He exhaled, quiet and slow, before admitting, "I did lose my mind, in a way. For twenty years, I did nothing but look into the Apple, seeking a way to bring them back, or some ability to -- to turn back time and prevent it all. Of course, I could not. But in all that time..."
He had been in such a state that his memories of that time, despite having been healthy at 56, were still blurred, overlaid with images from the Apple, words distant, more murmur than shout. But he remembered looking up one day to find, "Sef's family left. Darim left with them. I was alone, and for good reason. All I did was add the weight of my grief to their struggle. In Alexandria, they were able to build a new life - and all I could do was cling to the past, hiding in Alamut as nothing more than an aging man."
So he had begged Jacob, shameless, not to leave him alone when he had first seen Maria's death. Had clung to him, and Jacob had stayed with him until he had felt steady on his feet. Now, he simply didn't bother thinking about any of it for long. He would cope with it once more when he had more freedom to do so instead of needing to keep his wits about him in this landscape full of unknown dangers. Altaïr sighed and murmured, yet again, "For in much wisdom is much grief; and he who increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. When I feel uncharitable, I think I should have let Swami give the Apple to Abbas. Then perhaps my grief would be lesser for he would have shouldered his share."
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He had been in such a state that his memories of that time, despite having been healthy at 56, were still blurred, overlaid with images from the Apple, words distant, more murmur than shout. But he remembered looking up one day to find, "Sef's family left. Darim left with them. I was alone, and for good reason. All I did was add the weight of my grief to their struggle. In Alexandria, they were able to build a new life - and all I could do was cling to the past, hiding in Alamut as nothing more than an aging man."
So he had begged Jacob, shameless, not to leave him alone when he had first seen Maria's death. Had clung to him, and Jacob had stayed with him until he had felt steady on his feet. Now, he simply didn't bother thinking about any of it for long. He would cope with it once more when he had more freedom to do so instead of needing to keep his wits about him in this landscape full of unknown dangers. Altaïr sighed and murmured, yet again, "For in much wisdom is much grief; and he who increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. When I feel uncharitable, I think I should have let Swami give the Apple to Abbas. Then perhaps my grief would be lesser for he would have shouldered his share."