sixthiterationlogs | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

WHO: Jean-Luc Picard
WHERE: Various places around the village; House 20
WHEN: November 25 - 28th (closed section is backdated to Nov. 18)
OPEN TO: first part is OTA; backdated section is locked to Beverly
WARNINGS: None atm

Return to Sender {OTA}

The letter shows up out of the blue on the 25th; an innocuous-looking thing save for the flame insignia on the front. And that alone is enough to give him an idea of what it might be, thanks to Beverly's description of the letter she'd received earlier. He reads it all the same, of course. It might be something different after all, and when it proves to not be, he tears it in half (and the envelope too, for good measure) and proceeds to go about his usual routine, stopping by the fountain before makes his way back around to the Inn.

Still, he can't quite get the letter out of his mind either, which leaves him looking more than a little distracted as he goes about his usual routine.

When it returns on the 26th he's not surprised. But he's not pleased either, and this time he takes the envelope with him, tossing it into the fire burning there when he arrives. He doesn't entirely expect it'll work any better this time around, but he can't deny that there's something oddly satisfying about watching it vanish into so much ash and smoke all the same.

Unfortunately, that proves to be no more successful than anything else had been and when he wakes on the 27th to find the letter still waiting for him he decides that this calls for more drastic measures, as he makes his way out to the fountain. Of course, a letter isn't going to do much more than float if laid on top of the water, but he has something of an idea as to what to do about that. First, however, he stops to make absolutely certain that it doesn't look like anyone is going to be arriving shortly, and then he bends down to see if he can find any small stones nearby. Of course, this involves digging around under the snow and ice and he almost certainly looks a little ridiculous doing so, but he figures that's a small price to pay if it gets rid of the letter.

Of course, it's no more successful than any of his other attempts and when the 28th rolls around he decides to simply leave it be. Or at least as much as he can, although he's in a Mood most of the day and eventually decides to take it on himself to see about chopping some wood. Partly because he's sure that someone will make use of it sooner or later, but also because it's as good a way to vent his frustrations as any.

Defrosting Emotions {locked to Beverly (backdated)}

Inconvenient though it's been, he can't say that it's entirely surprising that there'd be an ice storm. Especially if - as he half-suspects - the Observers are capable of altering the weather to an extent. Not that ice storms are unseasonable, mind. But it does certainly feel like something that's been thrown at them more for the sake of making things inconvenient than anything else. Still, while he can't deny that he misses having proper heat, there's just about enough to keep them from freezing. Even if it might not be comfortable.

Still, he knows that Beverly, at least, is making her rounds outside. And that's more than reason enough to keep the fire going, as far as he's concerned.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Honestly, if there weren't a chance of some poor soul turning up in the half-frozen fountain, Beverly wouldn't be making rounds at all in weather like this. But they all know how terrible the Observers can be and the risk of someone drowning or freezing or drowning and then freezing is far too great for the compassionate doctor to ignore. So she's doing a quick run every so often from the house to the fountain to the Inn and then back to the house. If she finds someone in the fountain, they get to come with her to the Inn and it would take her even longer to get back. Jean-Luc will worry if she takes too long, she knows, so she tries to make it as quick as possible.

Today she finds one, so she's a bit longer in coming back than she normally would be. And when she finally does step into the house, she feels half-frozen herself. Shivering, wet, and with her hair mostly turning to icicles, she immediately gravitates towards the fire. And the person nearby. She doesn't want to get him wet, or the floor of the house for that matter, but she's also too chilled to worry about that for the moment. Wrapping her arms around herself, she kneels down by the fire, trying to get as close as she can without burning herself, either with the fire or the cold.

"Pulling someone out of a pool of water in the middle of an ice storm can make you cold. Who knew?"

She's not the only one who's been making periodic trips out the fountain. Admittedly, he's mostly incorporated swinging by to check on the fountain into part of his daily routine, but it amounts to the same thing. Not that he's wanted to go anywhere, just at the moment, but neither is he going to stop Beverly from making her rounds either. Someone has to make certain that the Observers haven't decided to bring a new arrival in at the worst possible time, after all.

That said, when Beverly doesn't return from one of her trips as soon as she usually would, he can't deny that he starts to worry a little. Not that he doesn't expect that she's able to take care of herself, but he's well aware of the fact that the weather is distinctly inclement. Especially given the ice that's very nearly everywhere at this point.

Fortunately, she returns before he begins to start seriously consider mounting rescue parties, although he can't entirely deny the spike of concern that runs through him anyway when he notices that her hair is halfway to being nothing more than a mess of icicles.

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that the Observers really did decide to bring someone in during an icestorm." There's a brief pause and then he continues on. "I can fetch you a blanket, if you like?"

Neither of them should be surprised at this point and the small, wry smile she offers him briefly agrees. She gives a slight shake of her head at his question, though it turns into a rather large shiver that shakes her entire body, bangs her teeth together, and pulls out a chilled groan from her throat. A blanket would be wonderful, but they can't afford to get one wet at this time of year. Towels would be better to help dry her off. Once she's in a dry set of clothes, for all the good the default options do here in this weather, she would love a blanket or two to curl up under.

"Maybe when I'm dry," she says lightly. "I'll need to change clothes soon." And she might not want to ask him for too much, but she knows her limits and also knows that he would do literally anything to help her. "Would you help me up? I think I might be freezing to the floor."

Her tone is mostly teasing, but in her eyes is a small note of fear and concern. She doesn't want to fall ill because of this. Modern medicine might have eradicated even the common cold in their time and universe, but she isn't about to push the issue here. And if Jean-Luc feels the need to help her get dry, and hold her to help her warm up, she isn't about to say no.

For all that he would gladly sacrifice a blanket to help her dry off, he very much understands her reticence to get one wet at this time of year. Especially when there's still an ice storm going on outside, and while the fire is nice, he's not certain it would manage to dry a blanket in time for it to be dry enough for use before they'll need to bank the fire for the night. Of course, that will make drying her off a little more difficult in the long run, but it's still understandable all the same.

"I'd be glad to."

And he does spot that flicker of concern in her eyes. It doesn't stop him from stepping over to her without a second thought and offering helping her up, mind. But he notices it all the same. After all, if he ends up sick because he's helped her he figures there are certainly worse things, and at least it'll likely be nothing worse than a cold this time.

She takes his hands and lets him help pull her up, feeling her entire body groan at the effort. At this point, she might have actually been freezing to the floor. The sooner she gets dry and warm, the better. She might need help towel drying her hair by the fire, but they can cross that when they get there. First, she needs to dry the rest of her off and get into a dry set of clothes.

"Thank you," she murmurs, letting him go after she lingers for perhaps a minute too long. He's warm and inviting and she would love to curl up with him to let their combined body heat do something to warm her up, but she can't. At least not until she's dry. And then... well, they might have a few things to talk about first.

Finally releasing her hold on him, she moves towards her room. "I'll be right out," she says, and disappears inside. She doesn't take her time with this, preferring to get as warm and dry as possible as quickly as she can, and soon enough, she's stepping out of the room with her dry clothes on. The wet ones she hangs to dry in the bathroom. Then she hurries back to the main room and the fire, hoping that Jean-Luc has been kind enough to grab a blanket for her. All that's left is to dry her hair and see about getting her body temperature higher in whatever ways they can.

She might very well have been, for all that he says nothing about it. The floors are comparatively bare, and in the colder months they almost certainly are the sorts of thing someone could freeze to, if they weren't careful. On the other hand, even with that, she hadn't been sitting for all that long, and as far as he can recall, it takes some time for things to freeze together. Even with the weather being as inclement as it is.

There's a nod too, at her comment. One that says that he doesn't mind offering a hand in the least, and that it's surely the least he could have done under the circumstances. And if she lingers overlong, he says no more about it than he had than the possibility that she had frozen to the floor a little.

"Of course," he answers, once she starts making for her room, offering it without so much as a second thought. By the time she steps back out of her room, he's once again waiting patiently, only this time he has a blanket on hand. Drying her hair might still be a little difficult, unless they turn to a towel, but apart from that he's more than willing to help her get here body temperature up, in whatever way she should happen to prefer.

When she finally emerges from her room with dry clothes on, she immediately moves to grab a towel for her hair before returning to the main room and the fire. Wrapping the towel around her hair and tying it up so it will hopefully dry her hair better and keep her from getting too chilled, she smiles at the blanket he's holding for her. Despite her best intentions and her common sense, she gravitates towards him and it's an intense struggle not to just let him wrap her up in his arms again.

One that she quickly loses, even as she curls up on the couch. She'd take the floor again to be closer to the fire, but it's likely still wet from where she was sitting earlier.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to," she offers, even though she can tell her eyes hold a note of hope that he will sit down next to her and tuck them both into the blanket. Knowing better as she does, she can't help wanting to curl up against him; his body heat will help better than hers alone and she'll do just about anything to keep herself warm right now. It has nothing to do with the comfort she suspects she'll get from the feel of him next to her and his arms around her.

So she keeps telling herself.

If nothing else, wrapping her hair in a towel should keep it from being exposed to the outside air. It might not entirely ward of any chill that might come of having warm hair, but to be fair, long hair has never really been something that Picard has had to worry about, even back when he'd still had hair. But he figures that if it turns out that she does catch a chill after this, they can deal with it as it should happen to come up.

"I'm more than glad to stay."

Better still, he does come to sit next to her, wrapping the blanket around the both of them only moments later. And if he's remembering what had happened the last time they'd been cuddled up together like this, he does his best to put it out of his mind. He might certainly enjoy the feeling of cuddling up together like this, but really, it's only reasonable that they should share cuddle up like this. Especially when he knows very well that sharing body heat is one of the better options, with Beverly very nearly frozen through.

Although neither can he deny that there are things they should talk about. It's just that he doesn't want to try bringing them up just yet.

The movement of the blanket stirs a gentle air movement and she shivers violently as he settles in next to her. She remembers all too well what happened to them the last time they were huddled for warmth and those thoughts are swirling around in her mind right now. She doesn't want to give him the idea that she doesn't appreciate what he's doing for her, or the comfort therein, but there's a lot to go with it, a lot of feelings and confusion they haven't tried to address.

Or, well, haven't tried again.

She'd meant what she told Wanda after the last time. Things are very complicated between them. Still, she probably shouldn't simply leave it and given that she's the best one to bring the subject up, she sighs wearily.

"We should... probably get around to talking a few things out before someone walks in on us," she comments hesitantly, keeping her attention on the fire.

Things are distinctly complicated between them, it's true. And for all that what he's offering now is the best thing he can offer in this situation, it would be a lie to say that it isn't still comfortable. Nor that there isn't still any of a number of things that they should likely speak of, in light of what had happened the last time they'd been in this particular position. Not that this makes the topic as a whole any easier to bring up, but even so, there's no deny that it's something that ought to be.

Even if he is glad that she brings it up first. Partly so that he doesn't have to figure out how to and partly because it makes more sense that way, given that she'd been the one to close that door, last time.

"It would... be for the best, yes," he admits, with a nod of his own. "I presume there's somewhere in particular you had in mind, as a starting point?"

He asks the question mostly out of politeness, but there's no deny that he hopes she does. He is willing to take over if he has to, but that's only likely to be exponentially more awkward in the long run.

Edited 2018-01-12 00:17 (UTC)

"Is there really a good starting point for us?" she points out gently. Not that she won't start this off, of course. She'd intended to do so from the moment she brought it up, but that doesn't make it any easier. Things are distinctly complex between them and no amount of wanting or wishing will make it easier.

"It feels good like this and I'm not just saying that because your body heat is helping me keep warn." He would have every right to make that assumption. Better that she heads it off quickly. "Last time we were anywhere close to this, I didn't think, honestly, that either one of us was ready for the next step. For any actual dates or whatever else might happen."

Underneath the blanket, her hand reaches for the one of his that isn't currently wrapped around her shoulders. When she finally finds it, she folds her fingers around his, letting herself take what comfort from him that she can.

"I don't know if we are now, if the situation we're in could ever possibly lend itself to that." Other people seem to be making relationships work, but other people don't have the same difficulties that they do. "But I do know that you keep scaring me and it's because I care about you as more than just your friend or your doctor."

"Perhaps not," he admits. Even he can't entirely deny that there really is far too much between them for things to ever be entirely easy. There might certainly be starting points that are easier, yes. But if things had been easy than they most likely would already have had this particular conversation. Assuming they hadn't simply fallen into dating already, but to be fair, even without the matter of Jack, there'd likely still have been the fact that he's her captain.

And her friend, yes. But the idea of them managing to not have any hurdles at all is something that he can't entirely imagine, no matter how he tries.

Still, he does listen when she begins to speak, and it's just as well that she does think to clarify that she isn't just speaking about the fact that he's helping her warm up. Not that he hasn't been aware of the fact that this is enjoyable for him as well, of course. But it's one thing to be aware of it, and quite another to actually address it, especially when the ball has been so firmly in her court for so long. And when he can't deny that for all that he would have been more than interested in seeing what would come of trying a relationship last time they'd been at least considering it, she's not wrong to think that they weren't entirely ready for what might have come of that next step.

Whether or not they are now is another question entirely. But he can't deny the comfort that comes from even something as simple as her taking his hand in hers, nor the fact that she's scared him a time or two as well.

"I don't have the answers. We might not be, or the situation might not prove to lend itself well to the attempt. But... perhaps we won't ever know until we try. Until we take that step." A pause. "And you've scared me a time or two as well, if that means anything. And for much the same reason."

He's her captain and her friend, yes. But he cares for her as more than that also, even if that poses its own distinct set of problems as well.

Beverly might not have been originally inclined to shift out of the warmth of her current position, but as Jean-Luc's words begin to register with her, she does exactly that. Slowly, she shifts herself upright so she's not exactly leaning on him any longer. She keeps her hand entwined with his and makes sure the blanket doesn't fall from around either of them as she goes.

Everything is so complicated. They have more history between them than anyone here really knows. Nerys might be the only one, but Beverly doubts even she has any clue about it. Those complications and all that history has Beverly hesitating, but maybe this is something they should be trying.

"I'm afraid, Jean-Luc," she finally admits. "I'm afraid to lose you, but I'm also afraid to get too close and find out that we can't work together at all. I don't want to lose you as my friend and confidante. And I'm afraid that we won't be able to... get beyond our shared past. Even though I forgave you long ago."

If they are to at all work on this possibility, they need to be able to get past the issue of Jack. Beverly refuses to even try without addressing that, even though doing so will be painful for both of them.

For all that he knows that at least the events that had occurred on the Stargazer are a in the public record, he doesn't expect that it's anything that Nerys would be terribly familiar with. Mostly because it's not anything that would be strictly necessary to any part of her job, and he doesn't expect that she's the sort of person who would look through old Starfleet records out of idle curiosity.

Which means it really is just the two of them who know precisely how complicated the history between them is. And while she's not the only one to find that history daunting enough to cause a certain amount of pause, neither can he completely write off the possibility that maybe they can make this work. That perhaps they can push past the (entirely reasonable!) fears they both still have.

"Perhaps we won't be able to make it over those hurdles. And perhaps this is an idea that's doomed to failure. But at the same time, we might never know if we don't try. And right now... I want to try, if you do. To see if we can conquer those fears. Together."

He pauses, there, and then a self-depreciating sort of smile crosses his face as he continues on.

"Even if it might take me a while to get over our shared past."

Or rather, the guilt he still feels and the way there's still a part of him that can't help but lay the blame squarely at his own feet.

Beverly hasn't really had anyone here she's close enough with to really talk about the situation with. Honestly, even with the people she is close to here, the topic simply hasn't come up yet. Maybe it should. Maybe it will later. She just hasn't wanted to bother with it yet. Likely she wouldn't have if today hadn't happened. But it has and now she's dealing with it and finding that maybe it's not such a giant spectre like she thought.

The very vocal admission that he wants to try just as much as she does practically takes her breath away. Given how everything went after they returned from Kesprytt, she isn't at all surprised that he feels so strongly. She's always been the more hesitant one about this and that hasn't changed. But maybe this talk will help sooth her nerves.

Rather than address any of that, she opts for something else. "I forgave you, you know," she points out softly. "A long time ago. And I know for a fact that Wesley forgave you, too." Reaching up a hand to rest against his cheek, she tries to pour all the confidence she has into both of them. "Whatever concerns you have about us, I don't think either of us has to worry about my son. Or about me. Because whatever else happens now, I do care about you. I do love you. As long as I don't lose my best friend, I think I'd be all right with trying and seeing how it goes."

It's not a topic that's really built to be easy to bring up. He won't deny that there's no reason that it couldn't have, at some point. But he knows that neither of them are the sort of person to be particularly likely to mention their previous history. Not without it being something that is either specifically requested of them or something that - for whatever reason - happens to have some relevance to whatever conversation that should be having. And while that latter isn't entirely beyond the real of possibility there's still no denying that thus far it hasn't been the sort of thing that's come up. Or at least, hasn't before just now.

And there's still the question of just how a relationship between the two of them might end up developing. It's something he's had lurking in the back of his mind ever since they returned for Kesprytt, yes. But that doesn't negate the fact that there are still hurdles. Ones beyond simply the matter of the specter that still haunts the both of them. Admittedly, some of the more immediate ones aren't quite as relevant here - he might still be her captain, yes, but there's very little of the command structure here that there would be aboard the Enterprise - but that doesn't mean that they aren't still present. Just that there's a little less immediacy to them.

"I'd guessed," he answers with a nod. "At least on your part." Wesley he hadn't been too certain about, but it's nice to have that confirmed, as well. "It's just harder to forgive myself."

Which isn't to say that he's unwilling to try. That he's not willing to let the past be the past. But there will probably always be that part of him that thinks that he should have done more, even if he knows full well that he'd done everything he could have at the time. And he always has been hardest on himself, besides. But for the sake of this, and what might come of it, he's willing to at least try to. Or to take comfort in the fact that she's forgiven him, even if he never quite manages to forgive himself. For now, however, he chooses to not address that, turning instead to the rest of Beverly's comment.

"Still, I think we should be able to manage that." To not lose each other as friends. "And even if it doesn't work out, we'll have tried, at least."

True, he'd like to hope it works, given that he loves her and she's admitted to loving him. But if it doesn't work out he's not going to force it either. Not when they've been perfectly content simply being friends besides.

There might always be hurdles for the two of them to deal with. Not as many, certainly, but they still exist. Personal ones, professional ones. All kinds. Those hurdles are why she hasn't been sure they really could deal with a personal romantic relationship. Even now the question of whether or not they can still lingers. The fact of the matter now is that they're both aware of those hurdles and willing to try to jump them anyway. More accurately, they're willing to jump those hurdles together.

"I know," she says, her thumb gently brushing against his cheek. "You've always been hard on yourself."

All told, she can understand why he is. Still, it's part of her job, as his best friend and maybe as his future girlfriend, to support him and do her best to convince him that it's okay not to hold onto that guilt. Especially when she and Wesley have stopped blaming him for it. Neither of them will ever get over Jack's death, even now. That doesn't mean that either of them is still angry with Jean-Luc for what happened. Or that they ever really were.

"Then I guess... let's see what happens," she says with a small but hopeful smile. They can try, at least, and hopefully they won't lose their friendship. With the both of them aware of all the possibilities, she thinks they can avoid some of those pitfalls.

For now, though, she lets her thumb stroke his cheek one last time before she drops her hand back under the blanket. Pulling the warmth over her fully again, and feeling the chill shudder briefly through her body as she does, she curls back up with her head resting against his shoulder. This is something new for them, in some ways, but the close presence of Jean-Luc is something she has always taken comfort in. He is her rock, now in even more ways than usual.

They are surprisingly adept at finding hurdles that might otherwise stand in their way, it's true. And even with some of the biggest out of the way by the simple virtue of where they are, there are still hurdles enough standing in their way. But with them both willing to try to overcome those same hurdles what might have once seem daunting to one person alone might very well prove to be easier to handle with two. To say nothing of the fact that they are willing to both try, which is more than promising in its own right.

Still, he doesn't object to her comment about being hard on himself. He knows he is, and to a certain extent his job very nearly demands that he be so. But he can at least try to absolve himself of the worst of that guilt - or if he can't to at least not let it interfere with whatever he and Beverly might happen to be building.

(And if he take a brief moment to simply enjoy the feeling of her thumb brushing against his cheek, surely she can't blame him over much.)

For now, however, he nods at her comment. If nothing else they can try, and if it doesn't work out, they can deal with that when it happens to become relevant.

"That's all I ask."

That they try. That they see where this path might lead them. And if it might not lead to where he hopes it will, he'll live it. As he would have if Beverly hadn't been willing to take these first steps out into uncharted waters.

But these are things they can deal with later. For now, he simply settles in, offering a brief smile as her thumb strokes against his check once more before she returns to the position they'd been in before. They might, eventually, need to figure out some of the finer details of this whole attempt, but for now, he's content to simply help her warm up. To offer the same steady comfort he always has, albeit with a little bit of new context laid on top of it.

A moment later, he shifts just enough to slide his arm around her shoulders, but other than that he's content to remain where he is for as long as she should need. Or want, for that matter.

Since the ice storm, whenever Steve comes into the main village, he makes a point of walking out to the fountain to check on it. The fountain itself he doesn't really care all that much about, but his concern is that the surface will freeze and someone new arriving will be trapped underneath.

He's aware that he's not the only one to do this. It's actually one part of the village that he appreciates, how everyone is willing to work together and help each other out. Or at least seem to for the most part. It very much falls in line with his values and morals. The way he was raised for 'ohana' to be.

So, when he's approaching the fountain, seeing someone else there isn't so much of a surprise. Seeing that person digging in the snow and ice. Pausing in his approach, Steve tilts his head and watches for a moment. Wondering if he should offer assistance or give them privacy. His curiosity however gets the best of him and he approaches.

"Everything alright there?"

Jean-Luc certainly hasn't seen it freeze yet, at the very least. That doesn't necessarily mean that it's not impossible for it to do so, but he'd like to think that the Observers aren't going to be quite that cruel. Even if it does mean needing to keep a closer eye on the fountain in particular than they might be inclined to do anywhere else. Still, just at the moment the fountain is free of ice, and that's all that really matters.

That said, neither can he say that he'd been expecting anyone to be passing by; while he doesn't startle and doesn't look ashamed in the least to have been caught at whatever it is he's just been doing, he straightens up all the same.

"I was looking for something to weigh this down with," he answers, holding the envelope up so the Steve can see it. Of course, this doesn't quite explain why he wants to weigh the envelope down in the first place, but it's at least the start of an answer, if nothing else.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(no subject)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Nov 27 - Fountain

no subject