That's really what Billy wants, in all honesty. He wants some kind of check for himself. Someone, some way they can stop him if he goes Demiurge and it turns out that's the worst possible option. Someone who can stop him. Because with Teddy gone, and Tommy gone, there's no one back home who can call him back if he goes over the edge, and that terrifies him. That he might hurt his mother and father, his brothers, his friends, that he could rewrite the world and no one would be able to get in the way. He's hoping there's some answer besides just...you know, starting a child army. Maybe there'll be an answer to find here.
But right now, he's not thinking about that. Right now, Rinoa is hugging him, and even though he thinks he doesn't deserve that Billy's letting her. He needs that hug, needs that connection. He's always needed that, and even now he can't stop himself from resting his forehead on her shoulder and taking a deep breath. Yeah, people make mistakes. People do dumb things, and he's more powerful than most, so his mistakes are potentially much, much bigger. But he still can't forgive himself the way he could anyone else. Literally anyone else.
"....Teddy won't. He didn't."
The words are small, almost whispered. He pulls back too, but he's not looking at her. He's looking down at his hands, fingers twisted together, looking through them both, maybe. "He's not even sure he really loves me. Because I--" He stops, shakes his head. "I've made a lot of mistakes. And some of them I didn't even realize I was making. I made him love me, Rinoa. I didn't even know I was doing it. I just--I was so lonely, and I just wanted a Prince Charming to come along and sweep me off my feet, you know? Teddy was my perfect love story. Even if I didn't create him, even if that part wasn't true, I still...I just wanted him to love me. And he did, and he hurt so badly for it, and then he left. Because he realized it was all me. He didn't know if he really loved me, or if he just felt that way because I wanted him to. And I didn't know either." And that's why he can't. He can't do that again, he can't, not if there's any chance he's still got his powers. What if the Observers only took away the parts that had outwardly visible results? What if they couldn't take it all? What if he did it again? He needs someone here to know what he can do, so they can stop him if he starts to lose it, or they find a way to use it against the rest of the villagers instead.
no subject
But right now, he's not thinking about that. Right now, Rinoa is hugging him, and even though he thinks he doesn't deserve that Billy's letting her. He needs that hug, needs that connection. He's always needed that, and even now he can't stop himself from resting his forehead on her shoulder and taking a deep breath. Yeah, people make mistakes. People do dumb things, and he's more powerful than most, so his mistakes are potentially much, much bigger. But he still can't forgive himself the way he could anyone else. Literally anyone else.
"....Teddy won't. He didn't."
The words are small, almost whispered. He pulls back too, but he's not looking at her. He's looking down at his hands, fingers twisted together, looking through them both, maybe. "He's not even sure he really loves me. Because I--" He stops, shakes his head. "I've made a lot of mistakes. And some of them I didn't even realize I was making. I made him love me, Rinoa. I didn't even know I was doing it. I just--I was so lonely, and I just wanted a Prince Charming to come along and sweep me off my feet, you know? Teddy was my perfect love story. Even if I didn't create him, even if that part wasn't true, I still...I just wanted him to love me. And he did, and he hurt so badly for it, and then he left. Because he realized it was all me. He didn't know if he really loved me, or if he just felt that way because I wanted him to. And I didn't know either." And that's why he can't. He can't do that again, he can't, not if there's any chance he's still got his powers. What if the Observers only took away the parts that had outwardly visible results? What if they couldn't take it all? What if he did it again? He needs someone here to know what he can do, so they can stop him if he starts to lose it, or they find a way to use it against the rest of the villagers instead.