"Sometimes I need to not think. There are a handful of tried and true ways for me to manage it. Alcohol, which I'm trying not to lean on as a crutch here and even then it only slows me down instead of shutting my brain up entirely, opiates which I haven't touched in years and I'm avoiding until the rest of time. Been there, done that, learned better-" His crash and burn had been just as public as his recovery, timed well around the death of his parents. It made a wonderful narrative, let him tell you but- no. He didn't want to visit that particular demon again. "Weed, which is good here but also not something I want to lean on too much, other people have more baggage and need of it than me or-"

He shrugged, eyes on the night. It was easier to look out twoard the village than it was to face whatever quiet judgement Bruce was wrestling with at the moment. It'd be the same face Rhodey would give him too, he was sure of that much at least. A return to form, dipping back into terrible fucking habits but- he needed to not think, sometimes. Normally he could manage on his own or with Pepper or with work but this? Layers upon layers of shit to sift through and on occasion a soft reset was required.

"Mindblowing orgasms. Relief is brief but- it lasts long enough to settle me and again- pretty meaningless. Bull doesn't do romance and I'm not-" Pepper. Copper hair, golden laugh, spine of steel, brilliant and only ever afraid in the ways that left her sane and sensible, more capable than any woman he's ever known- "In a place where anything with meaning holds appeal. So it's a win win."