learned_to_die: <lj user="buckybear"> ([look] ill/wounded)
Eddard Stark ([personal profile] learned_to_die) wrote in [community profile] sixthiterationlogs2017-08-10 11:00 am

[no amount of remembering the better things will make the bad ones go away]

WHO: Eddard Stark
WHERE: The Stark Family Cabin
WHEN: August 15 and onward
OPEN TO: OTA; feel free to jump in at any point during his halluciations.
WARNINGS: None; will updated as needed


It had started with redness of the skin, first on Ned's hands. It spread like blood-red ink across the paper of his skin, up his arm towards his shoulder, down his back, around his torso. It made decades'-old battles scars scarlet and renewed, the pain of touch excruciating, as though the wounds had only just been made. And then, the heat. At first, he thought it a continued byproduct of the summer temperatures, but it was the absence of perspiration that had drawn his brows together in confusion and realization: he had gotten ill.

Half a fortnight later, having spent the majority of the time bed-ridden and unable to leave the confines of his room, the visions had started.

He’d first seen his siblings’ faces: Brandon, Benjen, Lyanna. He imagined Brandon’s death, simultaneously feeling the constriction of his airways as Brandon tried to rescue their father, and wakes to a coughing fit while gasping for air. Benjen he imagined in black, half-human and half-crow, taking to the skies and soaring back to The Wall. Lyanna, he had seen bloodied and ghostly pale, her trembling hands leaving crimson paintings against his skin with every touch, while the rage and pain and impending loss stormed within him.

Second, Robert’s face - glossy-eyed and slender, the way he’d been when they’d grown alongside each other under the care of Jon Arryn. He imagined them wandering the grounds of the Eyrie, practicing their fighting with one another, Robert daring him to draw closer and closer to the Moon Door. His half of these fabricated conversations are audible to anyone near enough - even through the closed door of his chambers. None of it makes any sense, especially out of context, though it’d be easy enough for someone familiar enough to surmise that Robert was on his mind.

Next, he’d seen visions of Catelyn at their wedding; the hatred and betrayal in her face when he’d revealed to her that he had returned from war with a dark-haired babe in tow, a newly born Robb still in her arms, which she clutched tighter to her breast; the way she’d peer up at him as they lay under their furs and in each other’s arms with only the soft glow of the fire as their audience; when he’d last seen her, outside of Littlefinger’s brothel in King’s Landing, the blue scarf wrapped over her fiery crown. He reaches for her, when he imagines her with him, hands and fingers fumbling in the air for a woman who no longer exists.

Then, he’d seen each of his children at varying stages of their lives, from birth to the last he’d seen of them: Robb at Winterfell, when Ned had left for King’s Landing; Sansa when he’d knelt at the steps of the Great Sept, silently praying for her rescue; Arya when he’d spotted her in the crowd, crouching by Baelor the Blessed, doing the only thing he could to keep her safe by signaling Yoren to take her into his custody; Bran, unconscious in his bed, unsure if he’d ever open his eyes again; Rickon in the yard at Winterfell, too young to understand the weight of the world and his father’s departure beyond a glaring absence; and, though not a child of his own creation, Jon at the crossroads to King’s Landing and The Wall, promising to tell him about his mother upon their next meeting. These memories are strong enough to make a weakened, unwell Ned weep, crying out for the family from which he’d been taken, his feverish mind no longer remembering he has four of them still with him, whether by fate or by the blessings of the Old Gods.

He floats in and out of consciousness, back and forth between the world of Westeros he’d left behind and the world of the village - his second chance - though he cannot seem to convince himself that the latter exists. He wonders if he’s returned to the Children of the Forest, to the Old Gods themselves, to the Weirwood back in the Godswood of Winterfell. All the while, the skin affected by the rash blisters and reddens, leaving smears of blood on the linens underneath - though, if there is one light in the darkness, the intensity of his hallucinations seems to negate the pain from the rash, and he seems blissfully unaware of the sores.
thekittenqueen: ([Margaery] Watches (Gentle))

[personal profile] thekittenqueen 2017-08-22 06:28 am (UTC)(link)
He was sweet, even in delirium and damp from sweat. She dabbed the bloth on his brow, gently shushing him, encouraging him to save his strength. He pushed himself too hard, both now and during their usual morning routines. Sickness wasn't common in the village, but something had changed now. So long as nothing changed in his condition, she felt certain that he would recover. "I am," she replied gently. "Of course I am." He was as much her family as his children. She would look after him, always.

She stroked his arm as he coughed, trying to soothe him. "I am glad that your mind is eased. It will help you recover." Her smile was sweet. "You should sleep. I will be here with you."
iron_beneath_beauty: ([Lyanna] Injured (Clutches))

I hurt myself

[personal profile] iron_beneath_beauty 2017-08-22 02:41 pm (UTC)(link)
"You were so young, but still you had patience for me." Gently, she leaned her head against his chest, listening to his slow heartbeat and ragged breathing. Her brother, better than a father and more devoted than any husband. He was her other half, the tender part of her that she never knew existed. He was her heart and her conscience, the man she trusted with her life and love, Jon. "Nothing could ever soothe me, only you."

She pressed his hand tighter against her cheek, staring back at him with those same eyes of awe and adoration. It didn't matter how old she became or how much their lives had changed, he would always be the man that she loved most in her life.

"You're not dreaming, Ned. I am really here. Nothing can divide us, not even death." Tears were not a normal occurrence in Lyanna's life. Tears brought jests and teasing from her brothers, but she felt safe with Ned. She could share those emotions, brought on by all the missed years and the affection that could not save her. "You did keep your promise. You protected him and raised him, loved him as I would have. I only wish I was more worthy of you. You sacrificed your honor for me, our family nearly collapsed because of me. I'm sorry, Ned. I'm so sorry."
thekittenqueen: ([Margaery] Smiles (Adoring))

[personal profile] thekittenqueen 2017-08-22 03:09 pm (UTC)(link)
"Obligation or no, I stay because you are dear to me. I have cherished this friendship and your presence in my life. I do not wish to see it end." Whatever he might fear, she did not move from her place at his side. After two coughs, she gently opened his shirt further, rubbing the salve of lavender and aloe on his chest. The soothing vapor would help him breathe better and calm him, easing his dreams. Once she wiped her hands, she offered him more water, helping him sit up enough to drink it.

"I have known a great many fools, but you are not one of them. Rest, my lord. I will be here when you wake."
chosenbytheocean: (I cant leave you)

[personal profile] chosenbytheocean 2017-08-22 05:04 pm (UTC)(link)
"Jon is here... you can tell him." She didn't know what Ned was talking about but it sounded important. "I can't take you to the godswood..."

Moana reached forward to grab his hands. "Yes. Ned it's me. I'm here. Please don't go." She felt tears gather at the corner of her eyes but she refused to let them fall. "Everyone is waiting for you to get better so please." She begged. "Get better."

She snuffed softly before speaking again. "Once upon a time... that's how stories start... don't they? There was a war between the fish and the birds. The fish wanted the streams and beaches but the birds didn't want to share what was on land. They said it was theirs." Moana felt her voice falter before continuing.

"During the fight a bird called the Gogo died and the fish that killed the Gogo was the Fuga. This fish has a bone in its head... it is exactly the same shape as the bone in the head of the Gogo." She tried to smile at the image but her efforts were futile. "The fighting continued for a long time. Sometimes the fish drove the birds off and the fish made journeys up the rivers and streams and sometimes the birds were successful and drove the fish a long way out to sea. At the end, the birds lost the war. They decided that only the Gogo could catch small fish for food. The others had to go inland and find food elsewhere. The fish that were allowed to use the streams were the smaller fish called the Igaga because they were the strongest fighters... so fight and we'll see the river too... okay?"
bit_fairytale: (know better)

[personal profile] bit_fairytale 2017-08-24 01:30 am (UTC)(link)
Amy runs both hands through her hair as she tries to claw it out for a brief moment, thinking that this is going to drive her crazy. "Okay, we are well past nice Amy," she says, sitting up a little straighter and glaring at her. "Ned Stark, I'm Amy Pond from Leadworth and you are going to listen to me," she barks at him, leaning hard into the taskmaster and complete pain in the arse Rory has always accused her of being. She shoves the glass of water under his nose.

"I'm not your daughter or anyone related to you, despite the fact that apparently I've got hair their colour, and you're sick. You're going to drink this and you're going to like it, or I'm going to close your nose and shove it down your throat," she warns.
iron_beneath_beauty: ([Lyanna] Anxious)

Listening to "The Tower" from S6 soundtrack and writing this is so much worse.

[personal profile] iron_beneath_beauty 2017-08-25 10:16 am (UTC)(link)
"That was why I thought I could have whatever I wished." She was a selfish person at heart, one who made a number of mistakes. The things she did and the consequences would always be engraved on her heart. The weight of it all present, bearing her down as honor and nobility had weighed down Ned. She was as much stone as he had been, the two of them one and the same now, haunted by their choices. "This is a punishment you cannot take for me, Ned. I have to pay the price for all the men that died in my name. I wish you hadn't spared me from their hatred. Better that they think me as evil and heartless as Rhaegar than for him to shoulder the blame. I had a part as well."

They were wolf cubs, part of a pack and reared to be a family, but her twin soul had always been Ned. Disappointing him had always been worse than upsetting their father. She knew how to avoid his reprimand, but the thought of Ned hearing of her mistakes or poor decisions was the only jolt of fear she felt in her life. Until the moment of her death. Her only relief was to have him by her side, holding her hand as she faced the Stranger and what lay beyond.

"I'm the reason Brandon and father died." She whispered, pressing her face against his chest, tears scattering along the fabric of his blanket. "I never wrote you, I never wrote anyone about what happened. By the time we reached Dorne and were in the Tower, we were told that Brandon and father...it was too late."

She shook her head fiercely, "You could protect me from everything but myself. I didn't have anymore strength, you were the last of it, you were the last of my courage as well. You were with me. All I wanted was to see you again one last time."
thekittenqueen: ([Margaery] Gentle (Tell Me))

Looks good!

[personal profile] thekittenqueen 2017-08-25 10:45 am (UTC)(link)
She assumed at first that he mistook her for Lady Catelyn again. Tender words given while his fever ran high, it wasn't difficult to imagine that he saw the faces that he longed for and spoke of what was in his heart for them. She simply shushed him and gently dabbed the cloth against his brow again.

It was only when he focused his eyes on her, seeing her clearly that she understood what was being said. Her stomach twisted as a cold chill ran through her. In all of her teasing and flirting, she hadn't considered what the end result would be. It didn't seem likely that an honorable man like Eddard Stark would fall in love with her or forget the family he held close to his heart. Who was she in this? Only the same sort of southron woman he had likely seen before. Hardly rivaling Ashara Dayne or the other great beauties that came before her.

Yet she had miscalculated and because of her games, she could hurt someone that had become family to her. A man that she respected and admired very much. Worse still, there was no saying how Robb, Sansa or Jon might feel about this situation, if they knew of it. Ned Stark was a loyal man and falling in love with a woman other than his wife was unthinkable. She had no desire to shake their pride or image of their father. Some things were better left unsaid.

"You are not old, Ned." She told him gently, folding his hand between hers. "It is never age that draws two people together but the heart. Yours is a good heart and it is full of love and honor, and I am unworthy of it. There is a greater lady that occupies that place in your affections. It wouldn't be right of me to claim you when I know that you love her deeply. She is a good woman."

She placed a kiss to his fingers, a gentle gift from one who treasured their friendship. "There is someone else I love as well."
tooktheblack: (stoic)

[personal profile] tooktheblack 2017-08-26 05:07 pm (UTC)(link)
"Father, it's all right," Jon insisted, trying to pull Ned's hands away from where he was pulling and tearing at already reddened skin. That couldn't be good for him at all.

"Father, I know now. You were the best father a man could ever have, all right? Nothing could have compared to having you for my father. Nothing. Please don't worry about it any longer."
chosenbytheocean: (I cant leave you)

[personal profile] chosenbytheocean 2017-08-26 08:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Moana leaned forward, squeezing Ned's hand as she spoke. "My voice. Follow my voice." She could hear her words trembling as she forced herself to keep speaking. "Moana means ocean and all rivers head to the ocean. If you follow me, I'll lead you there and then to the river where you'll be safe."

She exhaled softly. "You'll be home." Not because he'll be back in Westeros or dead but he'll be with his family and the people that he loved.

"I won't give up. As long as you don't give up." Moana knew that pure will could fight sickness and fever. She'd seen her grandmother keep going out of that will alone and she believed that Ned could too.
king_in_the_north: <user name="seethesoldiers" site="insanejournal.com"> (003)

[personal profile] king_in_the_north 2017-08-27 02:22 am (UTC)(link)
So Margaery had told him, then. She'd offered that day in the forest with the doe, when they'd found their way back to each other again, but Robb hadn't had the heart to ever ask if she'd gone through with it.

Eyebrows pinching together, Robb slid his hand into his lap and dropped his gaze to the cloth clenched between his fingers. His father was wrong, of course; there was so much to forgive, and just as he'd never accuse his father of speaking anything but the truth, he'd never seek that forgiveness, either. His burden was his own, and he would carry it for as long as he was permitted to live again. It was important, remembering the fullness of what he'd wrought.

"Thank you, Father," he managed after a moment, and forced himself to meet Ned's gaze despite the urge to look anywhere else. "We needn't talk about that now. For now, we need to see about you getting well again." He dipped the cloth again, wrung it out and dabbed it once more over his father's forehead.
chosenbytheocean: (I cant leave you)

[personal profile] chosenbytheocean 2017-08-27 03:36 am (UTC)(link)
"Yeah." She exhaled as tears continued to gather at the corner of her eyes. "I won't leave you." Moana had watched enough of the people she cared about die. She didn't want that to happen to Ned too.

She turned towards the bowl of water and cloth that was sitting next to the bed. She took the soaked cloth, rung it out, and then placed it lightly on his forehead to clear off the sweat. "I promise I'll be here." She might be asleep but she had no intention of leaving his side. Of course, she'd eventually have too but it would be a begrudgingly.
bit_fairytale: (profile)

[personal profile] bit_fairytale 2017-08-27 11:56 pm (UTC)(link)
"He finally gets it right," Amy says, giving him a pointed look, because she means it about the water. He needs to start getting some hydration or he'll start thinking she's something not even related to him and that's the last thing that she wants to deal with. She leans forward to help him with the water, getting the cup to his mouth, grateful that he'd finally managed the right name on his lips.

"I think you might be a little sicker than I know how to deal with," she confesses, which makes her feel uncomfortable because before, she'd just find Rory and get him to help, but she doesn't have that option now.
tooktheblack: (Default)

[personal profile] tooktheblack 2017-08-29 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)

"I'm proud to be your son," Jon said, his own voice thick with raw emotion. "You need to rest, though. None of us are leaving you and you will have anything you need to get better. Should I get one of the doctors? They're supposed to be like maesters, in a way, and we could see if they have something that will heal you and ease this pain and unrest."

He could not lose him again. He had other family here, yes, but every member of House Stark was precious and Jon would not lose a single one of them if he could help it.

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