His shoulders hunch when he feels Cougar's hand creep between his shoulder blades, defensive and angry but wanting the contact enough that he doesn't shrug him off.

"I don't deserve jack shit," he mutters. He certainly doesn't deserve a normal life. When he goes home to Julie and Beth, he feels like he's living some kind of weird movie, like their little slice of suburbia is some strange performance piece and he's part of the traveling cast that cycles in and out every few months to shake things up.

He's so fucked up from living in the Army for so long that he wouldn't know how to live a normal life if he tried.