"I hope you get used to it," he says softly, with feeling. "Because I'm not going anywhere."
It isn't wrong at all. Sometimes you need that; someone who doesn't know you, someone who's a stranger to just let you break and then help you figure out where all the pieces go afterwards. How to put them back together, without any preconceived notions of who or what you're supposed to be. No one would blame Nida for that. In fact, Billy might feel better knowing that he had, and that he hadn't just repressed everything from the mountain. Sometimes you need that. He hadn't broken, but he had spilled his entire heart to Tommy, and it had helped. Tommy's expectations of and for Billy weren't his own, and it had helped. Helped enough that he can be here, doing this. That he wants to be here more than anyplace else.
That's what he's thinking, as Nida lays his hand over Billy's. He's thinking of just how much he wants to support Nida, to make him happy. He's thinking about how much lighter he feels around Nida, how much more steady, and about the giddiness in his chest; the way he's always so aware of Nida and the almost irresistible urge to touch him. He's thinking about how terrified he is that he might hurt Nida, and how despite that, he's determined to be around him. How much he wants to be a part of Nida's happiness. How much he wants, even if he knows it's selfish. It takes fifteen seconds for that white power to activate, but it only takes five for Billy's current violet power to kick in, and all of that--all the caring, all the loyalty, all the fierce tenderness, the way just this simple touch makes him feel--all of that is offered for Nida to take and to know. He doesn't even realize that his wishing Nida could know all that has triggered that very possibility.
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It isn't wrong at all. Sometimes you need that; someone who doesn't know you, someone who's a stranger to just let you break and then help you figure out where all the pieces go afterwards. How to put them back together, without any preconceived notions of who or what you're supposed to be. No one would blame Nida for that. In fact, Billy might feel better knowing that he had, and that he hadn't just repressed everything from the mountain. Sometimes you need that. He hadn't broken, but he had spilled his entire heart to Tommy, and it had helped. Tommy's expectations of and for Billy weren't his own, and it had helped. Helped enough that he can be here, doing this. That he wants to be here more than anyplace else.
That's what he's thinking, as Nida lays his hand over Billy's. He's thinking of just how much he wants to support Nida, to make him happy. He's thinking about how much lighter he feels around Nida, how much more steady, and about the giddiness in his chest; the way he's always so aware of Nida and the almost irresistible urge to touch him. He's thinking about how terrified he is that he might hurt Nida, and how despite that, he's determined to be around him. How much he wants to be a part of Nida's happiness. How much he wants, even if he knows it's selfish. It takes fifteen seconds for that white power to activate, but it only takes five for Billy's current violet power to kick in, and all of that--all the caring, all the loyalty, all the fierce tenderness, the way just this simple touch makes him feel--all of that is offered for Nida to take and to know. He doesn't even realize that his wishing Nida could know all that has triggered that very possibility.