"It took me a long time to allow myself to feel whatever I felt, too," Major replies, his words heavy with an underlying sigh. "We all have our trials and tribulations, and I know I've experienced a great deal of privilege in my life - but something that was always difficult for me to deal with was being told I .. more or less wasn't allowed to feel sad as a guy. I wasn't allowed to cry, or be affectionate with anyone but the woman I was dating, or be .. soft. I always had to be rugged, and tough, and prone to anger." He shakes his head, shrugging his shoulders to no one but the ghosts of all of the people who tried to mould him into such a person.
"But .. that never really worked well for me. I've got too many feelings. I'm like that girl in Mean Girls who wants to bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles to make everyone feel better, who just has a lot of feelings." He can't help but laugh quietly at the thought. "I wasn't supposed to watch those movies. I was supposed to roll my eyes and complain if a girlfriend "dragged" me to see it, or make her go with her other female friends and instead go see action movies with explosions. Don't get me wrong, I love explosions and car chases, too, but .. I like what I like. I don't really care about what's supposed to be "girly" or not." He realizes he's rambling and, with a breath, stops himself. "My point is: I get what you mean, in that you haven't been .. given the permission to feel what you feel. Not that you've ever really needed that permission, and not like I'm the Wizard of Oz who's suddenly given you the ability to feel sadness instead of courage.
But .. you have it. Like I said, feelings aren't wrong or right - they just are. What we do after and while we feel those things .. like coming to lay flowers on the grave of someone we didn't even know all that well .. that's what really makes a difference." He turns to her fully, tilting his head as he considers her face with careful but polite scrutiny. "So, I'm a hugger. You don't seem like you're a hugger, and I don't wanna just do it without you saying it's okay. But is it okay if I hugged you?"
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"But .. that never really worked well for me. I've got too many feelings. I'm like that girl in Mean Girls who wants to bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles to make everyone feel better, who just has a lot of feelings." He can't help but laugh quietly at the thought. "I wasn't supposed to watch those movies. I was supposed to roll my eyes and complain if a girlfriend "dragged" me to see it, or make her go with her other female friends and instead go see action movies with explosions. Don't get me wrong, I love explosions and car chases, too, but .. I like what I like. I don't really care about what's supposed to be "girly" or not." He realizes he's rambling and, with a breath, stops himself. "My point is: I get what you mean, in that you haven't been .. given the permission to feel what you feel. Not that you've ever really needed that permission, and not like I'm the Wizard of Oz who's suddenly given you the ability to feel sadness instead of courage.
But .. you have it. Like I said, feelings aren't wrong or right - they just are. What we do after and while we feel those things .. like coming to lay flowers on the grave of someone we didn't even know all that well .. that's what really makes a difference." He turns to her fully, tilting his head as he considers her face with careful but polite scrutiny. "So, I'm a hugger. You don't seem like you're a hugger, and I don't wanna just do it without you saying it's okay. But is it okay if I hugged you?"