Billy isn't aware at first of what's really happened, but it isn't long before there's that feeling ofconnection, and Nida's feelings are flooding back through that same link. It is overwhelming, being exposed like this. His heart squeezes, then feels like it's about to burst, because he knows. He knows with absolute certainty that this is how Nida feels about him, how Nida sees him, and that knowledge means more than any words could possibly express. It's so hard for him to ever believe he's worth anything, hard to accept that he's anything more than a burden on people, but he wants to believe this. He wants to have it, just this one good thing, even if it is selfish.
Nida's fingers lace with his, and there isn't any sense of shouldn't. It's just right, being this close to Nida always just feels right, and even if he's felt guilty recently about that, he isn't entirely sorry for it. Billy squeezes back, feelings of gratitude and reverent awe echoing back along the connection as a sense of confidence flows through him, keeping him from trying to pick apart or dismiss any of what he feels from Nida.
And there's one more thing he lets flow through that connection, too, emboldened by that boost he knows is coming from Nida and his new ability: his own echoing desire, not unlike that torch of Nida's. Billy wants him, wants to kiss him, wants to be lost in him. But he also wants it to be special. To be different. He's sure about his feelings, and he's sure that Teddy has nothing at all to do with them, but he needs to know he can be better than he's been, and he needs to know he's not going to be lost. That's all that's keeping him from leaning over and kissing Nida right now: his need to know he won't just lose himself forever and use Nida as a shield from the world, that he can be the partner Nida deserves.
It's been longer than fifteen seconds, but he definitely doesn't let go. Instead, Billy just sits there, fingers laced with Nida, an expression of surprise and wonder on his face as he watches Nida wordlessly, unwilling to break the spell they both seem to be under.
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Nida's fingers lace with his, and there isn't any sense of shouldn't. It's just right, being this close to Nida always just feels right, and even if he's felt guilty recently about that, he isn't entirely sorry for it. Billy squeezes back, feelings of gratitude and reverent awe echoing back along the connection as a sense of confidence flows through him, keeping him from trying to pick apart or dismiss any of what he feels from Nida.
And there's one more thing he lets flow through that connection, too, emboldened by that boost he knows is coming from Nida and his new ability: his own echoing desire, not unlike that torch of Nida's. Billy wants him, wants to kiss him, wants to be lost in him. But he also wants it to be special. To be different. He's sure about his feelings, and he's sure that Teddy has nothing at all to do with them, but he needs to know he can be better than he's been, and he needs to know he's not going to be lost. That's all that's keeping him from leaning over and kissing Nida right now: his need to know he won't just lose himself forever and use Nida as a shield from the world, that he can be the partner Nida deserves.
It's been longer than fifteen seconds, but he definitely doesn't let go. Instead, Billy just sits there, fingers laced with Nida, an expression of surprise and wonder on his face as he watches Nida wordlessly, unwilling to break the spell they both seem to be under.