From someone that's given and received many a sincere, insincere, and non-apology? That was a non-apology. A for effort, C minus for the execution.
[ Good golden 'you tried' star, there. It's more than he'd be willing to give but apparently sincerity isn't easy to put into the written word and- shit he knows that just as much as he knows Steve does best in person. Trying to navigate that shit with limited language or experience is a bitch and a half so-
He'll drop that. Water back under the bridge. ]
Uh. What? No. If I found you useful but didn't like you I'd never have invited you up to the clubhouse. I'd call you 'Rogers', I'd treat you with militaristic respect. Which I think is part of where the disconnect here is. Steve. Seriously- look me dead in the eye and tell me Bucky Barnes never gave you shit. Ever. I don't do sincere hand on shoulder 'to the end of the line' gestures and speeches. I don't plant my feet in front of the bulldozer of the court of opinion and tell them to fuck off. I don't treat shit that's important like it's important- I can't afford to. If people know where to aim they tend to pull the trigger more often. That habit follows me home. I give all my friends a hard time, it's what I do.
I saw all of that as poking fun. That's my humor. We can talk and try to keep the air clear but- if I meant any of it- I wouldn't talk to you. Seriously. I don't waste my time on people I don't like, I ignore them.
(Like I had been until whatever's in your head decided to scream a familiar song but, that's neither here nor there.)
Also- bullshit you didn't fit in. Chemical reaction that creates chaos or not- all our raggedy rough patches? The squiggly lines in puzzle bits? They fit together. Maybe not like the Howlies but- We worked. We fit. Or that's how I saw it. And here? Kind of easier to fit since there's less baggage all around. Or. More? Different baggage. Off brand instead of designer label.
[ He rubs the center of his chest, massaging out a phantom ache that won't ever really go away. ]
Do me a favor. You start getting in your head thinking 'useless useless useless' again? Text me. I can't make it stop but I can sing in harmony.
no subject
[ Good golden 'you tried' star, there. It's more than he'd be willing to give but apparently sincerity isn't easy to put into the written word and- shit he knows that just as much as he knows Steve does best in person. Trying to navigate that shit with limited language or experience is a bitch and a half so-
He'll drop that. Water back under the bridge. ]
Uh. What? No. If I found you useful but didn't like you I'd never have invited you up to the clubhouse. I'd call you 'Rogers', I'd treat you with militaristic respect. Which I think is part of where the disconnect here is. Steve. Seriously- look me dead in the eye and tell me Bucky Barnes never gave you shit. Ever. I don't do sincere hand on shoulder 'to the end of the line' gestures and speeches. I don't plant my feet in front of the bulldozer of the court of opinion and tell them to fuck off. I don't treat shit that's important like it's important- I can't afford to. If people know where to aim they tend to pull the trigger more often. That habit follows me home. I give all my friends a hard time, it's what I do.
I saw all of that as poking fun. That's my humor. We can talk and try to keep the air clear but- if I meant any of it- I wouldn't talk to you. Seriously. I don't waste my time on people I don't like, I ignore them.
(Like I had been until whatever's in your head decided to scream a familiar song but, that's neither here nor there.)
Also- bullshit you didn't fit in. Chemical reaction that creates chaos or not- all our raggedy rough patches? The squiggly lines in puzzle bits? They fit together. Maybe not like the Howlies but- We worked. We fit. Or that's how I saw it. And here? Kind of easier to fit since there's less baggage all around. Or. More? Different baggage. Off brand instead of designer label.
[ He rubs the center of his chest, massaging out a phantom ache that won't ever really go away. ]
Do me a favor. You start getting in your head thinking 'useless useless useless' again? Text me. I can't make it stop but I can sing in harmony.