He's looking, but he keeps being distracted. By Baze, by the cold and wet, but mostly by the crushing sense of helplessness and futility he's been staring into since he managed not to drown a second time. Giving up and accepting his fate was the vice he lived most of his life with, and despite the improving practice since Galen, it's an easy habit to fall back into when everything he's tried has proven to be totally pointless.
Even seeing Jude doesn't light the fire under him it should. He can't possibly effect how safe anybody is, and everything is so brittle. All the thoughts that should be there flicker across his mind--get him warm, run to him, make sure he's alright, make sure he's real (fuck, what's to say he is). They just don't make his feet move any faster, and he's quiet when all he can say is, "Jude?"
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He's looking, but he keeps being distracted. By Baze, by the cold and wet, but mostly by the crushing sense of helplessness and futility he's been staring into since he managed not to drown a second time. Giving up and accepting his fate was the vice he lived most of his life with, and despite the improving practice since Galen, it's an easy habit to fall back into when everything he's tried has proven to be totally pointless.
Even seeing Jude doesn't light the fire under him it should. He can't possibly effect how safe anybody is, and everything is so brittle. All the thoughts that should be there flicker across his mind--get him warm, run to him, make sure he's alright, make sure he's real (fuck, what's to say he is). They just don't make his feet move any faster, and he's quiet when all he can say is, "Jude?"