Well, being someone Billy cares about definitely earns a soft smile. Sometimes it's good to have friends like Billy, who didn't mind admitting they cared about people around them. But that look fades before his concern as Billy talks. The more he does, the less Nida is okay with the space between them. He wants to move closer, to hold Billy, to offer him that comfort. But the space is important, because, well... the guy was just talking about his concerns about being selfish. About his desire to be better than that. So that's definitely not the time to seem like he's coddling someone. The hand on his shoulder, though, that's nice. Even if he's sighing.
"Yeah, all of that sounds pretty bad," he says after a moment. "I would say I don't get it, being in that sort of state, but I guess... I guess I do. I'm only just realizing it, but I get it. It's a defense mechanism. Pull in on yourself to try and keep yourself from getting hurt. I think I did something similar, when I first came to the Garden."
But of course that, and Billy's comment, lead right into the whole 'talking about it' thing. Which Nida still didn't now how to deal with. It was frustrating, more than anything. He had been functioning perfectly well before he knew what he did. Before he remembered.
"So I got to learn from Rinoa about this thing you do on birthdays. You make a wish and blow the candles out and maybe it will come true. We didn't have any candles for my birthday, but that morning, before that weird thing in that fake place, I wished I'd remember my parents' names. And I sort of regret wishing for that, because of how it came true. Nothing like having everything you apparently worked so hard to repress coming to the surface. And with how everything else is playing out, everything else everyone sees, it's not right for me to be upset about it. I've always known my parents were dead, that they were executed by Galbadians for their actions in Timber. It's all such ancient history that I had thought I'd come to terms with. What right do I have to be upset over it next to what Jason saw, next to what I know Seifer had to have seen?"
Or even next to the pain of Billy's own memory. Nida didn't remember his parents enough to be that upset over their loss. It was more than a decade ago, he didn't remember them. Billy? Billy lost the man he loved to some pretty bullshit reasons at a stressful time in his life, and it was a lot closer than that.
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"Yeah, all of that sounds pretty bad," he says after a moment. "I would say I don't get it, being in that sort of state, but I guess... I guess I do. I'm only just realizing it, but I get it. It's a defense mechanism. Pull in on yourself to try and keep yourself from getting hurt. I think I did something similar, when I first came to the Garden."
But of course that, and Billy's comment, lead right into the whole 'talking about it' thing. Which Nida still didn't now how to deal with. It was frustrating, more than anything. He had been functioning perfectly well before he knew what he did. Before he remembered.
"So I got to learn from Rinoa about this thing you do on birthdays. You make a wish and blow the candles out and maybe it will come true. We didn't have any candles for my birthday, but that morning, before that weird thing in that fake place, I wished I'd remember my parents' names. And I sort of regret wishing for that, because of how it came true. Nothing like having everything you apparently worked so hard to repress coming to the surface. And with how everything else is playing out, everything else everyone sees, it's not right for me to be upset about it. I've always known my parents were dead, that they were executed by Galbadians for their actions in Timber. It's all such ancient history that I had thought I'd come to terms with. What right do I have to be upset over it next to what Jason saw, next to what I know Seifer had to have seen?"
Or even next to the pain of Billy's own memory. Nida didn't remember his parents enough to be that upset over their loss. It was more than a decade ago, he didn't remember them. Billy? Billy lost the man he loved to some pretty bullshit reasons at a stressful time in his life, and it was a lot closer than that.