a sigh is just a sigh

[womanofvalue]

WHO: Peggy Carter
WHERE: Outside the Inn
WHEN: September 1st
OPEN TO: Steve Rogers
WARNINGS: n/a

---

It's been an odd few weeks most recently, what with one thing after another. Part of her feels like there are pieces of this puzzle that she's missing, because it seems far too obvious that the flu had somehow been connected to the opening to the other side of the village, not to mention that strange room of samples. It's the latter that's truly weighing on her, tugging at old, raw memories that she doesn't like to think about. Every night, she dreams about standing on the Brooklyn Bridge with what she'd thought was Steve's last vial of blood, but she'd been wrong, hadn't she?

What if they've got more of it here? What if this is some elaborate scheme to get at Erskine's serum and she's been looking past the obvious the whole time? Part of her is also aware that she's using the incident and discovery as a way to ignore the other dreams she's been having. Steve has been here with her for months now and Peggy is no closer to understanding how to open up and tell him how she feels if it isn't already glaringly obvious.

Every time she closes her eyes, she thinks about bloody Steve Rogers and how she'd kept trying to protect him even after he'd gone, like somehow she could save him when he had been frozen so far away from her. Will this just be another retreat of last time, another instance of Peggy being unable to do anything but let fate trod all over her and take away what she'd just figured out she wanted. It's these thoughts that plague the back of her mind as she wanders around the village to try and give herself inspiration and perhaps it's simply her mind directing her there or the universe pointing her that way, but she ends up finding Steve outside, working, and isn't entirely sure whether she's prepared.

Well, now she has to be, she decides, never one to shy away from something potentially difficult.

Comments

[163]

So he didn't. Steve is no stranger to providing blood -- he remembers he'd willingly given a few vials in the early days, but there never was a chance to find out what they did with it; only that it hadn't worked. He catches the shadow of anger in her tone, and he feels his curiosity roused, as well as realisation: that the whole blood thing hadn't worked was probably because of Peggy.

She'd looked out for him even when he slept in the ice, and he feels a knot in his throat. Oh, how he owes her. He catches her next words, and finds himself smiling, just a touch, despite the situation. No, they have to focus; despite the fact that he wants to know everything about her, everything about what she's done up until now, he forces himself to concentrate on strategy.

He owes her that much. "What did you do with my blood, before?"

[womanofvalue]

Her face softens from the stubborn press of lips together, so determined to move forward in this single-minded mission in order to bring justice to Steve, even though he's here and can defend himself. The ache of it in her chest is surprising, given that she had thought that she had processed such things and had grown since then. "It was in something Howard called the Blitzkrieg Button. He made me think that it was a weapon that could destroy whole cities, but it wasn't. He used me," she says, the bitterness still there, "to get to it, didn't tell me what was inside. I opened it up and found a vial of your blood."

"Mr. Jarvis secured it for me," she says, so overly fond of the man for that kindness, "I took it to the Brooklyn Bridge to pour it over the edge. I thought, well, I thought you might appreciate that. It was something that I could do for you. Not enough, but something."

She reaches out to slide her fingers over his hand, squeezing his wrist gently. "I'm sure we can find a water source to dump them in here, as well. Shall we?"

[163]

She slides her fingers over his wrist, and Steve doesn't hesitate, no matter the fact that his feelings probably needs one hell of a lot of sorting out. He shifts his hand, curls his fingers over hers and squeezes, and he feels like he could stay in this moment forever -- something this simple and poignant, something this bittersweet is something he wants to remember when he returns back to New York.

He frowns when he hears that Howard's manipulated her for it; what had happened to the man, had he really wanted his blood so badly? There are so many questions to ask; he knows how Howard's career had been up until his death -- and he still can't think of him without a twinge of guilt. Perhaps they're just not all perfect, after all. That she still cares so much about him makes a lump rise in his throat, and Steve exhales, his eyes soft when he looks at her.

"You've done so much for me." He murmurs quietly. "I could never thank you enough, Peggy. Now come on, we have a lab to destroy." He starts off towards where the lab is together with her, and decides to take the axe along as well -- who knows, it could come in handy.

[womanofvalue]

The shiver down her spine is most certainly anticipation and it makes Peggy reconsider precisely what on earth she's allowing herself to walk into, but given that he's bringing a weapon and determination to the game, she's not going to steer him away. Her heart beats faster not only for the fact that Steve is here, but that they're going to do something.

"I don't think I did near enough, seeing as your plane wasn't unearthed for too many decades more," Peggy says bluntly, because as much as she had worked to move on, she still believes that the world is a better place with Steve Rogers in it and him not being there through the trials she's been facing isn't unfair to only her, but to everyone.

She follows along, her steps brisk and determined, keeping pace with Steve no matter the difference in their strides because she refuses to be set back. "How are you settling?" she asks, aware that they can't simply charge in silence and this small talk that is masquerading true, genuine curiosity will be acceptable.

[163]

"A little easier than I did in 2016." There, the question of settling in is an easier one to answer. A lifetime of regrets as the years passed him by, when Peggy moved on without him; and he realizes that she hasn't, not here, and the selfish part of him is all the more pleased for it.

This cannot last -- it's a dream that will disappear when they return home, back to their time; and Steve knows of the people he has to save and protect, the ones who are depending on him. They walk together like they've done this a hundred thousand times before, and he finds himself mulling over her initial words, the blame she carries, still, and he pauses.

No, he can't pretend he hadn't heard that.

"Peggy. It's not your fault." She knows that, doesn't she? She has to.

[womanofvalue]

"Yes, it is," she replies, and she will never be convinced that this isn't the case. "I allowed Howard to stop searching so often, I convinced myself and him that you were dead because I thought it was the only way that I could move on." Clenching her fingers into a fist at her side, she stares resolutely forward and thinks of Howard in that bloody plane, subjected to their enemy's persuasive words and Peggy thrust right back into talking to someone who nearly went down.

She finds herself walking nearer to Steve, keeping well-clear of the axe, but close enough that her hips brush against his every few strides, like she's checking into reality with the sheer presence of him. "I should have known, in my heart, that you were still out there." It's a wistful and sweet thought, one she knows is silly.

"I've also been told enough to know that what waits for you in the future is greater than me," she admits, as much as it aches to hear it, "but at the same time, I don't very much care what people in the future needed, some nights." Not the nights when she thought of herself as Peggy and not Agent. She pauses too give him a long look, reaching out for his hand to tug and prod him along. "I can feel guilty all that I'd like. It's hardly the only guilt on my conscience, I assure you that you're not taking up all the space."