sixthiterationlogs | I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in

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I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in

WHO: Steve Rogers
WHERE: House 18; River
WHEN: Mid September
OPEN TO: Friends / OTA
WARNINGS: Nada, will update if necessary

HOUSE PROJECT

[ Steve has never had his own place before. Not one he picked out himself. His mother rented the one he grew up in, then he moved into an orphanage after she died, then he and Bucky moved in together after high school. In the Army, he took whatever tent or barracks they assigned. After the defrost, SHIELD found a temporary apartment in Brooklyn, and again in DC when his orders sent him to the Triskelion. Nick Fury found him a place once they'd demolished one of the world's foremost law and order organizations. Long story short - he's been jumping from one bolthole to another without really caring whether it not it's really his.

The island is different. (He's not entirely sure it is an island, but exploring that far afield is for another time.) There are no barracks here, no footlocker full of mementos from home or a uniform. Not a real set anyway, the scrubs don't count until the Observers appear and line everyone up according to color code. If they do, Steve plans to start a rebellion immediately, because he's seen what happens to people forced to wear different colors. It's one of the things that makes him uneasy about the scrubs. Like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Until that happens, though, he's chosen one of the empty houses, so another room at the inn is free to some future arrival. Over the course of the last several weeks, Steve has hauled water from the river in a borrowed bucket and scrubbed every inch of his new home. Floors, walls, windows, wiped down what furniture came with the house. Cleaning is an activity he likes, which might seem weird to anyone else, but he was so sick, or frail, as a child that housework had to be done in little bursts, else he risked a coughing fit or pushing his heart to the point of needing a hospital. It's just really nice to be able to perform tasks that everyone takes for granted. Something he tries hard not to.

And the last few days have been taken up with laundry. Stripping the beds, dragging them down to the river for cleaning, and tossing his extra set of scrubs in the process. He's strung up an old-fashioned laundry line across the front porch and rigged some pins to keep the sheets and clothing in one place until they're all dry. Interested parties can find him sketching on the porch or puttering around inside. ]

FISHING PROJECT

[ As far as city living goes, Steve likes to think he's fairly self-sufficient. He's known how to get around one since he was a child. Public transit doesn't bother him. Neither does shopping at local grocery stores. (Although modern prices are still outrageous.) He can winter a weather without heat, has made a candle almost from scratch but prefers flashlights these days, and can handle himself well in the concrete jungle.

But this place is different. He's not accustomed to living off the land, and what knowledge he has of that is paired with the depths of human misery on the European front during World War II, because the Commandos scrounged what they had to when the going got tough. So he's got a tiny bit of woodsy experience. However, that is definitely not the same thing as being able to provide a service to the village outside of drawing pretty pictures. He needs to be useful.

Therefore Steve has been trying to teach himself to fish. Loitering around the Inn week after week, listening to snippets of conversations, has gleaned him just enough information to make a fishing rod from the branch of a young sapling. And he found a sharp, pointy rock on his daily wandering, tying it to the stick with a bunch of badly woven grass. So far, his spear-fishing skills are not that great: he's caught two fish in the last week, and one of them was mostly an accident.

But that won't stop him from heading out again after breakfast, determined to learn this valuable skill for his community. ]

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If nothing else, Bruce know immediately that Steve isn't from his time, because of the lack of a beard. Also the lack of the haunted exhaustion and misery that the super soldier was at when their world was wrecked. He was grateful, honestly. While it was good to have people to talk to who understood, it was also something that no one else should have to live through. He might have spared them all the memories and the knowledge, if he could. It looked like Steve was freed of that particular misery.

While Bruce instinctively avoided touch, it wasn't due to lack of wanting it, so to speak, but lack of it over his life and fear of his other half's influence. He was a little startled by Steve's reaction, but generally, he was always surprised when people were glad to see him. It was ... nice. Really nice. He let Steve hug him, because it was Steve, and he was allowed, although he only awkwardly patted the man on the back in return. Steve was several inches taller, but not as tall as Thor, who basically gave him a crick in the neck every time he looked at the Asgardian.

"Yep, the heart's still ticking along." If Steve thought he could be dead, his timeline had to be somewhere between Ultron and the incident. "Nice to see you, Steve." And it was. He felt a pang of guilt, for feeling that way, but he also couldn't really change it. Tony said he didn't have to never speak with Cap again. So. He was going to. "I'm sorry I couldn't tell all of you I was alive, I kind of got stuck on another planet and in the Hulk for a few years, and you know the Big Guy, not much of a communicator." When he was nervous he made jokes.

Edited 2018-09-21 17:05 (UTC)

[ Oh, there's misery to go around. But it's the misery of watching a best friend go back into cryo because he thinks its the only way to keep everyone safe. Bucky is here, though, so that particular pain has lessened considerably. Steve's already found out, thanks to an outburst by Peter Parker, about Thanos and some of what awaits him in the future.

But he doesn't have the ability or knowledge to get everyone back to their own homes yet. Gotta solve the mystery of the island to do that. And not scare poor Bruce in the process.

He steps back out of the man's personal space pretty quickly, an eyebrow quirking at the excuse. Not that it's much of one, he can hear the undercurrents of truth in Banner's tone. Even without his serum abilities, it's nice to know he's hung on to a few tricks. Or maybe it's just because they've known each other a couple of years now. ]

Sounds like quite the story. Maybe you'll tell me about it sometime.

[ He's not going to push. Bruce has the right not to be badgered, same as the others. ]

It is good to see you, though. Where are you staying?

Despite being fine with Steve hugging him, he does relax slightly when he pulls back. He never wants his teammates to feel like his problem with that is due to them; a lifetime of trauma has a permanent mark on some people. He wasn't going for the excuse, more like an explanation. It made him sad and apologetic, realizing they probably thought he simply walked out on them for years. In the past, that was exactly what Banner would do, but he was better with them. If they thought he was dead, well, that was even worse. The first conversation he had with Steve was Steve firmly assuring him that his help finding Loki was the only thing he cared about, not the Hulk. He was a good man and a good leader from day one.

"It's, um, not much more than that. Stuck on a slave planet, Hulk was the champion gladiator, Thor showed up, we escaped and went to Asgard, Asgard was destroyed, we took the survivors out to space." That was the information leading up to Thanos, since he didn't plan on talking about that unless he had to. Everything he said was personal to his and Thor's journey, so it was safe. Bruce had a way of summarizing things as honest and to the point as possible. And downplaying the severity. "Thor's had a hard time." What an understatement that was.

Bruce pauses at the question. Here is a rock and a hard place moment. "I'm staying with Tony." He wrung his hands, a nervous gesture he never grew out of. "He filled me in on what happened while I was gone. Well, his version at least." Which means that Bruce was clear headed enough to know there was a difference between someone telling him the truth or rather their perception of the truth. It was no secret, the closeness between the mad scientists, but Bruce is an even handed man. "I'm sorry about what happened, it sounded very difficult for everyone." There is true sympathy in his voice and his small smile. "But I know Barnes' here, so you know at least that he's okay." And hopefully not the dead part.

Edited 2018-09-25 18:37 (UTC)

[ It's been more of a 'prepare for the worse, hope for the best' scenario. The worst is that Bruce is dead. The best is what's happened. He's alive and reasonably healthy. But Steve's face falls at the mention of the slave planet, and his jaw sets in a line when Bruce tells him of the fall of Asgard.

He can't quite envision a whole planet being destroyed, and God, what must Thor be going through? Everything painful and nothing good, clearly. ]

Yeah -- that's. I can't even put that into proper perspective. I hope he's alright.

[ If he isn't, Steve, at least, will avenge him. It's all he's good for these days anyway. And that segues into a slightly less painful topic. ]

Tony. Okay.

[ Good to know. He can't quite hide the flinch but tries to smooth out his expression as best as he can after, so Bruce doesn't have to feel bad. Or worse than he already does. Possibly. ] If you need to stay away from me, I get it. I don't want to cause trouble between you two.

[ There's a sound that's not quite laughter. It's a little too savage. ]

Buck is here, yes. And okay. That's pretty much all I can ask for.

"It was ... pretty bad. He lost an eye too. Other things happened, but I don't know how much you've been told, or how much you want to know." Wanda didn't seem to want to know more, Clint was from earlier but aware, whereas the kid and Tony were from his time. It was all over the place. Barnes too, since he fished Tony out of a dangerous situation. All they needed was Thor himself and the whole original gang was there ... which was a really bad thought and he hoped he hadn't put it out into the universe to happen.

Bruce waves a hand as if to brush the offer aside. "We've already talked about it. He knows I'm not going to take on his issues with anyone, and he's fine with it." Their friendship is rock solid, considering the two of them had a drag out fight more than once. And said hurtful things. And dealt with it afterward. He had only a few friendships but he is pretty sure that's how the good ones worked anyway. "I know the team broke up, but I don't want to lose any more people that I care about. Um. If that's okay with you." He wasn't sure if Steve would be comfortable with that, but, well, he did hug him. So they both cared. Maybe.

He crossed his arms against his chest, looking at the ground a moment, and then back up to him. "I don't really know how to say this, but I, uh, I'm glad you went and got everyone from the Raft." It had been haunting him. "Ross. Secretary of State Ross." How horrible that sounded. "We have a bad history." It was vaguely in his files, but few people knew how really bad it got. Just that Ross wanted the Hulk. "I know him. If you hadn't gotten them, he would have hurt them. In Wanda's case, maybe permanently." It was who the man was. "I mean, I'm sure you already know you did the right thing, but, anyway. I'm glad."

I know a little bit about what's supposed to happen.

[ Thanks to Peter Parker and his announcement a little while back. But he's actively trying not to think about that, because it means he's failed. That they've failed. The Avengers. To avenge. Basically their entire reason for being.

Easier to think about slightly less depressing subjects, like Stark hating his guts. ]

Okay. But only if you let me know when things get dicey, and I'll bow out. If it's necessary.

[ Bruce has been through a metric ton of trauma. He may not know the whole story, because it's not his fucking business, but he does know. Enough about certain subjects to hazard some guesses. And being around other insanely smart people is good for Bruce. Steve doesn't want to screw that up for him.

He nods at the change of subject, eyes briefly going glacial. ]

Pardon my crudeness, but I dunno if I'd piss on the guy if I found him on fire. [ Horrible thing for Captain America to say. ] Natasha dumped enough files .. I know he was in charge of one of the super soldier programs. He's an ... look, I hate bullies.

[ Ross is very much a bully. Steve took maybe a little glee in shutting down the Raft long enough to spring the others. ]

And thanks isn't necessary, Bruce. I don't leave my team behind.

[ Except when they all tell him to. Temporarily. ]

Edited 2018-09-30 06:55 (UTC)

"Probably a little bit is enough." They did fail. It wasn't the first time they made mistakes and all of their successes came with some failures too, but this was on a level no one could prepare for. Bruce is fairly certain he is in some kind of shock still, as if there would ever be a time when someone could adjust healthily to half the universe dying. In any case, he isn't going to force that misery.

Bruce shrugs. "I'm not really interested in finding reasons for any of us to stay apart when we should be surviving together. This situation is too dangerous for past grudges to get in the way of people's lives." He smiles wryly, because this isn't normally his type of spiel. Stay together team, rah rah rah. Bruce isn't a leader, and he's not a fighter, but extreme situations required this mentality. He didn't think he was motivational enough to stir up people like Steve and Tony did, and that's also why he thinks it's better to move on and use all resources. It just might take some time to convince his stubborn best friend. Or for something really bad to happen.

He is startled at Steve's comment about Ross, but it leads him to unexpectedly laugh. "Yeah, I --- well." He considers what he wants to say for a minute, but it seems kind of necessary to give more, considering what they're going back to. "Ross is the reason I've been on the run so long. I was working on the super soldier project, that's how the Hulk happened." Bruce pushed too hard, he made stupid mistakes, and everyone suffered. "He thinks that my body is government property, and uh, that more or less I don't qualify as human anymore. He chased me everywhere he could in the world so he could cut me to pieces and make more Hulk soldiers. It's what he would have done to Wanda. He's experimented on human subjects before." So to say it was personal would be an understatement. Ross was the monster in his dreams, the cause for his agony and isolation.

The pain swells up again in him now, and he swallows past it. "I think ... I think part of his drive behind the accords was so he had reason to get me. I'm not saying that because I'm paranoid. It's what he's wanted for thirteen years." He is, in fact, paranoid, but for good reason. "It wouldn't be hard to prove that the Hulk was too dangerous to set free, and to legally sign me over to him. Tony says he wouldn't let that happen, but ...." Really, how could they stop it? With the amount of power Ross has now. He couldn't let Tony lose everything he worked for just to protect him. "Well, I guess it doesn't matter now. That's a problem for Banner on earth, not Banner here." As if he isn't fretting about it day and night. "Sorry, uh, that was ... a lot I didn't mean to ramble."

Edited 2018-09-30 17:39 (UTC)

If we get back. When we get back, [ Because Steve has no doubt they will, someday. Setting aside the implications of the bunker, someday they are all going to figure out a way to get home. And he's a fighter more than a leader, although for some weird reason people keep lining up to follow him. ] we're going to save our world. And the rest of the universe. I don't know how, yet, but we will.

And after that .. Ross gets you, the UN gets Buck, over my dead body. I won't let him put hands on you, Bruce. I swear to God. Men like that ...

[ It's Zola and Schmidt all over again, which means Ross is worse than your garden variety bully. Steve lets out a breath, trying to stop his temper before it has a chance to get started. The last thing any of them need is him stomping around being an asshole. Or more of an asshole. ]

It's okay. We all need to vent sometimes. But I mean what I said. He'll have to literally go through me to get to you, when we go home.

"I think those ifs and whens are the plan. Get back to our world, save the people we lost, defeat Thanos somehow." Bruce isn't really ready yet to reflect on his own inner desire to just stay there, no matter how awful it was, because the Hulk is gone and everyone is safe from him. But that is cowardice, to help the others go back and not do what he could to help fix their own world. He is partially responsible for the reasons it went wrong.

"Getting out of here is number one. I'm going to try my best to help. I just got off one seemingly impossible planet, I can probably do it again." A small glimpse of his humor, since Thor did most of that. As usual, Banner was along for the ride.

He shakes his head, looking down at the ground. "I don't ... I don't want anyone to have to be between us. You've all been very good to me, I don't want to bring any more trouble to your door." It is said softly, because that actually is close to a nightmare of his. These people who let him in their hearts, being walked all over by Ross. He probably would enjoy Bruce being in pain over it. "It's personal with us. I was engaged to his daughter." Betty. The best woman in the entire world, who somehow managed to be that despite her father's evil. "He would use her as a weapon against me too, the man has no hesitation." So Bruce left her and let her have a life she deserved, and he didn't regret it. If she was happy somewhere in the world, it was enough.

[ The corner of his mouth lifts in a show of good humor. ]

Don't know if you've noticed, Bruce, but I've got a real talent for stumbling into trouble. It follows me home. So don't worry about that, okay? I can handle myself.

[ Of course, Steve would be saying that even if he was still a 5'4" mess. His expression sobers up a little at the mention of Betty. He's never met the woman, only knows her as a relative of the Defense Sec. But isn't that interesting. Frankly, it makes him detest Ross a little more and want to meet the woman Banner almost married. ]

All of that is moot if we can't figure out a way home. Just remember I got your back, okay?

Bruce laughs. "We're all troublemakers. Being an Avenger meant actively looking for trouble." To stop worse from happening, yes, but it still was predicating on finding something for them to fight. Bruce personally would avoid fighting if he could, but he didn't regret helping the Avengers. "Or, uh, creating it, in some of our cases." That part, at least, was said with more gravitas. Ultron was created by two men, not one, and Bruce disappearing immediately meant in many ways he skipped the immediate fallout. He suffered a different kind of issue from there, but it didn't stop him from being guilty and knowing it.

"I ... I really do appreciate that, Steve." Bruce half smiles. "I read pretty much everything they had on you. On everything involving the project, since we were trying to replicate it. Modernize it. It's surprising, when people turn out to be as great as you read about." He waves a hand. "I know you're humble, and I don't mean to make you uncomfortable. I'm just being honest." Bruce didn't give compliments for the hell of it, or to suck up to anyone, that wasn't really his way. But his sincerity came from the heart.

"I'm pretty sure me and Betty's husband are glad you haven't crossed paths though, she had a big crush on you." That is a joke, somewhat, because he feels better when he jokes after being serious.

I'm not great.

[ It's an instinctive statement, obviously, something he's said too rarely since they thawed him out, although the general tone indicates its something he wants to say a lot. There's a resigned sense of acceptance underneath it. In that he knows people think he's the bees knees, even if he doesn't believe it himself. ]

Look, when we get home I'm going to hunt down Betty Ross and give her a hug. She clearly did right by you. [ If Bruce can speak of her with such clear fondness in his voice. ] And. Yeah, we're all troublemakers

Or a volatile bomb waiting to go off. I recall someone saying that a few years back.

[ He's teasing you, Banner. Roll with it. ]

"Steve." Bruce stops and recalibrates before speaking again. He wants to be honest from a different angle. "I think you're great for a lot of reasons, none of them related to your reputation. It's all based on personal experience. Like the first time we met and you said the only word you cared about was that I could find Loki. No one else sidestepped the Big Guy like that. I know it must seem really small to remember that, but people can show you who they are in the seemingly insignificant things. Not to mention you literally just told me you'd stand between me and Ross, which is a big deal. I could list more, but I know it'll make it awkward so. I'll drop it." He still wants that to be out in the open. Steve's someone who never looked for praise, but probably didn't get enough of it, in Bruce's opinion.

"She'd swoon if you did that. We were friends first. I was always lucky to know her. She's one of the best people in the world." Bruce grew up with no real love to speak of, after his mother died. Betty was everything to him. He cherishes and respects her, regardless of the fact their romance was long dead and buried. And he knew even now she would say the same of him. Only a few connections like that existed in a lifetime, if someone was lucky.

Bruce laughs, seeing the teasing for what it is, and nods. "I can't even blame that on the scepter. I would've said it anyway. I'm a natural born pessimist."

Bruce. [ Steve mimics his tone, but it's not intended in a mean way. More that its another form of teasing, something he doesn't do a lot anymore, but it's also meant to drive home a point. ] I believe you. I really do. And that is all I care about. The Hulk is one side of you. A huge, green, rage-induced side, but. You know. The captain is one side of me.

That doesn't mean I believe it myself.

[ Right? Right. And topic considered officially dropped. At least until the arguing starts up again. It probably will. Both men have Opinions about a lot of different subjects. ]

Oh, I hope she doesn't swoon. Her guy will knock me out. [ Whether or not that means Bruce himself or her husband is up in the air. ] Well. I've been accused of being a born optimist. So I guess we're a matched set.

"Hey, you take compliments better than I do. I feel physically ill when someone says something nice about me." It's a very, very weird thing to admit to, but it's the way his brain works, and he's trying to let Steve know that he does get it to an extent. Anxiety is attached to nice things. He doesn't get to keep nice things. "I know I can't make you feel the same way, but I guess just know that there are people who think that about you. Who are, uh, grateful. To know you." This makes him nervous too, sharing his thoughts and feelings. As long as Steve gets the message, whether it helps or not, it'll be worth the discomfort.

Bruce chuckles. "We need more optimists. The world's full of too many pessimists." Too many people who saw the worst in themselves and humanity. He saw too much of it. "I know, um, that Ms. Carter is here too. That must at least be ... nice?" He isn't sure. It seems like it would be nice, even if they weren't continuing their past, to see each other alive.

I don't really. I just. Let them go by.

[ Like a bus, or an airplane, or anything else that moves past under its own steam. A train. Although thinking of trains often leads to thinking of the Alps and Steve isn't ready to open up that particular wound right now.

Especially when another one is offered up on a silver platter. He can't deny it's wonderful to see Peg. Alive and well and young again. Feisty, ready to take on the world at the drop of a hat. But. But. It's also terrible. A wound he can't close again because she's there in the village and he doesn't know how to cope. ]

Yeah, it is nice. Peggy Carter is a hell of a woman. [ and predictably, his voice cracks on 'is'. ] She died. Back home. Had dementia the last few years of her life. Didn't always remember who people were.

[ Or that he'd been found and thawed. So many visits had been a merry-go-round of anguish. ]

I was one of the pallbearers at her funeral. [ which means, yes, he'd had to bury his best girl. ]

Bruce did know about that, in a general way. Tony said that his aunt Peggy died, and at the time, he noted to himself how hard that must have been on Steve. He was shocked when he realized who that kind British woman was on his first day, and he plans on finding her again. In retrospect he might have approached this more wisely. He's really terrible at talking to people.

"I'm sorry, Steve. It never gets any easier, losing people." He's not going to say things like at least she lived a good long life, because those types of things are not helpful. At leasts are not comforting. "We knew a lot about her, studying the project. She was Betty's hero." A powerful woman taking charge despite the situation and prejudice around her? At the time, a woman in the STEM field understood it well. They probably still did.

If this was Tony, he'd know what to say. He's flying a little more blind with Steve, but sometimes trying is all you can do. "Have you gotten to talk to her here at least? She found me my first day and gave me tea."

No, it doesn't. No matter if it's only one person. Or ten. Or twenty. Or a whole battlefield of them. [ Steve offers a small smile that might seem a little brittle around the edges. He's been surrounded by death most of his life. People died frequently in the tenements where he grew up and life didn't get any easier during the Depression.

At least, he thinks, the deaths of his childhood weren't ones he contributed to directly, like being given command of other units and having to send them into battle during the war. And it makes him wonder how intimately familiar Bruce is with death. His own parents notwithstanding. ]

Yeah, we've had a few conversations. I'd recommend sitting down and letting her bend your ear on various topics. Peg is incredibly smart.

Bruce's intimate relationship with death surrounds entirely the ones he's responsible for. He's made lists in his head. He's counted up the number from every Hulk incident, every person placed at risk. Once he's on Earth long enough to add Sokovia to the death toll, it will go up significantly. He'll never know how high the number was on Sakaar, but it's high enough for the Hulk to be champion for years, killing all others in his path. It's not the same as losing people he loves, but Bruce also only allows himself to love a very small number of people.

"I plan on doing that, for sure. I'm still astonished I didn't recognize her on sight, but it was a really hard day. I got completely drunk by the end of it." Bruce grimaces. "First time, and I didn't realize how strong it is here." One drink seemed perfectly reasonable! And then two. And then six. It wasn't a graceful start. "Not with her, though, thankfully." It was embarrassing enough with a stranger.

Bruce studies his friend, crossing arms. "How are you doing? With all of this." Watching him carefully.

[ Right. Because the Hulk isn't a force of nature and was able to be controlled right off the bat. Steve has seen some of the footage. He's not going to say there isn't some control present, or that the Hulk isn't intelligent, but if he and Banner could be controlled that easily, then they wouldn't have been on the run.

Which doesn't mean he's going to try and naysay how Bruce feels about it. Just that Steve is more inclined to take a more sympathetic view. Don't shoot or harm Bruce and there's every chance the Hulk won't break free to wreak havoc. There's every chance that the Hulk might be open to less destruction. But that's an argument for a different day. ]

She can be very unassuming when she wants to be. [ read: it isn't often. ] Thankfully. You shouldn't worry, though. Agent Carter has seen her share of drunk soldiers. Drunk men.

[ and will lay them flat if they try anything. ]

Me? I'm fine.

[ And that is his professional USO tour expression. ]

"I think it's more that when I first got here, I had no reason to think that I could run into someone from the past. It's not exactly the first thing that would come to mind. I was still adjusting to the lack of the big guy." Adjusting is one word. Not adjusting at all is closer to the truth. It's not that he and the Hulk actively shares a mind, he ordinarily can't talk to him or know for certain his other side understands, but there's a marked difference for a complete absence. There was a presence and then there was nothing.

Bruce gives one of his small, half-apologetic smiles. "Do you want me to pretend I believe that?" If it was Tony, Bruce would know what to say, what to do. He regrets now not making the time to learn some of Steve's tells too, so he's not this hesitant and uncertain of his welcome to pressing. Bruce can get nosy when he thinks he has the right. "I know I'm not, um, Nat. Or Sam. Or Bucky." The people Steve trusts and talks to most of the time. "But I'm your friend if you want to talk."

Hey, I'm from the past. [ But for serious, he gets it. Nobody expects ~~the spanish inquisition~~ to run into a legend like Margaret Carter on a mystical island. that's probably the last expectation on anyone's mind. It occurs, belatedly, that he and Bruce are in the same boat. or similar boats. Without the serum. Without the Hulk. Adjustments have to be made by both of them to survive here.

He feels bad for having not really thought about that before. ]

I want you to do whatever you want to Bruce. [ The grimace is only visible for a second. ] Nat has her own thing going. So does Bucky, with his girlfriend and making a real life for himself here. And Sam isn't around. [ Not that he would talk about how he feels with any one of them barring threats or dire situations. His problems are small beans compared to making sure everyone else is doing okay. ]

But -- look, I'm not gonna be anybody's burden. [ never fucking again. he had 25 years of that shit. ] I appreciate the offer, though.

Edited 2018-11-10 05:20 (UTC)

Bruce pauses and thinks through a response. He's not someone who talks impulsively, when he thinks that words have weight and meaning. Usually the only time people get fast responses from him are when he's startled or embarrassed, and that's not the case for him here. It's his mind calibrating what he wants to say and how.

"We have some things in common, you know. It's not as obvious as the ways we relate to others, but it's under the surface." Which is worse. Things out in the open can be addressed and understood. Everything on the inside was harder to treat, harder to be honest with. He can't quite make eye contact, but he tries. "Because I could say to you, but Steve, if we came to you with personal issues, you wouldn't consider us burdening you, right? And you'd probably go, no, of course not, but it's different for me. It's what I do all the time. Think about the ways I burden others, how I've failed everyone. That it's all my fault, so I have to deal with it." And that is exactly how he feels, all of the time. It's a running commentary in his head. The difference is that Steve's been trained how to keep it inside, whereas Bruce is terrible at it, his neurotic nature and anxieties all on open display for people who are looking.

"Maybe I'm reaching, but I will say this. Friendship is a two way street. If we can lean on you, you should let yourself lean on us."

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I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in

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