"Ooooh, Major-scented soap!" he exclaims with some excitement. Then it hits him. "This is really what we've been reduced to, huh? Getting excited over the prospect of having specially made soap from your Lady Friend? I also don't really care what kinda scent, as long as it will make me smell less like a caveman and more like a guy who's painfully too hipster to be living in this village but won't really admit it."

He pretends to act shocked and maybe hurt, putting a hand to his chest.

"I have lots of friends around the village, I'll have you know. Friends that aren't you and aren't imaginary." He sticks his nose up in the air a little before conceding, "Yes, if you must know. Sam as in Sam Moon. She does not like you, dude."