should release but just tighten my grip; [OTA]

[matt_murdock]

Matt Murdock has never been very good at taking his own advice.

Case in point: Finding himself in a situation which is both extraordinary and demoralizing, he spends weeks -- Actual weeks -- feeling profoundly sorry for himself. Oh, he's gone out, he's met people, he's socialized in that familiar, flimsy way which feels comfortable and restricting at the same time. He's smiled, he's been amiable, but he's been on his knees next to his bed every night, forehead pressed to the edge of the mattress, begging for forgiveness, for insight, for help.

It isn't that he doesn't know it's at the end of his own arm. It's that it just feels so fucking unfair.

And he's not ready yet to call Frank Castle a saving grace, at least not out loud, but if there was ever a person to live with who would refuse to let you stew in your own self-righteous misery, Frank's it. So Matt's been up everyday, and he's been going out, and he's been learning all over again what it means to lose most of his sight.

Oh yeah, and he's following his own advice: You have to start somewhere.

The village is easy enough to tackle; it's rough around the edges but it's orderly and the landscape doesn't change much. But if he's going to get out of this place, he first has to get out of the village, and that's no mean feat for a blind man dropped in the middle of unfamiliar terrain.

So he starts simple. Everyday, he takes care to stock his pack with water and food, and everyday he works his way a little further into the forest. He learns the scent of different plants and where they grow, he marks his steps, and he keeps the sound of the river on his right side. It isn't much, but it's a start, and he may come out of it with scrapes and welts, but everyday he gets a little further.

Today, he's made it all the way to the waterfall, which he realizes was maybe not the greatest choice the first time his feet slip on moss-covered stones. He lands hard on his ass, wincing at the rattle of pain up his spine, and then pushes himself to his feet again.

You have to start somewhere.

Comments

[carterbyblood]

Sharon had taken to taking walks every day. Mostly because she was used to being on call 24-7 that they pace of this place left Sharon feeling very restless.

She was walking near the waterfall, mindful of the stones. She noticed Matt, and stopped to watch him for a moment. There was something about him that Sharon couldn't put her finger on, but she was intrigued none the less.

"Are you alright?" She called starting forward when she had seen him fall.

[matt_murdock]

Back home, he'd have been able to hear the soft thump of her heartbeat and know she was nearby, even with the roar of the waterfall in his ears. Now, he doesn't even catch the scuff of her footfalls until she's far too close, and has to swallow hard against the bitter taste of frustration as he pushes himself to his feet.

"I think my pride's more bruised than anything else," Matt says with a faint, strained smile as he brushes the dirt and debris from his hands.

[carterbyblood]

Sharon came to a stop in front of him. She started to reach out for his hands, but noticed the glasses so she spoke instead. "Is it okay if I take your hands, so we can clean them off? I don't want you to get an infection because I scared you."

She smiled some. "I'm Sharon by the way, I'm sorry if I startled you. I seem to be doing that lately. Have you been here long?"

[matt_murdock]

"You didn't scare me," Matt replies, mostly as a balm to his own ego, and then offers a faint, lop-sided smile. "Apparently I don't need to be startled to make a fool out of myself."

Her offer is fraught with issues that even Matt, as a technically disabled person, doesn't have the patience to untangle. But her voice is kind and good intentions have to count for something, so he shrugs and holds both hands out, palm up.

"Matt. And thanks. About a month for me. You?"

[thekittenqueen]

Since the events in the woods, Margaery had done her best to avoid them, still overwhelmed by memories and questions. What had once been a place that she had enjoyed and loved to walk through each morning now seemed disconcerting and suspicious. How did the pathways disappear? How could she not have heard the stream that ran close to the village?

Something had manipulated the area, which should not be possible, but happened. Whenever she spied someone else disappearing into its depths, she felt a wave of dread rush over her. She kept an eye out for them, waiting for their return as she looked after her animals. Most didn't spend too long in the forest, but the way that Matt seemed to emerge later than others had her worried.

When she spied him returning, she put aside her work on Robb's cloak to approach him. There were scratches on him, bruises as well, causing her heart to hitch into her throat. "What happened?" She asked breathlessly.

[matt_murdock]

Matt can't make out much more than indistinct shapes these days, more smears of shadow and light than anything tangible, but he can see the frantic flutter of her movements, hear the strain in her voice.

"I must look worse than I thought," he says with a little, self-deprecating laugh, his smile soft and designed to distract from her concern. He's had a lot of practice with it, that particular smile.

"Has anyone ever told you the story of the blind man who went walking alone through the forest?" he asks, his gaze lingering just over her shoulder, smile hitching a little further up, chagrined.

[thekittenqueen]

"It looks as though you have been crawling through brambles." She told him, placing a hand on his arm. "If you like, I could clean these cuts for you?" She might not be a nurse, but she knew a little about basic first aid from her brother learning to joust.

The smile is charming, and though he couldn't see it, it was being returned. It wasn't hard to get a sense for what sort of man he was, which strangely thrilled her. It had been a long while since she had met someone able to match her flirtations.

"No, I haven't. Though I think the ending has him emerging, looking as though he wrestled with a thorn bush."

[matt_murdock]

"Oh, good, so I don't have to tell it to you," Matt replies, his smile going a bit lop-sided. Her touch is light but purposeful; a woman who knows what she's about, whether she truly knows first aid or not.

"I would actually be incredibly grateful for any help, thank you..." He looks her general direction, eyebrows arched in silent question and hand gesturing her way, looking for her name.

[thekittenqueen]

She laughed despite her concern, caught off guard by his good humor. "You will have to tell me something else instead. For the work I'm about to do, I expect to be entertained. It's an even trade." She teased him gently.

"Margaery. I'm Margaery Tyrell." She said, glancing behind him towards the woods. She wasn't fond of the idea, but she knew the best place to clean his wounds. "Would you be willing for one more adventure?"

[matt_murdock]

"I don't know, Margaery Tyrell, what kind of adventure are we talking about here?" Matt asks with a considering tilt of his head. "I'm trying to spread my adventuring out so it lasts longer, I wouldn't want to use it all up at once."

He leans in, feigning concern. "Will there be dragons? Because I'm honestly not sure I'm prepared for that."

[thekittenqueen]

"I promise that it won't be too great of an adventure." She offered, guiding him back towards the woods. "There is a fresh water spring and it will help clear up your wounds."

She grinned, "No dragons, sadly. We have no dragons in this place."

[notabirdcostume]

Sam was used to the woods by this point. He was a little more cautious after what had happened to the two women, but for the most part he pressed on. He couldn't stop exploring just because Miss Kate and Margaery had disappeared for a long time. Honestly the more troubling part of that ordeal had been the simple fact that no one had been able to actually locate them when that many people PLUS dogs should have found them easily. It weighed on Sam, because if they could be manipulated that thoroughly then how could they trust anything around here?

On the other hand, thinking like that would achieve nothing. So, despite being shaken, Sam had continued to visit the woods on a regular basis. You would think after months of being here there would be nothing left to explore, but Sam was also teaching himself about local plants and trying to figure out more about how the woods continued to fool them. After all, the disappearance of two people wasn't the first case of the woods hiding things from them.

So, on this particular outing, when Sam hears a splash followed by some choice curses, he doesn't immediately go to investigate. There is no telling what it could be. Instead, Sam opts for caution. He's been moving in the forest for months now and has learned to cross the terrain with some stealth. Perhaps not as graceful and quiet as Natasha, but he likes to think he's coming close to her level. It isn't long before he's at the treeline near the waterfall and can properly see what made the sound. He knows it has to be a person since there was a voice involved...although sometimes this place makes him question even that much.

However, he feels a little foolish trying to sneak around when he realizes it is only Matt. Sam drops the pretense of stealth and steps forward as Matt gets back to his feet, "You okay?" The man is on his feet so he adds, with a little humor, "There are better places to go for a swim you know."

[matt_murdock]

"Shit, you mean this isn't the YMCA?" Matt asks, and makes a show of looking over one shoulder and then the other as if he can see anything at all. If he's frustrated at his own limitations, it doesn't show, his expression open and smile easy. "This is what I get for trying to walk instead of taking the train."

Personal disappointment aside, he glad that there isn't pity in Sam's voice. All his life he's heard it, slipping beneath the words of the well-meaning, but this place is the first time he's really felt the weight of it, felt as though he were actually something genuinely pitiable.

[notabirdcostume]

Sam chuckles, appreciating the fact that Matt's running with the joke, "Afraid not. Though it wouldn't surprise me if people around here built one at some point. They get an idea in their head and...well they run with it." It wasn't necessarily a bad thing in a place like this, but Sam had to wonder sometimes what would happen if they weren't so wound up about things.

Fortunately, Sam was starting to realize he might need to pull less from his experience as an Avenger and more on his time at the VA. A lot of people here were starting to show signs of depression, stress, and other issues he'd only really encountered from fellow soldiers. It troubled him that this place was having that sort of effect and he was starting to wonder if he should put forth more effort to combating it.

It was also that experience that prevented Sam from showing much in the way of pity. He knew how pity tended to go over with soldiers at the very least, let alone most other people. "Might need to skip on the train too. I heard it was down indefinitely," he said and then decided to segway into the more important question, "So what really brings you out this way?"

[matt_murdock]

"Truthfully, I just have to be doing something," Matt admits with a slight sigh. "I mean, I get it, I'm not exactly the most likely candidate for liberating us all or finding some kind of grand revelation out here, but I got to a point where I couldn't just sit around and do nothing anymore. What was ever accomplished by sitting on your ass, right?"

From an outsider's perspective, he's sure his logic seems a little circular -- There are plenty of things he could be doing to help out that are better-suited to a blind man, and if he gets lost or hurt out here, he's just creating more work for others. But Matt's never been particularly concerned with logic nor being blind.

[notabirdcostume]

"You'd be surprised," Sam said, leaning against a nearby tree. He was also eyeing Matt through, trying to figure this guy out. "Maybe you can't see the clues, but you seem like a smart guy and you might be able to put information together that the rest of us haven't thought of." Sam had a feeling that wouldn't be enough for a guy like this. This was the kind of guy who wouldn't sit still no matter what. "But I get it, no one wants to feel like they aren't contributing. I've had to teach myself a lot around here just to feel like I wasn't mooching off of everyone."

Sam glanced skyward as an idea occurred to him. He turned his attention back to Matt, "So is there anything I can do to help you be helpful?"

[matt_murdock]

Matt hesitates as his brow creases, considering an honest answer and coming up with more than he can get a proper hold on. "You know, I think a better question is is there anything you can't do to help me be helpful, to which the answer is, not much," he finally answers with a soft chuckle.

"Taking it a step at a time... Honestly, just getting my bearings from someone who doesn't automatically treat me like an invalid would be a plus." He's met a number of helpful folks, but his disability tends to inspire a knee-jerk reaction. Most people are desperate to be helpful in the wrong ways.

"Have you explored much out here?"

[womanofvalue]

She smiles at the familiar sight before her, thinking that it's a terrible state of affairs when it's this meandering socializing that cheers her most. Once, she would have thought it would have driven her to madness. Now? It's keeping her from it. "Matt," she greets as she approaches, trying to hide her smile of sympathy when he falls in a rather ungraceful way. She crouches to slide her palm over his shoulder to give him an indication that she's offering herself as a support. "Here," she says.

"What are you doing all the way out here?"

[matt_murdock]

"You know, if I didn't know you could break the post off a bed, I'd feel a little emasculated right now," Matt jokes as he pushes himself to his feet and lets Peggy do her duty in guiding him away from the more slippery terrain.

"I could ask the same for you," he says, a little wryness in the smile he directs her way. "I know you're not suggesting I'm incapable. You're too polite for that."

[womanofvalue]

"I assure you, I'd be asking the same of anyone. It's been rather terrifying with the rain lately, I don't even I'd feel sturdy enough to come here and chance the rocks when they're this slippery," she says, helping Matt along cautiously, mimicking the way he'd held onto her the first time they'd met.

"What were you doing out here?" she wonders.

[matt_murdock]

"Being tutted over by a lovely, competent woman, obviously," Matt teases, a little quirk to his smile. "I can't tell yet if my plan is going to be completely successful, but it's looking good so far."

He pauses, then tilts his head with a small, conceding shrug. "I've been cooped up for weeks, can you blame me for wanting to get out and explore a little?"

[womanofvalue]

"I see I'm both lovely and competent now," Peggy echoes with an amused hum lingering behind her words, "Well praised, Mr. Murdock," she says, not letting go of his arm, so clearly it's not driven her away. She keeps them moving towards at least less-slick ground, wary for her own boots. "I don't blame you, but I'll echo what I would tell anyone else."

"Telling someone can work wonders, on the off chance you snap your neck out here," she says, trying not to sound too overbearing, but concerned with her worry.

[matt_murdock]

"And how do you know that I didn't?" Matt counters with haughty cheer and an arch of his eyebrows in Peggy's general direction. That he hadn't is really neither here nor there, nor that he hadn't even considered it prior to this moment; she doesn't know any of that, and he just assumes Frank is peripherally aware of everything he does regardless. That's just how Frank rolls -- Hyper-aware and always in Matt's business.

[dnr]

It's taken some getting used to, having Red around. It's been months that feel like years since Frank's shared a living space with anything on two legs, and while the creak of floorboards overhead is nothing new, the rhythms of cohabitation are different. Regular human contact isn't anything Frank asked for. The dog was bad enough.

But sometimes your lawyer-slash-whatever turns up sans what Frank is only assuming was super-hearing and needs a place to get back on his feet. So Frank still sleeps in the root cellar when the weather lets him, but he moves enough of his projects down there that Murdock at least has a clear surface to eat on - and he makes sure the other man does eat. When Matt's got his wallowing face on, Frank's been there to prod at him with his usual lack of sensitivity. He may not be a great friend, but he makes a pretty good drill sergeant.

And he's not disappointed to see it works out alright. Matt keeps going out, keeps pushing himself. But slowly. Slow enough it starts to nag at Frank a little, wondering how long they're going to act like navigating the outdoors is all Matt can do. Wondering how much of the guy who charged him with a chain on a rooftop is still in there.

When an afternoon drizzle coops them up in the house again, restraint starts to give way to restlessness. His forefinger starts to tap-tap-tap on his axe-in-progress. He shifts in his chair. Tap-taps.

"So," he starts, his eyes sliding over to Matt. "Counselor," ("""counselor""") "You wanna go a few rounds, or what?"

[matt_murdock]

Matt is not unaware of the absurdity of the unspoken agreement he has with Frank. It's the sort of thing he's pretty sure Karen or Foggy would call either or both of them out on, but at the same time there's something comforting about their understanding. If it wasn't clear on the first day, it's only been made crystal since then that Frank knows precisely who Matt is (and that Matt is not, obviously, just his disgraced lawyer, just blind, just anything), but toeing that line might be as much about respect as stubbornness. At least, Matt hopes it is. Sorry state or not, Frank's the only touchstone he has here.

So Matt's acknowledgement is huffed out in a little laugh through his nose, with a slightly chargrinned duck of his head. Yeah, okay, Frank, he gets it.

"Only if you don't go easy on me," he says, not because that's remotely Frank's style, but because while Matt's never explicitly said so, he thinks it's got to be understood that he isn't exactly batting a thousand since he got here.