"For what it's worth, I don't think you will. You're a really good person, Rinoa. You want to help people. Sure, maybe you'll make mistakes, because you're still a person, but I think that you're the kind of person who's going to learn from those and do better. You're going to be amazing, whatever you do. And you still have a choice, you know? You decide what being a Sorceress means to you." The words are heartfelt. He knows one hundred percent that Rinoa is going to be better, because she's not like any of the stories he's heard from Nida. She's better than that. Better than Edea, even, making children into soldiers for the sake of changing the future. Some things were never okay.
Like what he'd done to Teddy. Billy looks away from Rinoa, takes another breath, lets it out slowly. "I thought at first it was just...just the one thing, you know? Teddy--his mom died. In front of us. There was a fight, some people trying to take Teddy away, and she--got caught in the middle. We were heroes, Young Avengers, right? We'd never really thought about what that might mean. We just wanted to use our powers to help people. We didn't think about how our families might get hurt. And after that...we stopped. Or I thought we did. Teddy moved in with me, my parents were super cool about the whole thing, and things were just...it was good, right? It was good." He had all of his family, alive and well, he had his perfect boyfriend, he had his twin just over the river in Jersey who'd moved out just before--he didn't need to use his magic any more, because he had a magical life.
"Only...it turned out Teddy was still going out and being a hero. Saving people. While I just...pretended it was all over. I caught him one night, and I said some things--some really selfish, selfish things. I made it about me, how could he lie to me, how could he do that to me, when--it wasn't about me at all. Teddy had been hurting for a long time, and I was too stuck on me to see it. He'd lost his mom, his home--all he had left was me, and being a hero. And I wanted to take that from him, too. So--I guess...I wanted to give him something back. Stop the hurt."
He pauses for a moment in his flood of words, drawing in a shaky breath. He hasn't told anyone else this. He hasn't had to tell anyone else this. Teddy saw it. Loki and America knew. Kate...sort of knew. It's just hard to admit. But he knows that if he stops now, he won't be able to get the rest out, so he presses on. "One of the things I can do--I can sort of...browse realities and timelines. Like looking through the pages of a book. I can see other timelines where things happened differently. And so...that was what I did. I went looking through other realities like they were a phone book, and I found a timeline right at the point where Teddy's mom was about to die, and I--I didn't even think, I just grabbed her and pulled her through. How stupid was that? And I wasn't even thinking, oh, I saved a life, I was thinking about how happy Teddy was gonna be with me. That I was being a better boyfriend. Stupid." His voice is rough, cracking a little, as a wave of self-loathing crashes over him. How could he have been that stupid??
"I took her to Teddy like a freaking present, and he....he was so happy, I thought it was all gonna be fine. I wasn't thinking. That's my problem, you know? I don't think. I just...did this thing and acted like it was gonna fix everything, when Teddy's mom wasn't even the problem. And the thing is, it wasn't even...the thing I pulled out of that timeline? It wasn't really even Teddy's mom. It was this thing. This parasite that calls itself Mother. Mother can control other parents, take them over, make them its slaves, affect what they see and how they act. And it was after me. It almost got me, too--me and Teddy both--but we got away with the help of some other people. Our friends and some new people. But...my magic, it was all bound up in Mother. I couldn't banish her. And I couldn't be home, because every time I ended up near my parents, they turned into her." He's trembling a little now, under her hands, his own now on his legs and balled into fists. "So not only did I not bring Teddy's mom back, but I pulled a monster wearing his mother's face into our dimension, and I took away my home from him, too. I took all my friends away from their homes, and the places and people they loved, and I put countless lives in danger, and it was all my fault." He finally stops, breathing heavy and a little ragged, his face turned away from Rinoa.
"...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dump all that on you. I just...I don't know."
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Like what he'd done to Teddy. Billy looks away from Rinoa, takes another breath, lets it out slowly. "I thought at first it was just...just the one thing, you know? Teddy--his mom died. In front of us. There was a fight, some people trying to take Teddy away, and she--got caught in the middle. We were heroes, Young Avengers, right? We'd never really thought about what that might mean. We just wanted to use our powers to help people. We didn't think about how our families might get hurt. And after that...we stopped. Or I thought we did. Teddy moved in with me, my parents were super cool about the whole thing, and things were just...it was good, right? It was good." He had all of his family, alive and well, he had his perfect boyfriend, he had his twin just over the river in Jersey who'd moved out just before--he didn't need to use his magic any more, because he had a magical life.
"Only...it turned out Teddy was still going out and being a hero. Saving people. While I just...pretended it was all over. I caught him one night, and I said some things--some really selfish, selfish things. I made it about me, how could he lie to me, how could he do that to me, when--it wasn't about me at all. Teddy had been hurting for a long time, and I was too stuck on me to see it. He'd lost his mom, his home--all he had left was me, and being a hero. And I wanted to take that from him, too. So--I guess...I wanted to give him something back. Stop the hurt."
He pauses for a moment in his flood of words, drawing in a shaky breath. He hasn't told anyone else this. He hasn't had to tell anyone else this. Teddy saw it. Loki and America knew. Kate...sort of knew. It's just hard to admit. But he knows that if he stops now, he won't be able to get the rest out, so he presses on. "One of the things I can do--I can sort of...browse realities and timelines. Like looking through the pages of a book. I can see other timelines where things happened differently. And so...that was what I did. I went looking through other realities like they were a phone book, and I found a timeline right at the point where Teddy's mom was about to die, and I--I didn't even think, I just grabbed her and pulled her through. How stupid was that? And I wasn't even thinking, oh, I saved a life, I was thinking about how happy Teddy was gonna be with me. That I was being a better boyfriend. Stupid." His voice is rough, cracking a little, as a wave of self-loathing crashes over him. How could he have been that stupid??
"I took her to Teddy like a freaking present, and he....he was so happy, I thought it was all gonna be fine. I wasn't thinking. That's my problem, you know? I don't think. I just...did this thing and acted like it was gonna fix everything, when Teddy's mom wasn't even the problem. And the thing is, it wasn't even...the thing I pulled out of that timeline? It wasn't really even Teddy's mom. It was this thing. This parasite that calls itself Mother. Mother can control other parents, take them over, make them its slaves, affect what they see and how they act. And it was after me. It almost got me, too--me and Teddy both--but we got away with the help of some other people. Our friends and some new people. But...my magic, it was all bound up in Mother. I couldn't banish her. And I couldn't be home, because every time I ended up near my parents, they turned into her." He's trembling a little now, under her hands, his own now on his legs and balled into fists. "So not only did I not bring Teddy's mom back, but I pulled a monster wearing his mother's face into our dimension, and I took away my home from him, too. I took all my friends away from their homes, and the places and people they loved, and I put countless lives in danger, and it was all my fault." He finally stops, breathing heavy and a little ragged, his face turned away from Rinoa.
"...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dump all that on you. I just...I don't know."