"Oh. Someone put a cockatrice in my backyard to try and kill me," he explains, far too casually than that sentence should ever be uttered. "Luckily for me, we have a very well stocked first aid kit in the house. Including the proper antivenom, unicorn water and bilberry jam to create the antidote in time."

That had been a very, ah. Complicated night. But at least the cockatrice had been the perfect distraction to keep his family from killing his girlfriend, and vice versa.