same as it ever was; [OTA]

[teen_angst_bullshit]

WHO: Veronica Sawyer
WHERE: Front porch of bungalow #22
WHEN: BACKDATED to September 19
OPEN TO: OTA
WARNINGS: n/a
STATUS: Closed to new threads

---

Dear Diary,

I am 18 years old and I am a horrible person.

The words just came out, and now everybody knows: I'm a murderer. I'd like to give you some line about it being a big relief, that my inner turmoil has finally been soothed, but I just wish I'd kept my fucking mouth shut. I'm stuck in this place with an apparent rogue's gallery of broken people, but it still bothers me that they look at me differently now. Like an asshole, I'd spun some prom queen fantasy that only Cougar knew wasn't true, and in true masochistic fashion, I've blown it up in my own face.

But that isn't even the worst of it.

Diary, you exist because today I got a box with my name on the top, and inside were three beautiful, fat packs of paper. So much paper. If I'm careful, if I force myself to write small, it'll last me a long time. There's enough to share, more than enough to donate some to the cause of record-keeping. But I don't want to share.

I told you, I'm a total fuck.

Is this simple greed or sabotage? It's like I don't even know myself anymore, Diary. But I do know this: If I woke up tomorrow back in Sherwood, Ohio, I'd really miss some of the people here.

Oh, and I missed my 18th birthday. I don't even know why I care.

Frustrated, Veronica clamps her fingers hard around her pencil with a low huff and resists the urge to throw everything across the yard. She may be a greedy shit, but the paper is too precious, and too much of her time was spent in sewing it into a little journal to treat it like garbage.

So many things are frustrating her anymore, it's difficult to pinpoint a single one as being the cause for how she feels. The water situation definitely doesn't help, Heather at Veronica's shoulder when she looks at her wilted and greasy reflection every morning, congratulations, I didn't know it was possible to fall this far. Vanity rearing its pointless, ugly head.

Settling the little book and pencil in her lap, Veronica leans back against the steps of the house she shares with Cougar and Jake. What would be really incredible right about now would be a drink. It's kind of, sort of her birthday, right? You'd think the benevolent gods of this place could provide some libations.

Skinny-dipping [OTA]

[teen_angst_bullshit]

WHO: Veronica Sawyer
WHERE: The spring
WHEN: BACKDATED to the night of September 19
OPEN TO: OTA
WARNINGS: Naked ladies?
STATUS: Open
NOTE: Skinny-dipping party post! Threadjack away! All village ladies will have been quietly invited. Brave men are also welcome to accidentally happen upon them all or try to spy.

---

The sky was filled with the most perfect, big, bright, shining moon. Mark called it the harvest moon, but tonight, she's just their gracious and beautiful lady to Veronica; their luminescent co-conspirator.

The idea had come to her mostly out of desperation. Hauling water back from the spring is tedious and exhausting, and there's never enough to have a real bath -- Although the thought of spending a whole day walking her happy ass back and forth solely to indulge had occurred to her. The spring itself is clear and clean and inviting, but with people in and out of the area all day long, it's not exactly private.

So what do you do? Go at night, of course, and invite all of your friends.

"I haven't done this since summer camp in sixth grade," Veronica admits as she whips her shirt off over her head and drops it beside the shimmering pool. She wouldn't have called herself an exhibitionist by any means, but feeling as gross as she has been makes a girl not care so much about who sees her topless. And after she shimmies quickly from her pants and slips into the water, any irrational, lingering embarrassment is snuffed entirely out: It is truly and completely bliss.