sixthiterationlogs | (no subject)

WHO: Nida
WHERE: Around the Village
WHEN: Month of April (Includes Backdated)
OPEN TO: OTA, Closed threads for some
WARNINGS: Discussions of death and violence, possible discussions of suicide

Gifts from Home - Closed to Seifer (Beginning of April)

It's not even his birthday. And yet there are a number of boxes with his name on them when he wakes the first morning of the month. Enough boxes that they actually block Seifer's bedroom door. Fuck. Nida groans as he moves over to the small stack, all labelled neatly with his name, and frowns severely at them. If he isn't awake and in the kitchen in just a few minutes, it will get Seifer looking for him out of concern. Seifer worried enough over the fact that Nida slept so late, that he didn't work out as hard at the dojo, that he was still in a dark mood.

How these had gotten in here between Seifer getting up for his morning and Seifer waking, Nida didn't know. But they were here, and annoyed, he starts pushing the boxes aside. Gets them just enough out of the way to open the door, and then he's pushing them out into the shared space. Once all of them are out he heads for the kitchen.

"Seifer, I need a knife. And not for stupid reasons."

Playing with Power - OTA (Pre-Siege)

With great power comes great play time. Not even kidding. There needed to be something better in the world for Nida, beyond just the amount of time he spent with his boyfriend and family. Didn't even matter to him that he was technically still on 'can't leave you alone' probation, he had found a way down to the bunker and picked up a few things to play with. Which means that there was now something really interesting to see near the village fountain. Specifically in this case there was something that looked like a tree growing directly next to the fountain. A tree made out of pure ice, with slick, cool bark but twisting branches and even has a few leaves out of ice as well, though those weren't nearly as well made.

Oh, and up perching further up in the icy creation perches a large, red-tailed hawk, watching around itself with focused eyes, occasionally beating its wings in the air. Until at last the bird is gone, replaced by Nida, held up easily by the strength of his icy creation.

Water plus wind manipulations? Definitely the best toy.

Grief Overwhelms - Post Captives Rescued

The news isn't what he wanted to hear. Of course was there ever a time where someone wanted to hear that they had once again lost someone they cared for? The news was... the news wasn't something Nida could handle. Jason, who deserved more. Jason who he had chosen a connection to because the man made him think of home, had helped him deal with the immediacy of his grief, of grief old and timeless at the same time.

He doesn't even remember how he managed to slip away from his keepers at the news. Perhaps he shouldn't have. But the fact remained that he had. Had slipped from the care of others and found his way to his room, shutting the door behind him and just staying there in the dark, his fingers running non-stop back and forth over the dog tags at his neck. The ones with the names of the brothers he'd chosen. And now there was only one left. It was too soon. He couldn't... he didn't know how to handle this.

[OOC: Want to see Nida somewhere specific? Let me know.]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

He isn't Nida's keeper. Wouldn't ever think of himself like that, even if he'd seen the marks on Nida's arms and known instantly what they meant, even if the sight had nearly broken his heart all over again. And if he'd ever been called such out loud, maybe he would have backed off a little, afraid that Nida would think that's why he wants him around all the time. But it isn't that. It's just that Billy's afraid that he might lose Nida again. Selfishly, he's worried that the second one of them stops looking, Nida's going to be gone and this time he won't come back.

And maybe he's just...tired of losing people. The more of these clones crop up, the more people seem to be vanishing, and now with this news about Jason--

He just wants reassurance. He wants to hold and be held and to not feel so alone. So he goes looking for Nida.

The knock on the door is soft, Billy's voice rough and faintly scratchy from crying.

"Hey--can I come in?"

Can he? Yeah, probably. Should he?

Nida considers the question called through the door for a long moment. Billy, he would know that voice no matter what pain it carried. The question was whether he wanted Billy close. Whether he wanted his love to see him rendered so low yet again. Really, he was failing at this whole romantic and supportive thing. That didn't mean he should punish Billy, though, right? As much as he wanted to be alone, he knew it was a mistake to be, and if it wasn't Billy it would be someone else.

Like Seifer. And frankly, Nida wasn't ready for him right this second.

He reaches his hand out behind him, not stirring from his rarely used bed, calling for the winds he'd gotten yet another dose of. Called them and used them to blow aside his staff, which he'd been using to block the door. It was a pretty effective lock, wasn't it?

"Yeah. Yeah you can," he said, and his own voice was still raw from his own pain. Didn't even sound like him to his own ears.

For a long moment, there's silence, and Billy wonders if Nida is inside, or if he's going to answer at all. If he'll let him in. He knows Nida and Jason were close. He knows what it is to suffer loss, to want to be alone and to close yourself off from everyone in hopes that'll somehow make the pain more manageable.

It doesn't work. Not the way you want it to. Not really. He knows that. As tempting as it is, he isn't going to shut himself off, and he's not going to let Nida do this, either.

Despite that resolve, he's still relieved when he hears the sound of Nida's staff clattering to the ground, and that voice roughened by pain giving him permission to enter. He doesn't hesitate. Opening the door, he steps through and closes it behind him before immediately moving for the bed, and for Nida. He doesn't immediately touch, though; he knows Nida's reactions tend to not always be his own, times like these.

"Hey," he says softly, climbing onto the other side of the bed, not quite touching Nida. "Can I--I just--can I hold you?" The question is tentative, uncertain, and there's a thickness to his voice that suggests maybe he's not done crying yet.

Edited 2019-04-15 17:12 (UTC)

It’s a silly question, right? Nida rolls away from the wall and toward Billy. Grabs him by the wrist and pulls him closer. All the permission Billy should need, right?

“I should have been there to protect him,” he says, voice raw. “Both of them went out and I just... I assumed Seifer and Jason would be okay. If anyone here could handle it out there without me needing to worry, it would be them. The sight of my own weapon makes me sick so I let them go and didn’t provide backup. What is the point of the speed, the skill, the magic if I didn’t protect him? What was the point of all I learned and all I did and all those that died by my hands I’d I couldn’t save him from himself because I was too scared to act?”

Maybe it hits a bit close to home with the Elijah stuff still so recent. But mostly it is just the realization that Jason is gone and even if he comes back, he won’t be their Jason.

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Grief (cw brief mention of suicide attempt)

Re: Grief (cw brief mention of suicide attempt)

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