i'm not calling you a liar

[ethnobotany]

WHO: Beverly Crusher
WHERE: Starting outside House 20, Inn, hospital, and anywhere outside in both villages
WHEN: March 4-10
OPEN TO: All!
WARNINGS: To be determined. Will update as needed

---

March 4th

Mist isn't usually a bad thing on most planets Beverly has been to. On her home planet, Caldos, it's usually very lovely, especially in the mornings. But if there's anything that exploring the galaxy, and especially being trapped here for so long, has taught her it's that mist is an unknown. Mist can be bad.

So one morning, when she first spots it rolling through the area, she watches it from the front porch of the house with no small amount of wariness. She's suspicious of it and now on high alert. With any luck, it will prove to be simply the good doctor developing a sense of paranoia after all these months of being stuck here.

She makes her normal rounds through the Inn to make sure nothing's amiss and then heads out to the hospital for her normal shift.

March 5-10

It may have taken her over a year to figure it out, but she's definitely avoiding the Inn for a while. At least until she can tell that the effects have worn off. The last thing she wants is to be stuck in there again while she's like this, spewing out the actual truth for all to hear and shattering the Prime Directive while she does. She's got enough trouble trying to juggle it as is; she doesn't need this.

For all that she isn't normally the type of person to keep herself isolated, she's been trying to avoid the vast majority of people. She does still show up for her time in the hospital mostly because she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she didn't make herself available and someone needed her. But she tries to keep to herself and doesn't say much unless prompted. There are far too many ways this could go terribly wrong.

Eventually, she starts avoiding people in the mornings, keeping herself inside House 20 and eventually taking walks around both villages, in an effort to see where the mist has permeated and whether or not she's the only one who's been affected. She still mostly keeps to herself, her arms wrapped tightly around her body and a frown of concentration and worry on her face. If anyone tries to catch her attention like normal, she won't turn them away, but they might find that she has some... interesting things to say.

Comments

[ethnobotany]

"Oh, it isn't," Beverly says quickly. "Like I said, if that were the only thing standing between us, I would have accepted his advances as soon as we got back on the Enterprise."

Things would have turned out much differently. They might even have gotten married by now. Beverly's expression softens and turns more nostalgic before sorrow tinges her eyes. The rest of the story falls out with a combination of hesitance and force, like she wants to tell someone but is still afraid.

"The truth is that Jean-Luc was directly responsible for my husband's death. He felt that he would betray his best friend's memory if he ever told me how he felt. I forgave him a long time ago... but I don't know that he'll ever be able to forgive himself."

The situation is beyond complicated and this explanation only barely begins to touch on it. If Helen asks about the accident, or really anything else, Beverly will explain what she can and not just because of this truth speaking business.

[notsocommon]

Helen squinted a bit, trying to work that one out. She'd had a hand in many parts of history, both good and bad, and she understood survivor's guilt quite well. She laid a hand upon Beverly's arm, hoping to comfort her.

"You don't have to share the story if you don't want to. I wouldn't press you for that. I've been in Jean-Luc's position before, though, and that guilt is a very difficult thing to overcome. I hope he does, for both of your sakes', but I understand where he's coming from quite intimately, I'm afraid."

[ethnobotany]

"I don't know all of the details," Beverly admits slowly. "I just know what little he's told me... and what's in Jack's file, which isn't much. Honestly... the decision has been mine since Kesprytt. I just didn't think we were ready then."

She hadn't thought either of them could manage a romantic relationship at the time, so she'd turned him down. Now that it's been a few long years and they've both had distance from Kesprytt and more time to deal with their own difficulties in relation to the problem of Jack... now she wonders.

"I don't know if we are now or not, but... we've agreed to try."

No one knows that except the two of them so far. Or at least no one's heard it from her before now. People might have suspected, but she hasn't wanted to risk jinxing it. They haven't done anything more intimate than cuddle so far, though, which feels about right for how slowly they've taken everything else.

[notsocommon]

"Well, I think you should simply take it slow and not have any expectations upon one another. Although, I'm hardly one to speak," Helen said, laughing softly. "I have a terrible record with relationships myself. It is difficult when one is as long-lived as I am to make a meaningful connection."

She touches Beverly's hand again in comfort. "I wish the best for you both. You deserve to be happy, both you and Jean-Luc."

[ethnobotany]

"We're trying," she admits, ducking her head a bit. "It's difficult, but we've agreed to take everything slowly and see what happens. We haven't even kissed yet and it's been a few months." Her lips curl wryly at that. It's been a while since the night they curled up on the couch trying to warm her up after the ice storm. It will be difficult, no one can say it won't be, but she thinks... it might finally be worth trying. Or actually it might be finally something they can make happen.

"Thank you, Helen. It's a little scary how far out of our comfort zone this is. And I haven't really had a chance to talk it over with anyone until now."

See also: she hasn't let herself have a chance yet.

[notsocommon]

"Well, I'm always available, I promise. Your confidence is safe with me," she assured her. Helen knew what it was like to hold a secret in until it became a stone in the pit of your stomach and she didn't want that for Beverly. She wanted to at least be the one person Beverly could speak to about it.

"Is it strange to be cheering for you and Jean-Luc to work out? I like the both of you and I want you to find happiness."

[ethnobotany]

There's a slight laugh at Helen's words and Beverly's smile turns a little bit more free. "I don't think it's strange. If my friend Deanna were here, she'd be trying to encourage us, I'm sure. She's the ship's counselor, too, and she's very good at what she does."

Quietly encouraging and enabling good relationships is only one thing she does very well. Beverly misses Deanna very much, especially now.

"I'll let you know how it goes. Shall I tell you when we get around to our first kiss?" she says teasingly before adding thoughtfully, "The last one was more a parting kiss than a romantic one and the one before that wasn't exactly him, so he doesn't remember it. That doesn't really count in my book."

[notsocommon]

"I think you should absolutely tell me when you get around to your first kiss," Helen said. "I'm starved for good news here. All I do is pick herbs and make bandages. If I can be entertained by the blossoming of love between old friends, well. It'd make me very happy."

She laughed softly. "I'm very old, Beverly, there's little that's novel to me any longer. Even still, I am fond of my friends finding happiness and never tire of hearing about it."

[ethnobotany]

Beverly's smile turns warm and a little bit embarrassed. "I haven't had a romance in years," she admits quietly, ducking her head for a moment. "But it feels right. It feels like a step we should be taking. And I guess... we'll get around to kissing when we do. You'll be the first to know about it."

Her cheeks turn ever so slightly pink at the last. She really is grateful to Helen for their friendship and for the other woman's support and encouragement. Things will Jean-Luc are complicated and might always be, but at least they're trying this next step, come what may.

"Thank you, Helen. I think you've become one of my closest friends here and I appreciate your support."

[notsocommon]

"Think nothing of it. I want to see you happy, more than anything else, and I wouldn't mind seeing Jean-Luc happy either. The two of you have become close friends of my own. It's been a long time since I've let anyone become close to me."

It was easier, in Helen's opinion, to keep people at arms' length. It made things more simple to compartmentalize, to box grief away when they inevitably died and she outlived them yet again. In this place, though, she'd not allowed herself to do that either by subconscious choice or by accident and she felt like her life had become a bit richer for it.

[ethnobotany]

Beverly pauses for just a second before she moves again, this time to step close enough to pull Helen into a hug, if the other woman doesn't protest the embrace. Beverly has always been a tactile person and with her emotions and thoughts laid bare like this, she is even more so than usual.

"Thank you, Helen," she breathes, much of the day's tension sliding from her body regardless of Helen's reaction to her attempted embrace. "You're a true friend and I'm honored to be one of yours."

[notsocommon]

Helen hadn't hugged anyone in a long while, certainly not since coming here to the village, but the embrace from Beverly was welcome. It had been a long time since she could have friends she could truly count on and share emotional intimacies with and having Beverly to count among them was a rare treasure indeed.

"Think nothing of it, Beverly. I will keep your confidences and hopefully, someday, if I have confidence to entrust to you, you will be able to do the same for me."

[ethnobotany]

Beverly would always count Helen as one of her closest friends here, the closest outside of Jean-Luc, and that says a great deal. The only reason Jean-Luc is higher at all is due to the sheer fact that they've known each other for decades longer than Helen. If given the chance, Beverly has no doubt that Helen would end up somewhere even higher.

"Of course," she answers immediately, her smile warm and inviting. "I could do no less for someone who has been such a friend to me already."