, but it isn't long before there's that feeling ofconnection, and Nida's feelings are flooding back through that same link. It is overwhelming, being exposed like this. His heart squeezes, then feels like it's about to burst, because he knows. He knows with absolute certainty that this is how Nida feels about him, how Nida sees him, and that knowledge means more than any words could possibly express. It's so hard for him to ever believe he's worth anything, hard to accept that he's anything more than a burden on people, but he wants to believe this. He wants to have it, just this one good thing, even if it is selfish.

Nida's fingers lace with his, and there isn't any sense of shouldn't. It's just right, being this close to Nida always just feels right, and even if he's felt guilty recently about that, he isn't entirely sorry for it. Billy squeezes back, feelings of gratitude and reverent awe echoing back along the connection as a sense of confidence flows through him, keeping him from trying to pick apart or dismiss any of what he feels from Nida.

And there's one more thing he lets flow through that connection, too, emboldened by that boost he knows is coming from Nida and his new ability: his own echoing desire, not unlike that torch of Nida's. Billy wants him, wants to kiss him, wants to be lost in him. But he also wants it to be special. To be different. He's sure about his feelings, and he's sure that Teddy has nothing at all to do with them, but he needs to know he can be better than he's been, and he needs to know he's not going to be lost. That's all that's keeping him from leaning over and kissing Nida right now: his need to know he won't just lose himself forever and use Nida as a shield from the world, that he can be the partner Nida deserves.

It's been longer than fifteen seconds, but he definitely doesn't let go. Instead, Billy just sits there, fingers laced with Nida, an expression of surprise and wonder on his face as he watches Nida wordlessly, unwilling to break the spell they both seem to be under.

"Hyne above," he whispers, feeling that desire echoed in Billy. That, more than anything, is what makes him break the skin-to-skin contact. Dammit, he's trying to control himself here, and he knows, especially after all he's felt, that it's the worst choice to want to lean in and kiss him. To pull Billy close and promise him everything. Because he would.

He would.

And he knows now more than ever, that right now isn't the moment for that. For either of them. The hand that was holding Billy's goes back to nervously rake through his hair, and yeah, it's shaking a little. He is shaking a little. Because he can't imagine anyone's ever felt like that for him before, and there is no way to pick that apart, to deny what Billy showed him, intentionally or otherwise. There was an absolute certainty that came with that connection, and it's really getting to him. To the point where he swallows hard before he speaks again.

"Well, at least now I know that I really don't have to worry about being only a rebound. Thanks... for wanting to be that serious about me. If you don't get there, if you don't... if it turns out that isn't something you can do or want with me, that's okay too. I've seriously got to say that out loud here, because you need to hear it. Before everything else, I'm your friend. And that will always be true. No matter whether we stay here or we're dragged apart, I'm your friend. And you're... someone who helped me realize what it's like to really be more than I was made to be."

Some things need words, and Nida feels that's one of them.

It's a good thing one of them's able to have that much willpower, because it definitely isn't him right now. Nida breaks the contact, and Billy finally blinks, taking a shuddering breath in as he tries to slow his racing heart, processing what just happened. It must be the violet power, then. Sharing like that. Not just projecting a feeling, but knowledge. He knows now, like it's incontrovertible fact, that Nida cares for him. Nida wants him. And all the rest...

Billy shakes his head at Nida's words, finally looking back up at him. "You'd never be a rebound," he says quietly, but with a sense of finality. "That's one of the things I was figuring out, these last few weeks. I loved Teddy, but the way I feel about you doesn't have anything at all to do with him. It's just--about you." He offers a smile, small and a little shy but warm and sweet and just for Nida. "That's why it was important for me to figure things out. I mean--I am serious. You, uh, might have noticed, but I don't really do things halfway." He's all or nothing. He's always been all or nothing. But there's another important bit of clarification, something to say. "I know, though. No matter what, you're my friend, and I hope you know I'm yours. Whether we're here, or--anywhere else. Whatever else we are. No matter what, that isn't going to stop. But--" Again, that rush of confidence gives him the courage to keep going. "But I really hope we do get there. I just want to be better. You make me want to be better. That's all."

He wants to reach out, to touch Nida again, but he knows if he does that, it wouldn't be fair with everything they've just done, so instead he just takes another deep breath, shaking his head as that smile goes a little more rueful. "I should go see if Seifer needs help. Do me a favor? Just...rest for a little while? I know it's just a sprain, but still."

Maybe that all or nothing sort of attitude is part of what draws Nida to Billy. In fact, he knows it is. Someone who gives all of himself to the things he does. It's... beautiful. Billy's beautiful.

"Sorry, a... a friend of mine mentioned the concept recently," he says slowly, trying to weigh his words carefully. And yeah, he called someone a friend. "So I guess I was worried then. I'm really not now. So I'll cross my fingers, because you make me better just by being around me. And like it's not wrong to want more than just... what I normally go for."

But if Billy wants to go help Seifer, Nida's going to agree to that. They, as much as he hates to admit it, need time to deal with what was just shared between them. At least, Nida does. And he respects that Bily might want that too.

"Yeah. Okay. I'll just stay here. Thanks. Be nice to the guy, okay? He's in a mood. He made me sit at the table to chop things. Like a reasonable concerned brother."

He did use the F-word, and Billy does notice, but he's not going to call it out here. For one, he's still kind of thrown off-balance by everything that's just passed between them, and for another, maybe if he just acts like it's perfectly normal for Nida to have friends, eventually it'll sink in that it is perfectly normal. "I'm glad you're not worried now. And--you're not wrong, Nida. You deserve more. You deserve everything."

Billy offers him another one of those smiles, and the impulse to reach out and touch is clear enough on his face, but if Nida can be strong so can he. Pushing himself off the couch, he smiles again quickly and starts to move. "He's a good brother. Stay put, we'll call you when things are ready. I'll send Tommy out here, he's probably bugging Seifer for snacks. You want anything while I'm in there?" He's talking a little too much and too fast, he knows he is, but...yeah. He does need a little time to deal. Just a little, before he goes making yet another impulsive decision.

"I'm fine," Nida assures him with a smile.

What he wants is Billy to have some time. And himself as well. He cares about getting this right. "And don't let Tommy bug my brother too much. They might get up to mischief."

"Yeah, we can't have that. I don't think the village could handle it."

One last smile at Nida, one last, lingering look...and then he disappears into the kitchen to help Seifer. He's a little distracted, but he wants to make sure this is a good night for Nida. For so many reasons, honestly. It's going to be good.

Nida, With A Shiny White Band - Open and Closed Prompts

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