sixthiterationlogs | what's ferret for 'bitch please'?

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what's ferret for 'bitch please'?

WHO: Ravi Chakrabarti
WHERE: Under a delicious tree (an evil, delicious tree)
WHEN: October 17th
OPEN TO: All!
WARNINGS: Ferrets, mischief, swearing

There is a ferret currently pawing at a sweater vest near one of the trees on the outskirts of town.

This isn't a sentence that Ravi would've ever assembled prior to this place, and yet, now it feels commonplace. If he weren't currently in a little ferret body, he might even feel compelled to squeak about how this place is awful. No. Wait, squeaking is for right now, which is what he's doing. It's all that bloody apple's fault for looking so green and perfect, and if someone's going to change you into a ferret after a few bites, he thinks he ought to be warned.

Of course, right now, maybe his priorities are a little off. First, there had been the immediate 'oh, fuck, I'm a ferret', and yet, after that, Ravi didn't think about switching back instantly. No, instead, he's far more concerned about the fact that he'd been wearing one of his best shirts and sweater vests and they're currently all in a pile where someone might step on them or, worse, might take them for their own. That won't do.

This is how there's come to be a tiny little angry Ravi-ferret pawing and clawing at the sweater vest to try and figure out a way to drag it with him back to his and Major's place. No opposable thumbs rule out hands, which means that teeth are next. That is, teeth are next until heavy footsteps and a looming shadow above him makes Ravi realize just how small he is and just how much he currently detests that stupid apple for making him like this.

What if it's permanent? What if he has rabies?

What if their dog eats him?

Letting out a panicked and angry squeak, Ravi clambers to protect his clothes ever the more, while simultaneously hiding behind one of his boots in case he ends up accidentally pelted by an over-eager kick.

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Ravi has left his clothes in the middle of the forest, and a ferret is trying to eat them.

To be fair, there are days I'd love to shred some of those sweaters he wears too, but that's missing the point a little. While it might not be all that strange to imagine that Ravi has concocted what he imagines to be a valid reason to go streaking through the trees, domesticated ferrets don't live wild in the Oregon highlands. They're domesticated.

"What the fuck," is all I know to softly say, and immediately reach for the clothes. One thing I do know about this situation: Ravi won't want his ugly sweater in the dirt.

For a minute, stretching into a second minute, stretching--Kira just stares. He stands on the footworn path between the trees, and he just stares. That's Ravi's stupid vest, and that's not how people seemed to disappear, but it's been so fucking many of them of late that he's not even--

He doesn't even know if he's upset. He doesn't know if he's anything, staring down at a ferret trying to tug on that stupid sleeve. "This isn't even the most fucked up thing I've seen here," he decides out loud, and casts about for some excuse to go about his day. Fuck losing people. Fuck weird animals especially: he is at his fucking capacity for pets. "Go make a nest out of nature bullshit," he says, deciding that whatever the reason, he's not leaving Ravi's clothes in the woods. Bending down, he picks up the opposite sleeve and starts to tug it up.

Helen often went into the woods to gather herbs for the hospital, such as it was, and seeing a sweater vest that could only belong to her Ravi causes her brow to furrow and she kneels down. Further complicating matters is the presence of a ferret in some manner of distress.

"Dear God," she said, running two fingers down the length of the wriggling creature. "You poor, lost thing. Do you happen to know where Ravi's gone?"

Why is it so hard to articulate when you're a woodland creature? He's sure that Snow White should've developed some sort of communication system with the animals better than this, but now all he can do is sort of screech with his tiny ferret vocal cords because if Mark thinks that he's going to steal Ravi's clothes and look better than him in them, he's...maybe possibly right, but it would only be a barely-there thing!

Trying to figure out a way to communicate, Ravi is ashamed to say that at first, his stubborn and instinctual reaction is merely to hold his ground, which is how he ends up standing on the sweater and giving Mark his best narrow-eyed 'I'm watching you' ferret look.

Do ferrets hiss? Ravi isn't sure if that's natural, but he's fairly sure that when Kira tells him to go build a nest, he hisses like a vicious ferret-witch or something, scrambling to chase after the shirt so that when Kira lifts it up, he goes with. Eyes widening as he looks at the ground beneath him, Ravi starts to panic and decides he's going to clamber his weirdly long body (...as weirdly long as it is normally, he's not going to think on that too deeply) and wrap himself sort of around Kira's neck.

That's where he decides that no, this isn't the worst place to be, so until he can figure out some way of communication, that's where he'll stay, provided Kira keeps picking up his clothes from the ground.

This is why Helen is Ravi's favourite. Anyone else would probably just try and make him scram or make embarrassing long-body comments about him when they figured it out. When she leans down and pets him, Ravi settles a little, staring up at her with tiny baleful little ferret eyes, wishing that he could bottle these up and use them normally.

He burrows his little head into Helen's palm, thinking that this might end up strange later, but for now, he doesn't really care. It's too bloody comfortable and if she's willing to put up with him, he's going to take advantage.

Since there's nothing short of the ferret picking up a stick and writing I'm fucking Ravi in the dirt that could ever convince Kira that his friend is an animal now, he lets himself make the exact undignified little shout the moment deserves. The worst he dealt with in Manhattan was rats, and for all that he lets a crow hang out on his shoulders, fucking nothing prepares him for the fact of a ferret scrambling up his arm.

"Jesusfuckingchrist," he breathes, gone very still when flailing his arm had done fuck all to separate them.

There's a ferret on his neck.

He almost doesn't dare to drop his arm, but he slowly does, Ravi's vest hanging at his side. It isn't biting him to death, and what scratches he's suffered are from the climb, rather than some attack. Maybe ferrets are just some kind of inherent-pet-creature, not that afraid of people that it wouldn't ball up on them. What does he know: he's not the pet whisperer the Observers seem to believe he is. "I'm really at-capacity for non-humans to care about," he says, standing there lest it decide to rip his ear off after all. "Honestly I'm at-capacity for humans to care about too, you really need to find a different sweater to covet."

Ravi is not letting that sweater out of his sight. Well, and, also, he's not going to let Kira just assume that Ravi's clothes were abandoned in a fit of pique or disappearance or sudden desire to be a nudist. He's going to have to convince Kira not to just abandon him in the woods because he will get eaten, probably by a rabbit or something else suitably embarrassing, like a fish.

How, though? He's supposed to be clever, how can he show that he's him without speech? He has sharp little nails, doesn't he? What can he do? Well, he starts with trying to carve a little 'R' into Kira's upper bicep, imagining he's got about ten seconds before he gets thrown off, here.

“Well, far be it from me to leave a defenseless creature to fend for himself,” Helen said. She scooped the ferret up and tucked it in against her neck and chest, palm stroking along the length of his body.

“We’ll just look for Ravi and then come up for a name for you once we’ve found him, all right? You’ll like Ravi. He’s got an open mind too. It’s part of the reason I like him so much.”

"Okay, actually you get to stay on the ground," he says quite forcefully, more of a P scraped to his arm when he grabs the ferret in the center of its weird little body and tugs it away, dropping it back to the forest floor. Eyeing it closely, he's ready to kick at any attempts to climb back up his body.

"Just fuck off, I need to deal with this."

This is Ravi's sweater, and clothes, and--existence. Ravi disappearing is an entirely different kettle from Tim or Credence: Ravi's one of their fucking doctors. It isn't just Kira who will be worse off without him, if this is some indication he's gone back to do the Monster Mash in Seattle. Slinging the sweater over one shoulder, he goes back for the pants, wondering if something in the pockets might help him decide what's happened.

Ravi doesn't want to leave the clothes, especially because it's the shirt Helen gave to him during that strange little gift exchange that he still doesn't understand, but how do you communicate that when you're long and furry? He braces himself with a ferrety wince as he jumps from Helen's hold back to the ground, worried that he might be breaking a limb, but nosing his way back into the collar of the shirt.

Poking his head out of it, he wears it like a human might, with a tiny ferret head poking out of the collar. This...well, it's either a good signal or it's just very good comedy.

I don't know all that much about ferrets, although I seem to recall that they can be aggressive and frequently bite even the people they ostensibly like. At least, I'm hoping that's typical ferret behavior, because otherwise I need to start worrying about rabies.

Regardless, saving Ravi's questionable attire isn't worth getting bit, so I immediately back off, holding up both hands in a placating gesture.

"You know what, you can have them. I'm sure they'll make your nest the envy of all the forest rodents this winter."

Ravi scrambles after him again, having to duck around behind him to cling onto Kira's pant-leg when the sweater starts getting away from him again, onto his shoulder, and he's going to move away from biting and clawing and go into tugging. The lack of opposable thumbs makes this difficult, but he starts trying to tug and pull Kira in the direction of the pants, before he scrambles to them and stands in them.

Well, more like he stands on top of them, but it's close enough. Chirping and screeching and making whatever stupid noises a ferret makes, he lays flat and then stands up in them again, wishing that ferrets could just bloody talk.

A lot of life is expectations.

Most people, seeing an ununual and potentially bitey animal acting strangely and clinging to some odd human debris would think rabies, or maybe "lost pet" or something. Taako is a transmutationist of some renown. He's been a ferret himself a time or two. Though, admittedly, that'd be less fun if you didn't opt into it. Considering the behavior he's seeing, it's not super likely he gets to talk to another accomplished shapeshifter about getting magic to work in this hellhole. Still. It's a sign of a magic he understands. He drops into a crouch, bracing his elbows on his knees and looking down appraisingly. "You usually a ferret there, fella? Partial to mongooses myself. Mongeese. Never could decide."

Yes! Excellent, he's driven Mark away from his clothes.

Only, wait, that's not what Ravi had been intending to do. He needs help to make sure he doesn't stay a rodenty ferret forever, which means that Mark wandering away is the last thing he wants to happen, which means he needs to figure out what to do. Scrambling, he looks to the dewy, wet ground and works to start carving in words in the dust as best as he can, dragging his little paws in and stumbling a little because it's not like he ever got lessons on how to do this.

When he's managed to scribble 'RAVI' in childlike writing, he scampers to Mark's ankle to nip and gnaw at the pants there.

Ravi isn't entirely sure how to work a system of nods, blinks, and answers without first communicating, but he hopes that staring up at the stranger balefully and tapping at his shoe with one little paw is enough for him to get the picture that no, this is not normal for him, no, he doesn't like it, and no, he is not usually a ferret.

He always thought that if he had to be any sort of animal, a sloth would've fit him particularly well. No, maybe a prairie dog? Or maybe he's over-reaching and he should just think of dog breeds. That, or none of this at all, since it's not helping.

He needs to change back, why did he eat a cursed fruit? Why is fruit cursed here?

Helen knelt down to the ground, worried that the ferret might have broken something with such a leap. Their bones weren't terribly suited from falling from such heights and she cooed over it for a moment, wanting to make sure nothing was irreparably damaged.

"Now, now, you can't be going and doing that. Did you want to keep the clothes? They're my boyfriend's, I suppose he won't mind if I bring them with." With that, she started folding up the clothes and made a neat bundle before reaching for the ferret again. "Now, don't you go jumping again, all right?"

This is all terribly embarrassing and possibly emasculating, if you can even be emasculated as a ferret, which he's truly doubting as being possible, but Ravi also doesn't really want to find his way back on his own, so he lets Helen pluck him and his clothes up, wondering how long this is going to last.

Unless, no, this place wouldn't cursed him to be a ferret permanently? Is he going to have to live with the other rodents? Are ferrets even a rodent? He's so preoccupied with his fear that he barely notices Helen picking him up, but he still has no idea how to tell her this. So, he just keeps butting against her palm, then against the clothes, repeating the motion like he can make it mean something.

Alright, this is clearly not how a normal ferret should behave, even if Kira's understanding stops right after that's a ferret. His mind still doesn't leap to the truth, clinging to the shreds of realism the canyon has always seemed to maintain. There's some connection, the ferret and the clothes, and something about it that isn't afraid of him, but that's about what he'll allow.

"Yes, okay Lassie, Timmy's in the well. Are you telling me you know where Ravi is, or do you just really want some pants? I know a chick, she likes sewing and woodland creatures, she might make you a pair."

"Y'know, that's a heckuva curse you got there, but may I point out..." He pauses, finds a bit of stick, and scratches in the dirt in a manner he hopes is suggestive. "You can more or less write, so that's handy. I knew a guy who managed to transmute himself into a jelly back in the academy. I think he switched over to conjuration after the professors got him turned back." Taako's a silver lining kind of guy as long as it's about other people's inconveniences. If it's him, it's a national tragedy and everyone has to talk about it.

Clearly the creature was trying to tell her something but damned if Helen knew what it was. She'd never been terribly skilled when it came to non-verbal communication and now was one of those times she wished Will were here. He'd figure out before she could.

"Sorry, fellow. Did you see Ravi? Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

Oh dear god, he hates all his friends, he hates that he hadn't thought to come up with some emergency protocol for what happens if he turns into a furry woodland creature, and he hates this place for tempting him with delicious food only for it to punish him. Trying to figure out what else he can do, he's exhausted and he feels like he's going to crawl Kira and start clawing him again, mainly out of frustration.

As it stands, he ends up doing that to Kira's boot, not skin, digging in a crude 'RA' before he gets tired.

Jelly? There's possibilities that he could have been jelly out of all of this? No. No, Ravi is choosing to be positive and not to think about any potential jelly incidents, because he's not going down that road. No, instead, he is simply going to focus on the fact that this stranger seems to understand that he's not always a ferret and seems inclined to help.

So, how does it work? He reaches for the stick to drag it into the dust and draw a question mark, then a little arrow pointing to himself. How did this happen? How can they make it unhappen?

He hates everything in the world. Shimmying and squirreling (ferretting?) his way back to the ground, Ravi manages to fumbles around until he gets a stick, managing to drag it between his little paws (and when he's back to normal, he'll be fully willing to admit how utterly adorable they were), and beginning to write 'RAVI'.

Well, he starts. He gets lazy around the first line of the 'V' and then gives Helen a pointed look as he stands right beside the markings, hoping that she'll understand them.

"Oh, dear God. How'd you manage to get turned into a ferret, Ravi?" It was quite possibly one of the strangest things she'd ever encountered in her life (which took doing, mind) but Helen had enough wherewithal and experience in strange matters not to laugh. Instead, she tapped her mouth lightly and thought her way through this, speaking aloud for Ravi's benefit.

"So you're a ferret. It happened where I found you in the woods? Shake your head if yes."

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