[ closed ]

[retributes]

WHO: Lucy
WHERE: On the way to House 46
WHEN: Dec 21
OPEN TO: Locked to Desmond Miles
WARNINGS: Sneak Peek things, swearing, sad things, and welp—Desmond is getting some take out (nsfw things)

---

A week and a half later and Lucy was leaving the house on a mission. This time it wasn't to head down to the Inn for some lunch or to check the stash for anything she and Connor might need. There was determination in her step, in the way her jaw was set. She'd had that much time to think over what Connor had told her the night she'd last spoken over the network with Desmond, that Desmond had asked him to take care of her, and that Desmond was his descendent. It made sense that he would ask Connor to watch over her, what with the state Connor had found her in again, her stitches torn. Yet why did it bother her? Because he couldn't do it himself?

Why would it leave her so frustrated? There was so much between them that was unresolved. And by god, if Connor hadn't been around to talk to her, distract her, she would've left the house in the middle of the night and storm over to Desmond's to get her answers. They were both biting at the bit with the need to know—to get the truth.

There was so much she wanted to say to him, still wanting to lash out for the fact that it'd been his blade that had cut deep and had taken her life. That would take her longer to fully come to terms with. Lucy still wasn't over the fact that she was dead because of how fucked up things had gotten. Christ, and if she'd ended up in this place with Clay instead of Desmond? Or the both of them?

God, oh god, that wasn't something she wanted to think about.

Right now she was going to find him and get out of this cold and actually talk to him.

Comments

[moderndayassassin]

Desmond had been trying every day to get out of the house. Most of the time it was to get food. Sometimes he sat by the fountain and thought about what would happen if someone else he knew came through. Shaun and Rebecca would be nice. His only actual friends, or Shaun might call them friend-adjacent at best. He walked quietly throughout the village and kept to himself, mostly. He talked to a few people. It was enough effort he felt like Altair would be satisfied he tried. And then he'd spend the rest of his time in the house by himself.

He took to reading some of the books. What else did he have to do? They were boring as all hell but some of them were useful. Desmond was not much of a reader, but he couldn't be an assassin or a bartender, so maybe he should learn to be a carpenter or something. It was that exact book that he had in his hand when he walked back toward his house. He wasn't looking up at all or aware of his surroundings, which was not at all a good thing. He was trained better than that, four times now, but he was already dead so whatever.

Which meant he flat out did not see her walking in his direction. He was almost to his house when he finally looked up, and oh shit Lucy was walking in his direction. Well. Shit. Desmond wasn't prepared for it. He'd purposely kept out of her way since they said a firm goodbye on the network. He said she could talk to him if she wanted to, but otherwise, he kept quiet. If he saw her in the inn, he waited until she was gone. He was very good at avoiding, except now he was being lazy.

She looked better. She also looked like she was bordering on a determined rampage. He knew her well enough by now, or at least he thought he did. What was he supposed to say? Should he keep walking? God why did he leave the house. Desmond decided to go with nope. He made a beeline right for the house and that was it.

[retributes]

She'd seen him there, focused in when she watched him look up and their eyes met. The nerve of him, hurrying off like a scared dog with its tail between its legs. Though Lucy supposed she couldn't blame him, things weren't the greatest right now between them. Still, that didn't stop her from shouting out, "Are you seriously making a beeline right now to avoid me, Desmond?" An irritable little huff.

Alright, so then that meant that Desmond was now home and she wouldn't need to go back into the village to try and find him. Fine. She was still on her course for his house anyway, nothing was stopping her, and she kept on going until she approached the front steps and stood there with her arms folded over her chest, glaring up to the porch for a few moments. Time to go up there and bang on his door.

"I know you're in there. I just saw you. Open up."

[moderndayassassin]

Desmond almost made a flippant remark to her in response, partly because he knew it was likely to piss her off and get her attention. But the ball was in her court and he was going to stay out of her way until she decided otherwise. Which was apparently today as she banged on his door. He glanced over his shoulder at the door and thought about it for a few minutes. Eh. Fine. He took his jacket off and slung it over the nearby couch. The book was set on the living room table along with a few others he'd borrowed.

"It's open. Come in if you want." He said through the door at her. Ball still in her court. The house hadn't been decorated at all. In fact it barely looked lived in, outside of the living room area that had some clothes stacked nearby. He had the pack he came in with nearby so if he wanted to leave he could simply stuff them inside and walk out. Desmond didn't remember what it was like to have his own place, even if it wasn't so long ago. It felt like a lifetime ago. That place was warm and inviting and yeah, tiny, but it was his.

He sat on the arm of the couch facing the door and waited, crossing arms against her chest. Did she want to talk about everything finally? Because he was ready for that. At least she didn't look ready to bleed out on the floor.

[retributes]

His voice carried through the door and Lucy was reluctant to let herself in; once she crossed the threshold, went inside, they would be face to face again. That would be it. She was better off turning around and going back home. Everything she'd wanted to say and had thought up on the way there wasn't coming so readily then, as the door clicked open and she was slowly entering.

The door shut behind her and she stood there staring at him where he was perched. Her thumb rubbed the side of her index finger. "Hey," finally she spoke up, seconds passing, silence dragging.

Did it come off as a protective gesture, the way she crossed her arms over her chest, a little defensive. The ball had been in her court and now here she was, seeking him out, but she needed to clear some things up.

[moderndayassassin]

Desmond still for whatever reason wasn't sure if she was coming in. This was all so fucked up and he felt like the ground was moving under his feet. She looked okay at least, she looked healthy. Thank God for that at least. His bravado was failing him as he looked at her. His feelings for her were so intense and varied that honestly he wasn't even sure which one was strongest. He did know her being safe and alive was more important to him than anything, so that was something of an answer. But it didn't mean he knew how to talk to her.

The hey did make him furrow his eyebrows and then smile wryly at her. "Hey yourself." So at least they both were feeling really awkward about this. It made him relax a fraction. At least she had been telling the truth that she wasn't scared of being alone with him. And she didn't have to be. He was the last person who would harm her now. "I'd offer you food or water or whatever, but I don't have anything."

[retributes]

A small snort of a laugh. Lucy shook her head. "I should've invited you over to my place, then. We have enough provisions to share with a third person." Connor was doing a good job with making sure they had what they needed for dinners. Lunches were just something she did on her own at the Inn, get out for fresh air, get out to stretch her legs and be active rather than staying curled up in a ball in bed and ignore the world.

It was progress then as she took a step forward, moved away from the door. She wouldn't hover near it, that might give the impression that she was ready to bolt. Of course things were awkward for her as well. Lucy knew and was certain in not being afraid to be alone with him, they needed this. "How... How have you been?"

[moderndayassassin]

Desmond looked at her slightly confused but also curious. Inviting him over to her house? Was that where they were? She was probably just talking. "I normally go to the inn and squirrel things out over here. It kind of reminds me of when I'd get takeout and make it last for a week." Those were the days. "If someone stops making food there I might be screwed though." Or if it snowed and he couldn't make it there. He'd be fine though. He was good at surviving, outside of one exception.

His eyes were focused on her, noting that step forward and his heart beat a little faster. He wasn't sure how he could put so much importance on a single step, but he did. Also he was supposed to be angry at her. He knew he was supposed to be angry at her. Desmond squinted instead, tilting his head to the side. Where was she going with this? "Luce," he started and stopped. He wasn't sure what to say. "Were you coming by on purpose, or did me avoiding you come off like a challenge?" It wasn't said aggressively or pushy at all. He was genuinely interested in what was going on here.

[retributes]

It had been meant more in the way that she had food and water to offer, and it had been an idle comment to help break whatever awkwardness was going on here. Her face then scrunched. She was somewhat disgusted by the thought. "Okay, I'm not even going to ask how you managed to do that."

There it was, there was the way only her friends would say her name. Friends. He'd been a friend, once. It left a tightness in her chest to hear him say her name, the way it slipped off his lips. "I came because we need to talk."

[moderndayassassin]

"Where there's a will there's a way." Desmond wished he could go back to who he was before all of it. When he was doing okay and pretending to be normal. Or not even pretending. For a time he was normal. It was easy to talk to other people. He was a personable guy then, even extroverted most of the time. He felt like a lot of that was stripped away and now it was an effort to nod at someone else.

"I told you I was here when you wanted to talk, so voila, here we are, what's up?" She was the last person he felt he could talk to easily. They used to chat about more than work, and it was comfortable. He honestly did not know how else to act toward her but this way.

[retributes]

Lucy took another step forward. Keep moving, distract yourself, don't stand idle. "I know about Connor, Desmond."

That was what she'd come here for. And now it was out there.

[moderndayassassin]

Of course she did. Desmond sighed. "Should've seen that coming. I love the guy, but he's a terrible liar." Connor was his favorite of his ancestors. He connected to his life like no other, and he would've given up several times on their journey if it wasn't for him. He said as much, and as weird as this all was, he was glad to meet them.

"What are you pissed about? That I told him to lie?" As if she had any grounds for calling someone else out on deception. "I knew you were upset. I couldn't help you. Connor wanted to check in on me, so I told him I'd rather he look out for you. And yeah, I told him to lie, because I wasn't sure you'd feel safe with an assassin." Desmond was being very direct and honest, glancing away from her and then back. "If you want me to be sorry, I'm not."

[retributes]

"Liar...?" Connor had been nothing but honest with her this entire time. He could've not told her about what Desmond had asked of him but he had. Without her pushing him to.

Her brows began to knit the more and more Desmond was then saying. "I'm sorry, back up—you did what?" She straightened. "He never said anything about that. He just told me that he was your ancestor and that you had asked him to take care of me." Her arms unfolded, dropped to her sides. "Of course I was upset, Desmond, you stabbed me. And what, you think that because I'm a goddamn Templar—was—that I wouldn't be safe with an Assassin? Connor's an Assassin, you still put me with him."

[moderndayassassin]

Whoops. Desmond should really learn not to assume shit, but he also couldn't take it back now. His jaw tightened and his relaxed posture immediately tensed. "Yeah, I know what I did, and I told you why and I apologized, I don't know what else you goddamn want from me." He scowled. "I trust Connor, even if he knew about you, he wouldn't immediately react. He's not like the other two, who I wouldn't trust." Altair and Ezio, especially by the end of their lives, were pretty set in their ways. The Templars took so much from them. He hadn't told Altair about her, only vaguely that there was another agent.

"Also, I'm sorry, what was that?" Desmond got to his feet, stepping closer to her. "Did you just say you were a Templar?" Of course she'd spit something like that out when annoyed. "Wow, I'm shocked, if only you had mentioned this fucking sooner." Sarcasm dripping. He was getting defensive and pissed and he was already so tired about all of this.

[retributes]

"I don't know what I want from you. I don't even know what I want right now other than to not be here. To be back home and to be alive."

He had a short fuse, she knew this. She knew he was almost exactly like his father with it. Still, why should she back down? Lucy stepped forward again, matching him for that step. "Yeah? And then what, huh?" Her hands closed into fists, nails digging into her palms to fight back the urge to go at it with him physically, not just verbally. "You would've told Shaun and Rebecca. And then the entire fucking Brotherhood would've been on my ass. No matter what my feelings were for you, I couldn't risk that. I know it's so hard for you to believe me but you need to."

[moderndayassassin]

Desmond ran his fingers along his closely cut hair and rubbed his eyes. "I can't change what happened. If I could, I would. I meant it when I said if I could've traded my life for yours I would've, but I can't. I thought the world was at stake, don't act like you would have picked me over it, that was our mission." It was an impossible choice and it wasn't even a real choice. He allowed that last blow to happen, but Juno didn't need him to give in. He couldn't fight her. Lucy was dead either way.

"Seriously? Seriously?" Desmond stepped forward again and now they weren't far out of each other's personal space. He could touch her easily. "First of all, I would've listened to you. Jesus, why can't you believe that? Because of him? I left the Brotherhood. You think I cared more about it than I did about you? I didn't want to be there!" He still didn't want to be an Assassin. He accepted he was, but it wasn't what he wanted. "Second of all, of course I have trouble believing you, you lied to me from the minute we met. And how am I supposed to believe you felt anything for me? It was a con!"

[retributes]

This time she didn't step forward. Lucy remained where she was. She said nothing about the first part; they'd had a mission, she'd known that. The world and the billions of lives would come first, that was their job, as Assassins. To protect others. Even if she hadn't considered herself one for a handful of years, she knew she shouldn't be selfish.

God, she hadn't been prepared for that last bit, flinching and unable to hide it. Her nails dug in deeper, leaving indents in the shapes of crescent moons. Purple and blues. "I know you can't believe it, and I don't know how I can prove it to you here, but I did care for you, Desmond. It was..." Something in her expression fell. Fuck these emotions. "Only at first was it a con. But later on—later on I was beginning to have feelings for you." Or had she been projecting her feelings for Clay and the outcome there in Subject 16 on Desmond?

[moderndayassassin]

Desmond looked down at her and then closed his eyes. He was quick to anger but sometimes it could disappear just as fast. "I just ---" He shook his head. "I want to believe you, and it's terrifying, because I'm ---" He was struggling to keep his emotions bottled up, but that never worked for long. "I'm not strong. I really believed we had a connection, but I could be wrong, I could still be wrong. I'm not strong enough." It was difficult for him to trust anything. It wasn't only her. Desmond had issues with trust before that, but he took a chance with her, and it backfired.

"I'm sorry, I don't know how else to say it." He rubbed at his burning eyes. He was such a damn mess. "You were going to give them the Apple. Then the world would be over. Do you even regret it? Are you sorry? Does anything we're saying now even matter?"

[retributes]

She should know how to deal with someone so broken, she'd dealt with Clay all that time and his mental state had deteriorated so fast. It was different though, this was Desmond, things were so different. It pained her to hear him say that he wasn't strong enough—he was one of the strongest people she knew. Lucy took that step forward then that she hadn't moments ago, nails peeling out of her palms as the tension in her hands loosened. "Desmond..." She wanted to reach for him, to comfort him. Somehow.

He was rubbing at his eyes. She could only watch, listen. "Do I regret what? Hurting you? Yes, of course I do. And of course I'm sorry. I—" Everything mattered. "Desmond, I didn't even know what I was going to do if I got the Apple. How can you even..." He would accuse her because of what Juno had shown him. He was believing Juno over her. She closed her eyes as she took a deep, shuddering breath. "If that's what Juno showed you, how do you not know it wasn't something she wanted you to see? To believe? Juno was just as capable of manipulation as any one of us.

"Desmond," there was a quiet plea in her voice, and that was when she began to reach out for him.

[moderndayassassin]

His mental state deteriorated almost to the point of flat out breaking. He'd been close. He was stuck with Clay, fractured and lost. He didn't entirely want to come back, parts of him wanted to give up.

He stiffened. "You ... weren't sure what you were going to do with the Apple?" He may, may, may be able to believe that. She could have had moments of doubt. Maybe. Desmond paled and shrugged one shoulder. "She wasn't lying, just ... maybe not telling the full story. The facts of what you were doing were real, Luce. I could tell. Was the manipulating that though to get what she wanted? Yeah. If there any doubt in you, she wouldn't have shown it to me." He's not an idiot, despite some of his choices. "She might've been wrong, but what if she was right? You couldn't chance me selling you out to the Brotherhood, and I couldn't take the chance you'd take the Apple."

He hated himself and the choices they made. She reached out and he took her hand. He pulled her in close to him, but there was still so much uncertainty too. "I swear, I regret it. I wish we did a thousand things differently. But it's just ... gone." Their lives. Their futures. He set a hand on her shoulder. "Where can we go from here? I killed you. You broke my heart. Why are you here? For closure?"

[retributes]

Lucy was pulled in, something she hadn't expected him to do, and she pressed her free hand to his chest, felt his heart beating under her thumb. Her other hand held in his, she could feel the roughness of his fingers. Focus on that, touch, contact. "What if it was Juno against Minerva? The others? It's like Assassins and the Templars. What if Juno was considered a Templar? What if..." She swallowed, eyes lowered to his collarbone. "What if we all made the wrong choice in trusting Juno, not just you? That's the problem Desmond, neither of us know what I would have done! You knew I was tired of the war. I was so tired of it. I was being honest with you then, I meant every word. You need to know that by the time we made it down into the Temple, I was beginning to believe I didn't need to throw you or Shaun or Rebecca under the bus.

"I cared about you three. We'd all gotten close. It was like..." Her voice softened, "We were like this little family. I just wish you could've read the emails, Desmond. The ones I would send to Vidic, my concerns for you, my hesitation to keep pushing you. His response was to tell me to not let my feelings for you get in the way." Her hand began to slip away from his chest. "But they were. They were always getting in the way the closer to the end that we got."

They both regretted so much. His questions brought her gaze back up to meet his, the hand on her shoulder heavy, as heavy as the regrets she carried. The words I killed you left a phantom pain in her right side, like a reminder. "If you want me to leave and never speak to you again then just say it. We can go on pretending neither of us exist here."

[moderndayassassin]

They were rarely this physically close back in their time together. Sometimes there was a small hug or a lean on the shoulder. Sometimes he'd look over her shoulder while she was typing. He thought about it all of the time. Her. Kissing her. Maybe asking her out after this mission was over. That was when he still believed there was a way out for them. They had this future in his mind, the whole team, not just the two of them. Shaun and Rebecca would probably keep fighting with the assassins, but he thought at the time maybe he and Lucy didn't have to. Or at least they could have a damn vacation. "Juno is a liar. She manipulated and lied to me, to us, from day one. It took me until it was too late to figure that out."

It was so stupid looking back, thinking they had a chance to get out.

She sounded like she was telling the truth, and he wanted to believe her. It made sense. In the beginning it was a con. She didn't know them enough to care. They bonded. She started to doubt what she wanted once they did. "You don't ... need to still lie to me here ...." This was more murmured to himself instead of to her. It was all of what she said getting through to him. He looked down at her, and at the contact between them. Her hand in his, her body nearby, and he was trying to remember how to breathe. "You have no reason to. So you're ... telling the truth." No fear of the assassins. She would probably have kept lying to him if he didn't know, but maybe with time it would have come out. "We were our own little family."

Desmond made an incredulous face, like he had no idea what she was even talking about, and shook his head. His hands left where they were to cup her face instead. He locked eyes with her. "I haven't been avoiding you because I want to. I've been doing it for you, because I fucked up and I can't take it back." His thumbs caressed her cheeks. He hated that the last time they were this close, it was for the worst of reasons. "I told Connor that I didn't give a damn about me, I only gave a damn about you."

[retributes]

Connor... If Connor had known that then why had he... Why had he kissed her? Lucy stared up at Desmond then, saw him so close that she sucked in on a soft breath, his hands warm and firm on her cheeks. She thought back on what he’d just said to himself, how she wanted to protest and argue that no, she didn’t need to lie to him here. She had nothing to hide from him, he knew it all and what he didn’t know then she would tell him. Of course I’m telling the truth! she wanted to shout at him; what did she have to lose here? Her life back home was gone. Everything she’d worked for, her schooling, the skills she’d acquired from day one—they were all gone. She wouldn’t go on to find a husband, to settle down and have any children. Her family line was over and done with, tossed aside like yesterday’s trash.

Lucy brought her hands up to his wrists, eyes searching his. “Neither If us can take back what we did, Desmond.” God, her voice was beginning to waver, tears appearing. Her fingers tightened. “Jesus Christ, Desmond.” There her voice broke and she began to lower her head, eyes closing. The tears slipped free, caught at his thumbs. This was so fucked up. So fucked up.

“We were our own little family.” It broke her heart to repeat those words, to remember the good and fun times the four of them had had together in that short period of time. “Now we’re nothing.”

[moderndayassassin]

She wasn't lying, she was telling the truth. Desmond was going to make that a mantra. There was no reason to lie here. It didn't mean that way she lied and manipulate him before didn't happen, but it did mean he could believe what she said now. There was something real between them. She truly cared about the team. She had doubts about betraying them. She regretted lying. Those were things that he was sure he'd never get any answers to, because there was no way he could before he died. If only Rebecca and Shaun got to hear them too. They never really talked about it, what happened to her.

She started to cry which broke him and he shook his head. "No, no, christ don't cry Luce." The pleading was real and he brushed her tears away as best as he could. The last thing he wanted was to make her cry. "We're not nothing, we're ... I don't know yet. But we're something." Desmond pulled her in for a hug and kissed the top of her head. He breathed in her scent and wrapped his arms around her. She was alive, here at least. Fuck Juno. Fuck every step she took that led to both of their deaths.

"I missed you so much." Now he was starting to cry and hated that, but he couldn't help it. It'd been a messed up life recently. "I knew I didn't have the right to, after, but everything was such shit. I got stuck in the Animus, I didn't want to leave, part of me just wanted to die there." Desmond hadn't talked much about how dark a place he wound up in. How low he got. He kept living through the memories that Clay pushed him to, but it took awhile before his heart was in it. He couldn't see here face as he hugged her, and that was better. "I think I was relieved, when I finally died, I wanted it to be over. I was so tired. I'm still so tired." It was supposed to be over, his stupid little life, and now it wasn't.

[retributes]

Ever since Clay, watching how fast he’d spiralled, she’d begun to have her doubts. She’d begun to care for the people they would force into the Animus, pushing them at long hours, given no breaks and no relief. Not personally knowing but being a witness to the Bleeding Effect had oftentimes been unnerving for her. God, and she’d been too late to save Clay even after promising him that she would get him out. She’d wanted so much for Desmond to not become like Subject 16. And they were all nothing, every last one of them. Nothing but pawns. It’d taken them finding death to have it really sink in, or her at least. Here and now, they were nothing, Lucy’s mind couldn’t be changed.

She barely felt his thumbs wiping at her tears. They only fell all the harder, her sobs quiet and muffled against his chest once she was pulled in and held close. Wrapping her arms around him, she held on, fingers curled tight in the back of his shirt. This was real, this embrace, what comfort he was trying to give her. As Desmond told her how much he’d missed her, it broke her further—she’d been missed. Someone had missed her. She’d meant something, she hadn’t been just a piece to the chessboard to him. Of course she’d known that, how couldn’t she? But it was still a relief in some way to hear him say the words. William wouldn’t have missed her, the same went for Vidic. They’d both been using her all that time. Desmond had been smart to run away when he’d had the chance.

Lucy lifted her face from his chest as she felt his shoulders shaking. Her hands came up between them and this time she was the one cradling his face between them, fingers wiping at his cheek. He was such a mess. They were both such a mess. “Hey.” She pulled him down so their brows rested together. He understood then what she’d meant by that night she’d told him how tired she was of everything. “You’re okay here, it’s okay. We’re going to be okay.” The words were hushed, reassuring, promising. Things would be okay. “It’s okay to feel tired. Be as tired as you want. I know I asked too much of you, with the animus, and I’m so sorry.” Her thumb brushed the edge of his bottom lip.

[moderndayassassin]

Desmond really hadn't realized how fractured his mind was until he was stuck with Clay. It made sense. His brain was not made for what they were doing, and he had the strain of also being kidnapped and being sucked into the Assassin/Templar drama. The Bleeding Effect was tearing apart his ability to change reality from hallucination, which was why it was so easy for him to think of this place as fake. More games. More of his mind failing on him. He wasn't sure his brain was healthy anymore, or if it could be. He was broken.

Missing her was mixed in with anger and guilt so strong it only made him more fragile. The one person he had was gone. He had no one after that. He noticeably withdrew from the others, outside of focusing on the mission. There were no real laughs left for their little unit, no good moments of solidarity and affection. He couldn't change that or go back. But Desmond got to hold Lucy in his arms and they were both clinging to each other. Two broken children failed by a fucked up war and a psychotic goddess. He held her tightly, pretending he could close his eyes and for a few moments be okay with his death if it meant being here with her.

He was a little ashamed of his tears when she leaned back to look at him, but he couldn't stop so he just sniffed and let her do it. How did she still have the ability to calm him down? Settle him? It was that ability that used to manipulate him, but he wasn't angry about it now. She wasn't conning him, he reminded himself. This was real. Desmond leaned down, she was so small in his arms, trying to remember how to breathe. "No, no," he murmured, only a small shake of his head. "We were saving the world. The world ...." He huff-laughed. "I gave the world my sanity, and my life, and my heart." Desmond cupped her cheek, the meaning in the words there. "We both gave it everything. Not even sure if it deserved that. There were a lot of dicks on the planet."